Well,girls...here's the email I got this am from d-exb.
"You are correct I'm spending time with Sarah. That's all there is to it. We need to wrap this up before it ends dirty. I don't want to loose you as a friend. Who knows where things are going to be when I return. But as of now this is not going to work. I'm gone for to long. I can't handle it. I can't deal with not knowing what's going to happen in the future. What's your take on things? you said you wanted to think about it."
Wow. I can't believe that. I would have stuck with him thru the whole thing, moved for his sorry ass, and he says HE CAN'T HANDLE IT???? Guess it's better I know now, as he for sure would have done the same thing at some point in the future, if not now. And correct me if I'm wrong, but ISN"T THIS ILLEGAL OVER THERE????? I'd so love to get his ass in trouble. Sarah hasn't gotten on myspace yet to read my message to her, but I hope that she realizes her knight in shining armour is really a dog who uses people till the next best thing comes along when she does read it. I sent him an appropriate fuck off and lengthy email about how he's a piece of shit and that WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS, and how he fucked up his second and LAST chance with me. I'm so heartbroke right now...this is supposed to be a happy ending with us...not like this!!!! Why can't he keep his dick in his pants???? Guess if they are a cheater, they'll be a cheater no matter where they are. I told him he's a liar, manipulator, and scum. Guess that's enough rambling about that for now...

I'm sorry he's a jerk, but its his loss. :slap

He said he's spending time with Sarah...why do you automatically jump to the conclusion that he's sleeping with her? :dunno

At any rate, you know him, I don't. Getting him into trouble would just be vindictive and stupid though. If you're right about him, he's not worth the energy in the first place.

I hope you can move on solidly.

:hugs

it's funny because you always hear about how it's the girl who leaves the deployed soldier and then stuff like this happens and it makes you reevaluate that stereotype. I think it is absolutely terrible he is talking to his ex. How can he expect you to be friends? You trust friends and you can't even trust him.

Did he give you any sort of reasoning behind his behavior or was this just him being a dick?

the emails kind of rude i think...basically my opinion? ur better off without him
im sorry hun :hugs

wow. sounds like you are better off without him.

Wow...he's a waste of time. Him saying that he "doesn't want to lose you as a friend" and that he "doesn't know whats going to happen in the future" is SUCH a cop out. He doesn't want t lose you because who knows....he just might need an outlet when he gets back if things don't work out with him and this new girl. And newsflash ex-db....when it comes to the future of relationships as with anything else, you WORK at it to produce the future you want...it doesn't just "happen".

That's like wondering if you'll get an A if you haven't studied for the exam. No!...you won't! DUH :duh

it's funny because you always hear about how it's the girl who leaves the deployed soldier and then stuff like this happens and it makes you reevaluate that stereotype. I think it is absolutely terrible he is talking to his ex. How can he expect you to be friends? You trust friends and you can't even trust him.

Did he give you any sort of reasoning behind his behavior or was this just him being a dick?

You're right, it typically is perceived as the women who leave the deployed soldiers, but this happens more times then not. I dont know what happens to them once they get over there, but whatever it is it changes them, and a lot of times for the worst. I'm still trying to make sense out of that myself, but cant, so if anyone does please feel free to share. In the mean time, stay strong. You deserve so much better then your ex. Eventually he'll see the error of his way, but by then it will be too late because hopefully you'll have found someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. Have a good day! :)

I dont know what happens to them once they get over there, but whatever it is it changes them, and a lot of times for the worst. I'm still trying to make sense out of that myself, but cant, so if anyone does please feel free to share.

In a word?

War.

Wow...he's a waste of time. Him saying that he "doesn't want to lose you as a friend" and that he "doesn't know whats going to happen in the future" is SUCH a cop out. He doesn't want t lose you because who knows....he just might need an outlet when he gets back if things don't work out with him and this new girl. And newsflash ex-db....when it comes to the future of relationships as with anything else, you WORK at it to produce the future you want...it doesn't just "happen".

That's like wondering if you'll get an A if you haven't studied for the exam. No!...you won't! DUH :duh


LOL - Yeah what she said! I couldn't have put it better myself! :)

In a word?

War.

Does that make it right when they are UNFAITHFUL? I mean really, we wait back here - its rough on us too, but we dont cheat! That was my point... I wish no one any misfortune, but I dont think anyone truly can understand how it feels to have this happen and be sympathetic until they experience it first hand... It SUCKS! It hurts! and It's hard to accept! When you have time invested and then this happens you feel crappy and saying that just because they're in a "War" that it's ok, is just plain wrong! People need to stop using stuff like that as a cop out and just own up to their feelings and actions... but just my opinion!

I'd simply just drop kick his ass.

I wouldn't do anything, and if I did- it'd be some serious voodoo.

He sounds so rude and uncaring in that msg- I can see why you are angry and upset.

He's not worth your time hun. He's just not.

And I don't think war should be justified as an excuse of cheating, dumping or anything else.

He was rude to her- like he didn't give a crap. War or not- gives him no reason to treat the girl he left behind like shit.

If he wanted to dump her- he could have atleast been nice about it.

And after all his rudeness- he still wants her to be his friend. No way in hell would I ever speak to him again, let alone be his friend.

And I don't think war should be justified as an excuse of cheating, dumping or anything else.

He was rude to her- like he didn't give a crap. War or not- gives him no reason to treat the girl he left behind like shit.

If he wanted to dump her- he could have atleast been nice about it.

And after all his rudeness- he still wants her to be his friend. No way in hell would I ever speak to him again, let alone be his friend.

THANK YOU! I agree. There are better ways to go about breaking up with someone other than how he did it!

I didn't say it made it ok. I actually didn't elaborate at all. What she said was

"I dont know what happens to them once they get over there, but whatever it is it changes them, and a lot of times for the worst. I'm still trying to make sense out of that myself, but cant, so if anyone does please feel free to share."

What changes them, is war. It would change any one of us as well, and there are some of us that it HAS changed. There are members of this board who have SO's that have gone over there only to come back permanently scarred FOR LIFE. It changes people.

Yes, he treated her like crap. I'm not disputing that. I'm not saying she should forgive him. I'm saying from a psychological standpoint, I can fully understand how he is not the man he was when he left her behind to go to a warzone.

:hugs You deserve to be treated better. I'm sorry all of this happened.

At least you found this out now before you were married with two kids!! Cut your losses and move on, he is not worth your time for anything, not even friendship. :hugs you will be ok!!

Well, I don't get it though. He didn't CHEAT on you, did he? Didn't he say he pretty much wanted to call off the relationship anyways because he didn't think he could handle it, and you still held on and said you'd wait anyways?

Seems like he's just being honest..

I don't even think he was being THAT rude. In your FIRST post you said, "The last time we did talk, he told me (as you know) that he really wasn't comfortable with me waiting for him, that this doesn't count as a relationship because he's in Iraq for a year and we didn't date very long before he left, but he's interested in seeing where things go when he gets back."

He TOLD you he didn't want you to wait, and you decided to yourself. He TALKED, TALKED to another woman, may have been interested in a relationship, but either way, he already said you two were pretty much on hold, or not even IN A RELATIONSHIP. That's a respectable thing, to not want to drag you through the mud. Anyways, he talked to another woman, and you got mad, and he said again, "We need to wrap this up before it ends dirty. I don't want to loose you as a friend. Who knows where things are going to be when I return. But as of now this is not going to work. I'm gone for to long. I can't handle it. I can't deal with not knowing what's going to happen in the future. What's your take on things? you said you wanted to think about it."

He respected you enough to ask your opinion. He respected you enough to give you a heads up. He respected you enough to NOT go f*ck everything with two legs and a skirt. And he's told you at least twice now it's over. Why do you keep holding on?

Does that make it right when they are UNFAITHFUL? I mean really, we wait back here - its rough on us too, but we dont cheat! That was my point... I wish no one any misfortune, but I dont think anyone truly can understand how it feels to have this happen and be sympathetic until they experience it first hand... It SUCKS! It hurts! and It's hard to accept! When you have time invested and then this happens you feel crappy and saying that just because they're in a "War" that it's ok, is just plain wrong! People need to stop using stuff like that as a cop out and just own up to their feelings and actions... but just my opinion!:agree


I'm sorry, but for how long can men use deployment as an excuse for terrible behvior. War is not a "get out of jail free" card for being a crappy person. Not to say that going through war isn't utterly traumatizing. I know I get sick of every time he misbehaves he uses that as an excuse...sorry but you can only have so much patience.

Does that make it right when they are UNFAITHFUL? I mean really, we wait back here - its rough on us too, but we dont cheat! That was my point... I wish no one any misfortune, but I dont think anyone truly can understand how it feels to have this happen and be sympathetic until they experience it first hand... It SUCKS! It hurts! and It's hard to accept! When you have time invested and then this happens you feel crappy and saying that just because they're in a "War" that it's ok, is just plain wrong! People need to stop using stuff like that as a cop out and just own up to their feelings and actions... but just my opinion!

We all know how it feels to have time, energy, love and sympathy invested in a relationship and be broken up with. If anyone doesn't, yay for them - they're lucky. How funny that you insinuate I couldn't possibly understand what the OP is going through. Have I been in her exact shoes, nope. But you know, I've been pretty dang close. Not that it makes a difference of course.

It cracks me up that you just said using war as an excuse for anything is a copout.

And I don't mean that in a "funny ha-ha" way.

I'm going to walk away now before I say something that will be misunderstood yet again - or perhaps understood perfectly.

He did say "spending time with" that doesn't mean "hooking up with" so maybe he was being cold about it because there isn't anything going on. Still that doesn't explain his overraction about you contacting her.

It sucks that he's doing this to you. The good thing is that you discovered it 2 months in, rather than he comes home and "oh yeah, I don't think it will work out."

Maybe he thinks she "understands" him better right now because she's over there. I know it's easier for them if they don't have someone back home, so it sounds like he's taking the easy road out. It's BS as far as I am concerned though. If you've got someone back home, you make it work.

What a jackass. You're so well rid of him. Now go find yourself a nice kind, loving guy who isn't a jerk!

BTW- I wouldn't screw with his work stuff, that's a little much. Right now you have the moral high ground. Keep it that way. Don't give him a reason to bad mouth you.

He said he's spending time with Sarah...why do you automatically jump to the conclusion that he's sleeping with her? :dunno

At any rate, you know him, I don't. Getting him into trouble would just be vindictive and stupid though. If you're right about him, he's not worth the energy in the first place.

I hope you can move on solidly.

:hugs

Cuz if it were on the up-and-up, I would have had a message by now telling me not to worry, they are just friends, that he cares about me very much...you know...something like that. And that is his confession...I know him. I know getting him into trouble would be vindictive...and not worth it. He jus keeps emailing me to think things thru and that I'm jus being emotional right now. Well, duh!!! And thru all this I keep thinking...couldn't you have at least called...he did this thru EMAIL!!!!

I'm not, obviously, any more. I can't handle this, to quote him. Whether or not I actually have proof (not like I can catch them in the act or anything) the fact of the matter is, he's not ready, and he's got someone else. And emotional cheating is jus as bad as physical. I understand friendships will develop over there, cuz of the environment they are in and all that. But for gods sake, do I have to be replaced? He did tell me he wanted no commitments, and he's getting exactly that from me now. Guess I'm not a strong enough woman to believe in and stay close to someone who makes promises, backs out of them, starts a relationship with another woman when he's deployed, and still thinks everything is rosy. Guess maybe that's because I care too much. We dated 2 summers ago for a few months and we've had history together, it's not like we just met or something. Thats why I care so much. I can't jus say I'm ok with seeing other people for now...it doesn't work for me. And my heads up came from posts on myspace, why in the world would I think he was seeing someone? He's supposed to be fighting a war. I thought he was telling me all that cuz things were hard for him and stressful, not because someone else might be involved. Whatever. You might think I've over-reacted, but I can tell you right now that I'm going with my gut on this, and based on his past history with me and alot of things that I haven't told you girls, I don't think I'm too far off base.

Well, I don't get it though. He didn't CHEAT on you, did he? Didn't he say he pretty much wanted to call off the relationship anyways because he didn't think he could handle it, and you still held on and said you'd wait anyways?

Seems like he's just being honest..

I don't even think he was being THAT rude. In your FIRST post you said, "The last time we did talk, he told me (as you know) that he really wasn't comfortable with me waiting for him, that this doesn't count as a relationship because he's in Iraq for a year and we didn't date very long before he left, but he's interested in seeing where things go when he gets back."

He TOLD you he didn't want you to wait, and you decided to yourself. He TALKED, TALKED to another woman, may have been interested in a relationship, but either way, he already said you two were pretty much on hold. That's a respectable thing, to not want to drag you through the mud. Anyways, he talked to another woman, and you got mad, and he said again, "We need to wrap this up before it ends dirty. I don't want to loose you as a friend. Who knows where things are going to be when I return. But as of now this is not going to work. I'm gone for to long. I can't handle it. I can't deal with not knowing what's going to happen in the future. What's your take on things? you said you wanted to think about it."

He respected you enough to ask your opinion. He respected you enough to give you a heads up. He respected you enough to NOT go f*ck everything with two legs and a skirt. And he's told you at least twice now it's over. Why do you keep holding on?

I didn't say it made it ok. I actually didn't elaborate at all. What she said was

"I dont know what happens to them once they get over there, but whatever it is it changes them, and a lot of times for the worst. I'm still trying to make sense out of that myself, but cant, so if anyone does please feel free to share."

What changes them, is war. It would change any one of us as well, and there are some of us that it HAS changed. There are members of this board who have SO's that have gone over there only to come back permanently scarred FOR LIFE. It changes people.

Yes, he treated her like crap. I'm not disputing that. I'm not saying she should forgive him. I'm saying from a psychological standpoint, I can fully understand how he is not the man he was when he left her behind to go to a warzone.

Ok, I see your point, and maybe I could've worded my responses better... I understand, though I've never fought in a war myself, how hard it must be emotionally and psychologically on the troops to be over there fighting in a war, but at the same time, it still doesn't it feel any better for the ones over here who are going through stuff like this... I mean, yes, they are over there fighting a war, so why not just do that instead of thinking about starting up another relationship with someone other than your SO? I think that's what makes me the angriest. All the situations that we dont hear about where the soldier are online on dating sites and adult websites searching for "friends", justifying their behaviors to their SO's by saying that it's ok because "it's so hard to make friends when you are in the military" and "it isnt hurting anyone... it's just online"... well THAT'S A CROCK because we all know that that has the potential to lead to other things... things like relationships! My thoughts on that are, yes I'm sympathetic and I am grateful for all of the troops and what they do, but come on... Keep it in your pants and be a man... if you dont think you can be faithful to one person while you're away then just own up to your feeling and tell your SO... dont string them along and ask to be friends just so that you can have the possibilities of other things if the current situation doesnt work out... I mean really... that's not fair to the person who is patiently and faithfully waiting for their soldier to come home!

I'm not, obviously, any more. I can't handle this, to quote him. Whether or not I actually have proof (not like I can catch them in the act or anything) the fact of the matter is, he's not ready, and he's got someone else. And emotional cheating is jus as bad as physical. I understand friendships will develop over there, cuz of the environment they are in and all that. But for gods sake, do I have to be replaced? He did tell me he wanted no commitments, and he's getting exactly that from me now. Guess I'm not a strong enough woman to believe in and stay close to someone who makes promises, backs out of them, starts a relationship with another woman when he's deployed, and still thinks everything is rosy. Guess maybe that's because I care too much. We dated 2 summers ago for a few months and we've had history together, it's not like we just met or something. Thats why I care so much. I can't jus say I'm ok with seeing other people for now...it doesn't work for me. And my heads up came from posts on myspace, why in the world would I think he was seeing someone? He's supposed to be fighting a war. I thought he was telling me all that cuz things were hard for him and stressful, not because someone else might be involved. Whatever. You might think I've over-reacted, but I can tell you right now that I'm going with my gut on this, and based on his past history with me and alot of things that I haven't told you girls, I don't think I'm too far off base.

I AGREE! Follow your gut on this one... Emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating. I can completely relate to all that you said above more than you know. It's one thing to be "just friends" with another women while you're over there, but to replace the one you have waiting for you back home, especially after you've made promises of a future with them, is just wrong! Let me assure you that you are not over reacting... I would react the EXACT same way in this situtaion. If you want to talk... I'm here and a good listener... fee free to message me any time. :)

You might think I've over-reacted, but I can tell you right now that I'm going with my gut on this, and based on his past history with me and alot of things that I haven't told you girls, I don't think I'm too far off base.

Ok, if you want me to side with you on something, and are going to get pissed/upset/frustrated when I don't, don't give me the 'along with "alot of things I haven't told you" thing, because then I don't know. I'm just saying, he already told you he didn't even "count" yours as a relationship. I've used that line. It means "when I tell people how many girlfriends I've had, your name WON'T COME UP. You were just a sidelong friend that meanst something for a few days sometime."

I'm not trying to be a bitch. I'm being honest. In his mind, he's not doing SHIT wrong, because your relationship doesn't count.

And considering he already was up front and TOLD you that...it really doesn't.

i am so sorry. but dont worry there is somebody 10x better out there for you. good luck with everything and remember we are here for you

We all know how it feels to have time, energy, love and sympathy invested in a relationship and be broken up with. If anyone doesn't, yay for them - they're lucky. How funny that you insinuate I couldn't possibly understand what the OP is going through. Have I been in her exact shoes, nope. But you know, I've been pretty dang close. Not that it makes a difference of course.

It cracks me up that you just said using war as an excuse for anything is a copout.

And I don't mean that in a "funny ha-ha" way.

I'm going to walk away now before I say something that will be misunderstood yet again - or perhaps understood perfectly.


I'm sorry that you dont understand or agree with my views... I'm sorry that you felt I was insinuating that you didnt know what it felt like to be in this situation... I guess I'm just really sensitive to this whole thing because I have been in this exact situation myself and I've struggled with it and been burned. I'm just sick and tired of always hearing the excuse "well it's rough over here.. I'm in a war.." , yes I understand it isnt all fun and games over there and I've never once pretended that I felt it was... but, If you didnt think you could handle the pressures of being over being over there, and please dont take this as me not appreciating the troops because I do, then you shouldnt have voluntarily signed up to be in the military during a time of war. The point I was trying to make was, again, own up to your actions and stop hiding behind things like war, religion, etc. Stop looking for other relationships while you are over there, and focus on what you are there for which is fight in a war. Again, I appologize if I offended you, or anyone else for that matter, and if I gave you the impression that I dont support the troops because that wasnt my intention at all. My fiance is over in Iraq and I am very proud of him and everything that he does. I love and support him no matter what. I do however expect that he be a man and own up to his actions and his feelings. He knows that no matter what, or how much he thinks I'm going to be hurt or disappointed, that I want to know the truth. Well, with that being said, I think I'll wrap up now... Have a good day! :)

Ok, if you want me to side with you on something, and are going to get pissed/upset/frustrated when I don't, don't give me the 'along with "alot of things I haven't told you" thing, because then I don't know. I'm just saying, he already told you he didn't even "count" yours as a relationship. I've used that line. It means "when I tell people how many girlfriends I've had, your name WON'T COME UP. You were just a sidelong friend that meanst something for a few days sometime."

I'm not trying to be a bitch. I'm being honest. In his mind, he's not doing SHIT wrong, because your relationship doesn't count.

And considering he already was up front and TOLD you that...it really doesn't.

I wasn't asking you to side with me. You're entitled to your opinion. And where you got that I was pissed or upset with you, I dont know. I'm not here to argue with other posters, I'm here for opinions and support if possible and will not go back and forth with you on this. I'm sure you're right, in his mind it wasn't a relationship and doesn't count and he's not doing anything wrong. And if that's all this was to him, then I'm so much better off without then with him. I've walked away...he can do whatever he wants to. However as a last note, going from planning to buy a house together with your girl to not counting a "relationship" as a relationship in the span of a couple weeks doesn't mean it's ok to do that to someone or to expect THEM to be ok and jus go along with it because you've all the sudden you've changed your mind, and they should just accept this new status of your relationship. Doesn't work that way.

I wasn't asking you to side with me. You're entitled to your opinion. And where you got that I was pissed or upset with you, I dont know. I'm not here to argue with other posters, I'm here for opinions and support if possible and will not go back and forth with you on this. I'm sure you're right, in his mind it wasn't a relationship and doesn't count and he's not doing anything wrong. And if that's all this was to him, then I'm so much better off without then with him. I've walked away...he can do whatever he wants to. [However as a last note, going from planning to buy a house together with your girl to not counting a "relationship" as a relationship in the span of a couple weeks doesn't mean it's ok to do that to someone or to expect THEM to be ok and jus go along with it because you've all the sudden you've changed your mind, and they should just accept this new status of your relationship. Doesn't work that way] .

I agree! :)

I am sorry, I hope you can move on and find someone else who is good for you.
Just remember that not all guys (or all military guys) are the same. There are good guys out there, and you just have to look at the details to realize it.

:hugs

I wasn't asking you to side with me. You're entitled to your opinion. And where you got that I was pissed or upset with you, I dont know. I'm not here to argue with other posters, I'm here for opinions and support if possible and will not go back and forth with you on this. I'm sure you're right, in his mind it wasn't a relationship and doesn't count and he's not doing anything wrong. And if that's all this was to him, then I'm so much better off without then with him. I've walked away...he can do whatever he wants to. However as a last note, going from planning to buy a house together with your girl to not counting a "relationship" as a relationship in the span of a couple weeks doesn't mean it's ok to do that to someone or to expect THEM to be ok and jus go along with it because you've all the sudden you've changed your mind, and they should just accept this new status of your relationship. Doesn't work that way.

Oh no shit it doesn't work that way. That is really shitty. And I'm sorry this is the second time he did it - I just wasn't sure why you were holding on to begin with.

Thinking about it though, if my dh said, "Hey look I think I want a divorce because I'm not counting this as a real marriage, and I'm not comfortable with you waiting" I'd still wait anyways. Actually, I got that speech and I did wait. I'm just in a "let's defend the guys" mood today. Sorry if I was rude about it.

You know, you really are better off without though. I was actually trying to say, when I said I've used that line, that at that point (at least with me) I wanted him to get that he was fairly insignificant, and that he didn't make an impact in my life enough to be worth counting. This guy was a liar, and cheating on me since day one though - so it's not the same thing. It's shitty though - you're a good person, a very loyal, respectable woman, and you actually DID the right thing, and you got the same line I gave to an asshole cheating prick, you know? If he doesn't think your relationship is even worth being counted, though, You need someone better than that. That's really shitty of him to say, and the "I'm interested in seeing where things go when I get home" is basically, I'm probably leaving this chick for the same reason I left you and I want to keep my doors open. The more I re-read and think about this... I really am sorry. But I still really would move on, and I hope when you say you did move on, that you can stick to it, and find someone that will treat you right, and wait for you.

I am so sorry hun. What an asshole. Dont worry though, karma has its way and he will get his. :yes
But question though that OP had posted and i havent read any answers so far........Can he even do this? Like she said, I thought "relationships" of a certain nature were not allowed at all, and that they could get in trouble?

ITA agree with the fact that war changes everybody who is affected by it. However I DO NOT support the notion that war is a good enough reason to leave a girl who is willing to put it all on the line for you, but yet you have time to be cozying up with other people? Obviously it's not about being with someone....just who and on what terms.

It sucks hun...you are doing yourself a favour by forgetting him and moving on.

I am so sorry hun. What an asshole. Dont worry though, karma has its way and he will get his. :yes
But question though that OP had posted and i havent read any answers so far........Can he even do this? Like she said, I thought "relationships" of a certain nature were not allowed at all, and that they could get in trouble?

I'm not even interested in being vindictive or anything any more, but I am curious and you're right, no one has addressed it. Don't you get in big trouble for this over there? Or is it only if you're married or if you're that person's superior? I guess I always thought you did, so either he knows otherwise, or is being very careful about it.

ITA agree with the fact that war changes everybody who is affected by it. However I DO NOT support the notion that war is a good enough reason to leave a girl who is willing to put it all on the line for you, but yet you have time to be cozying up with other people? Obviously it's not about being with someone....just who and on what terms.

It sucks hun...you are doing yourself a favour by forgetting him and moving on.

ITA. \My best friend is over there and he says a LOT of the guys are hooking up with the females, just for the heck of it, and no one ever tells. You never know...and yeah, there are lots of good guys left who won't do that, but you need 100% trust for that to work!!

I'm glad you're kicking him to the curb, I'd be smashing his head all over it if I were you!

Oh no shit it doesn't work that way. That is really shitty. And I'm sorry this is the second time he did it - I just wasn't sure why you were holding on to begin with.

Thinking about it though, if my dh said, "Hey look I think I want a divorce because I'm not counting this as a real marriage, and I'm not comfortable with you waiting" I'd still wait anyways. Actually, I got that speech and I did wait. I'm just in a "let's defend the guys" mood today. Sorry if I was rude about it.

You know, you really are better off without though. I was actually trying to say, when I said I've used that line, that at that point (at least with me) I wanted him to get that he was fairly insignificant, and that he didn't make an impact in my life enough to be worth counting. This guy was a liar, and cheating on me since day one though - so it's not the same thing. It's shitty though - you're a good person, a very loyal, respectable woman, and you actually DID the right thing, and you got the same line I gave to an asshole cheating prick, you know? If he doesn't think your relationship is even worth being counted, though, You need someone better than that. That's really shitty of him to say, and the "I'm interested in seeing where things go when I get home" is basically, I'm probably leaving this chick for the same reason I left you and I want to keep my doors open. The more I re-read and think about this... I really am sorry. But I still really would move on, and I hope when you say you did move on, that you can stick to it, and find someone that will treat you right, and wait for you.

I agree, and I'm glad I explained things a bit better so you could see where I'm coming from. Thank you all soooooo much for your support thru this. I know this is something no girl wants to deal with during a deployment and I'm really not trying to scare anyone, as this is every girls nightmare for sure. It seems like most all of you have such wonderful amazing men over there that love and do what they can to take care of you, tho, none of you have any reason to worry I can tell you that from my side of things right now. I jus needed to vent and hear some opinions from other girls of deployed guys, so thank you all so much! I'll get thru this, it jus sucks and is so very disappointing right now. I think I'm going to go eat ice cream, drink wine, and watch Basic Instinct :devil now. And I'll still keep on here and send encouragement and loves out to you all even tho I don't have a db anymore...you all are a great group of gals!

ITA. \My best friend is over there and he says a LOT of the guys are hooking up with the females, just for the heck of it, and no one ever tells. You never know...and yeah, there are lots of good guys left who won't do that, but you need 100% trust for that to work!!

I'm glad you're kicking him to the curb, I'd be smashing his head all over it if I were you!

Oh he got his ass handed to him royally for about 2 hours thru emails back and forth this am! I wish you all could read some of the stuff I said to him...kind of funny now that I go back and re-read them. :) Some of it I really meant and some of it was jus to make a point. For example I said at the end of one of my last emails, "Goodbye and do your best to....oops I mean not to get shot". I really didn't mean it of course although at the time I actually did. :) And apparantly that got to him cuz he's mentioned it in every email back to me since! Ha! Jerk :reallymad

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I'm not even interested in being vindictive or anything any more, but I am curious and you're right, no one has addressed it. Don't you get in big trouble for this over there? Or is it only if you're married or if you're that person's superior? I guess I always thought you did, so either he knows otherwise, or is being very careful about it.

No it's not illegal. If your military husband cheated on you, whether it be with another military person or just a civilian than it would be illegal (military law). And as long as the two service members are within 2 ranks of each other then it is okay. So as long as this girl is around his rank than it's not going to get him in trouble.

:hugs i'm so sorry he did that to you! you're such a sweet girl and didn't deserve any of that. stay strong. you're better without him

Im really sorry hun...guys don't realize what they have until its gone...but hopefully by that point you will have moved on and you can f you to his sorry ass

Oh he got his ass handed to him royally for about 2 hours thru emails back and forth this am! I wish you all could read some of the stuff I said to him...kind of funny now that I go back and re-read them. :) Some of it I really meant and some of it was jus to make a point. For example I said at the end of one of my last emails, "Goodbye and do your best to....oops I mean not to get shot". I really didn't mean it of course although at the time I actually did. :) And apparantly that got to him cuz he's mentioned it in every email back to me since! Ha! Jerk :reallymad

I agree that what he did was awful and you have every right to be mad...but...what you said to him was a little uncalled for as well. OF COURSE it got to him! He's in Iraq? People ARE getting killed-he might have seen or known people who've been shot-not really something to take so lightly. JMO.

I agree that what he did was awful and you have every right to be mad...but...what you said to him was a little uncalled for as well. OF COURSE it got to him! He's in Iraq? People ARE getting killed-he might have seen or known people who've been shot-not really something to take so lightly. JMO.

I know and I'm sorry I said it and didn't mean it of course...I jus wanted to hurt him like he did me. I certainly didn't mean to imply to you all that I take that lightly or that I don't realize that is a fact of life for them over there...trust me....up until now, it was the scariest I had to deal with in the back of my mind every day. My apologies if you were offended

wow. that's awful. his email seems really cold and rude and inconsiderate of your feelings. like he just shoved that information at you. try to look at the postive side. at least you haven't gone through a whole deployment just to find this out at the end. maybe it's better for you. you can meet someone at home that will treat you right and you won't have to deal with the heart ache of being separated from each other. sorry though hon that you're goin through a rough time.:hug

I know and I'm sorry I said it and didn't mean it of course...I jus wanted to hurt him like he did me. I certainly didn't mean to imply to you all that I take that lightly or that I don't realize that is a fact of life for them over there...trust me....up until now, it was the scariest I had to deal with in the back of my mind every day. My apologies if you were offended

I'm not personally offended, and I can see why you would want to hurt him too, but I just thought that comment was perhaps taking it too far. I'm sorry that happened to you-I can't imagine having to deal with that when separated by thousands of miles-I'd at least want a little closure by breaking it off in person.

They can get into a lot of trouble if the are caught over there

Wow...he's a waste of time. Him saying that he "doesn't want to lose you as a friend" and that he "doesn't know whats going to happen in the future" is SUCH a cop out. He doesn't want t lose you because who knows....he just might need an outlet when he gets back if things don't work out with him and this new girl. And newsflash ex-db....when it comes to the future of relationships as with anything else, you WORK at it to produce the future you want...it doesn't just "happen".

That's like wondering if you'll get an A if you haven't studied for the exam. No!...you won't! DUH :duh

I agree!!

OMG what a jerk! I'm sorry I'm kind of late on all of this. It really sucks that he couldn't just get his decisions straight the first time. The whole, "I don't want you to wait" is just a cop out for him, which really means, "I can't deal with it - but I'll blame it on you to make you feel better". AHGHHHHHH~!

I agree with everyone else that a dedicated woman is hard to find, especially a military girlfriend. You know we all have great heads on our shoulders, are dedicated and hotter than ever!!!

By the way, my DB's roommate fools around every now and then. I do think its illegal, but nobody says anything... I'm not saying its okay - but that's whats happening over there.

Hope you feel better and vent as much as you want!!!!