I'm watching According to Jim and Jim is trying to teach his son to be a "man" instead of running to mom :giggle

So I was curious, if your son or daughter was being picked on- I'm talking being pushed or was hit, would you want him to go tell a teacher or fight back?

He wants to teach our kids to fight back, but I don't know about that. But yet I don't want them to be a "wuss" and a target for bullies. :shrug

I would want them to stick up for themselves but also let someone know whats going on. I dont want them to be a "bully" but they need to know to defend themselves!

We're already teaching Val that if someone hits her, to hit them back AND THEN go tell. I dont want her thinking that other people are always going to help her. Sadly, they're not. So I want her to feel confident enough to fight back.

I always taught my kids to stand up for themselves but try to decide what is best to do in the circumstance. They may feel they have to physically defend themselves or can leave the situation and report it. Eiither way, I would support them.

Are you talking about the show According to Jim? Not that it matters, just confused me for a minute because Deacon is the only character on King of Queens that has kids.

I would want them to stick up for themselves but also let someone know whats going on. I dont want them to be a "bully" but they need to know to defend themselves!

:yes

We're already teaching Val that if someone hits her, to hit them back AND THEN go tell. I dont want her thinking that other people are always going to help her. Sadly, they're not. So I want her to feel confident enough to fight back.


I agree, I was taught that myself by both my parents.

I would want them to stick up for themselves but also let someone know whats going on. I dont want them to be a "bully" but they need to know to defend themselves!

:yes I agree...my kids better not start it that's for sure, but they need to be able to stand up for themselves.

DH is a 3rd Degree ATA Black Belt so our children will be doing ATA aswell. They will know how to defend themselves. I guess I would tell them to fight back first then go tell a teacher what happened. As long as my children don't start the fight then I am ok.

Anya has been taught that if she can get away to go find the nearest adult.

however that is not always possible and if she can not get away then she is to lay that kids ass down!!

I don't care what others have to say about it, but if there is a kid picking on her or touching her and she can not get away there is no excuse for her to continue to take it. She knows how to throw a punch, block her face, and if it's a boy then to kick him in the nuts.

Thankfully the times she has been harrassed she has been able to get to an adult. But I will NOT punish my child either for defending her self against a bully.

Anya has been taught that if she can get away to go find the nearest adult.

however that is not always possible and if she can not get away then she is to lay that kids ass down!!

I don't care what others have to say about it, but if there is a kid picking on her or touching her and she can not get away there is no excuse for her to continue to take it. She knows how to throw a punch, block her face, and if it's a boy then to kick him in the nuts.

Thankfully the times she has been harrassed she has been able to get to an adult. But I will NOT punish my child either for defending her self against a bully.

That's what I have said. I'd tell them, "Don't let some kid kick your butt and you do nothing to defend yourself." My kids were not the type to start a fight, but they would defend themselves if they had to.

Anya has been taught that if she can get away to go find the nearest adult.

however that is not always possible and if she can not get away then she is to lay that kids ass down!!

This is our policy as well. We want them to avoid becoming physical if at all possible but not to the point where they become a punching bag for the attacker. If there is no way around it they both have our blessing to return punches (and know that we will have their back if it becomes an issue - ie with school, etc).

Are you talking about the show According to Jim? Not that it matters, just confused me for a minute because Deacon is the only character on King of Queens that has kids.

Yes! :lol I realized I put the wrong show when the actual King of Queens came on :lol I don't know why I thought it was that, as I"ve watched According to Jim before.

Yes! :lol I realized I put the wrong show when the actual King of Queens came on :lol I don't know why I thought it was that, as I"ve watched According to Jim before.


Well, just call me slow. I was like, "Who the heck is Jim?"

:boxing then tell

This is our policy as well. We want them to avoid becoming physical if at all possible but not to the point where they become a punching bag for the attacker. If there is no way around it they both have our blessing to return punches (and know that we will have their back if it becomes an issue - ie with school, etc).

This is the route we are taking with DS :yes

My parents raised me to FIGHT and I did. A lot. I'm not wanting that kind of childhood for him.

Anya has been taught that if she can get away to go find the nearest adult.

however that is not always possible and if she can not get away then she is to lay that kids ass down!!

I don't care what others have to say about it, but if there is a kid picking on her or touching her and she can not get away there is no excuse for her to continue to take it. She knows how to throw a punch, block her face, and if it's a boy then to kick him in the nuts.

Thankfully the times she has been harrassed she has been able to get to an adult. But I will NOT punish my child either for defending her self against a bully.

:agree

I would want them to stick up for themselves but also let someone know whats going on. I dont want them to be a "bully" but they need to know to defend themselves!

yep

I would want him to defend himself if he was touched physically and also tell :giggle Does that count? My son is bigger than most kids his age so I've taught him to control himself and to go tell first, against what I personally would do, but I know being bigger he would probably hurt a smaller kid not meaning to.

We've taught A that he is to tell them to leave him alone.
If the kids pushes you, walk away- they are just trying to provoke you.
If the kid hits you- hit him back IF you can not come back and get us.
If a girl hits you- walk away, we DO NOT hit girls.
Then come tell us.

I DO NOT like fighting. I think it's the Neanderthal way of settling problems. Smart people do not resort to violence, smart people walk away.

We've taught A that he is to tell them to leave him alone.
If the kids pushes you, walk away- they are just trying to provoke you.
If the kid hits you- hit him back IF you can not come back and get us.
If a girl hits you- walk away, we DO NOT hit girls.
Then come tell us.

I DO NOT like fighting. I think it's the Neanderthal way of settling problems. Smart people do not resort to violence, smart people walk away.


Exactly... better explained, than I. Jr knows we DO NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES hit a girl in any way. And I agree with the pushing thing.

i tell my children to go tell an adult

they are born with the fight or flight in them and they choose to fight most of the time but then they get in trouble for fighting/hitting another person...

now with my kids i have tried to teach them to be a bit snarky with other kids because they have had things said to them that hurts there feelings and they don't really know how to react to that

I have one extremely non-confrontational child and then one who is all about confrontation already at 2. I think it depends on the child. I tell my oldest not to allow anyone to lay a hand on her. To be firm with them and tell them that they are not to touch her and then go and find an adult. I don't really think she has a problem with any of that now though. She used to have a girl, maybe two, who would bully her at after school daycare but that was about a boy who liked her and the girls wanted him to like them. I don't really know. I think it truly depends on the child. Charlie is aware that fighting is wrong but defending yourself is acceptable. She's not a violent child and she never will be but she knows that she will not be "in trouble" for defending herself.

I was always told growing up not to fight, but if someone hit me, I should defend myself. I'm not really a fan on confrontation, but I'm not going to let anyone take advantage of me, or pound my guts into the ground. :lol

I'll raise my girls the same way. It's never steered me wrong and I believe it'll work well for them.

Anya has been taught that if she can get away to go find the nearest adult.

however that is not always possible and if she can not get away then she is to lay that kids ass down!!

I don't care what others have to say about it, but if there is a kid picking on her or touching her and she can not get away there is no excuse for her to continue to take it. She knows how to throw a punch, block her face, and if it's a boy then to kick him in the nuts.

Thankfully the times she has been harrassed she has been able to get to an adult. But I will NOT punish my child either for defending her self against a bully.


:yes

You know, DH and I haven't talked about this - but I'm pretty sure we're on the same page.

I think we should teach DD to defend herself. If someone hits her and she can walk away, then walk away. But if they won't LET her walk away, then by all means, finish what some idiot started. She'd better not ever be the one to start it though!! :lol

And I always ALWAYS want to know about any altercations that go on with my child. I don't want her to think she'll get in trouble for fighting. That is one thing I'll be doing differently than my mother as far as parenting style. When I was a kid, I was taught that if I ever laid a hand on anyone for any reason I would be in trouble. So I never did, even when I should have. I didn't stand up for myself as a child, and that really followed me into adult life in a lot of ways.

Dh and I go round and round about this. I want them to go to a teacher because in schools now if a child hits back they get in just as much trouble as the other kid. DH wants them to fight back. After the mess in Great Lakes the kids were told to fight back because the school did nothing about the kids who were bullys. They may get in trouble with the school but never with us if they did it to defed themselves. If they hit first or something like that they would be in trouble. It's a touchy subject.

I remember my biological father telling me once, "Don't ever let anyone push you around. If you cant beat them with your hands, find something around you, and lay them out."

I have two daughters, and they are both kind-hearted girls. They don't like drama, or fighting, well unless it's with each other.

Hannah use to get picked on by this one boy all the time in the 1st grade. It went as far as him pouring HOT SOUP down her arm.
I was so fucking pissed off cause the school and their teachers did nothing about it.

A few days later I went to their class, and had a talk with that little boy. I simply told him that if he ever touched Hannah again, that he wouldn't like the outcome of what will happen.

He never looked at her the wrong way again.

Yes, I want my daughters to fight. If the child runs back and tattles so to speak, the kids just think they have them right where they want them.
I don't mean they should pick up rocks, and bring guns to school, but balling up your fist, and knocking the crap out of some one messing with you is a great tool for success!

But see, I'm also concerned with what would happen when that kid that my child just balled up her fist and layed out decides to have the last word and grabs dad's gun on the way to the schoolbus the next day. (sorry for the runon)

So much has changed since I was a kid.

**dingding** another "pro" tally for homeschooling.

That's whats wrong with our kids today. It's usually the kids that have been bullied all their lives that end up taking the weapons to school, and just knocking them off.

I'm not sure where us parents went wrong, but something has to give.
I never went to school in fear of another child or what will happen to me.

In my day, if you had a fight you went outside and beat the crap outta each other, and then your friends the next day.

This generation is scary.

We're already teaching Val that if someone hits her, to hit them back AND THEN go tell. I dont want her thinking that other people are always going to help her. Sadly, they're not. So I want her to feel confident enough to fight back.

:tu This is what we taught my nephew and nieces.

You know, DH and I haven't talked about this - but I'm pretty sure we're on the same page.

I think we should teach DD to defend herself. If someone hits her and she can walk away, then walk away. But if they won't LET her walk away, then by all means, finish what some idiot started. She'd better not ever be the one to start it though!! :lol

And I always ALWAYS want to know about any altercations that go on with my child. I don't want her to think she'll get in trouble for fighting. That is one thing I'll be doing differently than my mother as far as parenting style. When I was a kid, I was taught that if I ever laid a hand on anyone for any reason I would be in trouble. So I never did, even when I should have. I didn't stand up for myself as a child, and that really followed me into adult life in a lot of ways.

Ooooh, I totally agree with you too Becca. :D

From my own personal experience, going to an "adult" won't do jack shit, because the teachers can't patrol the playground ALL the time. And eventually, they will get annoyed with a kid and call them a tattle tale.

I want my kids to come to me, and then I am going straight to the parents. If they don't handle their kid, I am going to permit my child to get in one good punch to lay their ass out for the entire playground to see.

Nothing ends bullying faster than utter humiliation.

while i don't encourage my kids to fist fight i have to say the other day i was SHOCKED when my oldest son was being picked on and bullied and was walking away and hte kids were throwing pine needles at him, broke my heart but my youngest threw pine needles back and then someone kicked him and he lost it and just went and tried to kick them back. he is 6 and these girls were like 12! i think that my kids are smaller than most in their classes so out witting a bully works better for them than fighting and i know my oldest knows that my youngest might have little man syndrome. DH and i are not on the same page but in the same book so that counts. i think you just walk away unless they wont' let you. he thinks they start it you finish it. and if its a habitual person then ya i agree its not right for one person to pick and pick. but if its habitual then the teacher needs to be aware a one time incident walk away if its over and over and they hit or push you sock em back. JMO