My db leaves in less then a month. He just got home from 3 weeks training, and I thought that he would be really excited to see me, and I suppose he was, just didn't seem as excited as when we have been apart before. I also thought he would want to spend a lot of time together...but its almost the opposite like he is starting to withdrawl. How did your SO act right before a deployment? What other things should I expect?

Sometimes SOs will withdraw so that it is a little easier to say goodbye. DH and I tried not to do that, but I did withdraw a some. We didn't really have time to prepare (we found out a week before he was supposed to leave that he was deploying). I hope that things get better for you. I'm sorry I wasn't of much help but that is all I can think of. :)

My Db and I went through the same exact situation, everything was fine before he left for training but when he came back he wasn't himself he would withdraw and he wouldnt wanna talk about how he was feeling, he just shut down, also at this time he had found out that he would be extended, so he had a tough time dealing with that...........me and DB had a rough pre-deployment, but its important to stay positive remind one another that you love them, and let him know your here for him, and he'll get it 2gether eventually, :hugs

my DB and i made efforts to see eachother every weekend for about a month and a half before he left. he drove all the way from georgia to ohio, (a 12 hr drive) 2 weeks in a row! then i drove down there once and then i went with his sister the weekend he left. i couldnt believe he drove to see me so much! he kept getting 4 day weekends so he would just drive home thursday, drive back monday, and then drive back to see me AGAIN on thursday

he was stressed alot though so he got mad really easily and we fought about stupid stuff but now we look back and laugh!

My SO and I spent an amazing two weeks together after his training down in Fort Benning (Georgia). I was supposed to drive with him up to Fort Lewis (Washington) but couldn't get the time off of work. :( We were going crazy without each other and we made plans for me to move up there (I'm in North Carolina) after Christmas. Well the day after we found out he was deploying to Iraq immediately (because his unit was already out there) he stopped talking to me. :( Everyone says it's just a freak out. All I can say is give your SO the space he needs and the time he needs and stay hopeful that things will work out. I figure a love this strong has to make it. This way when we're old and grey we have a story to tell our grandchildren about how our love overcame all the obstacles. :)
"Obstacles are put in your way to see if what you want is worth fighting for." (I've been adding this quote to almost all my posts. I love it!)

It's very normal. When my DH and I first started with deployments, he did the same thing. He would withdraw or we would fight so it would be easier to be apart, etc. The reality that he's going is setting in. It's hard, particularly for a guy, to admit that he is going to be homesick, miss family and friends, etc. So it's easier for them to separate themselves from all of these emotional ties before they go. KWIM?

But, that doesn't mean he doesn't care for you. It's just a defense mechanism and he's probably totally unaware that he's doing it.

A couple of other things you'll experience are you'll go through a ton of emotions over the first month or so, anger, sadness, fear, love, etc. It is all normal. It takes a few weeks for you and him to learn how to communicate while he's gone. You'll probably get quite frustrated early on, but try not to let it get to you, and don't take it out on him. That will only result in him withdrawing further or getting angry and arguing back at you.

Just be patient. I know it's the toughest thing in the world to do, but try to give him his space while he's here and over there. Don't force your contact on him, but just gently remind him here and there that you are here and support him.

Sorry this is so long, we're into our 6th deployment and I wish someone had told me this stuff early on. It would have made the first few a lot easier!!

Hugs!!

Like a great big jerk. Honestly. He seemed really withdrawn, wanted to spend time playing video games or fucking around in photo shop. Really hurt my feelings. Don't let him get away with it. I told my hubby that he needed to be done doing whatever he was doing by the time I came out of the bedroom(I packed a different section of my closest everyday. I have many sections.) or I would compromise by cuddling up with him while he played and I would read a book. There has got to be a halfway point.

right before.....he was super sweet. But all guys handleit differently. Mine was super weet and withfrew once he got over there...yours could be the oppisite.kwim

we were LD for the few months b efore he left (NC to Cali) so we only saw each other about once a month when one of us would fly to the other. But he never really pulled away, but then again we werent up in each others faces all the time anyway since we only really had the phone/webcam. Maybe like the day or so before he left i noticed we didnt talk on the phone as much, but sine he's been gone it has been really great as far as communication is concerned (so far!). I do know though that he kind of stopped calling his mom as much as normal (they are really close and talked like everyday) becuase he was "trying to get her used to the limited contact slowly." So, i think those thoughts go through their minds for sure... they're anticipating it themselves and maybe want the people close to them to be "Ready" for it in some ways too

dh leaves soon and we've been arguing about the littlest things...i'd rather spend as much time together as possible but he seems to be just the opposite :depressed

My DB was an ass, pardon the language. I flew down to Louisiana 2 weekends ago to spend time with him before he left, and he was distant, moody, and to be honest, hard to be around. I tried to understand what he was going through, but had no idea, so I just dealt with it. It got pretty bad, I almost felt like he didnt want me there, which lead to an arguement when he dropped me off at the airport to fly back home. Not 15 minutes later he called me in tears, apologizing for the way he was acting, how he took our last weekend together for granted. and said that he was just worried about everything. He left today, and I got the dreaded good bye call at work @ 9 am. He was still apologzing for that weekend.

Just know that our boys are going through alot and everyone handles everything different. Ive realized that even though you love each other with all of you heart, they might not act like it 100% of the time.

This is my 1st deployment so I cant really give that much advice, just expect a roller coaster of emotions, but know that its all worth it.

I wish you guys the best of luck, PM me anytime you want to talk...:hugs

Faith

My dh always gets very quiet and standoffish when deployments are around the corner. I guess it's his way of preparing himself.

THis is our 3rd deployment and he always withdraws from me to some extent. Sometimes more sometimes less.

This time wasnt as bad becuase we were both a little more prepared for this one and we also had a 6mo old at the time so he spent more time with us.
He usually takes about 2 weeks to get everything he needs to take packed up, bought, and ready to go. He always has a lot on his mind for about a month before because it creeps us pretty fast and before we know it its time for him to leave.

We try to spend a few special nights together like going to dinner, or going to the beach and spend the day, spend a quiet night at home snuggled up on the couch with the kids.

The hardest part for us is the Homecoming. Its harder for us to get used to eachother again. I get used to being more independent and doing things like the grocery shopping, handy work etc on my own and having the bed just me, the dog and a kid, then when he comes home its like a whole new world.
For him its hard to get used to being back in the community. He is so used to just going to work, PT and to his dorm that its hard for him to readjust and it takes time.

The last deployment we had was his first time to the Sand and when he came home he was really withdrawn, wouldnt talk about things, he would get up in the middle of the night and go sleep on the couch because he wasnt used to sleeping in a big bed next to someone.


Each person is different, some have it easier, some harder. It DOES get easier the more often you do it. And it takes LOTS of patience and understanding to get through.


Good Luck !

feel free to PM me, DB and i just got done going through one of these stages.. and I'd love to talk to you about it! keep your head up and try to remind yourself that no matter what - what's meant to be will be.. i know it's not easy at all, i just went two weeks without talking to him because he needed his space, and he has 10 days left before he leaves. can you talk about precious time lost? ;)

hope to hear from you soon!

My dh and I have been through one deployment together so far. The last few weeks before he left, we argued a lot and it almost felt like we were losing the connection that we had. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me

In the last week or so, i was the one who was pulling away i think he was trying to stay close to me and be sweet but i was the one starting petty argmuents...So i guess we kind of reversed rolls from what people are talking about, i was the ass :P i just wasnt ready for him to leave me yet i guess :dunno He has been really sweet since he left still as well

Two days before Joe deployed he was a complete and total horses ass! We had gone to dinner and then we were head to the movies. The Simpsons movie had just come out and he really wanted to see it. But, when we got there, it was sold out. Suddenly, everything became my fault that we didn't get tickets to see the movie. We got into our first and only fight that night. I yelled at him when we were back in the car that I could tell he was trying to push me away. Eventually he apologized and said that he knew he was trying to push me away so that it would be less painful.

Things changed on deployment day though. He got really affectionate and suddenly he had the best memory. He kept asking me questions over and over again making sure he knew everything about me, like my favorite color, favorite flower, etc...