DF left for iraq about 2 months ago now. this second month has been absolutely horrible... he rarely calls (once the whole month) and i know he has the time to, and when we talk online it has been different. well, i did something really stupid and really screwed up (no i did not cheat on him or anything close to that nature, just to clarify) but i still did something HORRIBLE, and it relaly hurt DF because he thinks it shows i dont trust him.
Well i wrote him a really long myspace message about how unbelievably sorry i am (since there is no other way to reach him) and it was an amazing letter, i took the wrap for all our problems, and just told him how truly sorry i was, the only problem is, hes been on so many times since then and wont even read my messages at all. hes posted bulletins to his friends (not about our problems, just random stuff) so i know he has been on, and on for a long period of time, so he is ignoring me. I know what i did was wrong, its just i would hate for something to happen to him (since his job is dangerous and the area hes in is getting worse) its not that i think something will happen, but if something does, i wouldnt be able to help but blame myself, and i wouldnt be able to live with myself knowing or thinking that the last thing he felt toward me was anger. im really hurt right now too, but i dont wanna tell him that, i just want him to get his frustration out and work this out with me, thats what a relationship is supposed to be like. i have NEVER fucked up before in this relationship, so i was hoping he would be mature, work it out, and cut me a little slack... now its at the point where im just afraid for my relationship, i dont even know if we will make it.

ahhhh
:gloomy:gloomy:gloomy:tears:tears:tears:tears

prayers your way.

:pray

:pray

I can kind of relate to what you're going through. I screwed up a while back and my DB was/is in Iraq and oh my goodness, he blew it completely out porportion and was mad at me for weeks even when I had apologized a hundred times. I think it's just them being over there and the type of environment they're in that has alot to do with how they react to certain situations. I would send him another message and maybe a letter. Just try to keep communicating with him. It's much easier to ignore one message as opposed to 5. If he sees that you really are sorry for whatever it is that you've done, he'll probably come around. Just try and show him that you're still here and you're not going anywhere. :hugs I'll :pray for you two. :goodvibes

:pray:pray

i was going to suggest maybe writing him a letter (snail mail) and that way he can take time to read it alone. Let him know you've noticed a difference and be honest with him.

:pray:pray

Just keep appologizing and loving. Things will work out.

May I ask, what is it that you did? If this was you're first mistake in the relationship he should be a little more forgiving, but I don't know if I should say that, not knowing what you are taking guilt for.

:pray :pray :goodvibes :goodvibes :hugs

:prayers...i hope he can see how much you love him!

:pray :goodvibes

May I ask, what is it that you did? If this was you're first mistake in the relationship he should be a little more forgiving, but I don't know if I should say that, not knowing what you are taking guilt for.

I am curious too. If you don't want to share, I'll understand.

I am curious too. If you don't want to share, I'll understand.

k for those of you whod like to know what i did... please do not judge... alright... i have a friend who got married and was in the same situation as me before her wedding (deployment) and she was 100% confident in her husband to be, when like a year after her wedding, she found out that all along he had been talking to other girls online (not in an ok way) so she suggested for my sake i MAKE SURE hes the one first, and i know he is, but like she said, anything can happen. So she and i talked to him on myspace over hers (cause he didnt know her) but i only kept it up for two days, then told him that it was me, becuase he changed his password and still talked to her when i asked him not to. so he didnt exactly pass, but i dont care about that anymore, i just want to fix what i did wrong. i totally see that what i did was a mistake though, and i didnt do it because i didnt trust jake as much as i did it to see HOW he would reject this girl ya know, but theres really no way of explaining that to him and getting him to believe that.

he has every right to be mad, but like someone said before, he has blown it outa proportion a little bit. hopefully he will talk to me soon, im trying to give him space (i sent him a TON of im sorry messages, like REALLY REALLY GOOD ONES, that were long explaining what i did why it was wrong blah blah, just what he should want to hear.) so hopefully he will come around soon. i love him :sadeyes

:pray:pray to you hun. Just keep on figting for what makes you happy.

hmmmm....just read your last reply. Welllll, that wasnt cool of you, but i think you know that. He did have a right to get upset, b/c i can see where he takes it as you dont trust him. Though in your defense he didnt "pass" the test. But thats another story( that you should maybe take into account and do some thinking...b/c him changing his password ad ignoring your request to stop talking to "her" isnt good) but you messed up.Your human. Dont beat youself up!!! If he loves you he will come around.Just give him time....guys are weird it can take them ALOT longer to see things clearly than it takes us.

:hugs :hugehug

sending tons and tons of prayers!

:pray :goodvibes going your way.
i hope he sees how sorry you are and that you really love him so much :hugs

Honey stop with the constant apologies. It makes you look like you are begging and you don't have to beg for someone to love you, talk to you or anything else. The next thing I would write would be "thanks for the ride" and move on.

He wouldn't be so mad about it if he didn't know that he messed up too. He didn't pass the test so he is trying to make you take all of the blame because you tested him. You wrote him a letter with your feelings, you shouldn't be begging him to stay with you. You did what you could. Stop placing the blame only on yourself. Yeah, you screwed up, but you are willing to own up to that. He doesn't seem willing to do the same thing.

I hope he comes around and you can work it out, but STOP beating yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes.

I totally understand where you're coming from...im mad at db right now...and i have no way if even communicating with him...it sucks...i dont know if we're gonna make it either...my prayers are with you

He wouldn't be so mad about it if he didn't know that he messed up too. He didn't pass the test so he is trying to make you take all of the blame because you tested him. You wrote him a letter with your feelings, you shouldn't be begging him to stay with you. You did what you could. Stop placing the blame only on yourself. Yeah, you screwed up, but you are willing to own up to that. He doesn't seem willing to do the same thing.

I hope he comes around and you can work it out, but STOP beating yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes.

100% agree!!!