..But I kinda figured that we were above all the strereotypes of the re-integration :lol

He spends most of his time alone in the basement, or outside. He doesn't really want to be around us, he wants to be by himself. He goes downstairs as soon as he comes home, and sits on the couch in the rec-room and sleeps. He'll come to bed around 10-10:30. But he doesn't eat dinner with us most of the time, he'll just come upstairs and make a sandwich, then go back downstairs.

We talked about it last night, I told him how I spent 2 years by myself waiting for him to come home. I told him how lonely I was, and how I missed adult conversation and adult company.

HE said, that I was the lucky one, because in those two years he NEVER got a chance to be alone or have any privacy. He couldn't get away from people in his can, in the shower, or in the shitter. There was always someone who wanted his time, or wanted something from him. And now that he's home, he just wants to be left alone... Okay.... I understand. :depressed

I suppose he hasn't been home for that long, and it's probably asking too much that he get back into our "normal" life right now... He told me not to take it personally, it's not that he DOESN'T want to be around me, he just wants to be alone. :sigh

When command told us that this was going to happen, I thought, "Not usw, I'M LOVEABLE, and he's going to want to be with me all the time. :yes" Not so.

But I'm glad that he talked to me about it.....

:sadeyes I'm glad you guys can talk about these things. That's really really rough. :hugehug I hope the rest of your re-adjustment process happens smoothly and as quickly as it can, and I pray that you can maintain the strength and dignity to make it through one of the hardest times of deployment :pray :hugs

:hugs I'm sorry Lindsey. Can you maybe get him to compromise and eat upstairs? Even if he just gives you 30 minutes, that is an improvement.

..But I kinda figured that we were above all the strereotypes of the re-integration :lol

He spends most of his time alone in the basement, or outside. He doesn't really want to be around us, he wants to be by himself. He goes downstairs as soon as he comes home, and sits on the couch in the rec-room and sleeps. He'll come to bed around 10-10:30. But he doesn't eat dinner with us most of the time, he'll just come upstairs and make a sandwich, then go back downstairs.

We talked about it last night, I told him how I spent 2 years by myself waiting for him to come home. I told him how lonely I was, and how I missed adult conversation and adult company.

HE said, that I was the lucky one, because in those two years he NEVER got a chance to be alone or have any privacy. He couldn't get away from people in his can, in the shower, or in the shitter. There was always someone who wanted his time, or wanted something from him. And now that he's home, he just wants to be left alone... Okay.... I understand. :depressed

I suppose he hasn't been home for that long, and it's probably asking too much that he get back into our "normal" life right now... He told me not to take it personally, it's not that he DOESN'T want to be around me, he just wants to be alone. :sigh

When command told us that this was going to happen, I thought, "Not usw, I'M LOVEABLE, and he's going to want to be with me all the time. :yes" Not so.

But I'm glad that he talked to me about it.....

:bigsadhug

I am very sorry your going through this. Please know that. Im so sorry.

:hugehug re-integration is tough. I can't believe how strong you are. :hugs

I am sorry you are still having some problems with it. You are a strong woman though I am sure it is tough. :hugs

what a lucky man to have such a wonderful understanding wife

It feels like a step in the right direction that at least he's talking. :hugs

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I wish I could say something to make everything better - but I know I can't. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers and I sincerely hope things will get better for you in time.

Lefty, I (L) you.

I'm not sure how helpful I'd be, but I want you to know that I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. :hugs

It feels like a step in the right direction that at least he's talking. :hugs

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I wish I could say something to make everything better - but I know I can't. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers and I sincerely hope things will get better for you in time.

Ya know, it's really not that bad, I really don't have anything legitimate to complain about.... Everything that has happened, I was told by the chaplains WOULD happen, we were prepared in our seminars about it all... I suppose I'm still in denial that it's going to happen to our family...

It's been less then 3 months since he's been home, so it hasn't been that long.. It seems like everything has been going according to the little handout pamphlets they gave us. :gaah I think I thought that I, personally, was above it all, and that only people in weak relationships had these kind of problems.. :no Not true, anyone, anytime no matter how long they've been together can have these kind of troubles. :yes

Awww Lindsay, that is rough. I'm glad you at least have an explanation. Having that knowledge at least gives you understanding. I would hate it if you blamed yourself when it isn't your fault. The fact that he is talking about it shows me that at least he recognizes it. I hope he tries to make it all better, even though it will take some time. You are good wife. :hugs

:hugs I'm sorry Lindsey. Can you maybe get him to compromise and eat upstairs? Even if he just gives you 30 minutes, that is an improvement.

I was gonna say this too.

I understand him wanting to be alone after people being up my ass for 2 years straight. So I guess you really can't blame him.

But yeah, you were alone for those 2 years, you shouldn't have to spend every minute alone now that he's home too.

:hugehug:hugehug sorry you are going through this. you really are a strong woman and a wonderful wife. hoping that it gets better for both of you over time.

Maybe you could ask him to have a specific time of "family time" every day or even every other day and let him choose whether it's going out to do something, or just eating dinner, or watching tv. Then he has a choice and has some control in it, and since it's a set amnt of time, it might help. Then he can go be alone.

You're so strong, I don't think I'd be sane.

:hugs At least you both are taking small steps towards getting back to normal. I'm sorry it's still hard, but it'll continue getting better, I'm sure. :hugs You're amazing. Hang in there.

My DF displays similar behaviors at times, too. Although he has never come out and says he wants to be alone, that is the sense I get at times.

We all do sit at the table for dinner and eat together, though. But I find him extremely restless in the evening once he comes home from work. (He is the National Guard, so he's back to his civilian job.)

He's tried to explain it to me this way.........he tried so hard not to get "too" close to anyone while he was in Iraq for fear of the pain of losing them, that he finds it hard to be close to us now that he's home....the whole shutting down emotionally is how he's referred to it.

It is extremely difficult, and I totally understand what you're going through. My DF has been home for just over 2 1/2 months now. Someone else suggested this to you, and I think it's a GREAT idea................ask him to participate sometimes and then other times he has his alone time. I think it's really important to just not let him totally withdraw from everything, ya know? Plus, you TOO deserve the time with him that you desire to. It's great that you are able to talk with him, and I would see if you could come to a compromise, so to speak, for now anyway as he adjusts, so you are both able to be somewhat comfortable during the transition/re-integration.

At least you guys can communicate about it - that is a step in the right direction. Like the other girls suggested - designated family time sounds like a good idea. I hope things get better quickly...you're the strongest person I know :hugs

I heard re-adjustment back to normal life is very hard. He talked to me before he left. hearing from you scare me a lot. He just left 2 weeks ago for 15 months so I am just started to deal with being so lonely. There is so much I need to learn, I don't know where to start.

you will make it I promise , mne left on 10-29-07 for 15 months also I know it is hard

:hugs

what I don't understand is my DB has been deployed for almost 50% of his military career. This is my first deployment with him. His 3rd time to the middle east. He's talking about having to go back 8 months after he redeploys.....how can you have a re-adjustment period when he is leaving again so soon. I already know from talking to him this has been his hardest deployment emotionally to date. I think the stress is really getting to him. He wasn't himself at all the first 3 months. I guess only time will tell but it just seems too much to ask of anyone.

:bigsadhug i'm sorry it has been rough so far. Hopefully things will get better soon!

You sound like a strong and patient woman. You guys deserve the best. Good luck with the process of readjustment.