so I just came back from having dinner (and a couple bottles of wine) with 3 other wives from his DET and listening to them, well it was just, you know what I really don't even know how to put it into words. I sat and listened to then talk and I have to ask myself if it is worth it. MY DB is career military and he loves what he does but I have to wonder if I have what it takes to live the next 10 years of my life like this. I love him so very very much and to loose him would be devastating to me to the point to where i wonder if I would have the will or the strength to ever chance love again. BUt this, this is harder than I ever thought it would be. I'm not a young needy girl, I am a strong independent woman. I guess I need advice from you guys how to draw on that inner strength to not let what may be my soul partner slip away because of his occupation and love for our country.

I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to hurt, I don't want to wonder if I am loosing my mind. I want to be happy again, like before he left. I love him so much and I am so afraid I am going to make a mistake based on emotion.

i know this is hard. sometimes I wonder myself if this is what I want be/c my husband is going to OCS. i know you are wondering if you are first or third in his life and no wife wants to feel like she is not even in the first two priorities. maybe just talk to him about it. there is no reason to suffer by yourself.

First, I suggest getting through this time and seeing how you feel afterward. There is a lot more emotion you will go through when he gets home. It is better to make a decision based on what you can look at when you think of what you have gone through.

This might not be as bad as you think. Or it could be worse. Only time will tell.

hey

take it one day at time... :hugs

Take one day at a time is the best advice. My DB has 6 years before retirement. We know based on his MOS and what he is doing over there he will deploy there again. (its already his 3rd deployment, my first) I just try not to think about it. You can make yourself crazy. I find the most inner strength when I think about him. I think of the sacrifices he is making away from his daughter, me, his brothers, his mom, his friends. The stress and worry that he has. I think of how much I love him and admire him. All of the things that draw me to him his strength of character, his sense of adventure, his sexy manly confidence are all connected to why he is such a good soldier. I find strength in those things. I keep myself busy and everday I do something to connect with him, write an email, write a letter, send a card, make a short video, take a picture, or go shopping for his next care package.....you can do it!

Yes it's going to be really really hard. The only way to get through it is to stop fixating on the 'what if's.' Set some goals for yourself to keep you moving forward. Coming here and talking with other people in the same position will also help you. :hang :hugs

I totally understand what you are saying. DB and I have been together 4 years. This separation is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through (and I've been through some tough s@#$.). I feel lonely and sad and like I'm just aching so much that it will never stop. I hate sleeping in the bed alone and my eyes have been puffy for a week. I have to think that it will get better but I honestly cannot see an end- until he comes home. I'm trying to keep busy but the nights just kill me. I'm thinking of planning a little trip to Mexico and another to Florida to break up the time and give me something to look forward to every couple of months. Try counting the days behind you instead of the days in front- that does help a little. Reach out for help- I've had a hard time with this one myself but I'm working on it.
Anyone have any other ideas to help the time pass and the pain stop?

It's like you read my mind. My husband and I have been together over 7 years. He was already in the USMC, but of course, non-deployable,hahah that's funny. But now we have 2 children together and he IS deployed. I question whether it's all worth it sometimes. The moving, leaving family, friends, starting over all the time. It is tough but then I break down what me and the hubby have and we have a great friendship, a great family, and an enormous amount of love for each other. When I even think about starting over with someone else... I remember that there will always be flaws and hard times so why give up the one I know I love and loves me...

this is the first time for me to. everyday i get worse. it so hard. we were only dating 4 months before he left.

Hi April, I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling. I feel the same - like shit. My husband and I got married 7 months after we met and he deployed 2 months after we were married. He's only been gone a month and a half so far. I went so far as to tell him I would leave his ass if he didn't get out of the military. I basically backed him into a corner and he got defensive. Now I'm trying to be a little more understanding that this is his career and I knew about it going in. But I don't know sometimes if it's all worth it. I kind of wish I could go back to "regular" life, but yet I don't want to face life without him. It's so hard, honey, and people who aren't going through it or haven't gone through it just cannot understand. So stick with us, because we get it. I don't know if my husband and I will make it...I don't know. But I hope I can be strong. And I hope you can be too. Hugs.

Oh by the way April I do have one other piece of advice and it seems so simple that I might sound stupid for saying it, but I will tell you anyway. I was at rock bottom a couple of weeks ago. My childhood dog died, my father was suicidal (still is) and of course my husband is in the middle of the freaking ocean somewhere. How could my life get worse? I decided the other day that I was so sick and tired of being unhappy so I did an online search for "overcoming depression" and just started following the little tricks, like staying busy and thinking positive thoughts. I even sing this stupid little "accentuate the positive" song in my head when I start to feel blue. Because one thing I'm learning is that the time goes by a hell of a lot quicker when you stay positive. Negativity draws out the days. Start thinking of happy stuff, that you're a strong woman and no one and nothing is going to get you down or ruin your day. It sounds really stupid but I swear, it works!