My son has been acting out lately ALOT. I'm not entirely sure what it is. I don't know if it's b/c of his daddy being gone or what. It started when matt left but it's just getting progressively worse. I'm so embarrassed to say what he's been doing b/c it's so utterly unlike him. At first he just b/c more pushy and cried alot then he started hitting and yelling keep in mind it's not all the time he's just becoming very short tempered. Now he's graduating onto destruction. This is something he has NEVER done. Not even when he was in the terrible 2s. He was never the child who broke or tore stuff up NEVER. But he's been breaking some of his toys he's been writing on the walls he recently got detention at school for writing on his desk. I'm not sure how to handle it. I've tried talking to him I've tried punishing him. The only other thing I can think of is trying to get him into seeing his school counseler.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

oh it definitely sounds like it has something to do with his daddy leaving. I would try to get him to talk to a counselor. If he wont talk to you he needs to talk to someone. He is just probably acting out his frustrations about his daddy being gone and instead of talking about it to you he is acting them out. how old is your son?

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. this is something I am worried about when Rob transfers back to sea duty and has to deploy and how Robbie is going to behave. The last time Rob had to go away for a week I had behaviors issues with Robbie too but he also has ADHD so its worse.

I'm sure it's because daddy's gone. I really do think the school counselor may be able to help him. :hugs Give him lots of hugs! Maybe you could go pick out a toy for him while he's at school or a friend's and tell him Dad sent it for him? (of course get something for your daughter too) :)

oh it definitely sounds like it has something to do with his daddy leaving. I would try to get him to talk to a counselor. If he wont talk to you he needs to talk to someone. He is just probably acting out his frustrations about his daddy being gone and instead of talking about it to you he is acting them out. how old is your son?

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. this is something I am worried about when Rob transfers back to sea duty and has to deploy and how Robbie is going to behave. The last time Rob had to go away for a week I had behaviors issues with Robbie too but he also has ADHD so its worse.

Zach is 6. Thank you so much!! I really just needed the validation that sending him to the school counseler would be the best choice..kwim. My biggest flaw is how much I 2nd guess myself.
Hopefully It won't be that difficult to get him into seeing the counsler.
When the teacher called me about his behavior she suggested detention where he would scrub his desk of course I said yes. Well when I came there to get him afterwards I mentioned to the teacher that I wondered if it had anything to do with his father and I was going to say and with it being the holidays but she interupted me which made me so angry b/c my child was standing RIGHT there and in any situation inturruption is rude but it's especially rude in that situation at least I thought. But she said don't make excuses that there were plenty of children in the classroom whose fathers were deployed but none of them resorted to vandilism. I was quite thrown b/c well yes writing on his desk in pencil was bad no doubt about that and he was punished at home as well but to say TO ME when he wasn't even there that it was equivalent to Vandalism. I just thought maybe she was making a bigger deal about it then she should have. AGAIN I wasn't minimizing what happened. But I don't know why she had to be such a B about the whole thing about completely disregard that it might have a thing to do with the fact that in the past 4 damn years his father has been home for 1 holiday season.

I'm sure it's because daddy's gone. I really do think the school counselor may be able to help him. :hugs Give him lots of hugs! Maybe you could go pick out a toy for him while he's at school or a friend's and tell him Dad sent it for him? (of course get something for your daughter too) :)

That's a really good idea! I have no idea why I didn't think of that myself! Thank you!!!! Hmmmm I have to go to walmart tomm with my friend I bet I could pick something out and then hide it until Monday! Thank you!

I'm sure it's because daddy's gone. I really do think the school counselor may be able to help him. :hugs Give him lots of hugs! Maybe you could go pick out a toy for him while he's at school or a friend's and tell him Dad sent it for him? (of course get something for your daughter too) :)

oh Schaele that is a great idea. I am sure the kids would love that.

Zach is 6. Thank you so much!! I really just needed the validation that sending him to the school counseler would be the best choice..kwim. My biggest flaw is how much I 2nd guess myself.
Hopefully It won't be that difficult to get him into seeing the counsler.
When the teacher called me about his behavior she suggested detention where he would scrub his desk of course I said yes. Well when I came there to get him afterwards I mentioned to the teacher that I wondered if it had anything to do with his father and I was going to say and with it being the holidays but she interupted me which made me so angry b/c my child was standing RIGHT there and in any situation inturruption is rude but it's especially rude in that situation at least I thought. But she said don't make excuses that there were plenty of children in the classroom whose fathers were deployed but none of them resorted to vandilism. I was quite thrown b/c well yes writing on his desk in pencil was bad no doubt about that and he was punished at home as well but to say TO ME when he wasn't even there that it was equivalent to Vandalism. I just thought maybe she was making a bigger deal about it then she should have. AGAIN I wasn't minimizing what happened. But I don't know why she had to be such a B about the whole thing about completely disregard that it might have a thing to do with the fact that in the past 4 damn years his father has been home for 1 holiday season.



Oh Wow I am shocked that the teacher cant have a little bit of compassion for him. yes him writing on the desk is wrong but I wouldnt consider your son a vandal. He is just acting out his feelings as opposed to talking about them. I dont understand though why kids dont feel like they can talk about things unless they dont know how to put things into words. I hope having him talk to the counselor will help. Keep me posted how he is doing.

My son started seeing my therapist. (family therapist I started seeing after my 4th son, because of Postpartum and depression) He started going to before dad left. Just because I thought it would be a good idea to take him with me just to get him prepared. Well he really enjoyed going and having a outside person to talk to about his promblems. He told his best friend that he talks to her about his promblems and she helps you with them. She went to school for that, ROFLMAO.

Anyway, she has him draw his feelings out. She started with simple stuff, like draw a picture of what you did today. Then a picture of how you feel right now. And one of his dad leaving. She would ask questions, like who are in the pictures, and are they sad or happy, and why. It has helped alot. He made a journal and he draws pictures of what he does and feels. He plans to share with his dad when he comes back on R&R. If will give a way to deal with his feelings and it will give you an insight to what more specifically what is bothering him.

My son started seeing my therapist. (family therapist I started seeing after my 4th son, because of Postpartum and depression) He started going to before dad left. Just because I thought it would be a good idea to take him with me just to get him prepared. Well he really enjoyed going and having a outside person to talk to about his promblems. He told his best friend that he talks to her about his promblems and she helps you with them. She went to school for that, ROFLMAO.

Anyway, she has him draw his feelings out. She started with simple stuff, like draw a picture of what you did today. Then a picture of how you feel right now. And one of his dad leaving. She would ask questions, like who are in the pictures, and are they sad or happy, and why. It has helped alot. He made a journal and he draws pictures of what he does and feels. He plans to share with his dad when he comes back on R&R. If will give a way to deal with his feelings and it will give you an insight to what more specifically what is bothering him.


oh thats a great idea. I am also looking for ideas for when this happens to us in the future.

My son started seeing my therapist. (family therapist I started seeing after my 4th son, because of Postpartum and depression) He started going to before dad left. Just because I thought it would be a good idea to take him with me just to get him prepared. Well he really enjoyed going and having a outside person to talk to about his promblems. He told his best friend that he talks to her about his promblems and she helps you with them. She went to school for that, ROFLMAO.

Anyway, she has him draw his feelings out. She started with simple stuff, like draw a picture of what you did today. Then a picture of how you feel right now. And one of his dad leaving. She would ask questions, like who are in the pictures, and are they sad or happy, and why. It has helped alot. He made a journal and he draws pictures of what he does and feels. He plans to share with his dad when he comes back on R&R. If will give a way to deal with his feelings and it will give you an insight to what more specifically what is bothering him.

The drawing idea is a fantastic one! While I'm waiting for them to set him up with the school C. I will def try that! Thank you!!

Cat: with my son I think it has SO much to do with not being able to verbalize exactly how he is feeling. He knows he can tell me anything but if he can't get something out the right way he just gets frustrated and clams up.

yep thats kinda how Robbie is too. Its like pulling teeth to get them to at least try to tell you whats going on. we have been trying to work with Robbie to get him to use his words to at least try to tell us what he is feeling. we even started something at his school to encourage him to at least try to tell his teachers when he feels like doing something he shouldnt. I just feel for you on this. I am here if you ever need to talk.

Forgot to mention that my son is also 6. And even with a few visits the therapist. He is still have a struggle. He is very close to dad, he misses being able to do housework with him and the whole male bonding with him. He gets in trouble for talking and playing. His teacher is a tad bit over zealous too. If he just gets warned once to be quiet, he looses part of "Friday Fun" Which is when they get to have a treat and go outside to play. So he doesnt get the treat and if he gets warn again during the week he looses it all.

He talks back, caught lying (on things like chores), pouting, and just behaving rowdy at the stores. All I have done, is really try to sit down and talk to him, try to explain things, honestly but on his level. That its ok to be upset, sad, fustrated and even a little angry that his daddy is gone. That I feel that way too. Its how we deal with it. How we try to make our selves feel better. How to do it in a way we dont hurt others feelings around us. And though i have had to repeat myself more then I care for, I think I am beginning to start seeing the light. Though it gets blown out ever so often, LOL. But just gotta get the lighter and relight it:rofl

The drawing idea is a fantastic one! While I'm waiting for them to set him up with the school C. I will def try that! Thank you!!

Cat: with my son I think it has SO much to do with not being able to verbalize exactly how he is feeling. He knows he can tell me anything but if he can't get something out the right way he just gets frustrated and clams up.

Exactly!!! At times I dont think they realize why they feel like they do. They are still learning about feelings and how they relate to what is going on in their lives. OH MY!!! I sound like my therapist, OK time to stop NOW!!!:rofl

Anyway, Please feel free to pm me if you feel like talking or even our boys could be like email buddies or penpals. I have really tried to emphasis that there are lots of kids missing their daddy. Not feeling like they are the only ones help too. I mean, that is why I came here, to find fellow women in my situation.

Exactly!!! At times I dont think they realize why they feel like they do. They are still learning about feelings and how they relate to what is going on in their lives. OH MY!!! I sound like my therapist, OK time to stop NOW!!!:rofl

Anyway, Please feel free to pm me if you feel like talking or even our boys could be like email buddies or penpals. I have really tried to emphasis that there are lots of kids missing their daddy. Not feeling like they are the only ones help too. I mean, that is why I came here, to find fellow women in my situation.

Thank you!!!! I'm so glad you joined this board!!!!! You are awesome! :hugs

Berk I love the drawing idea. That would be even better than trying to talk to him since he has trouble verbalizing his feelings. Drawing things will help him sort out how he feels. You could also try having him write in a journal every night before bed (at least a paragraph) so he can sort his feelings out there, too.

As for the teacher saying not to make excuses, I think she interrupted you because she didn't want you to say in front of him an "excuse" as to why he was misbehaving. I think she's right, just because the children have deployed parents doesn't mean it's ok for them to act out in a DESTRUCTIVE way. It would have been nice if she'd acknowledged that he was going through some things though, and even suggested drawing or journaling to him or you. I don't think she meant to be mean though, I just think she didn't want him to take what you said and use it every time he's misbehaving.

Thank you!!!! I'm so glad you joined this board!!!!! You are awesome! :hugs

:blush awwww....you are too sweet. I have my moments, LOL. I just noticed you are at Fayetteville, we had cousins stationed at Fort Bragg but they got stationed in Washington I believe. Anyway that is hour and half away. We use to drive there when we had family there. So maybe we can get together sometime. Well, just remember, feel free to pm me.

I defintly think it has to do with dad being gone. I have 4 kids aging from 5-9, all dealing with dad leaving in different ways.
My 7 yr old daughter recently started having some issues at school, she is one of those kids that have never gotten into trouble or forgot her homework, well her teacher called me and told me she hadnt been acting herself, was forgetting her homework all the time, talking when she wasnt suppose to and I explained that dad had been gone and was preparing to deploy.
So she suggested she talk to the counsler at school and I had a sit down with her also. It was hard, but well worth it, just by talking in different ways, she was back to her old self in no time.
What I did with her, was sit down and color and try to open up a conversation, I didnt want her to think I was attacking her, becuase I had asked her in the past if she wanted to talk and she said she didnt feel comfortable talking about it:sigh.
So when I approched her while we were coloring, she finally opened up to me, and we were able to talk about how important it is for her talk about her feeling, weather its journaling etc. We both hugged and cried and I think even her seeing mommy upset, helped her relize that she isnt alone in this and were all sad.
So defintly look into the counsler thing. I think its a great idea.

Now Im dealing with my 5 yr old acting out at home, yelling, talking back and etc.. If its not one thing, its another:no

Hang in there and dont give up.. It may take several different things to find out that actually works.

my kids are in a deployment support group at school, we have really done this before and each time is different each kid reacts differently. this time they are both school aged and my youngest is really really having a hard time. at the meetings they made a feeling wheel and colored it. my youngest is 5. so about the same age as yours. we also instead of counting down the days until he comes home we are counting up we are putting an m&m in a jar for every day he is gone and they take turns doing it. they also made a star that they have pinned in their rooms so they can think of daddy whenever they want. my DH also sent them cards for their birthdays and such. my DH left them both video messages and when he calls if they are asleep before he goes away he hangs up calls back and leaves them a message on the answering machine. my youngest has wet the bed twice since daddy has been gone and cried so hard he threw up the other night. however i did tell them both that just because daddy is gone doesn't mean the rules change. bed time is still same everything is still the same. routine really is key. this time around i am struggling getting them into a routine, their school schedules are throwing me out of wack! good luck and i hope he starts to cope with things a little bit better. hugs to you both

:bigsadhug Dear , I feel your pain totally the same. My son is 8 and he is doing the exact same things. This is his 3rd time going thru a deployment with dad and every time he has had drawbacks, when he was smaller, he regressed, peeing in pants/bed etc and now that he is older and knows what is going on and just how long it's going to be ,he is totally of the hook. destructive, rude, loud, obnoxious, mean he even told me today that if I did not tell him what he wanted to hear he would kill me, (I know I am getting him to a counsler soon) he hits his sister, totally does the opposite of what I say etc. I am in pieces over this, he would not even talk to his dad today when he called, but that is because he promised him he would be good for me and he knows I told dad what he said. Also everytime a *big change* happens his fear/anixety kicks in .I have had him in cousleing everytime we move and we just moved here on holloween and his dad's ship left Nov 5th so it is horrible this time, he will not go to the bathroom by his self, he is in my bed, therefor his 5 year old sister is too(I know this is not a good thing but considering his feelings KWIM) he follows me every where I go , even the damn bathroom....I just got all of us checked into tricare so as soon as the 72 hr period hits I am taking him into the dr. The new school knows about dad deploying and the teacher they put him with is a retired AF wife so she knows what to expect and how to deal with it and helping him at school but I need help at home... this is soo hard to talk to strangers about but I wanted you to know you are not alone and if you ever need to talk PM me. I will PM you and give you my email. thanks for listening.

Mandy i would take him to see someone. my friends daughter said that and she took her and learned that they don't understand what the words actually mean at that age she would say it to her mom to get attention . my oldest is 10 and he has struggled all year in school and he knew daddy was leaving we had the deployment briefing the first night of school..i really think that kids need boundries and if they hear you say, well daddy is gone that is why acts that way your excusing the behavior. it may very well be the reason for it, but don't offer it as an excuse for him.make the punishment the same as if daddy was home for what he is doing. he needs to know your just as stern as daddy is and your not going to cave because you don't have dad by yourside. my boys definatly tried to push me to see what they could and couldn't do when he left they do it every time he leaves. its great to let them know its ok to be sad and express their feelings but they need to learn to channel some of that stuff. maybe a bopping bag? for when he gets so upset he feels he has to hit something? just an idea. i would really talk to a counseler though. i have been getting a lot of back talk from both my kids. but they need to learn somehow that i will not tolerate it. and both their teachers know our views on the kids. and if they had a rough night or something we let them know. we also set them up with their own e mail accounts for daddy mail. doesn't always help with the smaller ones but the bigger kids really enjoy that. good luck and big hugs

Thank you so much for your advice, I did set him up a email account but dad has not used it yet I will have to et after him for that. Ido plan to get counsling, and you are right, I try not to yell but here lately I find myself yelling all the time because he will look me dead in the eye and tell me "no, I dont have too" he runs and jumps off and on my furniture like he's on speed or something, like he thinks he rules the roost, I can not handle it anymore, I am thinking family counseling since the fear issure is kicking in with my DD also. thanks for the hugs also I need them alot even if they are cyber hugs:)

i think the biggest thing for my kids to know that no matter if daddy is home or gone, they are still expected to behave. and that is hard right when they leave and its hard when they really start to miss them. and kids are all going to react differently to deployments i think its important to know how to deal with the reaction when it does happen. i know my youngest isn't wetting the bed on purpose but i still tell him its not ok to do that. i try not to say oh its ok i know you miss your dad. it might seem cold and mean but it works for my family. good luck girl and big big hugs

I know this is a old thread....but I just wanted to say thank you to all the ladies...we are dealing with this too right now and it is soooooo hard...it was great just to be able to read that I wasn't the only one is happened to. Would anyone like to throw in a update....did you all survive? Did the kids do OK?? Thanks really, thanks :)

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I immediately got him into therapy, and he also goes to group every other week with boys only his age, I have seen a bit of difference so far. he still gets angry and still hits and tares up his nascars (which is his favorite thing in the world) and it is because he shares his passion for Nascar with DH and now DH is gone. I recommend the counseling. I hope that things start looking up, it can be very stressful on us mothers basically being a single parents just SUCKS

as for advice... I have learned that no matter how many times he says he hates me, I say I love you back.... he still has time outs etc but I always go back every night and discuss with him why he got in trouble and ask him if he thinks we can have a better day tomorrow. Just take 1 day at a time, I'm here if you need to vent or need more advice. again :hugs

wow ok I did not read the whole thread or look at the date, but my offer still stands to anyone who needs an ear :giggle sometimes I am here but not really