Hi all,

First off, I stumbled upon this site a few weeks ago and had to join. This is perfect, especially for someone about to go through their 1st deployment (me). My bf and I have been together going on 3 months and weve been counting down the days until he gets deployed (next Thursday).

Things have been absolutely perfect until lately. I flew down to his base last weekend to see him before he left and thats when things started to get messy. He's not acting the same, very distant, detached and short tempered. Every night we are usually on the phone 2-3 hours and ever since last weekend, I'll be lucky if I get a phone call, and if I do, he doesnt really say much. I just dont get it, is this normal? Has this happened to any of you guys before? On top of dealing with not being able to see him for 15 months, this is making it 10x worse...I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying...

Any advice would be appreciated...

totally normal...guys before they deploy are left and right and up and down and allll over the place! Its kinda something you just have to deal with. Its not an excuse for him to be a totall ass or anything but imagine if you were going back to a place where you hated it and you wernt home and all of the other things that go with it. Have you said anything to him in a supportive way? like hey I have noticed a change in things...are you doing ok...what can I do for you?

MY BF was the same way before he left. I don't even think he knew. But, I knew it was going to be hard for him to go back. I just supported him as best I could. He's opened up a lot in the past 4.5 months since he's been there. Infact we just had our first relationship hiccup....its kinda o a good thing I guess to know that we can get over some growing pains while he is away. Know that we are here for you!!!! SOS Is a life saver

Thank you guys for being so nice...

Ive brought it up to him maybe two or three times asking him "is everything okay babe?", and the answer is always yes, I agree with you, I dont even think he realizes it. Weve talked about his fears for deployment, and his one concern is that he'll come back and not want a relationship anymore from being an emotional wreck from the war. To be honest, that scares the hell out of me too. I told him that I would rather wait for him and to see what happens instead of just throwing in the towel because of what MIGHT happen. It just hurts to hear him like this. I am glad that you guys said this was pretty normal behavior...Out of curiosity, how long was your DB/DH over there before you got your first call or email?

I heard from my man pretty soon after he got to Kuwait. BUT, the call centers there suck and I only heard a couple of times. Gosh I can't remember about emails now though??? Then same thing when he got to Taji in Iraq. He got an Iraq cell phone just before he left for his perm FOB so I am spoiled. We talk usually twice a week and I get about one email a week. I LOVE that he has a phone over there is sure had helped our relationship...that and he is a die hard Cowboys fan so when the Cowboys are playing we IM for the whole game....no matter what time it is over there. I LOVE it so what if its football that gets him to me LOL

I am so tempted (but I won't) to copy this post into an email and send it to DH and say "SEE WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!" My DH turned to a total shit (forgive the language). I flew across the fricken country to see him right before he flew and the whole time he made me feel like an annoyance. I flew back home crying the whole way. Day of his flight he called apologizing like crazy because he knew he was a shit. He's been sweat as ever again. It sucks but he'll change back. And yeah, your allowed to be pissed because it sucks.

Hi all,

First off, I stumbled upon this site a few weeks ago and had to join. This is perfect, especially for someone about to go through their 1st deployment (me). My bf and I have been together going on 3 months and weve been counting down the days until he gets deployed (next Thursday).

Things have been absolutely perfect until lately. I flew down to his base last weekend to see him before he left and thats when things started to get messy. He's not acting the same, very distant, detached and short tempered. Every night we are usually on the phone 2-3 hours and ever since last weekend, I'll be lucky if I get a phone call, and if I do, he doesnt really say much. I just dont get it, is this normal? Has this happened to any of you guys before? On top of dealing with not being able to see him for 15 months, this is making it 10x worse...I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying...

Any advice would be appreciated...

:hugs

Sorry I dont have any advice as Im going through the exact same thing..
I too am a total mess:tears:depressed:grumpy:vent and even a little:screwy.
Just hang in there and know your not alone and yes it is normal.
:bigsadhug

my db was was total opposite, he was sooo sweet to 10000th degree, but lot of other people get distant when the day of their deployment approaches..hang in there, it will turn out ok. promise! :)

Oh girl, this site is definitely for you. My SO completely stopped talking to me the day after we found out he was getting deployed. It was an abrupt ending to talking to the man I love every day and falling asleep on the phone together every night (something I used to laugh at other couples for doing). From what I gather this is a normal reaction. All I can say is hold on, but don't push. Keep loving, but don't beg. Keep hoping, and don't give up faith. Good luck to you. I'm sure it will work out. :)

Thank you guys for being so nice...

Ive brought it up to him maybe two or three times asking him "is everything okay babe?", and the answer is always yes, I agree with you, I dont even think he realizes it. Weve talked about his fears for deployment, and his one concern is that he'll come back and not want a relationship anymore from being an emotional wreck from the war. To be honest, that scares the hell out of me too. I told him that I would rather wait for him and to see what happens instead of just throwing in the towel because of what MIGHT happen. It just hurts to hear him like this. I am glad that you guys said this was pretty normal behavior...Out of curiosity, how long was your DB/DH over there before you got your first call or email?


Once my husband was out of state I heard from him in once and then another while out of country and then again when he got there BUT I was VERY lucki becuase DH's roommate had already been living there and had his room all set up and let DH use his laptop yahho phone to call me so I heard from him all the time. Dont let other peoples times influence you though. I know alot of girls that wont hear anything for a week to 2 weeks and its normal. They are doing ALOT when they first arive and are totally drained of energy and sleep alot