Just curious...

If you give birth to a preemie... and from the delivery, it's a very little chance that your baby is going to make it. Do you name it the name you really really really liked/had picked out/special name that gets passed down in your family/etc. knowing that they aren't going to make it? Or do you give them another name you like, but isn't your top pick, so that you can save that special name for a subsequent baby that you have later??

Because I'm thinking that I might want to save the name and give it to a child that I know is going to survive and be able to use that name... and me use it!... for the rest of their life.

absolutely! i would give the baby a name, they deserve an identity as well.

absolutely! i would give the baby a name, they deserve an identity as well.

:yes

You know...I think I would stick to the name we had decided on prior to the birth. I don't see how the child is any less special or any less a prt of the mother's life just because they were premature and "might" not make it? :puzz

Most definately. I would give the child the name that DH and I decided on naming him/her.

to me, it's makes no difference if that child has a chance or not. that child will ALWAYS be your child no matter what happens.

JMO~ I cant imagine changing my child's name just because there was a chance that he/she might not live.

Having a preemie, you dont think your child is "not going to make it" so therefor I would give my child the name we have "specially picked out" because that child is still your child even if it doesnt make it.

Having a preemie, you dont think your child is "not going to make it" so therefor I would give my child the name we have "specially picked out" because that child is still your child even if it doesnt make it.

agree... even though we were told a million times that Danica only had a 50/50 chance. It NEVER crossed our minds that we might lose her till the day that we did,

to me, it's makes no difference if that child has a chance or not. that child will ALWAYS be your child no matter what happens.

JMO~ I cant imagine changing my child's name just because there was a chance that he/she might not live.

Exactly, Donna (and Lord knows you've been there!).

to me, it's makes no difference if that child has a chance or not. that child will ALWAYS be your child no matter what happens.

JMO~ I cant imagine changing my child's name just because there was a chance that he/she might not live.

:agree

absolutely! i would give the baby a name, they deserve an identity as well.

You know...I think I would stick to the name we had decided on prior to the birth. I don't see how the child is any less special or any less a prt of the mother's life just because they were premature and "might" not make it? :puzz

to me, it's makes no difference if that child has a chance or not. that child will ALWAYS be your child no matter what happens.

JMO~ I cant imagine changing my child's name just because there was a chance that he/she might not live.


:yes :thumbsup

No matter what that baby is a living breathing soul and they deserve the same amount of love....including giving them the name you chose. Many speak to their children while invitro and they call them that name, why change it?? And what if they defied all odds and lived, how would you feel knowing you changed their name because you thought they may or may not make it......I know I would feel great guilt.

:yes :thumbsup

No matter what that baby is a living breathing soul and they deserve the same amount of love....including giving them the name you chose. Many speak to their children while invitro and they call them that name, why change it?? And what if they defied all odds and lived, how would you feel knowing you changed their name because you thought they may or may not make it......I know I would feel great guilt.

:yes

you name your baby IN utero... why wouldn't you keep that name for them after birth? just because they don't necessarily have a favorable chance of life doesn't mean that they don't deserve to have a name, an identity, etc... they are just as real as any other baby, regardless of how long they will or have lived.

I agree with the above.

plus say you saved that name for the next child that died in a horrific accident at age 5??? You never know what will happen when you give birth. So give the name you chose for that particular child.

Also, you might change the name when they are born because they dont look like "Catherine Elizabeth" or whatever you chose :dunno

:yes :thumbsup

No matter what that baby is a living breathing soul and they deserve the same amount of love....including giving them the name you chose. Many speak to their children while invitro and they call them that name, why change it?? And what if they defied all odds and lived, how would you feel knowing you changed their name because you thought they may or may not make it......I know I would feel great guilt.

I agree with you 100%. in fact, i posted something similarly :D (L)

I think the name you pick out before the child is even born is special to that child so yes I would name the child the name that was picked out. I plan on naming a child I have with the middle name from my grandmother, even if the child has a short chance of living she/he will always remain as a child as mine none the less. Death cant change anything.

Death only takes them away for a short time. When you see your child in the afterlife it will STILL be your child. Not some random baby you gave birth to and died. It was your blood and your DNA .. that holds special places in ones heart!

I agree with you 100%. in fact, i posted something similarly :D (L)

great minds think alike :yes :grin:

I'd stick with the name that was chosen.

I would definately give my baby the name we had chosen, whether born early,on time, or late. Any child can pass away at any time. I don't think a child should be named based on... well this one might not make it, better not give THEM that SPECIAL name. All children are special. A friend of mine had a still-born baby and they still gave that child the name they had chosen. That is the name they had called the baby the whole pregnancy, so that is the name they burried the baby with.

Why would you not be able to give the name to your future child if this baby does not make it? You will share your love with them, so why not have them share something special even though the baby has passed?

I would stick with the name I had picked UNLESS something that had more meaning and just fit better came to mind.

to me, it's makes no difference if that child has a chance or not. that child will ALWAYS be your child no matter what happens.

JMO~ I cant imagine changing my child's name just because there was a chance that he/she might not live.


This is how I feel.

I would stick with the name we had decided upon before the baby was born. That is his/her name and I would want them to have it and God forbid they pass on, the will be cherished in memories with that name.

I would give the baby the name that was picked out just for him or her. My daughter was a preemie and had a bunch of health issues. She was named Eleena Ruth for my great-great grandmother and my DH's great-grandmother. Even if I knew she wouldn't have made it (she did) that was still HER name.

absolutely! i would give the baby a name, they deserve an identity as well.

Absolutely!!

See, I'm not so sure I would even give a baby a picked out name if they had 110% chance of making it. Hubby and I have names that we like and agree on, but what if the name you picked out just doesn't seem to fit?

I have a feeling I'm going to change my mind on what to name my children a billion and a half times after they are born before I settle on one.

Maybe I'm just crazy though.

I would definitely keep the name that I was going to use to begin with. In my mind it gave my baby more a chance. (I had my daughter at 30 weeks She was born at 3lbs. 3ozs and got down to 2lbs 7ozs.)

I just talked to my mom about this, she's sitting here... She had a set of twin girls back in 1972, and she decided long before that, that her oldest daughter's name would be Tiffany...

The older of the twins died before they could be named, but my mom named her Tiffany anyways.. I never knew that about my mom..

Life is NEVER a guarantee and I think changing the "special" name of a child that was born too early is undermining that child as ur own. Just because that child doesnt make it doesnt mean that its any less ur child. It cheapens it somehow by saying "oh well, this baby is gonna die anyway, so lets name her Gertrude".

I'm actually kind of offended by the original post.

What happens if the baby is term and healthy and u give him/her that "special" name and something horrible happens before they are a year old? SIDS maybe? Would u think u "wasted" ur "special" name?

:gaah

OOHHH... I picked a special name for my 19 year old preemie and I am thankful I did. A child is a child.

You know...I think I would stick to the name we had decided on prior to the birth. I don't see how the child is any less special or any less a prt of the mother's life just because they were premature and "might" not make it? :puzz

I agree it seems almost wrong and self fulfilling to deny the child the special name just because it might not make it through. I would feel like I had not had enough faith if the child did pass if I did that.

I agree it seems almost wrong and self fulfilling to deny the child the special name just because it might not make it through. I would feel like I had not had enough faith if the child did pass if I did that.

That's exactly what I was trying to say. :yes

This thread has really bothered me. To me the original post comes off as if the baby that might not make is not special enough in the parents eyes. I dont know... maybe it's just me but the whole idea around the question just rubs me the wrong way.

This thread has really bothered me. To me the original post comes off as if the baby that might not make is not special enough in the parents eyes. I dont know... maybe it's just me but the whole idea around the question just rubs me the wrong way.

((((HUGS)))) I think it is just hard to read intent sometimes or things are worded in a way that can make it painful to the reader. I know this must of rubbed your raw wounds though. You are in my thoughts.

((((HUGS)))) I think it is just hard to read intent sometimes or things are worded in a way that can make it painful to the reader. I know this must of rubbed your raw wounds though. You are in my thoughts.

oh i know my experience plays a major role in how the thread came across to me.... but at the same time, I just cant see how a parent can change a child's name based on the sole reason that that child may not survive. :dunno

I would definitely give the baby the name we had planned on. I can't think of any reason why not to.

This thread has really bothered me. To me the original post comes off as if the baby that might not make is not special enough in the parents eyes. I dont know... maybe it's just me but the whole idea around the question just rubs me the wrong way.

:hugs

Donna it rubbed me the wrong way also.. I have been pregnant 5 times and 2 of my children survived.. I named EVERY ONE of my children.. I couldn't imagine not allowing them to have the name that I had picked for them..

Anyhow.. you aren't the only one who was really bothered by this

This thread has really bothered me. To me the original post comes off as if the baby that might not make is not special enough in the parents eyes. I dont know... maybe it's just me but the whole idea around the question just rubs me the wrong way.



i feel the same way
im sure the op wasnt expecting to "rub anyone the wrong way" but for some strange reason i started crying after reading this i was born premature and with a hole in my heart the size of a quarter...now think of how small a preemie is and how big a quarter is comapred to a babies heart...my parents were told they would be lucky if i made it to the end of the week...by the time i was supposed to be born (my original due date turned into my open heart surgery date) the hole had almost closed up but til this day its still not perfect...i cant imagine my parents naming me something different thinking they werent going to ahve me in there lives....21 years leater im still around

i wouldnt have my name if that was the theory my parents had
PS im named after my great great aunt...

I feel the orig post was sounding a bit selfish...not saying the OP is but the way it sounded was.

my son is Corran Fenix Nicholas he was born 2 weeks late and yet was still the sickest baby in the NICU. We calle dhim Corran Fenix everyday since we found out he was a he. Never once did I think that he did not "deserve" his special name. Thats all he knew himslf as...boy would he have been confused if he would have passed on...THANKFULY my boy is 3 and perfect!!

I feel it a bit selfish to not give a baby a particular "special name" bacause they may not make it. the baby is your baby forever and always. you name it what you name it...i think if you named your premie that "special name" and they dont make it makes it even more special!!

I doubt she meant it in a bad way. It was probably just something she was thinking about and was weighing what she could do but didn't know how to feel about since she hasn't gone through it. I'm sure now that she sees everyone's responses she will get a better grasp on what the situation feels like for someone going through it.

I would hate to see the OP demonized in any way for asking this question. It is a valid question that I'm sure people think about.

I doubt she meant it in a bad way. It was probably just something she was thinking about and was weighing what she could do but didn't know how to feel about since she hasn't gone through it. I'm sure now that she sees everyone's responses she will get a better grasp on what the situation feels like for someone going through it.

I would hate to see the OP demonized in any way for asking this question. It is a valid question that I'm sure people think about.


im sure your right i dont think it was meant to offend or hurt anyone...and it wasnt that she said it but that it made me think about if my parents had done that how much different my life would be its not only a name but its who i am ya know? had my parents ever gone a day thinking i wouldnt make it even though the doctors said i wouldnt...it just made me think thats all

I doubt she meant it in a bad way. It was probably just something she was thinking about and was weighing what she could do but didn't know how to feel about since she hasn't gone through it. I'm sure now that she sees everyone's responses she will get a better grasp on what the situation feels like for someone going through it.

I would hate to see the OP demonized in any way for asking this question. It is a valid question that I'm sure people think about.

:agree

especially teh bolded part.

We gave Brayden the named we had picked out for him from the time we knew he was going to be a boy. That was his name, in heaven or on earth. Someone in Dh's family actually suggested we could name DS #2 that also! :mumble:screwy

:unlove :heartbreaker That is possibly the saddest question ever....... I lost my first child but never even had the chance to name it ...... It suxed...... I'd have to say that if it were me I would give that child all the chances possible including the name .... there are other names but is there ever really a replacement for your child? sorry but IMO it should be your first born not the first healthy that would seem barbaric in a way.
:onsoapbox

you name your baby IN utero... why wouldn't you keep that name for them after birth? just because they don't necessarily have a favorable chance of life doesn't mean that they don't deserve to have a name, an identity, etc... they are just as real as any other baby, regardless of how long they will or have lived.

:yes

When I lost my 2nd pregnancy I still named the baby though I never saw him or held him. I don't even know if he was a boy but I thought he was and gave him the name I chose.

I totally agree, just because there is a chance that the baby may not make it doesn't mean that they don't deserve that name. What would happen if you didn't give it that name and then they did live? you would regret it.

In all honesty I had a lot of troubles with my pregnancies. I didnt name my kids until after they were born. I called them baby while in utreo. I was scared that something would happen and I would get to "use" the family name.

I would give the baby the name that it was meant to have...If we decided on a name for the baby before it was born then that is the name it would have.

I doubt she meant it in a bad way. It was probably just something she was thinking about and was weighing what she could do but didn't know how to feel about since she hasn't gone through it. I'm sure now that she sees everyone's responses she will get a better grasp on what the situation feels like for someone going through it.

I would hate to see the OP demonized in any way for asking this question. It is a valid question that I'm sure people think about.

It is a very valid question. That is so true. :no

*I don't have kids*
I think that sweet baby deserves that special name that you picked out just for them. I wouldn't feel right to me to give my other child the name that I had picked out for its sibling... ya know?
It would make me think of that lost baby...
And only make me sad anytime I'd look at the other child.

I would give the baby a name. The baby would be called that name for the rest of mine and DH's lives.
When I was pregnant with my DD we named her before we knew if she was going to be a girl or not. Once we knew she was a girl her name was set into stone. We were calling her by her name before she was born. By the time she was born that just who she was to us. Nothing will change that.

I would make her her own name like something that miracle defined who she is like mireya which means miracle in spanish

I can understand why people who had had or are a preemie/ had a miscarriage could be sensitive to the question, but I think it's a valid thing. I had to think about it.

If I was in that situation, I would give the baby a name. I'm not sure I would want to keep the one I picked out. I might feel that something like Faith or Grace is more fitting. If it was a miscarriage or stillbirth I wouldn't name the baby the name picked out because I would want to reuse it. I would probably use Angel or something like that. A preemie I would give the name I had picked out.

Maybe that sounds insensitive, but I don't mean it to be.

I would absolutely give the baby whatever name I had chosen for it.

I absolutely would.

I would give the baby the name we had picked out because that child will always be my child.

absolutely! i would give the baby a name, they deserve an identity as well.

:agree

you name your baby IN utero... why wouldn't you keep that name for them after birth? just because they don't necessarily have a favorable chance of life doesn't mean that they don't deserve to have a name, an identity, etc... they are just as real as any other baby, regardless of how long they will or have lived.

I have to agree with Bex on this one.

Now what I do disagree with is naming a baby that you miscarried at 9 weeks, and didn't know what the gender was. (That's what my son's stepmother did.)