My husband just came back from a 15 month long deployment in Iraq. He came home and everything was going great...or at least I thought it was. I went to his homecoming in Ft. Bragg and we were able to spend 1 week together. Well, now I am home and full of anxiety. (He won't be officially home to our duty station until another week).
Physically and intimately, every thing was great.
But now I'm starting to realize how emotionally disconnected I am with him. He was my best friend, but now it feels like he made new ones. He seems to be more excited to spend time with his friends than with me. I feel like we've lost the bond we had before he left. We both have changed so much, and it is scaring me! I've shared my feelings with him, and I think he is handling all this better than I am. He is there for me and encourages me to talk to him whenever I have any questions, but I need more support. Which is why I signed up with this site.
Any tips in dealing with the anxiety? Any tips in dealing with all this emotion? Any tips on how to rekindle the relationship?
This is our first deployment and because he deployed with another unit, I didn't have any FRG support or debriefing. Please help!

:welcome to SOS!

I don't know if i can give good advice, mine will be home in about 2 months from our first deployment. I was thinking that it sounds kinda normal that you are going through those things with him. It's been sooo long since y'all have spent alot of time together, so it seems normal that things might be a little wierd. I think it would be a good time for a lot of honesty and openness about it. Deployment is hell on relationships, and you can't do it alone. :hugs i hope things get back to normal soon! feel free to PM me if you ever just wanna vent or something!

I think its totally normal that your DH has made new friends. My DB was very excited to talk to his battle buddies on the phone and seemed unset and distance because they weren't there.

We've talked a lot, he's been through some rough patches and we constantly tell each other that we're glad we waited. I think DB just needs to settle back into your home and hometown and truly realize what he's been missing all this time. Though this may be sensitive, you might want to tell him how much you've missed him and that it wasn't easy - but on the bright side, you're glad he's back and safe in one piece.

Battle isn't easy and I'm sure that there are some emotional scares there. Don't be afraid to talk to him... but tread lightly!!! Good luck to you.... xoxo mowie

well he lived with them for 15 months and they've formed a bond that they'll always always have. give it some time. He'll loosen up, but it wont happen over night. It is just like meeting a new person when they've spent some time over there.He said he changed and he didnt even realize he changed or that he was changing. me and my dh it took over a week before we even had sex. I was expecting him to be soooooooo excited to see me but it was the opposite at first and this was not our first deployment. Desert deployments are different.. he was different everything about it was different but we made it through and now things are fine. Im sure you will too.

You ladies were all right. I think I just needed to chill, talk to him a lot about my feelings, and give it a little time. Exactly 2 weeks have passed and we are just about back to the way things were. Thanks for all your responses.
Love and appreciation :hehe

He does want to be around them more kinda, they understand what he's just been through. He doesn't have to explain everything to them b/c they know b/c they were there. That's not saying that he doesn't love you, he just needs time to get to know you again. And you both HAVE changed, so instead of mourning the old relationship, look at it as dating someone new. That could be really exciting. They have these books "101 questions. They are really good b/c they post questions you'ld never think to ask each other. And can help you reconnect. I had to give my guy permission to tell me about the stuff he went through b/c he didn't want to worry me or have me think less of him. Have fun dating again & make sure he spoils you & vise versa.

It is really good to hear that you made it through that tough situation...I can't even imagine...a 15 month deployment is ridiculous! I'm so happy for you that things are better. Gives me hope that things will be okay for us all!

Wives get PTSD too. You have been through a very stressful, life altering event. Don't be afraid to get professional help.

i think its normal for that stuff to happen. i havent completed my first deployment yet but those guys are the guys that helped keep him alive these last 15 months. they are gonna be his best friends. he just has to adjust to everything give him sometime. dont jump to conclusions yet. he has only been home a little while. if you still notice things in a couple months then talk to him or someone else but give him the time he needs. the recruiters around here i know say the first little bit they do wanna spend time either at home asleep or with their battle buddies until everyone readjust to being home. it will be ok just hang in there

I understand what you're going through. Scott came home August 31 from a 15 month deployment, and it's been very difficult at times.

I love all the guys in his platoon, as my girls and I grew attached to them, as well, while they were deployed by sending them things, talking to them on myspace, etc.

I am so happy that he has formed some great attachments with several of them, so he has them to talk to about what he's feeling, going through, etc. But I will admit a tiny part of me sometimes feels hurt when I overhear him telling one of them something on the phone about how he's having a hard time, but yet it's the first I've heard of it. :confuzzle

I just try really hard to give him his space and let him talk to me about things when he's ready to. We have talked about some things, and he honestly doesn't realize his "distance" at times with me. He has his good days, and then he has his days when he's very quiet, does his "alone" type of things. I just try to keep myself busy, so it doesn't make me crazy.

Try not to take it personally........as long as he knows you are there for him, he appreciates that more than anything.:hug

You ladies were all right. I think I just needed to chill, talk to him a lot about my feelings, and give it a little time. Exactly 2 weeks have passed and we are just about back to the way things were. Thanks for all your responses.
Love and appreciation :hehe

That's great! Sometimes all it takes is a little time, patience and communication! Glad things are working out!!

i think in time things will get back to as normal as they can be...you guys have to get to know each other again...15months is a long time, and it will take some time for things to even out