OK so DB has a nine year old daughter. Before he deployed his X (they haven't been together in 8 years) was deployed so when i did meet and get to know the little one it was when DB had her fulltime. I really don't know her mom very well. DB wanted me to be involved even when he is deployed espcially since I plan to relocate with him (her mom and little one will relocate too) when he gets back. It just made sense for me to maintain some relationship. Well mom doesn't want me around at all (DB has never had a woman involed with his daughter when he is deployed). Now I am stuck. I refuse to fight with her about it. He wants to push her to let little one spend some time with me w/o mom. I miss the girl!!! Now even our mutual friends who have children she has played with are side stepping me because it is so obvious there is tension between the mom and me. I hate it. I told him maybe we shoudl drop it for this first deployment but he thinks that only his daughter will be hurt by that and that we need to put her first. I'm afraid mom might say negative things about me to little one if we push her too hard.....I'm stuck!!!! Thoughts??? No, I don't have any kids of my own so I don't know how it feels to be mom.

I'm in the same exact boat as you are! My DH's ex never lets me see his 4 kids when he's on deployments. I'm able to have a little contact with the 16yr old and the 12yr old but not his 10yr old twins. The two older ones have myspace pages. It sucks but there isn't anything I can do about it. I know how you feel. When DH is home, I can spend time with them and bond and just when things are going good, DH deploys again. Its like starting all over again trying to bond with them when he gets home. Not to mention his ex is a wicked b**** and badmouths both me and my DH to the kids all the time.

You should drop it, ultimately it is her daughter too. Like you said this is new to her too. There is no reason to push a relationship. maybe just let her know that you want to be able to call her every so often or send a card or letter. But I can see why she might be hesitant to send her over there unsupervised.

You should drop it, ultimately it is her daughter too. Like you said this is new to her too. There is no reason to push a relationship. maybe just let her know that you want to be able to call her every so often or send a card or letter. But I can see why she might be hesitant to send her over there unsupervised.

I'm not asking to have her come to my place (I live an hour away) just take her to dinner and a movie.....I do see her at soccer games about once a month which I DVD for DB. But, her mom is obviously always there.

I'm not asking to have her come to my place (I live an hour away) just take her to dinner and a movie.....I do see her at soccer games about once a month which I DVD for DB. But, her mom is obviously always there.

the best way is to also forge a relationship with her. make her feel comfortable. I know if i was in that situation I might be more inclined if i was more involved. If you want to take your SDD to dinner invite her mother too.

Well if you are going to the soccer games maybe try to talk to the Mom a bit offer to make copies of the DVD's for her to if she would like and maybe say something like I would love to come and take <kids name> to the movies or something if you would like some time to do Christmas shopping or other errands. If he pushes to hard it will only make it worse for the kid

Ultimately I agree I wouldn't push, definetly sucks sine your DB has such a long deployment. My ex (non military) had a kid and fortunately the mom was cool but she still had her moments, but I also have girlfriends on the other side so I was always careful to tread lightly and always seek the moms OK on stuff just so she was aware I wasn't interested in being the new "mom" and that I did have her kids best interest at heart.

Good Luck