Today my db called...he starting saying that he found out that he might have to get deployed again after he comes home within 6 months or so, and that he doesn't want to make my life miserable etc. I was like huh???:wow:wow He mentioned the fact that we met shortly before he left and that we really did not know each other that well or that he is not sure that he LOVES me, because how can we be sure if we met shortly before he left..:confused:confused:tired I couldn't talk. Basically I just told him that he is NOT ruining my life, that I knew what I was getting into and with the LOVE thing... I said that of course I know that we will know each other when he comes home, but common!:vent I told him not to think of it too much. Well, or he said that I don't have to write as many letters. I sent a LOT of letters, cause I wanted him to be happy.:dunno:dunno

He was the one that said that he loved me before he left! I know that we will know each other when he gets home, but I don't have a problem with it.:dunno

I told him that its up to him, not to worry about the future. The thing is, he feels the same about me as he did when we met, but he said that he thinks its too early to say i love you. :dunno

We will see.. I think that he was looking too much into the future and maybe got scared?:dunno Some of my friends are like, TOLD YA IT WON'T LAST!!:vent:wowsers:no

I sent him LAST letter for now:

Thank you for being honest with me on the phone. I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to bother you with the letters or the packages. I wanted you to be happy and know that people think of you here. I didn't know how to approach this deployment, so sending you the letters felt like something to do! I don't know what will happen in the future but I wanted to give US a try because I like you. I know that you are Marine, might get deployed again, but still I wanted to try. I have no idea what will happen in the future, so I won't worry. If you feel differently about me, let me know. I care about you very much and want you to be happy, no matter what. That's all hon. :)

I know that we will get to know each other when he comes home, but we were fine until now..almost 5 months...wth?:dunno

We ended the convo on a good note, but I will not send him any letters, nothing. I want him to think about what HE wants. I really care about him and I don't want to push him into anything. I know that he is a military guy and I want him...:(

:hugs I don't know what to say, except that I hope this all gets sorted out for you.

:hugs :hugs

It'll be okay, hun.

Maybe he's just stressed.

that's a really hard situation...just keep telling him how much you care and that you aren't going anywhere...i think a lot of SOs go to this place because they feel like they are cheating you out of something better...stick with it and they get over it! :hugs

:hugehug
We began having a discussion sorta like this earlier. I think that they all get insecure during these deployments, some get confused and he may be unsure about the future in other ways and does not want to frighten you with those issues so he may be making the excuse of "not knowing eachother " he is a marine and I'm guessing he's in the mission zones? That is enough to scare the hell out of him. I am sorry for the thoughts he has given you too ponder on, I would out of respect for him, still send letters just maybe not so many, you could still write to him and maybe hold some back with you for when he comes home. If you truly beleive it is ment to be , it will be. Being a military s/o is not easy for any of us but you can do it.
I will keep your relationship in my thoughts and prayers. stay strong!!

let it work it self out when it comes to those kinds of relationships its common for guys to "freak out"

UGHH I GET LIKE THAT TOO SOMETIMES:( DH and I have the whole military relationship to a T. We met, dated, got married, then they sent him off. DH says he is 100% sure he is ready to be with me, but some days i think "well how can you KNOW you want to be with me when you've only known me for such a short amount of time!?". It just baffles me that someone is so ready to make a decision that will affect the rest of their life based on 5 months of knowledge (DH and I dated for 5 months before getting married- not necesarilly relating to you) And the answer DH always gives me is "I just know, I feek it in my heart, and I know this is what I want", and it makes sense...love is a powerful thing. I agree with you 100%. I love it that you respected him for communicating his concerns, and his fears, and i LOVE it that you didn't attack him. Many girls would have felt "rejected" with that information and you did not take it that way, and that is SO GOOD! I would do the SAME thing you are going to do...i would just back off, and let him decide, because you need to know if this is what HE really wants...because the relationship really must be both people working. He needs to know for himself.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!

aw hun im sorry :hugs I definitely have seen this a lot on here, it seems like it happens to a lot of guys. I mean when i think about it, it has to be a strange feeling knowing that someone is "waiting" for you for all that time and in a situation where a real/close relationship isnt possible. I think the fact that you had just met not long before he left is making him feel more guilty in a way about "making" you wait. Although db and i had met back in April, we did not decide to become exclusive until about 2 months before he was set to leave and i remember him saying that he had wanted to be exclusive but didnt want it to seem like he was trying to "lock me down" before he left. I just assured him i knew how i felt and i knew the sacrifice, and was willing to make that to give US a chance. I think what you said was great... just let him know you are aware of the sacrifices but still want to be with him, but that you want a reciprocal relationship. I hope things work out! let me know if you wanna talk!

wow hun, i'm sorry...that is a really difficult position to be in. But i give you a lot of credit for being so strong and level-headed about it. You seem confident in who you are and what you want...but i understand waiting for him to get on board is tough. Getting inside his head and heart is frustrating when he's in this situation. Just like they don't really understand the "waiting", we will never really understand being the deployed one.

i wish you the best...and hope things are resolved very soon :hugs

yeah tonight I kinda had the same conversation..it sucks but hopefully we'll make it through. i can't imagine life without him!

thank you guys for nice responses.:) right now I have no idea what will happen. I mean, we ended the convo with, we will see what will happen, but I just am sad that after almost 5 months of this he is realizing this...up until now it was , oh i miss you so much, cant wait to see you. He was the one assuring me in one of his last letters that he loves me so much that he can't even express it..:sigh...but if we are not meant to be, i will have to accept it. :(

AWW thats so sweet.

Kinda makes me worry now though.... My and my BF met shortly befor he was deployed and basicly our whole relationship has been over what phone calls we get.....
I hope that he does not say this to me....
We dont say we love eachother cuz I dont want to say it till i mean it with every inch of my body. I care about him and would do anything...
He always tells me that its ok if i find some one else that he wont be mad and stuff and it frusterates me cuz yeah there is stuff I dont know about him but its going to make it that much more amazing when he gets home. I think i have accualy learned more by just talking too him on the phone then i would if he was home.....

I think everything will be ok just let him know you care and its ok if its not love yet you have time to grow and you are just here for him no matter what...

Good luck hun

Whoa....I would be like wtf too...I mean why would he bring this up NOW?! after hes been there for soo long? I agree with you tho, I wouldn't send any more letters...give him a chance to miss you!!!! Maybe he hasn't had a chance to do that yet since you are sending him a lot of letters and stuff ( i mean don't get that the wrong way, im sure he misses you, but give him a chance to be like what the hell why am i not getting any more letters) i hope I am making sense...I think you're last letter sounded really good and I hope things work out for you...but you're right when you say if its not meant to be then you have to accept it...:hugehug

:hugehug

I think you're being very mature and doing all that you can do. Perhaps you are right, he may have been thinking too much (they tend to do that with down time over there). Give him his space, he'll realize.

We are here for you!! :grouphug

i hope it will work out..relationships are hard enough but to add a deployment i cant imagine..my boyfriend and i have only went through about 5-6 different schools this year and that was hard for us but i think it only made us stronger.

it's sounds like someone gave him the news about deploying again, and he is freaking out. In reality it is more likely a reaction to that and not to you personally.

I think you have the right approach though: letting him know you're there for him and stepping back a little bit. If it's meant to be, he'll come around! Good luck girl, I know that must have been a hard conversation to have :(

"Many girls would have felt "rejected" with that information and you did not take it that way, and that is SO GOOD! I would do the SAME thing you are going to do...i would just back off, and let him decide, because you need to know if this is what HE really wants...because the relationship really must be both people working. He needs to know for himself."

GOOD FOR YOU!!!

I second this comment. You did a great job in your "mature" reply. Keep supporting him and loving him, "Love Conquers All".

Elena

it's sounds like someone gave him the news about deploying again, and he is freaking out. In reality it is more likely a reaction to that and not to you personally.

I think you have the right approach though: letting him know you're there for him and stepping back a little bit. If it's meant to be, he'll come around! Good luck girl, I know that must have been a hard conversation to have :(

Exactly what I was thinking!
Just give him some space but don't completely cut him out.
I'm so sorry sweetie! :hgus

Hey gal. If I read your post right, he's coming home soon but will probably go out again shortly after that. Correct? If so, there are some things I want to point out and suggest. First - I agree with other girls...keep writing him...just not as much....or you could save some of the letters to send with him for his next deployment. Second - Im going to assume he's in a mission zone...which means he's seen things you and I can't even imagine. The thought of going from that world back into 'ours' can be very frightening. Be patient with him. Third - Men like to fix things. Its their nature. Remind him that you care about him and that its your choice as to whether or not you want to deal with the lifestyle that comes with being with him. Perhaps share the "When a Woman Marries a Military Man" listing with him. :) DBF was freaking about me being so calm about his decision...and when I had him read that he said ok and hasnt mentioned it again. I told him if it became too much to deal with I would tell him, but that I had a great support system in place. Just stay strong for yourself first and then for him...know that YOU will be ok regardless of what he decides....and remember we're all here for you.