put this in debates becuase it could get bad...

The guy I am dating just told me that he things same-sex marriage should be illegal.

Those who know me KNOW that I am sooo pro rights for all groups. I think same-sex marriage should ABSOLUTELY be legalized.

when I asked his reasoning he said "its against the bible and this country was founded opon the bible and its views"

when I told him this country was founded on religious freedoms and the founders declared a separation of church and state he was like "i will stand by my beliefs"


how can I stay with this person!? do you think couples should be able to get past these very basic differences?

I think it depends on how strongly each of you feels. I know that personally I could never be with someone who felt that way but it is one of my soapboxes, something I feels extremely pasionate about. But DB & I have very different views on things like immigration, welfare and taxes- fourtunatly neither one of us are fanatics about either of these topics so we just agree to disagree. Good luck sorting this one out- hopefully he will get his head at least slightly out of his butt about this one.

he even said his uncle is gay.

I am floored. absolutely floored. I mean I thought he was different.

it is something I feel so passionately about. :(

You have to learn to pick your battles. If I was you I would think, will I be happy for the rest of my life with the way he thinks? is it going to affect my happiness? I know at least me, I would not be happy if I was with someone who didn't belive in God because I really live my life around my Christianity. So if this is something that you could live with and still be happy I don't see why it would be such a big problem but if you know it will affect you then I would rethink everything.

ultimately it is up to you to decide if you want to stay with him. however i do not see differing opinions on this particular subject as a deal breaker like i would say you want kids and he doesn't (just an example) kwim? perhaps he had a bad experience with gay people and that's where his feelings stem from? have you sat down and actually discussed WHY he feels that way?

Also Ash you have to remember that's the way he thinks and this is the way you think. You would not be happy if he trys to change your views. I'm not saying you are trying to change the way he thinks but you might want to think of this this way.

Me & my Dh view a lot of issues differently. We like to sit and have debates over it. That's worked out well for us so far, nothing has gotten ugly.

Actually, the majority of this countries founding fathers were deists who believed in the existence of A God from a philosophical, rational and personal experience.

The notion that this country was founded on the ideals of the bible is... something only perpetuated by the religious right in this nation. But, call me :screwy Just like our founding fathers never expected our constitution to remain largely unchanged from then to now, and be so incredibly difficult to change, and evolve... but that is another discussion.

Point being....I would lovingly urge your man to do some research on those beliefs he is fervently standing by, paying special attention to the foundation upon which they are resting... because he could have the wind totally knocked out of his sails.

I agree with the previous poster in that it depends upon how strongly each of you feels. Also whether or not that is going to be a sticking point in your relationship. It is now about same sex marriage you disagree... but what if it moves into other things?

Differences are what makes each person and each relationship unique, but at a very basic level, for two people to get along, and not be in constant conflict, they must share similar ideals and principles.

YOU have to decide if this, or what it could become is a deal breaker.

Actually, the majority of this countries founding fathers were deists who believed in the existence of A God from a philosophical, rational and personal experience.

The notion that this country was founded on the ideals of the bible is... something only perpetuated by the religious right in this nation. But, call me :screwy Just like our founding fathers never expected our constitution to remain largely unchanged from then to now, and be so incredibly difficult to change, and evolve... but that is another discussion.

Point being....I would lovingly urge your man to do some research on those beliefs he is fervently standing by, paying special attention to the foundation upon which they are resting... because he could have the wind totally knocked out of his sails.

I agree with the previous poster in that it depends upon how strongly each of you feels. Also whether or not that is going to be a sticking point in your relationship. It is now about same sex marriage you disagree... but what if it moves into other things?

Differences are what makes each person and each relationship unique, but at a very basic level, for two people to get along, and not be in constant conflict, they must share similar ideals and principles.

YOU have to decide if this, or what it could become is a deal breaker.

ita. you have to decide if it's something you can move past, or something that's just going to keep bugging you. dh and i have VASTLY different views on some issues that are very important to me - but i think i do pretty well at not letting it get to me, because i love him and i want the relationship to work. but if you can't put your differing opinions out of your mind to let the relationship in, it won't work. esp. if he is very set in his views and won't even discuss/debate with you. imo.

james carville and mary matalin do it, i have hope :lol

It just blows my mind. He says his uncle is gay but that he truly feels being gay is wrong and against the bible.

It just really made me sad. There are people who believe he and I should not be allowed to date, but he wouldn't want that to happen

Actually, the majority of this countries founding fathers were deists who believed in the existence of A God from a philosophical, rational and personal experience.

The notion that this country was founded on the ideals of the bible is... something only perpetuated by the religious right in this nation. But, call me :screwy Just like our founding fathers never expected our constitution to remain largely unchanged from then to now, and be so incredibly difficult to change, and evolve... but that is another discussion.

Point being....I would lovingly urge your man to do some research on those beliefs he is fervently standing by, paying special attention to the foundation upon which they are resting... because he could have the wind totally knocked out of his sails.

I agree with the previous poster in that it depends upon how strongly each of you feels. Also whether or not that is going to be a sticking point in your relationship. It is now about same sex marriage you disagree... but what if it moves into other things?

Differences are what makes each person and each relationship unique, but at a very basic level, for two people to get along, and not be in constant conflict, they must share similar ideals and principles.

YOU have to decide if this, or what it could become is a deal breaker.


Couldn't agree more.

thanks for the replies, girls. can a mod change the title to say differently if you see this.. it is driving me NUTS

DH and I disagree on a few subjects and we both are very adament in our stands. We know that it will cause a fight so we rarely talk about them. We really have tried and it begins civil but never lasts long. It does us good to debate every now and again. I choose my battles and unless it is something that can't be pushed away then I think it could work. I mean if he threw up his opinion all the time and put you down etc then I can see how that could be a deal breaker. I really hope you the best Ash, you deserve it!

Meh, DH and I have VERY different views on several big issues (including gay rights/marriage) and we have been married for 7 years now. There are just issues we know we have to agree to disagree on for the sake of our realtionship.

He is certainly willing to debate with me.
talking politics is soo important to me.

it appears his religion and the bible is super important to him, so that could be bad :lol

DH and I disagree on a few subjects and we both are very adament in our stands. We know that it will cause a fight so we rarely talk about them. We really have tried and it begins civil but never lasts long. It does us good to debate every now and again. I choose my battles and unless it is something that can't be pushed away then I think it could work. I mean if he threw up his opinion all the time and put you down etc then I can see how that could be a deal breaker. I really hope you the best Ash, you deserve it!

thanks girl :hugs

Maybe you both will have a very lively relationship!! :D
Hey, Maria Shriver and Arnold make it :giggle
He better get with it, if he stays with you he may end up being the 1st Man to President Ash! Im telling you girl, you are going places! :hugs

I think it depends on how strongly each of you feels.


I agree 100%.. Ya know I don't think I care either way on that subject, but I (L) you and I know you'll do the right thing on either decision, I think if you guys realllllly want to work it out, you could most definitely put this topic out of the way.. :yes

:dunno
I think it makes a relationship interesting. As long as you know where it stops and dont let it rule your relationship.

Jason and I are polar opposites when it comes to almost anything political, a lot of child rearing issues, a lot or moral issues and well... pretty much EVERYTHING :lmao But, somehow, these differences have not broken us and really don't cause as much friction as one would think because we pick our battles. we don't avoid discussing important issues but we have an understanding that we are very different on a lot of levels and if we want to make our marriage work, we will have to pick which issues become battles and arguments.

Vehemently disagreeing doesn't mean you can't be in love or make a relationship work. It's how much you let your differences drive you apart and come between you that will ruin the relationship.

I think you need a basic foundation to build on. You can't have a relationship with someone that you have NOTHING in common with, but I do believe you can make a marriage work, even with big obstacles.

He is certainly willing to debate with me.
talking politics is soo important to me.

it appears his religion and the bible is super important to him, so that could be bad :lol

Just make sure that he's sure he knows what he is defending when he is basing his arguments on the bible. Encourage him to research all viewpoints... (even ones he does not agree with) so he can see the other side... One of my biggest pet peeves is when people shoot back a response of "because the bible says" when they really have no clue of what the bible says, or meant to say, or could say in the context of certain situations... it is not as black and white, cut and dry as many people would like to and are led to believe, IMO.

For example, being gay may be against the bible, but "gay-ness" has been found all throughout the animal kingdom... Humans just don't like really to acknowledge that, because we like to somehow believe that we are "better" than being a "lowly animal"...

The notion that this country was founded on the ideals of the bible is... something only perpetuated by the religious right in this nation.



i told him that he was wrong. :lol

He was trying to do a GOOD thing and get into a political discussion with me because it is my passion and it took a turn to what he was not planning, I bet I scared him.. He should not have challenged me on constitutional knowledge.. I mean I wouldn't challenge him on exercise info.. (exercise science major :lol)

I don't understand what the bible has to do with the constitution.

I could totally buy him saying he doesnt want it in his church, but in the laws, I don't buy it.

THe problem is also, though, that I feel all people deserve marriage rights. It breaks my heart he feels this way :unlove

You don't have to agree on everything as long as you are both able to respect the other's right to their beliefs - make sense?

this is a tough question. yes, i think you can still have a relationship, but you either need to broaden each other's horizons or choose your battles as cori said. personally i am very liberal and have always dated liberal guys. my dh is liberal and we have roughly the same views. you'll never agree on everything but it's up to you how strongly you feel and how much effort you want to put in your arguement. it could end up being a positive experience for you both! but remember, you can't change him....but you can educate him :D

i told him that he was wrong. :lol

He was trying to do a GOOD thing and get into a political discussion with me because it is my passion and it took a turn to what he was not planning, I bet I scared him.. He should not have challenged me on constitutional knowledge.. I mean I wouldn't challenge him on exercise info.. (exercise science major :lol)

I don't understand what the bible has to do with the constitution.

I could totally buy him saying he doesnt want it in his church, but in the laws, I don't buy it.

THe problem is also, though, that I feel all people deserve marriage rights. It breaks my heart he feels this way :unlove

:yes you probably scared him... blew his world away... how dare you :teehee

The Bible has nothing to do with the constitution. We, in modern times, have MADE the bible have something to do with the constitution. AND made the government have a say in how we practice religion... and both are equally sad.

also not saying you do this ash but don't try to make him feel stupid for his views, encouraging him to research different sources and what not is wonderful but make sure you approach it correctly

see, he is liberal usually. This blew my mind, I didn't know he was like this on that issue.

I am gonna be the odd duck out but When DH and I were dating and he wasn't in step with my faith, he would have been by the wayside fast! If this is something you and he are unwilling to compromise or even discuss, then I don't see it working.

BTW, because he doesn't agree with the liberal side, doesn't make him bad. I stay out of the gay discussions because I don't agree with it. I am not judge and jury of the world.

To each their own I guess. Good luck though.

also not saying you do this ash but don't try to make him feel stupid for his views, encouraging him to research different sources and what not is wonderful but make sure you approach it correctly

I don't want him to feel stupid for his views at all.
I want him to feel intolerant, but not dumb, jk. sort of.

I want him to feel dumb about thinking the Bible and Constitution should hold hands.

THe thing is, he is being ridiculous. OUR relationship would have been illegal in many places as recent as 40 years ago. That would suck. I dont get why he would want to subject people who are in love to that.

It depends on how important that subject is to you. I don't believe couples have to agree about everything. There is plenty of stuff John and I don't agree about. And there is plenty of stuff we do. The stuff we don't though isn't so important that it would jeopardize our relationship. There is 1 specific area that I grew up believing 1 thing and was brought up the complete opposite. It was pretty important to me so we dicussed it. While I don't agree with his views, after learning why he believes what he does, I really can't blame him.

james carville and mary matalin do it, i have hope :lol

It just blows my mind. He says his uncle is gay but that he truly feels being gay is wrong and against the bible.

It just really made me sad. There are people who believe he and I should not be allowed to date, but he wouldn't want that to happen

I think it's perfectly fine for couples to have differing opinions about topics.....as long as you respect your s/o enough not to hold their opinion against them.

As far as his uncle being Gay......that has nothing to do with gay marriage. His Uncle is Gay.....he still loves his uncle - it doesn't mean that he has to agree with the way his uncle is living his life.

Honestly, I think the only thing that should keep you from being with someone are if you disagree strongly on things that would personally affect your life together. Such as wanting children, marriage, religion, what kind of lifestyle(moneywise) you want to live, etc. Gay marriage doesn't directly affect you so I think you can both have your views and be okay, unless it really changes your view on him and you think he's a bad person or something.

Me and DH have different views on almost everything...but when it comes to issues that do't directly affect our relationship I know that everyone has there own opinion and at the end of the day I still love the man and I let it go. :giggle. When it comes to things that DO affect it (like parenting or faithfulness) we talk it out and compromise.

I can see where you are coming from Ash, and I won't go into it here because I don't want to offend anyone. I will say that I would have just as big a problem with it as you do. All I can say is talk to him and try to find out where it stems from. If he is normally liberal then I would think there is something else going on that influences that one view that doesn't fall in line with liberal beliefs.

Maybe you both will have a very lively relationship!! :D
Hey, Maria Shriver and Arnold make it :giggle
He better get with it, if he stays with you he may end up being the 1st Man to President Ash! Im telling you girl, you are going places! :hugs

I completely agree! :hugs

Mike and I at the beginning of our relationship differed on this issue. We had lots of great debates about it. One thing that has always intrigued me about our relationship is our different viewpoints on some issues.

i think it's not really the subject that should be an issue in your relationship, i mean same sex marriage rights won't really affect the relationship... but it's the attitude behind it. Like i don't think i could be with someone that closed minded on issues like that. Is that the only issue he feels that way about? For me, i'm more religious than DB, but I feel that's okay because we are both very open-minded when we talk about stuff like that, and we listen to eachother's arguments even if we think they're full of crock. Just my opinion.

On the issue in question, i don't really vote or judge candidates on the issue, because it's not important to me personally. i feel though that people should not be treated less than human because they are different.. so i guess i'm pro marriage rights...

he and I talked more.

I am just not sure what is going on in his head. He things abortions should be legal, socialized health care, etc.

Illegal Immigrants he has an issue with, but when I told him the best way to take care of the "problem" is to create an affordable, manageable path to citizenship he agreed. We live in an area that has a LOT of illegals, and his viewpoint is the norm. That doesnt bother me, to each his own.

My best friend in this world is gay. He and I have been friends for several years and have been through hell and back as friends. He had a leukemia last year, he just got out of a nearly 3 year relationship this year. It is a lot of heavy stuff. I was talking to him about all of this last night and he said "i think he is an asshole. but do what you think makes you happy." but I am worried that in reality, he will think less of me for dating B even when he things my best friend doesnt deserve marriage rights.

I am still very much torn and really appreciate everyone's input. The thing I need to keep in my mind, I think, is that B is not that political at all anyway. I doubt he has taken the time to shape his own views on some things and maybe I should focus on helping him educate himself.

IMO Things would be dull if we agreeed on evrything. It just depends on how strongly you felt. We compromise or agree to disagree and move on. If it's a topic that we are toucy about we change the subject. :dunno

IMO Things would be dull if we agreeed on evrything. It just depends on how strongly you felt. We compromise or agree to disagree and move on. If it's a topic that we are toucy about we change the subject. :dunno

I just think always changing the subject during the hard conversations makes a relationship very superficial.

My DH & I disagree on all kinds of things. There are things that I believe in so strongly that we dont discuss it because in the end it has nothing to do with "US."

After almost 15 years of being together, I know which topics to stay away from. One is politics.

Then I say...if your questioning a relationship over something that has nothing to do with your relationship, there might be more problems. If it was $ or Sex, I can see it being a problem - but same-sex marriages naw.

Someone else posted "pick your battle" - which makes for good advise.

My DH and I dont veiw things differently at all. we are both so stuborn I dont think we could ever be married if we butted heads like that

I just think always changing the subject during the hard conversations makes a relationship very superficial.

I agree. I also think that a difference in opinion can make for a lively and stimulating conversation.

That said, you feel very strongly about politics - it's your career choice. I can understand you wanting to be with someone like minded where it comes to political stances at least. I guess it's up to you to decide whether his stance on gay rights is a deal breaker or just something to discuss further/avoid in the future. Noone can make that decision for you.

put this in debates becuase it could get bad...

The guy I am dating just told me that he things same-sex marriage should be illegal.

Those who know me KNOW that I am sooo pro rights for all groups. I think same-sex marriage should ABSOLUTELY be legalized.

when I asked his reasoning he said "its against the bible and this country was founded opon the bible and its views"

when I told him this country was founded on religious freedoms and the founders declared a separation of church and state he was like "i will stand by my beliefs"


how can I stay with this person!? do you think couples should be able to get past these very basic differences?


I'm not reading any responses before I give you my initial thought.
ME PERSONALLY could not ever be with someone who thought that. I say that b/c someone IMO with that train of thought will have more then just that one issue with me and I could not see myself raising a child with someone who thought that way. I know it's harsh and mean but if you know me then you'll know WHY I feel that way. OK off to read the responses :)

I just think always changing the subject during the hard conversations makes a relationship very superficial.

There is a difference between changing the topic during a hard conversation and changing the topic when you're discussing something that you've already established that you both have strong feelings about and that they'll never change. If a certain subject has been proven to end in a disagreement or argument every time it comes up, maybe it is best for the relationship if you stop rehashing the same over and over again.

If it was something I felt really strongly about and my partner would make disparaging remarks, that would get under my skin. There some things I feel passionately about that I won't compromise myself on. Butting heads, constantly, can takes its toll.

Yeah... just because he has different views on one thing that really honestly doesnt have any sort of role in your relationship shouldnt make you guys split up. It's not like it's a conversation that comes up nightly or a problem that is major to your relationship.

It's his own personal oppinion and you're allowed to have yours.. if you're wondering "how can I stay with this person?" that has different views then you shouldnt be with that person to start with. You're going to have different views... doesnt mean you cant get past them like water under the bridge.

ok After reading the whole thread I'll give my 2 cents aside from I said before..
In my marriage Matt and I disagree on ALOT of things. BUT this is not a small thing to disagree on at least IMO. And you have to decide how much of a hot button issue this is to you. TO ME this is a VERY HUGE issue for me. It's one that I don't often debate b/c I get mad FAST so could I ever get past someone thinking that way no. If I was just friends sure I could ignore and not let it come up but in an initmate relationship with someone I might possibly marry and rear children with one day. Then no I could NOT get past it.

Then I say...if your questioning a relationship over something that has nothing to do with your relationship, there might be more problems. If it was $ or Sex, I can see it being a problem - but same-sex marriages naw.

Someone else posted "pick your battle" - which makes for good advise.

Her political beliefs have everything to do with WHO SHE IS though. That is her chosen career, and something she is very passionate about. Just because she isn't gay doesn't mean she should abandon any of her beliefs just to be with someone if it is a problem. Gay rights isn't just a gay issue to a lot of us, it's a human rights issue. It goes a lot deeper than gay or straight.

I just think always changing the subject during the hard conversations makes a relationship very superficial.

well i think that part of what makes a relationship interesting is learning and discovering you disagree on things. now what you need to ask is does this have an immeditate effect on me at all? politics are touchy period but you should respect his opinion instead of trying to change it, as he should yours. sometimes you have to just agree to disagree when the topic comes up in converstation just say your on two different pages about it and be respectful of that. you won't agree on everything even the big things its the willingness to come to a compromise on compromisable issues that matters. things that will effect you as a couple or as parents. things that to me are deal breakers are parenting styles, views on lying, cheating and respect. my husband and i are different pages with a lot of different things, sometimes we aren't even in the same freaken book let alone pages, but its because we were raised differently not right or wrong just different. i learned to respect his opinion on things as he did mine. but we came together on the things that effect US as a family and set goals for us as a couple the outside things didn't matter, conservative vs. liberal if you can compromise on the things that really matter without sacrificing your beliefs as a whole or his that is what matters and that is what will make or break your relationship.

Honestly, I think the only thing that should keep you from being with someone are if you disagree strongly on things that would personally affect your life together. Such as wanting children, marriage, religion, what kind of lifestyle(moneywise) you want to live, etc. Gay marriage doesn't directly affect you so I think you can both have your views and be okay, unless it really changes your view on him and you think he's a bad person or something.


I second that!

Her political beliefs have everything to do with WHO SHE IS though. That is her chosen career, and something she is very passionate about. Just because she isn't gay doesn't mean she should abandon any of her beliefs just to be with someone if it is a problem. Gay rights isn't just a gay issue to a lot of us, it's a human rights issue. It goes a lot deeper than gay or straight.

I agree with this.

well i think that part of what makes a relationship interesting is learning and discovering you disagree on things. now what you need to ask is does this have an immeditate effect on me at all? politics are touchy period but you should respect his opinion instead of trying to change it, as he should yours. sometimes you have to just agree to disagree when the topic comes up in converstation just say your on two different pages about it and be respectful of that. you won't agree on everything even the big things its the willingness to come to a compromise on compromisable issues that matters. things that will effect you as a couple or as parents. things that to me are deal breakers are parenting styles, views on lying, cheating and respect. my husband and i are different pages with a lot of different things, sometimes we aren't even in the same freaken book let alone pages, but its because we were raised differently not right or wrong just different. i learned to respect his opinion on things as he did mine. but we came together on the things that effect US as a family and set goals for us as a couple the outside things didn't matter, conservative vs. liberal if you can compromise on the things that really matter without sacrificing your beliefs as a whole or his that is what matters and that is what will make or break your relationship.

But when contemplating a marriage and possibly raising children with someone then their beliefs on those political issues will no longer become something you can just ignore or something you can just agree to disagree on. How on earth would you teach you're child if 2 people have such differing views??
My political views arn't just views as I don't think they are for most people. They are their core beliefs their moral compass their views ARE THEM and to say that that can just be pushed aside is naive IMO. If matt felt that way and I chose to say ok agree to disagree, then what happens when we have children? What if I have a son who is gay then what? There are certain things I can agree to disagree on not a problem. But this particular issue is not just a run of the mill should we be paying higher taxes issue. This is a HUGE issue this is a moral issue in a way. This is a giant issue. I don't see how it can possibly just be pushed aside.
Just an FYI this is just how I feel not how everyone else SHOULD feel. It's JUST MY OPNION and not meant to offend or anger anyone. I just honestly cannot see how an issue like this can be not a huge deal.

Her political beliefs have everything to do with WHO SHE IS though. That is her chosen career, and something she is very passionate about. Just because she isn't gay doesn't mean she should abandon any of her beliefs just to be with someone if it is a problem. Gay rights isn't just a gay issue to a lot of us, it's a human rights issue. It goes a lot deeper than gay or straight.
:yes

in my life politics = everything
I agree. I also think that a difference in opinion can make for a lively and stimulating conversation.

That said, you feel very strongly about politics - it's your career choice. I can understand you wanting to be with someone like minded where it comes to political stances at least. I guess it's up to you to decide whether his stance on gay rights is a deal breaker or just something to discuss further/avoid in the future. Noone can make that decision for you.

I know i have to make that decision myself, I am so freaking torn.

It is like on one hand, he is someone who I enjoy their company and we had an interesting debate last night. But I cannot decide if I think less of him now :(

And you KNOW it's not this is me and his ONLY issue, Sonia :lmao

too much drama when I am dating, just too much.

How on earth would you teach you're child if 2 people have such differing views??
.


I agree with much of what you have said in this thread, but not that question. I think a child truly gets the best of both worlds in that situation.

There are tons of couples where there is one conservative and one liberal and their kids get to learn BOTH sides where many only see one side firsthand.

My problem lies in this being a Human rights issue, I wish it wasnt a political issue as it has been made out to be. It blows my mind that a person can discriminate against a group based on race or sexuality or anything like that.

ok.. i havent read through everything but...

for me, i could NOT be with him. I am very pro gay rights and identify as pansexual (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality)

For me, i have certain beliefs and values that i can not compromise. i could never be with someone who is homophobic, racist, VERY conservative (i stress very because i CAN be with a conservative.. but to a point) etc.

i am VERY liberal and open minded. We would end up spending a lot of time arguing and debating... or avoiding whole subjects... neither of which is good long term.

I say, if you can be with someone with such opposing view points, go for it. but if its causing more stress than you care to live with... then it just isnt worth it.

:yes

in my life politics = everything


I know i have to make that decision myself, I am so freaking torn.

It is like on one hand, he is someone who I enjoy their company and we had an interesting debate last night. But I cannot decide if I think less of him now :(

And you KNOW it's not this is me and his ONLY issue, Sonia :lmao

too much drama when I am dating, just too much.




I agree with much of what you have said in this thread, but not that question. I think a child truly gets the best of both worlds in that situation.

There are tons of couples where there is one conservative and one liberal and their kids get to learn BOTH sides where many only see one side firsthand.

My problem lies in this being a Human rights issue, I wish it wasnt a political issue as it has been made out to be. It blows my mind that a person can discriminate against a group based on race or sexuality or anything like that.

The reason I feel that way is b/c I had a friend in HS who was gay his mom was against it his dad was ok with it. When he came out his parents argued so much they eventually split up. He felt utterly and completely responsible it was heartbreaking.
when I say differing views I mean this issue. Of course as I said tho it's all JMO :) and opinions are like assholes everyone has one ...LOL

:yes

in my life politics = everything


I know i have to make that decision myself, I am so freaking torn.

It is like on one hand, he is someone who I enjoy their company and we had an interesting debate last night. But I cannot decide if I think less of him now :(

And you KNOW it's not this is me and his ONLY issue, Sonia :lmao

too much drama when I am dating, just too much.




I agree with much of what you have said in this thread, but not that question. I think a child truly gets the best of both worlds in that situation.

There are tons of couples where there is one conservative and one liberal and their kids get to learn BOTH sides where many only see one side firsthand.

My problem lies in this being a Human rights issue, I wish it wasnt a political issue as it has been made out to be. It blows my mind that a person can discriminate against a group based on race or sexuality or anything like that.

Yup! I'm beginning to think that he must have some other very redeeming *cough* quality to be able to keep you for so long! :lol

But when contemplating a marriage and possibly raising children with someone then their beliefs on those political issues will no longer become something you can just ignore or something you can just agree to disagree on. How on earth would you teach you're child if 2 people have such differing views??
My political views arn't just views as I don't think they are for most people. They are their core beliefs their moral compass their views ARE THEM and to say that that can just be pushed aside is naive IMO. If matt felt that way and I chose to say ok agree to disagree, then what happens when we have children? What if I have a son who is gay then what? There are certain things I can agree to disagree on not a problem. But this particular issue is not just a run of the mill should we be paying higher taxes issue. This is a HUGE issue this is a moral issue in a way. This is a giant issue. I don't see how it can possibly just be pushed aside.
Just an FYI this is just how I feel not how everyone else SHOULD feel. It's JUST MY OPNION and not meant to offend or anger anyone. I just honestly cannot see how an issue like this can be not a huge deal.



by agreeing to disagree doesn't mean you ignore them or don't talk about them at all. and just because you don't agree with gay marriage doesn't make you a homophobe either. gay marriage in itself is a completely different issue than just being gay. i know a lot of people that have many gay friends but don't believe they should beable to married. personally what one does in their bedroom none of my business. what one calls marriage and what one doesn't again none of my business. on the matter i do personally believe they should have the right to be married it doesn't matter to me in all honesty. but just because my spouse and i don't agree on the subject doesn't mean we can't make a marriage work or raise our kids. its all about respect and respecting each others opinions. i think my kids are lucky that they get see how people feel differently about things,and in a controlled manner of no screaming or hollar of things, and see the art of compromise first hand if anything it will make them more opened minded about things instead of the black and white of what right is right and what is wrong is wrong that we are used to. JMO i guess i feel that its just like marrying out of your religion,you shouldn't have to give up your beliefs or he his and you can still raise a family combining the most important aspects of those to you. for her DB this is a religious issue not a politcal one at least that is how i am interupting it.

DH is my favorite person to debate with. I've come to find that we need to not agree with eachothers views, but respect them.

Yup! I'm beginning to think that he must have some other very redeeming *cough* quality to be able to keep you for so long! :lol

:lmao

by agreeing to disagree doesn't mean you ignore them or don't talk about them at all. and just because you don't agree with gay marriage doesn't make you a homophobe either. gay marriage in itself is a completely different issue than just being gay. i know a lot of people that have many gay friends but don't believe they should beable to married. personally what one does in their bedroom none of my business. what one calls marriage and what one doesn't again none of my business. on the matter i do personally believe they should have the right to be married it doesn't matter to me in all honesty. but just because my spouse and i don't agree on the subject doesn't mean we can't make a marriage work or raise our kids. its all about respect and respecting each others opinions. i think my kids are lucky that they get see how people feel differently about things,and in a controlled manner of no screaming or hollar of things, and see the art of compromise first hand if anything it will make them more opened minded about things instead of the black and white of what right is right and what is wrong is wrong that we are used to. JMO i guess i feel that its just like marrying out of your religion,you shouldn't have to give up your beliefs or he his and you can still raise a family combining the most important aspects of those to you. for her DB this is a religious issue not a politcal one at least that is how i am interupting it.

Yes but she didn't say he thought they just shouldn't marry she said he thought it was wrong and IMO big difference.
This is just one of my hot button issues and one that I could not agree to disagree with my dh.

I think it depends on the people. Dh and I differ on a few things but we agree to disagree. We respect each others opinons...if he doesn't respect your opinion...then perhaps that is something to consider.

Yes but she didn't say he thought they just shouldn't marry she said he thought it was wrong and IMO big difference.
This is just one of my hot button issues and one that I could not agree to disagree with my dh.

i guess i just believe that narrow minded people can change. this wasn't an issue 11 years go when me and my DH got together. our gay friend actually is the one that turned my DH against it, he is gay and doesn't believe that a piece of paper can determine if he loves someone, that the way it is now, its better for him, no divorce its cheaper to walk away if there are kids then no one really gets the upper hand its a level playing ground decided by a judge that isn't dealing with all the other aspects of divorce. that is his belief as a gay man. i think he is wrong. but its not my place to say dude your freaken moron and i can't be friends with you. or say to my husband i want a divorce because we disagree on this issue that doesn't effect us at all. if one of our boys comes home and says he is gay, then we will cross that bridge when we get to it. its easy to say that you will do things one way until your actually faced with it, you can't predict the future or how your going to feel about it at that time, we know that we wouldn't love our son any less. but i think that there is a huge difference here with it being her political belief and his religious and i think that is what the road block is.maybe its not even the issue itself, its just the subject that shed some light onto the situation at hand. that is JMO as you have said they are like assholes everyone has one.

:yes

in my life politics = everything


I know how you feel. I feel just as strong about my political beliefs as anyone else feels about their religious beliefs. I don't see why it would be acceptable for someone to say that if their mate didn't believe in God they wouldn't marry them, but expect other people to ignore the fact that the person they are with doesn't agree with a passionate belief outside of religion.

I wouldn't be able to handle it. When my husband said he didn't know how he felt about gays in the military, it was almost a dealbreaker. I can't be with someone I see as intolerant because in my mind intolerance = stupidity. We have had debates about it and I brought up some good points (calmly) and I think he has come over from the dark side. I think any reasonable person can be persuaded to see that there is no harm in gay marriage. Keep trying!