so my gma could have a break. She about lost it yesterday! Elizabeth has been soo unruly lately and just a total brat! I couldnt believe it when I came home how it was. I was surprised my gma didnt chuck her at me and leave! So I put Elizabeth in her bed for a minute to calm down because she was having a freak out, and I went and hugged my gma until she stopped crying (yes she was THAT bad) and told her I would take today off so she could have a break. I felt soo bad!

What I dont get, is Elizabeth is ONLY like this with my gma. She is soo mellow and relaxed and QUIET when it is just me and her, and she is such a daddy's girl when Toby is around. We have never had a problem with her when it is just us, but as soon as my gma walks in the door, my daughter turns into a little devil child! She starts whining, screaming, hitting, throwing, and getting into bad things (she broke my gma's candle yesterday because she was getting into the drawer of old videos in the entertainment stand that is on wheels, and when my gma came after her she slammed the drawer shut causing the entertainment stand to wiggle a little knocking down EVERYTHING--which is a lot-- from the top and breaking a candle). I dont understand why she is like this with my gma...any ideas??

i know this might sound bad but... does your grandma spank her or do anything different when you're not there?

You know I dont know. My grandma knows how I feel about the majority of how I raise Elizabeth, but I know she goes behind my back with A LOT of things! So I really dont know if I trust her to NOT be spanking her when I am gone you know. I do know that Elizabeth always ends up with scratches, bruises, bumps and stuff all over ALL the time. But that could be just because she is a roudy kid :giggle

You know I dont know. My grandma knows how I feel about the majority of how I raise Elizabeth, but I know she goes behind my back with A LOT of things! So I really dont know if I trust her to NOT be spanking her when I am gone you know. I do know that Elizabeth always ends up with scratches, bruises, bumps and stuff all over ALL the time. But that could be just because she is a roudy kid :giggle
how old is your gma? maybe she's just at a point where she can't watch a 1 yr old (doesn't have the energy) and thus is harsh with her out of frustration? :shrug

She is 57. She seems fine when she takes care of her, I mean when I am home she will even ask to play with her. Its just been the last 2-3 weeks she has been doing this, and the last week has been the WORST! I just dont get it.

ETA: after yesterday, I asked her if she wanted me to find some one else to watch her for a while, and she wouldnt have it. That seemed to make her more upset :dunno But I did tell her that my cousin (Elizabeth's godmom) will be watching her next week for a couple of days..like Mon, Thurs, and Friday...and she was ok with that, but asked if she was going to continue watching her after that. :dunno i mean she really wants to be with her and watch her, or at least thats the way she makes it seem.

how old is your gma? maybe she's just at a point where she can't watch a 1 yr old (doesn't have the energy) and thus is harsh with her out of frustration? :shrug

thats kinda what I was thinking too :yes

I think Bex is most probably on the right track. It would be logical that she treats grandma differently because grandma treats HER differently. :dunno

I doubt she's unruly because she's getting spanked. She's acting out because her mom is not with her, and it's her way of showing how upset you're making her by leaving her. Your poor grandma having to deal with all that.

She is 57. She seems fine when she takes care of her, I mean when I am home she will even ask to play with her. Its just been the last 2-3 weeks she has been doing this, and the last week has been the WORST! I just dont get it.

ETA: after yesterday, I asked her if she wanted me to find some one else to watch her for a while, and she wouldnt have it. That seemed to make her more upset :dunno But I did tell her that my cousin (Elizabeth's godmom) will be watching her next week for a couple of days..like Mon, Thurs, and Friday...and she was ok with that, but asked if she was going to continue watching her after that. :dunno i mean she really wants to be with her and watch her, or at least thats the way she makes it seem.

Well it might just be that she doesn't want to say she cant do it, ya know? I am sure she really wants to but if it is pushing her to the point of crying then I would find an alternative.

That is really a tuff spot to be in :sigh

I doubt she's unruly because she's getting spanked. She's acting out because her mom is not with her, and it's her way of showing how upset you're making her by leaving her. Your poor grandma having to deal with all that.

Thats what I was thinking at first. I mean when I first started going back to work just a few days a week, she reverted back to using the binkie...then I got more hours and she wasnt sleeping well at night, now I am working two jobs about 12 hour days when I work both and she has been freaking out! I work about 6 hours a day at Target now, and I have my other job mainly just fridays and saturdays, but I havent done that in about a month or so I would say. So I just dont know. But that was the first thing I thought was happening. What I dont know how to do, is make her understand I am not leaving her. I wish I could just cut back to just a few days a week so I could be home with her, but we just cant afford it right now. :sigh I feel HORRIBLE!!!

Well it might just be that she doesn't want to say she cant do it, ya know? I am sure she really wants to but if it is pushing her to the point of crying then I would find an alternative.

That is really a tuff spot to be in :sigh

Yeah thats what I was thinking when she said that, that is why my cousin is goign to watch her a couple of days next week, but she is my only other option and she might be getting a flight attendant job pretty soon (she is leaving monday night and coming back wednesday morning from Chicago for an interview...thats why she is only watching her 3 days next week) So if she gets that job, then I dont have anyone else to watch her and I cant afford daycare. I may just have to cut back my hours..:sigh

The cut in my hours over the next few weeks should help...but what happens when/if i get another job or my hours pick back up? I mean if she is doing this to my Gma, then wouldnt she do it to anyone who watches her?

It may be a little bit of both - that grandma's discipline isn't the same as mommy's, and that she's ticked that mommy is leaving. Has it always been this way? I mean, have you always worked?

My mom worked 2 jobs and I stayed with my grandparents alot - but I didn't act up just because my mom wasn't always around. Every child is different, I know that - but maybe there's more going on in her head than we realize. I seem to remember something about problems with Toby? Has that been resolved? Maybe that wasn't even you. But if it is, there's the problems between mommy and daddy, and then mommy having to work 12 hours a day...maybe she just feels unstable :( Kids often don't have the ability to vocalize their feelings, so they act out at strange times, in strange ways. I don't know Casey, but I really hope you can find a solution. I know it must be tearing you up.

How about this Casey, have your grandma do part of the day, and then your grandma can take her to daycare (ie preschool) after a certain time or something. That keeps your costs for daycare down, and grandma's nerves from getting frayed by the end of the day.

It may be a little bit of both - that grandma's discipline isn't the same as mommy's, and that she's ticked that mommy is leaving. Has it always been this way? I mean, have you always worked?

My mom worked 2 jobs and I stayed with my grandparents alot - but I didn't act up just because my mom wasn't always around. Every child is different, I know that - but maybe there's more going on in her head than we realize. I seem to remember something about problems with Toby? Has that been resolved? Maybe that wasn't even you. But if it is, there's the problems between mommy and daddy, and then mommy having to work 12 hours a day...maybe she just feels unstable :( Kids often don't have the ability to vocalize their feelings, so they act out at strange times, in strange ways. I don't know Casey, but I really hope you can find a solution. I know it must be tearing you up.

I started work when she was 7 months old. But the acting out like this has only been going on for about 2-3 weeks. Not much has changed from 2 months ago to now though. I mean I picked up a few more hours at work, but its a steady schedule now and has been for the last month at least, so its the same routine every day. And I havent worked my other job in about a month, so I dont think its that. She was taken off the bottle about a month ago, and went fine without it for about 2 weeks and then earlier this week my Gma gave it back to her...so that might be it. I was not very happy about her giving it back and she tried to hide that she had done that from me (example of going behind my back on a lot of things) so maybe that is it.

I know its nothing with me and Toby because things with us have been completely resolved and we are doing much much much much better! So that cant be it. I took that month off my second job because I felt it might be too much for her, but when she seemed ok after the few weeks I didnt do it, I started it back up and I will be working tomorrow night. And I cant back out this late (its Casino Parties) and Toby will be doing it with me this time, so I dont know how that will go. But we will only be doing 3 in December and maybe 2 in January, so that should be ok. Its for about 4-5 hours or so, but they are pretty far away, so its a good 30 minute drive back and forth or so. We just really need the money, so we cant say no to working those parties you know?

How about this Casey, have your grandma do part of the day, and then your grandma can take her to daycare (ie preschool) after a certain time or something. That keeps your costs for daycare down, and grandma's nerves from getting frayed by the end of the day.

Thats a good idea. I was also thinking of having my mom pick her up when she gets off early(but its only like an hour or so earlier than when I get off) or have my cousin watch her every couple of days. But the daycare thing could probably work! Thanks!!

Maybe it is just that fun phase, and since your grandma is the one home with her, she's the one getting the brunt of it. I know Tandis has brought me to tears at least once a day since he was about 10 months old. It's hard. She could just be experiencing the same thing you would if you were still a SAHM.

It sounds to me as if the biggest problem is that your grandma does things very differently from you and your DD picks up on that and uses it to her advantage by acting out etc.