hmmm...I havent been posting lately just looking in on threads every now and again and I just have something to say.....:bringit


I didnt want to put this in the boxing ring because I noticed when you put crap in there its marked as "shit stirring" so I think this will be a lovely debate.

Have you ever just looked at what certain members post or start topics about and think to yourself.."do you have a fucking life" or my all time favorite "thats one bitter woman" I mean I just dont understand how some can post so much shit about their husbands or life then ask for advice but dont use it...just stay complaining about the same old shit.....

Or the post that says absolutely nothing but a smiley doing this...:vent:sigh:depressed and say aww you feel better because you got that out....how in the hell do you feel better because you posted a damn smiley on the screen? I dont freaking get it.

AND the motherfreaking post that is venting or just want to get some crap off their chest get turned into..."well i think you should do this...its not that hard....sorry to sound harsh" To the ones that say that...you know damn well you want to sound harsh. If you dont agree with what someone is doing then dont freaking post on thier thread.

Now the debate is...."
Do you think the people that post on here talk to their spouse or whomever they are referring to in their threads about the problems they are having or do they just come here to whine?"

and no this is not directed towards anyone because i cant remember who the hell anyone is anymore....

I think a majority may come to whine and get things off their chest instead of talking to their spouse..

hence the reason nothing is getting solved..

I think people do both...it doesnt matter though, at least people have somewhere to complain.

I think a majority may come to whine and get things off their chest instead of talking to their spouse..

hence the reason nothing is getting solved..

:agree

(sorry couldn't resist the smiley :blush)

Dont know, don't care...it's none of my business if they talk to their spouse about it or not. We have a venting section for a reason and this is a support board so I guess that's why people feel they can come here and post those things.

combo of both. Sometimes my dh does something totally stupid and annoying, and I just want to bitch about it. I don't need advice on how to talk to him or what to say or try this. Sometimes I just want to say he is an ass. or the situation is stupid.

I think people do both...it doesnt matter though, at least people have somewhere to complain.

Exactly....how much complaining do you need to know that you dont need to be in certain situations? Why complain if you not going to do anything about it? Thats like saying you stink after running but wont take a bath....

who's business is it of ours what they do outside of this board?

:shrug

sounds to me like ur overly concerned with other peoples lives....but thats just my opinion.

I honestly don't know what to say to this thread.

People are human. I think sometimes it's easier to come to a forum and make a statement about your husband when he's being a brat, than to start crap with him in person at home - when really in the end it's not a big deal at all.

As far as people not taking advice, it happens. It's common. It's their prerogative. I deal with that by just not wasting my breath with people I know don't really care what advice is given.

So to answer the question - in some cases, no I don't think people talk to their spouses about the stupid petty crap - especially when they can come to a site full of women going through the same thing. Why give your husband grief for not putting down the toilet seat if you've told him fifty times and it's just an irritation?

As far as the bigger things, some people don't know how to talk to their husbands about the big things - some husbands don't communicate very well with their wives - and many of the wives here are just petrified of the danger their husbands are in, so no their first reaction wouldn't be to heap more problems on their shoulders.

That's what the site is here for. An outlet, a congregation of military SO's dealing with the same garbage. Ultimately, it's a support thing.

combo of both. Sometimes my dh does something totally stupid and annoying, and I just want to bitch about it. I don't need advice on how to talk to him or what to say or try this. Sometimes I just want to say he is an ass. or the situation is stupid.

yep i know i've done that. i've posted just a :tears or a :depressed or something like that because i don't feel like getting into it or i'm upset about something and i don't need advice because 'm upset and dh or the person isn't around for me to deal with ya know.

Have you ever just looked at what certain members post or start topics about and think to yourself.."do you have a fucking life"
Nope, not one bit.

my all time favorite "thats one bitter woman" I mean I just dont understand how some can post so much shit about their husbands or life then ask for advice but dont use it...just stay complaining about the same old shit.....

Again, nope. I dont mind someone complaining alot, you would do it with a group of friends right? Well, this is a group of friends.

Or the post that says absolutely nothing but a smiley doing this... and say aww you feel better because you got that out....how in the hell do you feel better because you posted a damn smiley on the screen? I dont freaking get it.

It feels better knowing that it out there for someone to see... even if it has NOTHING behind it besides a screaming smilie, at least someone sees that you are upset.

AND the motherfreaking post that is venting or just want to get some crap off their chest get turned into..."well i think you should do this...its not that hard....sorry to sound harsh" To the ones that say that...you know damn well you want to sound harsh. If you dont agree with what someone is doing then dont freaking post on thier thread.

Alot of my vents have turned into lovely debates :lmao I really dont care though. I use to, but honestly I have learned to take what everyones says and either throw it out or take it heart and learn something, I no longer get ruffled..... much anyways.

Do you think the people that post on here talk to their spouse or whomever they are referring to in their threads about the problems they are having or do they just come here to whine?"

Im sure some do and some dont. Alot of time the spouse is not around to talk to, sometimes it turns into a HUGE fight with a spouse and its easier to get it out on a board.

and many of the wives here are just petrified of the danger their husbands are in, so no their first reaction wouldn't be to heap more problems on their shoulders.



I think this is the main point of the venting section. For me it is, anyway. And just reading other vents about the SAME thing I am going through... I don't even need to post. I already feel better, even if nothing changed or was done to "fix" the problem.

Dont know, don't care...it's none of my business if they talk to their spouse about it or not. We have a venting section for a reason and this is a support board so I guess that's why people feel they can come here and post those things.

Seee...my point exactly..why try to give advice if you dont care? If you care about someone or a situation you just dont tell them helpful advice then just say whatever..dont you want to know if your advice helped them or not?
I understand the venting threads....i'm referring to the threads that are asking for help but then dont use the advice that is giving..

do you give the same advice everytime they ask or just start ignore them when they ask for advice?

Exactly....how much complaining do you need to know that you dont need to be in certain situations? Why complain if you not going to do anything about it? Thats like saying you stink after running but wont take a bath....

Ahhhh... but see, it happens so much within "real life" as well. I cant tell you how many times family members bitch and bitch and bitch, but NEVER take the advice or listen to what I have to say. Friends as well. So to me, its not just a "board" thing, its EVERYWHERE :oogle

Well, to answer your last question, most people probably do both, some people probably don't. Honestly, it's no skin off my back, either way, and I really can't understand why it would really effect anyone else.

It seems like your post hit on several different things though.


Or the post that says absolutely nothing but a smiley doing this... and say aww you feel better because you got that out....how in the hell do you feel better because you posted a damn smiley on the screen? I dont freaking get it.


Maybe some people aren't as good at initiating conversation or opening up, so they post the smilies so someone will ask what's wrong or initiate a conversation that makes it easier for them to open up. Or maybe posting all of the smilies really does make them feel better, in the same way that writing in a journal to let some steam out would. Really, how do you know and who are you to assume that it doesn't make them feel better?


AND the motherfreaking post that is venting or just want to get some crap off their chest get turned into..."well i think you should do this...its not that hard....sorry to sound harsh" To the ones that say that...you know damn well you want to sound harsh. If you dont agree with what someone is doing then dont freaking post on thier thread.

First of all, if you want to vent and do not want responses, write in a diary, post in a private blog or talk to a family member. Venting on a public DISCUSSION board, means that it WILL be discussed, like it or not. As long as everyone respects each other, I don't think everyone has to agree, even about vents. If you post it, it's up for discussion, and I'd expect to get a variety of responses, not just what you want to hear.


Have you ever just looked at what certain members post or start topics about and think to yourself.."do you have a fucking life" or my all time favorite "thats one bitter woman" I mean I just dont understand how some can post so much shit about their husbands or life then ask for advice but dont use it...just stay complaining about the same old shit.....


If it bothers you that bad, stop reading these people's posts. As cliche as it sounds, you can use the ignore feature if you're really that bothered by it, or express enough self control to not even open the topic if it's by someone who does this enough to get under your skin that bad. Why even waste the time being so bothered by it?

who's business is it of ours what they do outside of this board?

:shrug

sounds to me like ur overly concerned with other peoples lives....but thats just my opinion.

yea.....thats me.....:suspect
I honestly don't know what to say to this thread.

People are human. I think sometimes it's easier to come to a forum and make a statement about your husband when he's being a brat, than to start crap with him in person at home - when really in the end it's not a big deal at all.

As far as people not taking advice, it happens. It's common. It's their prerogative. I deal with that by just not wasting my breath with people I know don't really care what advice is given.

So to answer the question - in some cases, no I don't think people talk to their spouses about the stupid petty crap - especially when they can come to a site full of women going through the same thing. Why give your husband grief for not putting down the toilet seat if you've told him fifty times and it's just an irritation?

As far as the bigger things, some people don't know how to talk to their husbands about the big things - some husbands don't communicate very well with their wives - and many of the wives here are just petrified of the danger their husbands are in, so no their first reaction wouldn't be to heap more problems on their shoulders.

That's what the site is here for. An outlet, a congregation of military SO's dealing with the same garbage. Ultimately, it's a support thing.

See I get what you are saying...i seem to always do but I'm not referring to the petty stuff because I bite more tongue so much for my DH i have blisters but the bigger problem...ex: cheating, emotional abuse, crazy ass motherin law ruining marriages dont you want to know if you advice is taken?
its just a simple question not trying to nick pick about the site because i understand people need to complain about little stuff...its just the big stuff that have me wondering when i read it over and over....

Nope, not one bit.


Again, nope. I dont mind someone complaining alot, you would do it with a group of friends right? Well, this is a group of friends.


It feels better knowing that it out there for someone to see... even if it has NOTHING behind it besides a screaming smilie, at least someone sees that you are upset.


Alot of my vents have turned into lovely debates :lmao I really dont care though. I use to, but honestly I have learned to take what everyones says and either throw it out or take it heart and learn something, I no longer get ruffled..... much anyways.


Im sure some do and some dont. Alot of time the spouse is not around to talk to, sometimes it turns into a HUGE fight with a spouse and its easier to get it out on a board.

OH MEE TOOOOO! lol i think we got into it but oh well
Thanks for your opinion i understood what you were saying as well...

Well, to answer your last question, most people probably do both, some people probably don't. Honestly, it's no skin off my back, either way, and I really can't understand why it would really effect anyone else.

It seems like your post hit on several different things though.




Maybe some people aren't as good at initiating conversation or opening up, so they post the smilies so someone will ask what's wrong or initiate a conversation that makes it easier for them to open up. Or maybe posting all of the smilies really does make them feel better, in the same way that writing in a journal to let some steam out would. Really, how do you know and who are you to assume that it doesn't make them feel better?




First of all, if you want to vent and do not want responses, write in a diary, post in a private blog or talk to a family member. Venting on a public DISCUSSION board, means that it WILL be discussed, like it or not. As long as everyone respects each other, I don't think everyone has to agree, even about vents. If you post it, it's up for discussion, and I'd expect to get a variety of responses, not just what you want to hear.




If it bothers you that bad, stop reading these people's posts. As cliche as it sounds, you can use the ignore feature if you're really that bothered by it, or express enough self control to not even open the topic if it's by someone who does this enough to get under your skin that bad. Why even waste the time being so bothered by it?


:yes :thumbsup

Well, to answer your last question, most people probably do both, some people probably don't. Honestly, it's no skin off my back, either way, and I really can't understand why it would really effect anyone else.

It seems like your post hit on several different things though.




Maybe some people aren't as good at initiating conversation or opening up, so they post the smilies so someone will ask what's wrong or initiate a conversation that makes it easier for them to open up. Or maybe posting all of the smilies really does make them feel better, in the same way that writing in a journal to let some steam out would. Really, how do you know and who are you to assume that it doesn't make them feel better?

but here's my point...when you write the smilieys how doest that make you feel better? thats the only question i was asking concerning that. Maybe i should of asked are you actually doing those motions...does it make you feel better? Maybe it wouldnt have came off as me "assuming"


First of all, if you want to vent and do not want responses, write in a diary, post in a private blog or talk to a family member. Venting on a public DISCUSSION board, means that it WILL be discussed, like it or not. As long as everyone respects each other, I don't think everyone has to agree, even about vents. If you post it, it's up for discussion, and I'd expect to get a variety of responses, not just what you want to hear.

Thats my big thing...i feel like SOMETIMES we dont support each other instead we turn on each other...we get false interpretations of what someone is venting about then assume they need harsh criticism when all they want is for someone to say...girl it will get better...not "you should do this or get on with your life" Everything doesnt have to be a debate...hence its venting section and debate section.....venting section should not be turned into "Do this"


If it bothers you that bad, stop reading these people's posts. As cliche as it sounds, you can use the ignore feature if you're really that bothered by it, or express enough self control to not even open the topic if it's by someone who does this enough to get under your skin that bad. Why even waste the time being so bothered by it?

Its doesnt bother me...I dont use the ignore button because just because someone might complain about the same thing over and over doesnt mean i'm going to dislike them because they might post cute pictures i want to see or they might make me laugh in the bored room...I guess its like what kat said...its like with family not just this board...i stated other things because they were some of the things tied in to posting about the same matters over and over....with family i can just tell them grow the hell up or just say you know what to do because i know them..but when you say this site is for support why is that every topic is turned into a debate just because you dont agree on a topic..?

I agree with Brandi.

Also...someone DID post this exact thing in the Boxing Ring a few weeks ago.

No one has to take anyone's advice, it's the internet.

If you don't like it, don't respond to them. It's really, really easy.

I agree with Brandi.

Also...someone DID post this exact thing in the Boxing Ring a few weeks ago.

No one has to take anyone's advice, it's the internet.

If you don't like it, don't respond to them. It's really, really easy.

I didn't know that...i'm not on as much..mainly just scan and just check pics and the mommy section...

Ok guys i understand if you dont like it dont respond....i'm asking do you care if the person actually get their problem solved and does it somewhat bother you that when you see it getting asked about over and over do you get to the point of just fuck it....

Seee...my point exactly..why try to give advice if you dont care? If you care about someone or a situation you just dont tell them helpful advice then just say whatever..dont you want to know if your advice helped them or not?
I understand the venting threads....i'm referring to the threads that are asking for help but then dont use the advice that is giving..

do you give the same advice everytime they ask or just start ignore them when they ask for advice?

I about about their VENT i DONT care about what they have discussed with their spouse. Sometimes people just need to let off steam to avoid blowing up over something. I see nothing wrong with that, sometimes I feel that way. As far as giving them the same advice every time it just depends. At some point I would start to ignore them I'm sure. I haven't really seen that many people on this board do it that often. Sure there are one or two and after awhile i just quit talking. What bothers me more is people who ask for advice or suggestions and then get pissed when they get it because it's not what they wanted to hear.

I didn't know that...i'm not on as much..mainly just scan and just check pics and the mommy section...

Ok guys i understand if you dont like it dont respond....i'm asking do you care if the person actually get their problem solved and does it somewhat bother you that when you see it getting asked about over and over do you get to the point of just fuck it....

Honestly...I care, yeah. After the third or fourth complaint about the same(easily solved problem)then I tend to tune it out. Especially if I've offered help and they refused. I've only seen that once, though. :shrug

Honestly...I care, yeah. After the third or fourth complaint about the same(easily solved problem)then I tend to tune it out. Especially if I've offered help and they refused. I've only seen that once, though. :shrug

:tu
I usually just try to avoid posts like that :)

Seee...my point exactly..why try to give advice if you dont care? If you care about someone or a situation you just dont tell them helpful advice then just say whatever..dont you want to know if your advice helped them or not?
I understand the venting threads....i'm referring to the threads that are asking for help but then dont use the advice that is giving..

do you give the same advice everytime they ask or just start ignore them when they ask for advice?

If someone asks for advice I give it to them, if they don't take it fine. If they ask again I just ignore them. Sometimes people either want a bunch of you are so right and hugs and self validation.

and I don't care if my advice helped them because I am sure they would say hey thanks for your advice. I can only guess if they don't say that and are back the next week posting the same story that they didn't take my advice. You can't make anyone take advice, just like they can't make you read about their sad problems.

If someone asks for advice I give it to them, if they don't take it fine. If they ask again I just ignore them. Sometimes people either want a bunch of you are so right and hugs and self validation.

and I don't care if my advice helped them because I am sure they would say hey thanks for your advice. I can only guess if they don't say that and are back the next week posting the same story that they didn't take my advice. You can't make anyone take advice, just like they can't make you read about their sad problems.

:agree

i think:
1. it's none of my business what they do outside of the board, unless i know them outside of the board, in which case i would talk to them outside of the board

2. yes, i do have some of those same thoughts, but i try to check myself cause people might think my posts are stupid too and for personal reasons, they serve a purpose.

3. for giving harsh advice, i agree with you. sure, everyone has a right to post whatever they like and if someone puts their business on the board, they have to accept the replies. BUT when people say "not to sound harsh..." well then damn, dont be harsh!! rephrase it til you aren't trying to get under someone's skin.

you make some good points that im sure most people think at some point, but generally, this is the internet. you're going to get a bunch of posts/threads/replies that you dont agree with/understand/like. so be it. amongst the nonsense, there is enough support & friendliness to keep us all posting away.....

i think:
1. it's none of my business what they do outside of the board, unless i know them outside of the board, in which case i would talk to them outside of the board

i CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.....

2. yes, i do have some of those same thoughts, but i try to check myself cause people might think my posts are stupid too and for personal reasons, they serve a purpose.

i'm pretty sure half my past post were stupid...but i never understood the posting the smilies so thats why i ask does it make them feel better...

3. for giving harsh advice, i agree with you. sure, everyone has a right to post whatever they like and if someone puts their business on the board, they have to accept the replies. BUT when people say "not to sound harsh..." well then damn, dont be harsh!! rephrase it til you aren't trying to get under someone's skin.

And thank you for typing that...its not like the person can't read their post before posting it...say what you mean and mean what you say. dont apologize for knowing you wanted to say something messed up.

ou make some good points that im sure most people think at some point, but generally, this is the internet. you're going to get a bunch of posts/threads/replies that you dont agree with/understand/like. so be it. amongst the nonsense, there is enough support & friendliness to keep us all posting away.....

See you agreed and disagreed no judging nice lil debate..:)

well....for me it's kinda both. most of the things that upset me, i talk to the db about, but because he's deployed right now and it's something that's extremely petty, i'd rather put it on here than to waste our phone time complaining about something stupid to him. :shrug

I honestly don't know what to say to this thread.

People are human. I think sometimes it's easier to come to a forum and make a statement about your husband when he's being a brat, than to start crap with him in person at home - when really in the end it's not a big deal at all.

As far as people not taking advice, it happens. It's common. It's their prerogative. I deal with that by just not wasting my breath with people I know don't really care what advice is given.

So to answer the question - in some cases, no I don't think people talk to their spouses about the stupid petty crap - especially when they can come to a site full of women going through the same thing. Why give your husband grief for not putting down the toilet seat if you've told him fifty times and it's just an irritation?

As far as the bigger things, some people don't know how to talk to their husbands about the big things - some husbands don't communicate very well with their wives - and many of the wives here are just petrified of the danger their husbands are in, so no their first reaction wouldn't be to heap more problems on their shoulders.

That's what the site is here for. An outlet, a congregation of military SO's dealing with the same garbage. Ultimately, it's a support thing.


I completely agree with you Becca! :tu

OP, I do understand what you are partially saying about the smiley situation. I use them a lot to add to what I am trying to say, it makes me feel like I am getting my point across better. However, when someone just posts a smiley and no words, as a topic starter, yea, that is a little irritating to me. And as for the vent forum, I don't think anyone should be judged on their vents. It's not right, IMO. But then again, when someone complains about their husband's 2 month deployment, and I know I am working on a 15 monther, yea I get a little annoyed, but I bite my tongue, because I DO understand what it feels like to miss your husband.

It doesn't bother me at all. I know quite a few people irl that people give advice to and they stay in the same situation. It is irritating, but part of life. I figure a lot of the girls that come here may not have anyone but us to talk to. I'm glad we can be there for them.
The smilies, well, I like the smilies, what can I say.

never mind!

i know personally...if im upset about somethign (such as my bank of america post yesterday) and i complain about it and i get some advice or even if i dont i can sit there and rationalize the whole thing instead of taking it out on someone i shoudlnt...ten minutes later i can look at the post and say damn that was dumb im glad i got that out fo ym system...and sometimes the whole smiley psot thing...it helps some people if they dont want to go into details but are upset about something...for me writing has ALWAYS helped me feel better so posting is kind of along the same lines and like its been said its a support sight so alot of time if im grumpy or mad or livid about something and someone says here look at it this way of :hugs...i jsut plain feel better

i think:
1. it's none of my business what they do outside of the board, unless i know them outside of the board, in which case i would talk to them outside of the board

2. yes, i do have some of those same thoughts, but i try to check myself cause people might think my posts are stupid too and for personal reasons, they serve a purpose.

3. for giving harsh advice, i agree with you. sure, everyone has a right to post whatever they like and if someone puts their business on the board, they have to accept the replies. BUT when people say "not to sound harsh..." well then damn, dont be harsh!! rephrase it til you aren't trying to get under someone's skin.

you make some good points that im sure most people think at some point, but generally, this is the internet. you're going to get a bunch of posts/threads/replies that you dont agree with/understand/like. so be it. amongst the nonsense, there is enough support & friendliness to keep us all posting away.....

:thumbsup I agree with you Jamie!

i dont know what to write except maybe they do talk to the spouse but the spouse doesnt care enough or maybe they are new to the military lifestyle..either way i think we are all here for a reason support that some people cant understand where we are coming from.

Hey.. I'm not meaning this to be harsh or anything, but....



:fu :lmao

To touch on a few of your many points raised:

I don't get tired of hearing the same vents. 1.) I think it can take most humans quite a while to turn their lives around, or to break a bad habit. Repetition is part of the process of change. 2.) Apart from a handful of familiar names, I can't keep up and differentiate between the hundreds of posters here and what their exact problems are. I really can't keep track as to whether someone is posting repeatedly on the same subject.

As far as the smilies...man, I think everyone here is so damn funny, so clever and original with them! I don't know where they find half of them. They're brilliant, witty, adorable and I laugh so hard at everyone's imagination in stringing them together. I'm not certain if it helps the poster who uses them, but I sure know it helps put a smile (smiley) on my face to view them.

On your question about whether I care if someone is helped by what I say. In a word, YES. If I reply back to someone's post, it's precisely because I care about their outcome. Yours is no exception. I've written you, therefore I personally hope you'll feel heard and understood. I welcome and read most follow-up or update-type posts for that very reason. I genuinely want people here to feel better, whatever problem or vent they present.

There are a lot of times that I will post on here and vent and not go to dh about it. Why? Because he is overseas and our only communication is through email and fighting over email rarely solves everything but at some point I need an outlet before it all builds up.

If some one is posting the same thing over and over again and they don't want to take advice than that is their choice, I just will stop responding to their posts.

As for the smilies, when it comes to people responding to my threads or posts, I cannot count the times that I have just gotten a smiley but the fact that someone took the time to send me a hug, or to :cp or to :vent with me means a lot.

The smilies a lot of times can say things better than I can say them with words :sigh

Hey.. I'm not meaning this to be harsh or anything, but....



:fu :lmao

:lmao:ziplip

Hey.. I'm not meaning this to be harsh or anything, but....



:fu :lmao


What she said :truesign


:monkey

Hey.. I'm not meaning this to be harsh or anything, but....



:fu :lmao

HEY SCHAELE! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/1003/Trina/graphics/fart.gif on you!!! :P

who's business is it of ours what they do outside of this board?

:shrug

sounds to me like ur overly concerned with other peoples lives....but thats just my opinion.


Why am I not surprised you are here giving yet another opinion.

at least people have somewhere to complain.

:agree:yes

Why am I not surprised you are here giving yet another opinion.

Whats the big deal about someone posting their opinion?

Whats the big deal about someone posting their opinion?



You are right, I am in a pissy ass mood tonight and I took it out on Devinn. So I make an public internet apology to her.

Sorry Devinn for my rude comment to your post. :hugs:hugs:hugs:bouquet

I don't whine about stuff here usually, I take it to my husband first and foremost :lol Whether he likes it or not.

:puzz
I dont see the problem with smileys. Maybe I'm crazy but they do make me feel better---or help to get my point across :tears :sadeyes :vent
It shows how you feel. I personally DO take alot of my problems to my husband--but if I want help/advice from others in my spot--I come here too. I don't really see the problem with it...everyone has bad days or problems :dunno

I think after awhile you figure out whose posts to stay away from.