That's what I feel like.

I just got off the phone with DB. We had a crappy conversation. I could hardly move my mouth to make words. I feel like crap.

I think I am going to fail my two classes. Makeup finals are at the professor's discretion. And considering I'm just a number and a name to them, I'm sure they could care less about being understanding. I told DB I hate school and don't want to go anymore. Saying it out loud really made it true to me. He replies--College is important, stick with it. But this isn't college. I am a slave to my computer. I get very little satisfaction out of my classes. I'm not enjoying myself at all. For the first time since college started, I find myself doing the bare minimum. Get enough done to get by. My heart isn't in this anymore.

I don't even feel like I have a heart at all right now :tears I feel so empty and terrible. It's not even 6PM and I want to go to bed.

So we both got off the phone sounding more down than we were to begin with. He said he is coming home in a couple days but he didn't even sound excited. Neither would I if I knew I was coming home to someone like me.

:hugehug

Don't feel so down :( People change their minds all the time, and thats O.K.!

JULIANNE!

okay firssst school.

Are you so sad about your DB being gone that you are sick of school? Or are you just sick of school because you don't like school???

if you don't like school- think about changing your major to something you are more interested in. Think of how important school is, and what you can do and how much freedom you will have with an education. I always think about the kids i want (someday) and how i want them to be educated. Well it's alot easier for a kid whose parents went to college to also go to college than it is for a kid whose parents never went....plus i never want to be dependent on anyone else for money and an education is a for sure way to be independent. YOU NEED A WHY- A REASON to keep going to school. I don't blame you though it is SOOOO hard sometimes to keep going, plus with your man gone its even tougher... But you need to give yourself a reason that you want this, so you can always have it in mind.

I always did the bare minimum in college because I wasn't really enjoying it. After I graduated though, I found myself missing it a lot. Try to appreciate it now. God, I sound old. It's the end of the term too. End of term brings out indifference in anyone. You just want it to be over.

Girl come on now snap out of it...need a good dose of tough love?? You'll be fine I'm sorry you're over whelmed I hate that pit in your stomach BUT come on girlie DB is COMING HOME.....you need to start doing some artificial happy talk put on some upbeat music and dance!!! Go for a run....do anything that will make you feel good about yourself and DB!! Come on girl you can do it!!

itll be okay! it may not seem good now, but just try not to stress too much! everything will eventually work out. your man will be home on R&R soon, and although it might seem a bittersweet thing, youll probably really enjoy the time you two have together, im sure that things will be lookin up for you!
keep busy, and keep your head high... also, i agree, if you dont feel like your getting the satisfaction outa college, maybe you should try a new major, or go in a differenet dirrection with it. =)

:hugs i am feeling the same as you about school sweetie. but he is right, stick with it. you can do it. it's very important. stay strong. get through finals and have a nice long break and don't worry about school for awhile. you'll get through this.

bah.. im dropping school until DF has time to go and we can go together too. im NOT interested, im NOT enjoying myself and i have NO motivation to do even the BARE minimum.

i was sick of school.. i just did 13 years of it and i need a break... DF thinks its important too and he wants me to go.. but i explained to him that i want to go eventually... i just cant handle it now.

if its a future thing for you.. just not a right now thing... let him know that.
otherwise, explain to him that while school is important, so is your happiness and you need support right now figuring out exactly what all you want and need to do with yourself and with the direction you are taking your life.

school is a HUGE thing now.. but its not required to have a good and fulfilling life.

I don't know if this is the right advice to give, but, when I get frustrated with school and don't feel like I am getting anything out of it, I take a term or two off to refocus. I just work extra hours and get the school funk out of my system. By the time the one (or two or three) terms have passed, I am SO ready to go back to school! And I end up working harder than ever. Do what you think is best... but don't let it get you down! Either way you'll make the right choice, I'm sure.

Here's some free advice, take it or leave it. :hugs

Life is short. Any of us could die in a freak accident in the next two minutes.

School is NOT important.

What IS important, is doing what fulfills you and makes your life happy and meaningful.

If a degree is required for that, then sticking it out is the way to go...there's a difference between "school really sucks" and being genuinely unhappy there.

What DOES make you happy? Sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and make the leap. Maybe it's a job you know doesn't pay much, charity work...or something like fashion design, art...

Whatever that IT is...that IT that makes you warm when you think about it...that's the direction you should go.

Your man is important, he completes you...but if you're incomplete in other areas, he'll never be enough.

I think you're stretched too thin and need to do something for YOU, even if it means being broke or not finishing school, or making a change that might be scary.

I agree with several of these girls, school is definitely important, but its not the end-all, be-all of your existence. Find something you like. If you're having a hard time with your field of study, try something different!

I've been havin a hell of a time with finals, but once you conquer that hurdle its not so bad.

And for goodness sake honey, be happy! He's coming home! Jump up and down, scream, run... Do something to get those endorphins workin!

It will all work out.

:grouphug
:hugehug

Here's some free advice, take it or leave it. :hugs

Life is short. Any of us could die in a freak accident in the next two minutes.

School is NOT important.

What IS important, is doing what fulfills you and makes your life happy and meaningful.

If a degree is required for that, then sticking it out is the way to go...there's a difference between "school really sucks" and being genuinely unhappy there.

What DOES make you happy? Sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and make the leap. Maybe it's a job you know doesn't pay much, charity work...or something like fashion design, art...

Whatever that IT is...that IT that makes you warm when you think about it...that's the direction you should go.

Your man is important, he completes you...but if you're incomplete in other areas, he'll never be enough.

I think you're stretched too thin and need to do something for YOU, even if it means being broke or not finishing school, or making a change that might be scary.

:hail

that is exactly what i was trying to say!

You need to continue going to school, maybe a change in majors, drop down to one class so it isnt so stressful....you need that education, with all the changes and moves that happen with military the more eduction you have the better it will be....
ok so think of this, you drop out and do what? 6 months go by, where are you...what are you doing....but take just 1 class and you are one class closer to that degree...
start what you finish, it will kepp you busy while he is gone...

get up, put a smile one, think positive, he is coming home....
go to the doc and get mediction, could be the start of depression, dont let it get the best of you....

in the long run school is important not only for work and money but also just for you. I went straight through and got my AA took a few years off then went back and got my BS once I knew what I really wanted to do.

Although I have to say that your posts have seemed to gotten more and more dark. I think you need school to keep you from falling into a deep depression. Cut back to maybe just one or two classes and maybe take them in a different major that you think you may like. General Ed years at college always kinda suck and seem pointless you just gotta suck it up and trudge on.

Your man is gonna be home soon, try and focus on that and be upbeat about even if you don't really think it, eventually the happy feelings will sink back in.

sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope things are better soon

WOW so many responses! :grouphug I logged off shortly after I posted this last night so I'm not getting any of this til this morning. And I think I am off to a better day today :xfingers

Are you so sad about your DB being gone that you are sick of school? Or are you just sick of school because you don't like school???

if you don't like school- think about changing your major to something you are more interested in. Think of how important school is, and what you can do and how much freedom you will have with an education. I always think about the kids i want (someday) and how i want them to be educated. Well it's alot easier for a kid whose parents went to college to also go to college than it is for a kid whose parents never went....plus i never want to be dependent on anyone else for money and an education is a for sure way to be independent. YOU NEED A WHY- A REASON to keep going to school. I don't blame you though it is SOOOO hard sometimes to keep going, plus with your man gone its even tougher... But you need to give yourself a reason that you want this, so you can always have it in mind.

A little of both.. but definitely the first. Missing DB has made me feel like I've lost interest in everything.

Neither of my parents went to college. My 2 oldest siblings went to college and took a pretty traditional route. My other brother left after a year and joined the army. And I... have ended up on this weird very inconsistent path, jumping around to different schools, constantly feeling confused and overwhelmed with the everything college entails...and all the while, dealing with some personal issues that have only added to the chaos.

I changed my major from nursing to Psychology last spring. I chose Psychology because it's what I am most interested in learning about. I don't really know what I want to do with it, but I figure it can take me in any direction so it would be a good way to go. Initially I went to school with my academic and career plans practically set in stone. And ever since those plans haven't come through I've felt lost. A big reason I want to finish is because my parents don't have their degrees, and I have seen how difficult it is for them. My alternative to going to school right now is working full time, and lets just say that holding a job isn't exactly my forte.

I always did the bare minimum in college because I wasn't really enjoying it. After I graduated though, I found myself missing it a lot. Try to appreciate it now. God, I sound old. It's the end of the term too. End of term brings out indifference in anyone. You just want it to be over.

You don't sound old! You sound wise :hugs You're right about the end of the term thing. I've reached my threshold here.

Girl come on now snap out of it...need a good dose of tough love?? You'll be fine I'm sorry you're over whelmed I hate that pit in your stomach BUT come on girlie DB is COMING HOME.....you need to start doing some artificial happy talk put on some upbeat music and dance!!! Go for a run....do anything that will make you feel good about yourself and DB!! Come on girl you can do it!!

:slap The weather has been so crappy and I think I might go get a fix of artificial :sun :toocool

I don't know if this is the right advice to give, but, when I get frustrated with school and don't feel like I am getting anything out of it, I take a term or two off to refocus. I just work extra hours and get the school funk out of my system. By the time the one (or two or three) terms have passed, I am SO ready to go back to school! And I end up working harder than ever. Do what you think is best... but don't let it get you down! Either way you'll make the right choice, I'm sure.

I have tried that... I've taken time off and gone part time... worked part-time, full-time, all sorts of jobs. Pushing paper for $CRAP/hr really made me want to get my study on. It's funny, whenever I am not a full-time student I think--damn, I totally should have gone full-time this semester, I can handle it. If I'm feeling particularly confident the day I sign up for classes, I end up feeling like :suicide by the time the semester actually rolls around :giveup I didn't do too bad this semester. I'm learning about this 'moderation' thing. It doesn't exactly come easy to me.

What IS important, is doing what fulfills you and makes your life happy and meaningful.

If a degree is required for that, then sticking it out is the way to go...there's a difference between "school really sucks" and being genuinely unhappy there.

What DOES make you happy? Sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and make the leap. Maybe it's a job you know doesn't pay much, charity work...or something like fashion design, art...

Whatever that IT is...that IT that makes you warm when you think about it...that's the direction you should go.

Your man is important, he completes you...but if you're incomplete in other areas, he'll never be enough.

I think you're stretched too thin and need to do something for YOU, even if it means being broke or not finishing school, or making a change that might be scary.

I used to be big into volunteer work. The time in my life I was volunteering most was also the happiest time in my life. The thing is, all of that went to :poop and it will never be the same. :worry Too long of a story to throw in here :sadeyes

I do need to find what makes me happy again. I've been so depressed since deployment. I don't have interest in anything. I don't have the confidence or the umph to get out and do something about it. I did have a brief surge of my old self last week.. I even went and applied for a job. Have I followed up...........no. :pout I was so determined not to let deployment do this to me. I suppose I still have 5 more months to un-let-myself-down. :depressed

I agree with several of these girls, school is definitely important, but its not the end-all, be-all of your existence. Find something you like. If you're having a hard time with your field of study, try something different!

I've been havin a hell of a time with finals, but once you conquer that hurdle its not so bad.

And for goodness sake honey, be happy! He's coming home! Jump up and down, scream, run... Do something to get those endorphins workin!

It will all work out.

:grouphug
:hugehug

I neeed endorphins bad! :sick Stupid me picked the sh*t out of my baby toe nail though, so now I can't even walk normal :mumble

Good luck on your finals! :yourock

go to the doc and get mediction, could be the start of depression, dont let it get the best of you....

:kickcan I am in the throws of it. This has been a particularly crappy stretch of crappy days. It'll be over soon. He's almost on this way home :egypt

Although I have to say that your posts have seemed to gotten more and more dark. I think you need school to keep you from falling into a deep depression. Cut back to maybe just one or two classes and maybe take them in a different major that you think you may like. General Ed years at college always kinda suck and seem pointless you just gotta suck it up and trudge on.

Your man is gonna be home soon, try and focus on that and be upbeat about even if you don't really think it, eventually the happy feelings will sink back in.

sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope things are better soon

:hugehug You make a good point. If I weren't in school I'd be a lot worse off. Then I would have absolutely no structure at all. Being productive always makes me feel good. Now I'm going to go work on this think happy thoughts thing you guys are telling me about... :dancing

JULIANNE!

okay firssst school.

Are you so sad about your DB being gone that you are sick of school? Or are you just sick of school because you don't like school???

if you don't like school- think about changing your major to something you are more interested in. Think of how important school is, and what you can do and how much freedom you will have with an education. I always think about the kids i want (someday) and how i want them to be educated. Well it's alot easier for a kid whose parents went to college to also go to college than it is for a kid whose parents never went....plus i never want to be dependent on anyone else for money and an education is a for sure way to be independent. YOU NEED A WHY- A REASON to keep going to school. I don't blame you though it is SOOOO hard sometimes to keep going, plus with your man gone its even tougher... But you need to give yourself a reason that you want this, so you can always have it in mind.

I completely agree with this. Julianne, you CAN do this!!! I honestly would stick it out and finish school as soon as possible. How many more credits do you need? I think you would be better off staying in school now... if you take time off, I fear you'll get more depressed... it's so easy to slip into depression when you're all alone. Seriously, you can do this!!! Just keep telling youself this! You're a smart and successful girl. Look how far you've come? You should definitely be proud of yourself. If you're having a bad day or worried/frustrated about school, take a break and go find something fun to do for an hour or two. Good luck hun and let me know if I need to steal you away from your house to release some stress!

:hugehug

Do you go to a campus for classes or are you taking online? I would hate to sit in front of a computer for class, as much as lecture sucks, at least i can socialize and get out of the house!! If you are taking online classes, perhaps you can consider taking classes on a campus??

School is not for everyone, but from what i gather, it's not really school, it's just life in general. As much as our SOs truly are our whole lives, you still need to do things for you. You have a life that you need to live, i know it's so hard when you feel like part of you is missing, but you still need to live life - do things for you! Are there little things you've always wanted to do, but never have? I don't know, like make a scrapbook or something? I tend to do a lot of cleaning because i feel better when i can physically see a result from the work i did.

I've noticed a trend with everyone being bummed out, the Holidays are so tough! Do you have someone you can talk to, a counselor or someone professional? I'd hate to see you spiral downhill, you're such a great girl and i always thought of you as someone who always tried to be upbeat!

Hang in there! :hugehug

WOW so many responses! :grouphug I logged off shortly after I posted this last night so I'm not getting any of this til this morning. And I think I am off to a better day today :xfingers



A little of both.. but definitely the first. Missing DB has made me feel like I've lost interest in everything.

Neither of my parents went to college. My 2 oldest siblings went to college and took a pretty traditional route. My other brother left after a year and joined the army. And I... have ended up on this weird very inconsistent path, jumping around to different schools, constantly feeling confused and overwhelmed with the everything college entails...and all the while, dealing with some personal issues that have only added to the chaos.

I changed my major from nursing to Psychology last spring. I chose Psychology because it's what I am most interested in learning about. I don't really know what I want to do with it, but I figure it can take me in any direction so it would be a good way to go. Initially I went to school with my academic and career plans practically set in stone. And ever since those plans haven't come through I've felt lost. A big reason I want to finish is because my parents don't have their degrees, and I have seen how difficult it is for them. My alternative to going to school right now is working full time, and lets just say that holding a job isn't exactly my forte.



You don't sound old! You sound wise :hugs You're right about the end of the term thing. I've reached my threshold here.



:slap The weather has been so crappy and I think I might go get a fix of artificial :sun :toocool



I have tried that... I've taken time off and gone part time... worked part-time, full-time, all sorts of jobs. Pushing paper for $CRAP/hr really made me want to get my study on. It's funny, whenever I am not a full-time student I think--damn, I totally should have gone full-time this semester, I can handle it. If I'm feeling particularly confident the day I sign up for classes, I end up feeling like :suicide by the time the semester actually rolls around :giveup I didn't do too bad this semester. I'm learning about this 'moderation' thing. It doesn't exactly come easy to me.



I used to be big into volunteer work. The time in my life I was volunteering most was also the happiest time in my life. The thing is, all of that went to :poop and it will never be the same. :worry Too long of a story to throw in here :sadeyes

I do need to find what makes me happy again. I've been so depressed since deployment. I don't have interest in anything. I don't have the confidence or the umph to get out and do something about it. I did have a brief surge of my old self last week.. I even went and applied for a job. Have I followed up...........no. :pout I was so determined not to let deployment do this to me. I suppose I still have 5 more months to un-let-myself-down. :depressed



I neeed endorphins bad! :sick Stupid me picked the sh*t out of my baby toe nail though, so now I can't even walk normal :mumble

Good luck on your finals! :yourock



:kickcan I am in the throws of it. This has been a particularly crappy stretch of crappy days. It'll be over soon. He's almost on this way home :egypt



:hugehug You make a good point. If I weren't in school I'd be a lot worse off. Then I would have absolutely no structure at all. Being productive always makes me feel good. Now I'm going to go work on this think happy thoughts thing you guys are telling me about... :dancing

Glad to hear you're off to a better day. I think we all have those times where we want to give up, and its a real test of character to pull ourselves out. Once you find your niche, you'll be fine. Until then, we're all here! :hugehug