:gloomyi am breaking down...this is my lowest point ever...im a sobbing mess...i don't know what to do, im a train wreck...when im like this I question everything...my relationship being #1...can i do this? how can i do this?

this is not healthy for me...im stressed out and so emotional...i went through a huge bout with anxety 2 years ago...went to therapy for a year yadda yadda yadda....before this deployment i was almost where i wanted to be...i work very hard to get there...now i feel like i am reverting to that girl i was before and it scares the shit out of my i cannot be that girl again...

im constantly worrying about everything...i can't breathe...i don't know what to do...or how to do this:pout:worry

and im sorry for being such a posting slut

and thank you so much for all of your advice you are life savers

I am going to be super harsh with you CHILL THE F OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You seem to always be worked up and forget that this is not the end of the world. Really I think it would be best for you just to try and live life and stop being upset about everything all the time...lets see you are beautiful...you have a great guy...good job...roof over your head...food on the table....He's in Iraq...OK its not the end of the world he will come home and then you will grow even more. Really his being gone can do so much for the two of you. Take the time to better yourself so you can be better for your man. Stp questioning your relationship. Youhave never shared anything that he has done that is bad so there is no reason to do that. And stop questioning yourself...you deserve him he deserves you and its just a deployment

I used to feel that way when my DH went out on deployment. I thought it was the end of the world. But it's not. It's just a job. He's just gone on a job and you are home keeping everything under control til he gets back.
You need to go out with some friends, visit a relative, take up a hobby...GO SHOPPING! Get your mind off of him being gone. If you don't you will go insane.

I am going to be super harsh with you CHILL THE F OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You seem to always be worked up and forget that this is not the end of the world. Really I think it would be best for you just to try and live life and stop being upset about everything all the time...lets see you are beautiful...you have a great guy...good job...roof over your head...food on the table....He's in Iraq...OK its not the end of the world he will come home and then you will grow even more. Really his being gone can do so much for the two of you. Take the time to better yourself so you can be better for your man. Stp questioning your relationship. Youhave never shared anything that he has done that is bad so there is no reason to do that. And stop questioning yourself...you deserve him he deserves you and its just a deployment

:wowsers

I sure hope that if I am ever having a superbly terrible day that u will stay WAY FAR AWAY from my thread. I dont know why u find it necessary to be SO RUDE in EVERY thread u post in.

:sigh

OP, I dont have the answers for u...but I will offer :hugs and remind u that "this too shall pass".

I am going to be super harsh with you CHILL THE F OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You seem to always be worked up and forget that this is not the end of the world. Really I think it would be best for you just to try and live life and stop being upset about everything all the time...lets see you are beautiful...you have a great guy...good job...roof over your head...food on the table....He's in Iraq...OK its not the end of the world he will come home and then you will grow even more. Really his being gone can do so much for the two of you. Take the time to better yourself so you can be better for your man. Stp questioning your relationship. Youhave never shared anything that he has done that is bad so there is no reason to do that. And stop questioning yourself...you deserve him he deserves you and its just a deployment

i appreciate you being harsh...however, this week has really been the roughest for me...i am always positive on these boards to hear that i am always worked up kinda makes me mad because that is not the truth...i thank you for your advice tho

:agree with what Mrs. Ordinance says. I gotta admit this deployment SUCKS but its not the end of the world even though it seems like it. Would you feel comfortable talking to someone about it again? If it helped you before it might help you again with some of these feelings your having. Or maybe grab some girlfriends and go out, sometimes it helps being with friends or family. Girl I hope you feel better soon :hugehug

it will get better i promise. my 1st deployment i had a nervous breakdown in my kitchen and was in fetal position crying. looking back im like oh my how could i let myself get there. deployments have been the best thing for our marriage cuz it's made me grow up and toughen up. it will get better!

we are all alot stronger than we think we are.


"a ship can't go far in calm sea"

i KNOW the deployment is stressfull, and it sucks and we cry and we go through these phases where we don't know if we can do it, and sometimes i frankly just don't want to because i'm tired of being "strong" but if we DIDN'T have these downs....the chaotic parts....then we wouldn't grow as people.

I love my husband, and i love our relationship....there are times when i get jealous of other peoples situations (not being military) and i get frusterated with him being gone, but we have to remember that we are blessed with PLENTY of opportunities to grow together. If everything was nice and good all the time, then you wouldn't KNOW "hey nothing can break us up, we're too strong"

I know it is stressfull, but you just don't realize how strong you are.

also if you have had issues with anxiety in the past (like you were diagnosed with Gen. Anxiety Disorder) then don't completely close the door to therapy....you know when you need it, and don't wait until you have an attack before you decide to go back. It is not a bad thing if you need help KWIM??

I am going to be super harsh with you CHILL THE F OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You seem to always be worked up and forget that this is not the end of the world. Really I think it would be best for you just to try and live life and stop being upset about everything all the time...lets see you are beautiful...you have a great guy...good job...roof over your head...food on the table....He's in Iraq...OK its not the end of the world he will come home and then you will grow even more. Really his being gone can do so much for the two of you. Take the time to better yourself so you can be better for your man. Stp questioning your relationship. Youhave never shared anything that he has done that is bad so there is no reason to do that. And stop questioning yourself...you deserve him he deserves you and its just a deployment

and i REALLY do not want to make this into an argument because i am upset enough as it is but this pisses me off as well...i live my life to the fullest everyday...i hang out with my friendss everyday...i go to work and smile and laugh and work out...and i sure as hell am not upset about everything all the time...i am simply having a rough couple of days

We all have our bad days, but there are good days soon to come. I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time lately and I really hope you feel better soon :glomp

well then I must read to much into your post

and i REALLY do not want to make this into an argument because i am upset enough as it is but this pisses me off as well...i live my life to the fullest everyday...i hang out with my friendss everyday...i go to work and smile and laugh and work out...and i sure as hell am not upset about everything all the time...i am simply having a rough couple of days

just ignore her.



thats just how she is.

:bigsadhugI am so sorry you are having a hard time. My line is always open if you need to just chat and get it off your chest. Yahoo IM is dixie_blue_baby. Im on all the time if you need an ear. Be strong, we are here for you gal. We can help you get through this!
:gloomyi am breaking down...this is my lowest point ever...im a sobbing mess...i don't know what to do, im a train wreck...when im like this I question everything...my relationship being #1...can i do this? how can i do this?

this is not healthy for me...im stressed out and so emotional...i went through a huge bout with anxety 2 years ago...went to therapy for a year yadda yadda yadda....before this deployment i was almost where i wanted to be...i work very hard to get there...now i feel like i am reverting to that girl i was before and it scares the shit out of my i cannot be that girl again...

im constantly worrying about everything...i can't breathe...i don't know what to do...or how to do this:pout:worry

and im sorry for being such a posting slut

and thank you so much for all of your advice you are life savers

ok, chilling the f out is not the answer. sometimes you can't just chill. but some good points made were:

you have a good job
you're beautiful
you have a good man
you have a roof over your head

i'll add: you are smart. you apply yourself. you are strong and you are strong enough to do this. remember to take it a day at a time and that each day is closer to who you want to be. worrying spends alot of time and effort that can be applied ot more productive things. sometimes you just have to put your worries in the hands of god, fate, circumstances out of your control, whatever you believe in. that can be very freeing to let your worries become the worlds worries, not yours. you can't alone fix everything. you can't alone control everything. so once you take a deep breathe, pat yourself on the back, look in the mirror and see the strong, smart, sexy woman that you are. the world is your oyster. this deployment is a mere speck in time over the course of your life. it may feel like forever now, but think back 5 years ago, did you feel like something else was the end of the world? you got through it didn't you? and you will get through this too. it's temporary.

i understand your freakouts. this is new. i freaked the f out all the time. i've calmed down.....slightly....:giggle :hugs

Aren't we all allowed to have freak outs? This is not a normal situation for a relationship so most do not know how to deal with all the emotions that come along with a deployment and being seperated from the person you love. If you want to flip out...for the love of god, do it and don't apologize.

ok, chilling the f out is not the answer. sometimes you can't just chill. but some good points made were:


you have a good job
you're beautiful
you have a good man
you have a roof over your head

i'll add: you are smart. you apply yourself. you are strong and you are strong enough to do this. remember to take it a day at a time and that each day is closer to who you want to be. worrying spends alot of time and effort that can be applied ot more productive things. sometimes you just have to put your worries in the hands of god, fate, circumstances out of your control, whatever you believe in. that can be very freeing to let your worries become the worlds worries, not yours. you can't alone fix everything. you can't alone control everything. so once you take a deep breathe, pat yourself on the back, look in the mirror and see the strong, smart, sexy woman that you are. the world is your oyster. this deployment is a mere speck in time over the course of your life. it may feel like forever now, but think back 5 years ago, did you feel like something else was the end of the world? you got through it didn't you? and you will get through this too. it's temporary.

i understand your freakouts. this is new. i freaked the f out all the time. i've calmed down.....slightly....:giggle :hugs


thank you so much...you really made me feel better...all of you have minus a certain person...but you really did...im trying here to remember all thats good and it really is a speck in time...the shitty thing is im living in that speck of time...i hate that shitty little speck i want to kill it...and step on it and stick a knife in it...but thank you all really...im hoping this is my last sad post...i want to be posting happy stuff!! thats my nature!!!

I really didnt mean it like HEYBITCH CHILL THE F OUT!!!!!! lol

Aren't we all allowed to have freak outs? This is not a normal situation for a relationship so most do not know how to deal with all the emotions that come along with a deployment and being seperated from the person you love. If you want to flip out...for the love of god, do it and don't apologize.

yeah but at the same time, she needs to be able to live a day to day life as well. I think she is getting to the point where she can't control it and she is just always sad. It sucks when we have no control over our emotions.

it's not fun to flip out, and the time goes by soooo much faster if you are "ok"

I completely understand the whole anxiety thing - mine has gotten SO much worse since this all started. I know the deployment seems like it's going to take FOREVER and it's never going to come to an end, but think about the fact that when it is over, and he's home and you're together - you have the REST of your lives to be together! I'm such a strong believer in "what's meant to be will be", I know I've said that multiple times on this board lately, but it's the only way I can get through day to day and not freak out at every little thing. I don't know your religious beliefs or anything of the sort, but in times like this, it just helps if i believe there's someone or something somewhere that has a plan and knows that I'm going to be okay in the end.

I don't know if any of that helped, I kind of just started rambling... but you are a gorgeous lady, who has an amazing head on your shoulders -- i know all of that and I barely even know you. If something's not right for you, you can't put yourself through it, but know that we are all here to help you when you think you just can't do it anymore - we'll reassure you that you can and tell you all the things you need to hear. you've gotten through the first month with flying colors and from what I hear that's the hardest to get through.

I'm sending TONS of :hugehug your way! and please let me know if you need anything..

Just so you know... I feel the same way, but I don't think I am strong enough to post it! I go from being happy & everything is fine to being totally miserable and can't see why I am even going on with this! This is my first deployment (is it yours?) and I guess I have to think these feelings are normal.... Otherwise I REALLY would go crazy.

It is hard. Really hard, and don't feel bad if you feel like you can't do it all the time!

:gloomyi am breaking down...this is my lowest point ever...im a sobbing mess...i don't know what to do, im a train wreck...when im like this I question everything...my relationship being #1...can i do this? how can i do this?

this is not healthy for me...im stressed out and so emotional...i went through a huge bout with anxety 2 years ago...went to therapy for a year yadda yadda yadda....before this deployment i was almost where i wanted to be...i work very hard to get there...now i feel like i am reverting to that girl i was before and it scares the shit out of my i cannot be that girl again...

im constantly worrying about everything...i can't breathe...i don't know what to do...or how to do this:pout:worry

and im sorry for being such a posting slut

and thank you so much for all of your advice you are life savers

you know, you were me a few days ago....my husband is gone....he called me to tell me he was coming home in six weeks...and i was sooooooooooo excited....so i told our kids.....and then one day at 3am....he calls to tell me....he can't come home, and he won't be coming home for a few more months......i was lost....because you go through this emotional rollercoaster....with them....one day they are home.....then your counting down when he leaves....then your counting when he comes back home.....its like that alot.....and with kids....i have to be strong....i have to fight back tears, and there are days when i don't want to get out of bed....but you know what...i have too....i have to be strong...and not only do i do it cause i have kids....but for two reasons, i was able to get out of my rut...and keep going....one was my bf...she was like...look rita...everything is going to be ok...talking to someone about what your going through was what i needed...letting myself know i'm not a robot, and its ok to cry...and let it out. and she said...pray to god....he will guide you to where you need to be. and i did...i'm not one to pray every night....but i did that night....and let me tell you...i got up the next morning and felt....110% better.....sometimes we need to be broken down....so that we can get back up again. if it wasn't for my bf....(SHOUT OUT TO NICOLE, SHE'S NEW TO THIS SITE) i would still be walking around here like a robot...a very pissed off robot...and my kids don't need to see me like that. praying and talking to a friend....sometimes does wonders. let it out girl....cry...break something....hit something....anything...but promise yourself...that your going to do it once...and then get up again...and move on from it. ok? good.....let us know how your doing.....
only you can turn yourself back into that girl you don't want to be again.....keep moving forward sweetheart....you can over come anything. :D

Rita

time is on your side. the first couple of months are the worst. you acclimate though

I really didnt mean it like HEYBITCH CHILL THE F OUT!!!!!! lol

really? :puzz

cuz when the "chill the f out" is preceded by "I'm going to be harsh with you".....most people would take it as hey bitch chill the f out. Either of which is rude, unsupportive (as usual) and uncalled for.

I think we are all expected to be so strong all the time and ya know what.....its just not realistic. Thats what this is for. Ups, downs, sideways, you name it we got it. There will most definatly be more sad posts but we can go through it together gal, always supporting the good and the bad days.

thank you so much...you really made me feel better...all of you have minus a certain person...but you really did...im trying here to remember all thats good and it really is a speck in time...the shitty thing is im living in that speck of time...i hate that shitty little speck i want to kill it...and step on it and stick a knife in it...but thank you all really...im hoping this is my last sad post...i want to be posting happy stuff!! thats my nature!!!


no problem, sweety! from one tri-state native girl to another :hugs i wish i still lived in that area, i'd totally hang out with you!!

really? :puzz

cuz when the "chill the f out" is preceded by "I'm going to be harsh with you".....most people would take it as hey bitch chill the f out. Either of which is rude, unsupportive (as usual) and uncalled for.



I could not agree with you more!

well honesty is a terrible things...I wish I people would tell me the same thing over and over and over again just like they tell everyone else the same thing over and over and over again here let me try it


Oh hunny YOu are wonderful and everything will be fine. I am here for you PM me for anything at all! MUAH!

really? :puzz

cuz when the "chill the f out" is preceded by "I'm going to be harsh with you".....most people would take it as hey bitch chill the f out. Either of which is rude, unsupportive (as usual) and uncalled for.

:agree

Jill, you are ALWAYS so pleasant when replying to posts on here, and you are ALWAYS so helpful. You did not deserve that! YOU CAN DO IT, you can make it through this! you need motivation, not criticism.

We ALL handle our emotions differently. But i have faith in you, you were doing SO well minus the first few days and up until now.

You have an awesome guy, who LOVES you so much! hes even taking the time to make yyou a scavenger hunt in NYC while hes half a world away, he obviously loves and cares about you so much! And would he wanna hear about how horrible you feel?!? he wants you to be happy and he wants the best for you! so cheer up buttercup!! and ignore the mean comments, we all need support from eachother, that is the point of this forum!

well honesty is a terrible things...I wish I people would tell me the same thing over and over and over again just like they tell everyone else the same thing over and over and over again here let me try it


Oh hunny YOu are wonderful and everything will be fine. I am here for you PM me for anything at all! MUAH!

I rest my case.

i appreciate you being harsh...however, this week has really been the roughest for me...i am always positive on these boards to hear that i am always worked up kinda makes me mad because that is not the truth...i thank you for your advice tho


Don't be so hard on yourself. It is a lot easier to give advise to others than it is to take your own. You are always positive and upbeat in your posts and make the ladies here feel better. So now, tell yourself what you would tell someone who wrote your post.

oh well sorry I was honest...Ill be sure to stay out of your post from now on

well honesty is a terrible things...I wish I people would tell me the same thing over and over and over again just like they tell everyone else the same thing over and over and over again here let me try it


Oh hunny YOu are wonderful and everything will be fine. I am here for you PM me for anything at all! MUAH!

yea but we are here to support eachother, not criticize

I really honestly wasnt criticizing... you all just took my post way wrong....

well honesty is a terrible things...I wish I people would tell me the same thing over and over and over again just like they tell everyone else the same thing over and over and over again here let me try it


Oh hunny YOu are wonderful and everything will be fine. I am here for you PM me for anything at all! MUAH!

please do not ever talk to me again on here thank you very much

I really honestly wasnt criticizing... you all just took my post way wrong....

oh ok...so its EVERYONE else's fault for "misunderstanding" ur post and not YOUR fault for being...well...outright mean?

seriously, this is TallBlondie's thread. i think we should drop whatever issues are brewing. if you dont want to drop it, then start a new thread, don't take up someone else's who is reading it for support. Devinn, i know you mean well ;) i just think we need a little re-focusing.

i just wanted to say...that i wrote a positive post...if anyone read mine.....just want to say that....ok....
just trying to relax everyone....sorry i'll stay out of it....i think i hear my baby crying....ok...i'm out. peace!

seriously, this is TallBlondie's thread. i think we should drop whatever issues are brewing. if you dont want to drop it, then start a new thread, don't take up someone else's who is reading it for support. Devinn, i know you mean well ;) i just think we need a little re-focusing.

:yes

aaalllriiiighhhhttttt IGNORE haha

TallBlondie --

First, do not be sorry. We are here for you to vent to, we all have these days. I think you've always been very supportive and you try to be as upbeat as you can, considering. You are beautiful and a great girl (from what i've read) and you do put your all into making your life as normal as possible (can we say "girls night out + wine?" :teehee)!

I know sometimes it doesn't matter what people say because you just feel like :bullcrap, and things go in one ear and out the other, but if anything gets through, remember, tomorrow is a new day, a day closer to seeing your man and your DB loves and cares about you so much!

I was just giving myself a pep-talk earlier about Christmas (because i was in a poo-pooy mood too), i kept telling myself that this is ONE Christmas! ONE Christmas out of MANY we will have together, we can do one Christmas! He's still in my life, he's still there for me, we still have an amazing relationship, no distance can take that away!

I think the same goes for you, this is just 15 months of your life, right now it seems like it's 15 million years, but it really isn't, you have so much ahead of you, so much you can work on now while he's away, he's still here with you, he really is. You can do this! We all can do this!

Remember it's okay to have a tough day and if one tough day is followed by another, I wonder if going back to who you saw for the anxiety will help? Maybe just to keep you from going down the wrong path, something stable in life. It's hard and it's ok if you need help. I have some girlfriends that go before their husbands even deploy to get help in preparation - they know what happens to them and they know what helps. We're all different, what works for some, may not work for others. Finding what works for you is most important and no one should ever look down on you!


I'm sure i've digressed enough here. If nothing else, here is a huge hug for you!!

:hugehug

first off, do not be sorry for posting OR having a freak out.
you are one of the sweetest and most positive people on here, so don't apologize.
i'm so sorry you are having such a rough time in general and this week in particular.
stay strong. you are strong. you can do this. you can get through this.
don't question your relationship. he loves you. you love him. you guys are GREAT together.
i know that deployments are hard, and i haven't even gone through a real one yet, just workups and underways. but i know you will get through this.
PM if you need to vent or need anything. that's what we ALL (or MOST of us) are here for.
:hugehug

:hugehug It will get better! Believe me, the first months suck, but it's ok, you'll feel better

it really is a speck in time...the shitty thing is im living in that speck of time...i hate that shitty little speck i want to kill it...and step on it and stick a knife in it...

ok, that just made my night!!! :lmao

DAMN YOU LITTLE SPECK!!!!!! :voodoo

TallBlondie --

First, do not be sorry. We are here for you to vent to, we all have these days. I think you've always been very supportive and you try to be as upbeat as you can, considering. You are beautiful and a great girl (from what i've read) and you do put your all into making your life as normal as possible (can we say "girls night out + wine?" :teehee)!

I know sometimes it doesn't matter what people say because you just feel like :bullcrap, and things go in one ear and out the other, but if anything gets through, remember, tomorrow is a new day, a day closer to seeing your man and your DB loves and cares about you so much!

I was just giving myself a pep-talk earlier about Christmas (because i was in a poo-pooy mood too), i kept telling myself that this is ONE Christmas! ONE Christmas out of MANY we will have together, we can do one Christmas! He's still in my life, he's still there for me, we still have an amazing relationship, no distance can take that away!

I think the same goes for you, this is just 15 months of your life, right now it seems like it's 15 million years, but it really isn't, you have so much ahead of you, so much you can work on now while he's away, he's still here with you, he really is. You can do this! We all can do this!

Remember it's okay to have a tough day and if one tough day is followed by another, I wonder if going back to who you saw for the anxiety will help? Maybe just to keep you from going down the wrong path, something stable in life. It's hard and it's ok if you need help. I have some girlfriends that go before their husbands even deploy to get help in preparation - they know what happens to them and they know what helps. We're all different, what works for some, may not work for others. Finding what works for you is most important and no one should ever look down on you!


I'm sure i've digressed enough here. If nothing else, here is a huge hug for you!!

:hugehug


thanks you, you are always sooo sweet...you really are...yes one christmas!!!! we can do this...thank you

thank you everyone for your nice words...right now im watching walk the line it is my happy movie i love it thank you all:grouphug:grouphug

thank you everyone for your nice words...right now im watching walk the line it is my happy movie i love it thank you all:grouphug:grouphug


oh! i love that movie. maybe i'll watch it too! What a good idea!! :teehee

:agree:bandwagon It is ok to have these days, I still have them after all these years. You are a wonderful, usually cheerful, outgoing gal and you can make it thru this, we are all here for you as you are for us. I sure hope you have a brighter day tomorrow. feel free to Pm anytime you need to.:hugehug:hugehug:hugehug

Oh Sweetie,
Don't feel bad for breaking down today or anytime. It is okay to have days where we break down. It is normal... it makes you human. :hugs
You are in my thoughts and prayers. It will get better and we are here to help you through. (L)

I am so sorry that you are going through this, I have been there and it is not fun. Is there anyone that you could go talk to? I don't know if this helps but when I get really down, I make a list of things that I like about me (nice eyes, nice nails, whatever) and I read it over and over until I start to believe it. You are an amazing and strong woman, it is ok to have fears and to have some times where you struggle, you are dealing with a lot. If you EVER need to talk feel free to pm me. I would give you my yahoo but I don't know what it is :)

thank you everyone :grouphug

First of all, to the original poster, what you are feeling is completely normal. Deployment is hard enough as it is but we're also in the middle of a war, so I believe that adds a lot of extremely complex emotions ON TOP Of everything else we're already feeling during a routine deployment. It is very normal to have bad days, and it's very normal to have bad WEEKS. When/if you feel like you've lost control over your happiness, there are counselors who specialize in military marriages, deployments and the like. You can find one through ASYMCA (http://www.asymca.org/) and they are FREE, and even do HOME VISITS. I don't think you're married and I'm not sure if they will extend out to girlfriends, but they may be able to at least recommend resources for you if you are truly feeling down enough to talk to someone about it.


Now, onto the current topic, which seems to be a lot different than the original post-

I think it's entirely possible to offer a little 'tough love' without telling someone to "Chill the F Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". There is such a thing as TACT, even if you feel the need to be brutally honest about your feelings (Which I happen to think is WAY uncalled for in a post like this).

To some people who have good coping skills or who may be experienced with this lifestyle, it might not be the end of the world, but this is a BIG and complex deal to someone who is new to this and hasn't yet established the coping skills that some more experienced or "tougher" people have. It may not be the end of the world, but it's a big deal to her, obviously. So, can we not just show a little bit of empathy, even if we don't understand it completely? If you can't empathize or understand, maybe just pass by the post and don't say anything. Or if you feel like you must say something, at least show a little more understanding? :dunno

thank you Brandi...

i know its not the end of the world...i know its gonna pass...i know all of these things...just having a rough couple days...and it wasn't the tough part that bothered me...it was that i was told i am always so down, and i should live my life...

which i do...to the fullest extent possible...the past couple of days not tooo possible, but i still smile laugh and have fun!!

this doesn't consume me as a person...it is a challenge...but i am a special ed teacher i can face challenges...haha...thank you tho

From one SHORT blonde who is nearing the end of her 15 month deployment to a TALL blonde who is starting her deployment....

The first three months are the hardest. it’s the unknown, it’s the “newness” of saying your SO is in Iraq…on a deployment. I hated not being able to call him when something happened, he was always the first person I told. Now I had to tell someone else.

After that your SO get's settled into a routine, you get settled into a routine and time starts picking up pace. You still have those "depression days" where all you want to do is lay in bed and cry and check your cell phone every 2 minutes but than you have a good day, he either calls or you get an e-mail or your reminded that it just BLANK amount of months in your LIFETIME with that person. Your cell phone will always be on you, your e-mail will still be the first thing you check in the morning and than a million times during the day but the fear lessons, its always there but you learn how to cope. You learn what self-soothes you, you know what friends and family to lean on. And I PROMISE you that by month 10 you're leaning on yourself. I have become so much stronger as a person, I LOVE who I have become! This deployment has tested myself and mine DF's relationship but for the better! I can honestly say I love him more and that I know that from now we can handle anything that life throws us! My DF loves to say that "after this deployment nothing can phase me or us."

Now I have some orders for you….I want to take 15 minutes a day to cry, I don’t care where/when ect. You can scream, cry, punch a pillow WHATEVER. Have a pity party, but once that 15 minutes is up, you get up, brush yourself off and go on. Sinking into a depression is not going to make this deployment go by faster. TRUST ME. This is a voice of wisdom. Month 7-8 were really hard for me, communication slowed because he moved bases and I missed him more than ever, I set that time limit and would scream and cry. Sometimes I would need to take a personal day, go home from school early, go home from work early. That’s fine! We all need “mental health days” just don’t make it into a weekly thing.

If you ever need to talk to someone PLEASE PM me! I am in the homestretch and I would love to share what I have learned from these past 15 months! (And that goes from anyone else too)

PS. There is light at the end of the tunnel...he is coming home...maybe not for a couple of months...but it will be over. I always got pissed at people when they said that to me at month two or even month 12...I would say "Soon isn't good enough." I was right and so were they, soon ISN'T good enough but the deployment isn't going to last forever, it will be over!

i know its not the end of the world...i know its gonna pass...i know all of these things...just having a rough couple days...and it wasn't the tough part that bothered me...it was that i was told i am always so down, and i should live my life...


i just wanted to put my :bigsadhug in here too! There's not a thing wrong with not being as strong as you thought you could be about the deployment. One of the things i've learned this past year, is that it's just plain hard. There is no silver lining, there is no perk, it just sucks. and it's been alot harder to cope with than i ever imagined. So there will be good days and bad, but it will come to an end, and you'll look back one day at one of your crappiest years, but you will have probably made some new friends, and maybe learned a few new things about yourself. :hugs I hope some good days come soon for you and always feel free to PM me if you ever need a good vent.

it must be hard i have never had a longer stint of my db being gone then 4 months but also him being on a submarine we do not have any contact with him for months at a time. I know how things get when you havent talked to him and you worry about anything you have ever done also you think over and over about anything that has happend. So that makes anyone anxious! But things will get better i know the begining is the worst! And i know how it is to work with special ed kids i have been running a summer camp for them for the past 5 years. I know that is also stressfull all and all what im getting too i never knew about this site when my hubby was away but it would have been great to know it was here and it is great that it is so come on here we are always here for you!

Hi hun. I am sorry you are feeling this way and I can relate. Sometimes when I am doing everyday normal things and I appear to be "fine" the next minutes I feel like I just want to scream and throw myself off the side of a building and just end it all because I miss him so much. Try to be strong, keep doing what you do and know that if you take it one day at a time he'll be back with you before you know it. :yes :hugs

Don't feel the need to apologize.

:hugs

We are here for you.

Hey girl.....I'm a little late but I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I know we've never PM'd one another or anything, but for some reason, every time I see posts from you, I know they are going to be good and interesting, and I've never considered you to be a constant "downer". Just from being on SOS, I can tell that you must have a beautiful heart and just wanted to tell you that you'll get through this.....we're all pulling for you!

Hey girl.....I'm a little late but I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I know we've never PM'd one another or anything, but for some reason, every time I see posts from you, I know they are going to be good and interesting, and I've never considered you to be a constant "downer". Just from being on SOS, I can tell that you must have a beautiful heart and just wanted to tell you that you'll get through this.....we're all pulling for you!

thank you!!! :hugehug

oh hun you're such a sweetie. you WILL get through this i promise. im here for you if you ever need to vent PM me...and to ms ordinance...cut it out, ok? she needed support not criticism.

Ok the way i see it is there's alot of people telling you what you should do...everyone takes it in their own way..some breeze through it and some have a hell of a time getting through a week...so however you feel and however you want to handel it you should..just know that this time will come to an end and you 2 will soon be together!!! untill then :candy gets you through everything :o)

:wowsers

I sure hope that if I am ever having a superbly terrible day that u will stay WAY FAR AWAY from my thread. I dont know why u find it necessary to be SO RUDE in EVERY thread u post in.

:sigh

OP, I dont have the answers for u...but I will offer :hugs and remind u that "this too shall pass".

:agree :yes

I know you are having a bad week hunny, but know this. We all have bad days and we push through them :) You can too! I have so many days where I ask myself why did I get into this. But your SO loves you and you love him. Keep your chin up mama. If you need to vent NEVER FEEL ASHAMED to post! Thats what we are here for. And if people feel the need to be negative they can go elsewhere!!! If thats how you get through a deployment then POST AWAY :) :hugehug

it will get better just hang in there! :) :hugs