Hey ladies- I need some advice...DB and I were doing really well until I went onto stupid Myspace and saw that an ex-girlfriend and supposedly ONLY a friend left DB a comments. Here is how it went...Hi!! I have been thinking about you alllll day and I miss you soooo much. Hope you are getting a good tan..XOXOXOXOXO...We have had discussion about this particular girl prior to DB leaving for deployment, he said that he would not contact her and stop communicating. Well after i saw this comment I flipped out.I am so upset- Why would a "friend" say something like that. So last night DB calls me and I bring it up- I was nice about it, and he said well I saw the comment and I thought about deleting it but thought that was deceitful...Okay I can give him props for that but then he went on to say I am NOT going to stop communicating with her 100% but then when I said" how would you feel if it was reversed" he said well yeah I guess I will just email her and let her know that we need to stop being friends...I sensed alittle sadness or something in his voice. So obviously I am pissed off and hurt about all this. As she seems to be the only girl that writes inappropiate things so that makes me jealous.Anyway so i was up all night thinking about it and decided that b/c of the way he said so strongly " I am not going to stop talking to her completely" and then he changed his tune later on in the conversation that I dont want him to stop talking to her. I mean i feel like the damage is done. I trust him but I dont trust him with her. There are other things too that make me feel this way. I mean when he does talk about her ( prior to him leaving) he would be like ohh I don't want her back, she broke my trust, and she would never marry me anyway...Well to me that sounds like there is still something there. So I fought the urge all night and most of the morning but I decided to write an email and Yes ladies I actually sent it...I am pissed off about this so it wasnt a very nice email...Here is what i sent to him...

Hey babe,
I wanted to tell you that I love you very much but I do not feel that we have put this to rest with the comment that was left for you yesterday on myspace....So I was up most of the night last night after our phone call thinking about this "situation" with Roxanne and the comment she left. I guess this really has nothing to do with her. I think that this is more about the way you are handling or NOT handling it. Obviously you thought the comment she left was okay and that there was nothing wrong with it, so that being the case I do NOT want you to stop communicating with her. Based on your initial reaction when I brought it up to you, you said that you weren't going to stop talking to her completely then you changed your story after I say "how would you feel if it was reversed". Seems to me that you think this kind of drama is okay, and yes you are bringing it to our relationship by not being proactive and handling it...Here is what I wanted from you...
I wanted you to tell her whether that be in an email or a comment on MySpace that her Missing you sooooooo much, thinking about you all day and XOXOXOXO were inappropriate for people who are just "friends". That you know that would bother your girlfriend and that if you two are to stay in contact then she needs to know that there is a line between being friendly and creating tension......
So then after you and sent something along thoses lines to RoxStar then when you called me last night you would of said "Babe-Roxanne commented me something that was inappropriate and I sent her an email back saying that she needed to either quit contacting me or keep it completely friendly...I would then I said "wow babe that makes me feel so good that you handled that and that you didn't let it become an issue. Thank you for showing me that there is nothing there.....
BUT you didn't do that- what you did instead was tell me 2 different stories on the phone, and looking back now I feel that I pressured you into saying you will stop communicating with her completely, when i KNOW that isnt what you want to do....I know that you think about her...I am so bothered about this....So I don't want you stop communicating with her- have all the conversations you want with her, call her, email her, send her stuff whatever b/c really it doesn't matter what i think b/c you are going to do it anyway...That is just how it is...Oh and you can rest assured that I will not be on myspace and you don't have to worry about me posting any comments to you b/c I wouldn't want miss roxstar to see anything....

Well, I think that it's ok to be stressed out. But it sounds like you practically broke up with him. The whole "I won't be on myspace commenting..." section is really what got me to think this.

You have to figure out if DB is worth losing over the girl. Yeah, I know they're exes and all, but is it possible that they really are just friends? One of my xDBs and I still talk. And he has a girlfriend. And I've left him comments that say I miss him, blah blah blah. But I always acknowledge the girlfriend. You know, like "Say hi to ****** for me!" It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything there, but it could mean that they didn't end on bad terms and are still good friends. :dunno JMO, but if you're not wanting to break up with DB, I would recommend telling him. Letting him know that you're upset, but you want to work through it. :dunno

:hugs
I'd be pissed off too. I still talk to my exs and hubby knows it, the good thing is is that they are childhood friends... like from age 3 and all married.
If she is causing tension though and knows that she is... thats something else!
I hope your DB realizes how much this is hurting you, it not fair to you at all.

:bigsadhug I can say for sure that myspace is T*R*O*U*B*L*E...
You will not catch me on there ever again because of D*R*A*M*A.... I do not think your letter was all that rude... it was just upfront and honest. I would be upset too, and if he does still have feelings for her then he needs to think his choice of relationships over in his mind and make a decision. hope it gets settled for you..

He even told me when he first got to his base that he WASN'T going to get on Myspace b/c he thinks that it might cause alot of trouble, but obviously he doesn't feel that way now..

Things like this can get tricky...I can understand you being upset about the comment, but you have to realize that he has no control over what she says, know what I mean? Him telling her that you don't want him talking to her might just make her want to post more comments like that...some girls are just vendictive like that, blah.

Anyhow, I hope it all works out and you guys can be open about it all! :)

so i'm confused are you ending it with him? or are you going to work on this relationship?

I don't want to end the relationship but if he cant see that there is no room for this in our relationship then maybe ending it would be better. I do love him but believe that with her in his life there will always be an issue and I will always have that "feeling"...

okay, i understand better now.

i think you need some time and he needs some time to figure out if you really want this relationship to move on. You can't change his past...he was with her and had memories with her...you can't change how he felt nor how she feels...
But he is with YOU now. And you have to remember that. And think about your feelings and happy memories. It's hard when there is someone else.....

i just step back for a moment and figure out if you can ever get over this.. (he's not going to say what you want to hear, he's not in your head) but maybe he will try to tell you or show you that he wants you...

best of luck!

I think myspace (and the like) is the devil, all i see it cause is drama and trouble. :banghead I'm quite thankful we have nothing to do with it.


I am sorry that this girl is being inappropriate and that your DB is not handling it the way you want. He did not, however, comment her back with equally inappropriate comments though. Some girls are out there to cause drama and clearly she is doing just that. I personally don't think someone like that is worthy of your acknowledgment and surly she is not worth losing your relationship over! I think maybe you should tell him how it makes you feel instead of telling him what to do. :dunno

I hope things work out for the best!!

Good for you! It willl definitly get him thinking and if he wants to continue with you then maybe consider your feelings next time.