so db left for training earlier this week - before they went down to their actual training he was going to have to come home to drop his truck off and told me he'd see me then. so of course that was my "mile-mark" for the week, my thing to look forward to before he leaves for two more weeks of training. so i just got off the phone with him, after having two conversations with friends telling me that i'm stupid for waiting for him and giving me the whole "what if he comes back and decides it's not something he wants? then you just wasted a whole year of your life." speech that i'm so tired of hearing from people who don't even know db.

so he calls and says that he's running late and is just going to go to his house drop off his truck and then his dad's going to take him back to where he's staying. okay i understand but i want to see you, i've had the shittiest day in a long time, and you just told me all of these stories about people throwing parties for your unit and how you're active now and just all these things that are making me realize THIS IS HAPPENING..

i've been trying to prepare myself, but i know i've done a terrible job at it. i'm one of those people who will live in denial until i have to face what's coming, and i've tried so hard to not be that way with this deployment, but it's all so surreal to me. and now i feel like it just smacked me in the face and i'm sitting here bawling wondering "what if" my friends are right, and what if that does happen - i know i can't worry about that i just need to sit here and focus on the now and remember that he loves me and he wouldn't be taking us overseas if it wasn't worth it to him...

but it's so damn hard. and i know this isn't even the worst of it. i feel like when he calls tonight i'm going to be a wreck and just ask him for his reassurance that he's not just keeping me around for this deployment.. but at the same time, i don't know if i should. when we decided we were going to stay together for this deployment he told me "i know you always want to know where we're going and what the next step is, but i dont know what that is.. i dont know where it's going, i'm happy with things now and if i'm unhappy that's when things will change, otherwise we'll just keep going along."

is that a bad answer from him? keep in mind that his last g/f when he was in afghan he proposed to on R&R only to come home after his deployment to find out she had been cheating on him the whole time. so it's understandable but damn, i just want SOME Reassurance in my life, and to know that my asshole friends aren't right.

i'm so sorry for the ramble i just needed to vent because no one here understands.. if anyone has any advice i'd be forever in debt to you.

:sigh:sigh:sigh:drowning:sigh:sigh:sigh

:bigsadhug to you. It sounds like he wants to make this work but he does prob have some reservations b/c of last relationship. Just dont give him any reason to feel that way about you. Maybe he really was running late, I have been in that situation before and I know it hurt you not to be able to see him, that part would have pissed me off too. I want you to know that you can not listen to what "everyone" is telling you , you have to listen to your heart..... it is only the beggining so please give it some time ,see how things go, and they do not always know where they are going and can not always let us know. be there for him when he comes back from training, show him you really care and I hope it will all work itself out. If you feel in your heart that you are right and your friends are wrong then go with your heart and should they be right in the end it is a lesson learned the hard way. I am sorry if I sound confussing but I really beleive you should give this a chance.:hugehug

deployments bring out your worst insecurities. You will get through this. It sounds like he hasn't had the best luck with women so be incredibly reassuring and supportive so that he knows you won't do the same things. It is a surreal experience but you will slowly(verrry slowly) begin to adjust.

deployments bring out your worst insecurities. You will get through this. It sounds like he hasn't had the best luck with women so be incredibly reassuring and supportive so that he knows you won't do the same things. It is a surreal experience but you will slowly(verrry slowly) begin to adjust.

I agree totally!!!

I am a super secure and confident person...this deployment has brought out things in me that I didn't know existed...bad things but good things as well

I learned how strong I can be....that s the most important thing...and I have no doubt in my mind that you will learn the same thing...

I think he gave you that answer because he is scared about what happened the last time he was gone. I think he is seriously protecting himself from getting hurt. I think once he does go and you prove to him that you aren't going to do that to him, i think things will change.

you can do this...we are all here to help!:hugehug:hugehug

It is rather surreal, isn't it. My DH is at school right now, will be back Sat. and the beginning of Jan. he will leave for Texas for a couple of months before heading to the desert. No, it isn't real yet, for me.

Yes, he is going to come home different. Yes, there are going to be stressors - both at home for you and for him over there. To tell you otherwise would be a lie. And no one around you will understand because your husband is in the Guard.

Having been through it all once, and dealt with the PTSD (both his AND mine - yes, wive's and girlfriends can have a degree of PTSD from this too) I have developed a plan for this deployment. But that is for another thread.

You have friends here that understand exactly what you are going through. If your unit has an FRG - join. I wasn't active in ours last time, but as far as getting timely information about what was going on over there - it was very handy.

You WILL make it through this!