I've been somewhat MIA over the last few days so I haven't been able to read very much until this evening. I saw a post made by Rach about the Post Secret Forum and after going over some of the posts that have been made in there, mostly due to cheating, I really do wonder if the forum is doing more harm than good. I know it's supposed to be for getting things off your chest and I can respect that everyone needs SOMEONE to talk to or confess to, but I'm really bothered by a few of the posts in there because of the nature of this board. This is supposed to be a support system of significant others helping each other during the hard times while our men and women are gone, and I really think the posts about cheating are taking away from that.

I don't know ladies, I'm really thinking about taking that forum down, as some of the posts in there really go against the whole purpose of this site. I don't know what I was expecting by putting the forum up, but I never thought there would be so many posts about cheating, and I'm just not supportive of any of that on a personal level and also on a more professional stand point when thinking about what's best for the site, as a whole.

I will take a poll to get a feel for what you all think is best, but I want you to know that I am really leaning towards closing it, and just leaving DEARSOS open. At least in dearsos, constructive advice can be given. :dunno

Vent to your Tricare PAID civilian counselor, if you're cheating on your husband....at least you can get some positive benefits by remaining married to your husband!!!


Sorry I just can't hold it in anymore...

:dunno?! your call

I don't read in there at all. I'm indifferent. If you think it's best to do away with it. Do away with it. I'm sure if people miss it, they will :rant or :vent or something :giggle - you'd know?! if they want it back.

If it's not supportive and more negative in some facet. Than is it really helping?

i had never read that before but after i saw your post i went through and read some stuff, and its very disturbing

Its probably a better idea to close it.

I know a lot of people dont agree with things that are said in the Post Secret but then again it was there for a reason but I just dont think we are ever going to be ready for that at least not right now.

I go back and forth.. on one hand, it is a bit upsetting to see that, and I feel bad about the cheating and other things.

But, at the same time, that is a REALITY, not only of military life, but of every day life too... So I might not agree with some things, but that is all about perspective I guess too...

:dunno I guess I don't really care either way...

I go back and forth.. on one hand, it is a bit upsetting to see that, and I feel bad about the cheating and other things.

But, at the same time, that is a REALITY, not only of military life, but of every day life too... So I might not agree with some things, but that is all about perspective I guess too...

:dunno I guess I don't really care either way...

:yes

I personally don't like whats being written...like you said everyone needs to vent..but i really don't think talking about how you cheated is helping anyone..i know it isn't helping me at all!!

I go back and forth.. on one hand, it is a bit upsetting to see that, and I feel bad about the cheating and other things.

But, at the same time, that is a REALITY, not only of military life, but of every day life too... So I might not agree with some things, but that is all about perspective I guess too...

:dunno I guess I don't really care either way...

Yeah, I totally understand. I guess I'm just thinking why should WE have to have that kind of stuff on our conscience you know? If people are out there cheating on the men and women who are beside our loved ones, I feel like they should be dealing with that kind of crap on their own. You don't come to a military spouse support board and talk about how great it is to cheat on someone who is fighting along side our loved ones. I guess I was just thinking it would be more like... I don't know, less upsetting and infuriating issues.

I guess I'm just a bit more in shock than anything, that someone would actually have the nerve to post something like that, knowing that all of us are sitting here dealing with these horribly long separations, missing our loved ones like crazy, and they're out thinking it's fun to sleep with whoever they can while they significant other is risking his life.

Yeah, I'm taking it a little personally, I guess. I shouldn't, and I've tried to remain unbias, but a few of them really upset me.

Yeah, I totally understand. I guess I'm just thinking why should WE have to have that kind of stuff on our conscience you know? If people are out there cheating on the men and women who are beside our loved ones, I feel like they should be dealing with that kind of crap on their own. You don't come to a military spouse support board and talk about how great it is to cheat on someone who is fighting along side our loved ones. I guess I was just thinking it would be more like... I don't know, less upsetting and infuriating issues.

I guess I'm just a bit more in shock than anything, that someone would actually have the nerve to post something like that, knowing that all of us are sitting here dealing with these horribly long separations, missing our loved ones like crazy, and they're out thinking it's fun to sleep with whoever they can while they significant other is risking his life.

Yeah, I'm taking it a little personally, I guess. I shouldn't, and I've tried to remain unbias, but a few of them really upset me.


Now I do agree with that. I think we should just close it because the cheating really make me upset

You know what I've been thinking about those post secrets, I wonder if they just say these things cause they know that someone is not going to like it. I wonder if they do it just to get a rise out of us :sigh

Please get rid of it.

ITA w/ you Brandi!!!

Please get rid of it.

I agree.. I just went through the forum and all I can say is :no :wowsers

I agree - if people want to post their deep dark secrets in secret - they can go to post secret website..

I agree with the others, please get rid of it.
IMO, it might feel great to get the fact they've cheated off their chest, but it's not appropriate. What are we (as military g/fs, fiances, wives) say about ourselves when people read about cheating? It's almost proving the stereotype correct.

Personally, Im nosey and I like to read secrets (hence why i go to the actual post secret website) :giggle. Other ppls secrets dont bother me, bc its not my life and it in no way affects my life or my views. Its sad that those ppl are doing what they are doing, but I cant make decisions for them. To each his own :dunno And it is reality. People cheat. People lie. People are capable of many, many things. Whether those people be your neighbors or people on your online forum. So my vote was keep it, but wont be broken-hearted either way.

I have mixed feeling on the issue. While I am disgusted with people who claim to love their SO's more then anything - can't live without them, crying their eyes out every night they are gone, yada, yada, yada - and yet can't seem to keep their pants on, there are other topics in there that are different.

Some people have been sexually abused, have abusive ex's - things along that line - and might want to connect with others who have been where they are but are not comfortable with everyone knowing who they are.

I have mixed feeling on the issue. While I am disgusted with people who claim to love their SO's more then anything - can't live without them, crying their eyes out every night they are gone, yada, yada, yada - and yet can't seem to keep their pants on, there are other topics in there that are different.

Some people have been sexually abused, have abusive ex's - things along that line - and might want to connect with others who have been where they are but are not comfortable with everyone knowing who they are.
For that, I think DearSOS can be used.

For that, I think DearSOS can be used.

:agree

You know what I've been thinking about those post secrets, I wonder if they just say these things cause they know that someone is not going to like it. I wonder if they do it just to get a rise out of us :sigh


That's what my thinking was about some of the posts.


I know stuff that is being posted in there happens. That I won't deny, however, it is pretty depressing and maddening to read some things that people intentionally do.

I vote to close it.

For that, I think DearSOS can be used.

Oh, Ok.

Sorry, I am one of the new girls - still learning my way around.

Believe me, I know I can't change reality, and I'm definitely not in denial that this stuff happens. I've seen it happen, first hand. I guess what I'm getting at is that even though this type of stuff is a reality, is it good for the site as a whole? Does it do more good or harm to the morale of not only the spouses but of the active duty members who come here? KWIM? I get at least a couple emails a week from active duty, not spouses, who have found this site one way or another and either have questions or want to refer their spouse or girlfriend. The last thing I want is for an active duty member who is having a tough time with the separation, to come on here looking for a place to maybe send his spouse for support, then come across threads and threads about what pleasure spouses are getting out of cheating while their SO is gone... on a support site. I don't think anyone would try to deny that it happens, because it definitely does. But as the person who has to make decisions about what I think is best for our members and our morale, I feel that some of these posts are taking a totally wrong turn. I feel that these stories add even more doubt to the minds of people who may already have enough going on and enough to deal with.

I won't hate anyone for cheating, I am just at a point right now where I believe the forum is doing more harm than good. So, I feel it's probably best to close it and just allow dearsos to remain open for people who wish to seek some constructive advice for personal situations that they aren't quite comfy with. KWIM?

Is Post Secret viewable to everyone? I think if it is, it is definitely making it look like we advocate those behaviors. I really don't want to be associated with those things. Hopefully no one googling stumbled upon it and labeled us all as the classic cheating stereotype of military SO's.

Now I do agree with that. I think we should just close it because the cheating really make me upset
:agree

Oh, Ok.

Sorry, I am one of the new girls - still learning my way around.
No worries girly!!!!!! You're not on my shit list yet....:teehee :P

Here at SOS we do our damnedest to stay positive. We already face enough trials aka shit and other lovely stuff daily.

I don't think reading posts in there is uplifting. :shrug

Sorry, I cannot type for beans tonight.

I go back and forth.. on one hand, it is a bit upsetting to see that, and I feel bad about the cheating and other things.

But, at the same time, that is a REALITY, not only of military life, but of every day life too... So I might not agree with some things, but that is all about perspective I guess too...

:dunno I guess I don't really care either way...

:agree that's how I feel.

Believe me, I know I can't change reality, and I'm definitely not in denial that this stuff happens. I've seen it happen, first hand. I guess what I'm getting at is that even though this type of stuff is a reality, is it good for the site as a whole? Does it do more good or harm to the morale of not only the spouses but of the active duty members who come here? KWIM? I get at least a couple emails a week from active duty, not spouses, who have found this site one way or another and either have questions or want to refer their spouse or girlfriend. The last thing I want is for an active duty member who is having a tough time with the separation, to come on here looking for a place to maybe send his spouse for support, then come across threads and threads about what pleasure spouses are getting out of cheating while their SO is gone... on a support site. I don't think anyone would try to deny that it happens, because it definitely does. But as the person who has to make decisions about what I think is best for our members and our morale, I feel that some of these posts are taking a totally wrong turn. I feel that these stories add even more doubt to the minds of people who may already have enough going on and enough to deal with.

I won't hate anyone for cheating, I am just at a point right now where I believe the forum is doing more harm than good. So, I feel it's probably best to close it and just allow dearsos to remain open for people who wish to seek some constructive advice for personal situations that they aren't quite comfy with. KWIM?

It's totally pointless for those to air their dirty laundry, then return under their true name and being two-faced on the boards about it...
It makes me wonder if I should care if one TRUELY misses their SO, when I read the deployment/missing my SO posts...

I like the idea of it, sometimes using DearSOS doesn't work because you don't necessarily want advice but more to just post about it. whatever you think is in the best interest of the board works for me Brandi. :D

I go back and forth.. on one hand, it is a bit upsetting to see that, and I feel bad about the cheating and other things.

But, at the same time, that is a REALITY, not only of military life, but of every day life too... So I might not agree with some things, but that is all about perspective I guess too...

:dunno I guess I don't really care either way...

I agree. I voted keep it, but really, I don't care either way. I never planned on using it anyway...

I went ahead and closed it, thank you for your input ladies (L)

Thanks Brandi. :D

I didn't mean for my post to cause that much attention, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one that was sitting there shocked at what I was reading. I mean, I know that stuff happens everyday but as others have said, just the fact that everyone acts sad and saying how much they love their SO but yet there are some who have pretty much another life under that facade! It's their life so I wouldn't of cared either way if it was kept up or not, but it's just sad.

I don't know why, but I still get surprised when I see the level of selfishness some people can have.

the cheating makes me upset yes...but for someone who has been molested or what not and has never been allowed to tell anyone it's a good safe place for them to say something....it sucks that we have these cheaters on our boards but it's a reality...it happens...there is the stereotype of military wives for a reason and well it's sad to say these skanky ass women are the reason we have it....but I think the post secret is a great place for people to feel comfortable to let out their fears or secrets that have been haunting them that they can't let out anywhere else and not get any advice back....maybe they don't want advice bc if they did they would post in DearSOS

I'm glad it is closed.

I'm glad it is closed.

Me too

Man I wish I wouldnt have missed this:( Although I didnt agree with some of the posts in there I really liked that forum:9 But you did what you thought was best Brandi.

the cheating makes me upset yes...but for someone who has been molested or what not and has never been allowed to tell anyone it's a good safe place for them to say something....it sucks that we have these cheaters on our boards but it's a reality...it happens...there is the stereotype of military wives for a reason and well it's sad to say these skanky ass women are the reason we have it....but I think the post secret is a great place for people to feel comfortable to let out their fears or secrets that have been haunting them that they can't let out anywhere else and not get any advice back....maybe they don't want advice bc if they did they would post in DearSOS

I agree.

It was disturbing to read at times but I still read it. Having the cheating ones on there was almost like it was an okay thing to admit when really there is no excuse for it, none. There is still DearSOS so hopefully those with secrets can still post but I doubt the cheaters will post knowing that people are allowed to reply to it.

Great Idea on Pulling it! Thanks (-8

:lmao
This just shows how out of the loop I am. I saw a couple post secret post and had no idea what it was then forgot all about it, until Rach's post. After that I was like oh ok and then never saw this post...ROFL.
So I guess my vote would have been leave it seeing as I kept forgetting it was even there in the first place...LOL

CLOSE IT

I havent' read any of it and from the sounds of it I am glad.....I have my opinions on cheating...I will just leave it at that.