As you know military girlfriends "don't exist" and from what i've been told we're not really welcome in the FRG. Any suggestions from you ladies for an alternative?

thanks in advance!

As you know military girlfriends "don't exist" and from what i've been told we're not really welcome in the FRG. Any suggestions from you ladies for an alternative?

thanks in advance!


I had the same problem the first time DB was out to sea. My best advice is to befriend one of his buddies wives.... and get the inside scoop from her :)

That's what I did... I made friends with a wife from DB's boat. Most of the wives from his boat are :screwy so we had our own fun. We made paper chains with one link for every day till they came home.... and worked on care packages together... all kinds of stuff.

The military really isn't gonna give you squat as a GF. I've discovered that it's much easier if you just take it for yourself :giggle Get creative!!!!

oh yeah, I know the military won't give GF's squat. Only problem is DB is.. asocial? He socializes but i'm not really down here enough to befriend any of his buddies wives. I'll keep it in mind though! :D
I'm pretty creative, I was just curious of suggestions. Thanks so much! Keep em comin!

First off: I am really sorry that they don't welcome you. Not all FRG's are like that.

Maybe your DB can talk to one of his married buddies and explain the situation about the FRG and hopefully his buddy's wife would possibly send you an email or reach out to you.

ha! Peatys girl, you're a genius! you would think that would be totally obvious to me! Great Idea!

My DB is the junior officer of his unit and they are reserves to boot, so there is NO support for me while he is away. I hadn't really thought about the whole rank thing too much but DB told me that he thinks some of the enlisted guys wives won't socialize with the officer's wives and vice-versa. Some of the wives from his unit were pretty snotty to me at a meeting (being the GF is tough- even though we have been together longer than most of the married folks in his unit!) and of course I have no military ID to get support on any of the bases nearby but I have been reaching out on here and through some people at work who are married to the military and it's been helpful.
My biggest supporter?? A friend of mine and DB's (for 10 years) who just happens to be enlisted in the same unit but hasn't deployed yet. She is great!! She has been able to get DB's holiday box sent with the unit supplies so it'll be there tomorrow and she even arranged for another person who is being sent there tomorrow to take a bunch of frozen food that I have been making for DB. She and I go shopping at the bases and go to lunch every few weeks too. What a lifesaver!!!

My DB is the junior officer of his unit and they are reserves to boot, so there is NO support for me while he is away. I hadn't really thought about the whole rank thing too much but DB told me that he thinks some of the enlisted guys wives won't socialize with the officer's wives and vice-versa. Some of the wives from his unit were pretty snotty to me at a meeting (being the GF is tough- even though we have been together longer than most of the married folks in his unit!) and of course I have no military ID to get support on any of the bases nearby but I have been reaching out on here and through some people at work who are married to the military and it's been helpful.
My biggest supporter?? A friend of mine and DB's (for 10 years) who just happens to be enlisted in the same unit but hasn't deployed yet. She is great!! She has been able to get DB's holiday box sent with the unit supplies so it'll be there tomorrow and she even arranged for another person who is being sent there tomorrow to take a bunch of frozen food that I have been making for DB. She and I go shopping at the bases and go to lunch every few weeks too. What a lifesaver!!!

Sometimes the officer wives don't socialize with the enlisted wives because officers can get their asses handed to them if its found out that they are socializing with enlisted, and this transfers to their family. You are your spouse's rank. (Dad used to tell me this all the time, its real strict sometimes)

Sometimes the officer wives don't socialize with the enlisted wives because officers can get their asses handed to them if its found out that they are socializing with enlisted, and this transfers to their family. You are your spouse's rank. (Dad used to tell me this all the time, its real strict sometimes)

I guess I get this but why did they have to be so damn bitchy to me??? The group was mostly (in fact I think all) enlisted wives. One of them actually snatched the list of e-mail addresses that was being compiled out of my hands and said that is was for WIVES... I didn't say what I
was thinking:censored (DB asked me what I said- he knows me...) but I also didn't stay for the rest of the meeting...
It is interesting- my DB is an officer but my dad was Master Sgt. in the Army!!! DB totally respects him though- and my dad is thrilled to finally have a "son in the military" (he has 6 daughters, and none of us are in the military..):D
Oh well, I have found some of my own support... who needs the bi-atches???

I am appalled that wives would treat girlfriends like this. To me if you are cool I am going to hang out. I dont want to be known as a "navywife". I am Jennifer. This is why I dont make friends that are navywives because of this shit. I just cannot believe that women do this crap to eachother.

I am so sorry you girlfriends have to go through this crap. Its hard enough to go through a deployment without having the support.

I am appalled that wives would treat girlfriends like this. To me if you are cool I am going to hang out. I dont want to be known as a "navywife". I am Jennifer. This is why I dont make friends that are navywives because of this shit. I just cannot believe that women do this crap to eachother.

I am so sorry you girlfriends have to go through this crap. Its hard enough to go through a deployment without having the support.



I agree!!! Wives or GF's we're all in the same boat yet there are so many cliques that go on within the military no matter what branch you are. I swear its just like high school, I thought I was out of there back in 04' but I guess I was wrong.

I agree!!! Wives or GF's we're all in the same boat yet there are so many cliques that go on within the military no matter what branch you are. I swear its just like high school, I thought I was out of there back in 04' but I guess I was wrong.

:agree
sometimes I think its worse then high school!!!

I was lucky that before I married my DH and he was just my DB that the Ombudsman on his ship included the girlfriends amongst the wives and included them in every function...predeplyment briefings, functions while the guys were deployed, etc. She would even bring the girlfriends on base for these functions since they weren't able to get on base (no base sticker). She was/IS great!

im sorry your being treated like that.

That stinks! i like the advice about befriending the other wives, i was told by a few people that i was welcome to join, but it's an hour away... so i never went. DB has an onlline FRG website that i log onto that will give some updates, but mostly i just hear stuff from DB or his friends.

i've been told we're not really welcome in the FRG.
thanks in advance!



dumb question but what's a FRG?:confused

One of them actually snatched the list of e-mail addresses that was being compiled out of my hands and said that is was for WIVES... I didn't say what I
was thinking:censored


You are such a better woman than I. I would have told her just what I thought and gave her a :jerkit and :moon and :flippa as I walked out the door. We are just as important to our SO's as the wives and don't think we should be treated any differently especially when we have been together just as long as they have been married.

dumb question but what's a FRG?:confused

Thats not a dumb question i was wondering the same thing!!! I asked my hubby and he didnt even know!

You are such a better woman than I. I would have told her just what I thought and gave her a :jerkit and :moon and :flippa as I walked out the door. We are just as important to our SO's as the wives and don't think we should be treated any differently especially when we have been together just as long as they have been married.

I was definitely thinking that but my DB is the junior officer and also went through the officer training program so he hasn't been there that long- most of the enlisted have been there for years. He is working hard to earn respect and I didn't want to ruin that for him:ziplip... I did tell him what I thought when he got home that night though!!!:vent

Im sorry you feel that way. Some wives feel they are better than GFs because they have a ring on thier finger. I guess they forget that at one point they were GFs also. My DH just came back from a boat DET and I brought of the the guys GFs on base to pick him up and I was talking to another wife and she was like, why would you do that? I certainly wouldnt. But I always remember if it was me, I would want someone to be nice to me.

dumb question but what's a FRG?:confused

Thats not a dumb question i was wondering the same thing!!! I asked my hubby and he didnt even know!


"Family Readiness Groups (formerly family support or spouse support groups) are command sponsored organizations that consist of volunteers such as spouses of service members. The purpose of an FRG is to plan and conduct social, informational, and morale building activities to enhance family readiness and enable the Navy family to meet the challenges of the military lifestyle."

I know it says Navy, but other branches do have FRG's and the objective should be the the same.

I would be so mad! You are going through one of the hardest things in your life and this is how they treat you?? I am appalled. Sometimes there is no difference between a girlfriend and a wife... I for one, am not married yet, but I sure as hell probably do just as much, if not more than a "wife". Same friggan thing!!! I work, take care of the baby, do all the stuff back home, and if they didn't give me the info I wanted then they'd be hearing from me an awful lot! I'm sorry but when it comes to deployment and our SO's in another country putting there lives on the line, there are no titles as far as I'm concerned. AND every loved one has a right to know what's going on! I don't know how those women sleep at night knowing what it feels like to worry. Shame on them! This is not the time or place for that petty crap!

this drives me crazy as well- my boyfriend and i live together, he's listed me on all his paperwork as his emergency contact, i have POA, seriously i'm not that different from a wife. i just don't have the ring, legal status, or that shitty attitude yet.

(note: the shitty attitude comment was sarcastic- i know not all military wives are like that, and i don't plan on being that way either.)

Wow, I am late on this thread but was just reading threw it.

I must be sheltered or something because I have yet to come across such treatment from wives.

One of my closest friends her hubby is an Officer I believe and my DB enlisted and yet they hangout... infact DB has been to their house a few times. She also doesn't treat me like crap, infact she keeps reminding me of the spare room they have for when I move down to TX.

I really hope I never meet any wives like that because I would be telling them where to stick it.

I have to say that I have been really lucky also, I go to all the FRG meetings now since DF is deployed and the wifes are all really nice. I am sure there will be some that aren't so nice along the road, but you find that in every walk of life. I think that it is very hard for GF's to be left out of the loop, especially when they are in a serious relationship and are very committed to each other. A piece of paper does not make you any more committed to the person that you love or indeed make you miss them any less.

I think that it is very hard for GF's to be left out of the loop, especially when they are in a serious relationship and are very committed to each other. A piece of paper does not make you any more committed to the person that you love or indeed make you miss them any less.

I think this is the main issue, though. A lot of them don't know if you're really in a serious, committed relationship. For all they know you're some tag-chaser who's just popped on the scene 2 weeks ago. Granted they should give people a chance but I can imagine it's hard to let in a stream of new girlfriends and so they just act like horrid uppity bitches to everyone without a ring.

I don't really know...I'm just a girlfriend myself but DB's Chief was going to release his things to me and gave me discharge instructions for him when he was in the hospital and I'd never met his Chief before even though he did know of me. So...my experience so far has been pretty positive...

I'm sorry they were rancid crusty twats to you!!

I have to say that I have been really lucky also, I go to all the FRG meetings now since DF is deployed and the wifes are all really nice. I am sure there will be some that aren't so nice along the road, but you find that in every walk of life. I think that it is very hard for GF's to be left out of the loop, especially when they are in a serious relationship and are very committed to each other. A piece of paper does not make you any more committed to the person that you love or indeed make you miss them any less.

I've had a pretty good experience so far - my ombudsman keeps me in the loop on absolutely EVERYTHING - its so nice. She even gives me tips for getting through the deployment and tells me where I could find support groups. She said she'd even invite me to the welcome home sign making party.

I am so sorry you're having a tough time. :hug :hugs

we don't care if GF's, fiances, moms, dads, sisters, cousins etc are part of our FRG but they can't be part of the board.

I would be so mad! You are going through one of the hardest things in your life and this is how they treat you?? I am appalled. Sometimes there is no difference between a girlfriend and a wife... I for one, am not married yet, but I sure as hell probably do just as much, if not more than a "wife". Same friggan thing!!! I work, take care of the baby, do all the stuff back home, and if they didn't give me the info I wanted then they'd be hearing from me an awful lot! I'm sorry but when it comes to deployment and our SO's in another country putting there lives on the line, there are no titles as far as I'm concerned. AND every loved one has a right to know what's going on! I don't know how those women sleep at night knowing what it feels like to worry. Shame on them! This is not the time or place for that petty crap!

Well said! :)

I am "just a girlfriend" as well, so it's nice to read that others are going through similar situations. I've been lucky so far, the wives that I have met are very sweet and friendly. In a few conversations, they have forgotten that I'm not married and have suggested things that are only for spouses (like, "You should just go to the gym on post." or talking about benefits that only spouse have), but other than that, they've been great.

I'm sorry that some of you have had some bad experiences as girlfriends. We really do go through the same hardships as wives. I'm hoping that once DB deploys this year for the first time, I'll be given the same information and respect as the wives.

As you know military girlfriends "don't exist" and from what i've been told we're not really welcome in the FRG. Any suggestions from you ladies for an alternative?

thanks in advance!

If you can find ONE WIFE to befriend that goes to the meetings, she can drag you along ;)