So today is my 23'rd birthday and needless to say its not a good one. I am so sad & heart broken right now cause today is also the day Malcolm leaves to go to Afghanistan. As you can possibly imagine I have been in tears all day and probably will be for a while. I really don't want him to go but I know how much he loves his job and I am proud of him for that. I know its not permanent but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I am more scared than anything. I don't want anything to happen to him. All I want is for him to come home to me and our kids. I am gonna miss him so much. I am to the point that I can't breathe from this. It hurts everything hurts. I just want him back home with me. I wish I could just be in his arms right now. The worst part is I dont even get to say goodbye cause he is in MS and I am in FL right now. What kinda shit is that I can't even kiss him or hug him goodbye. I think that is what is hurting the most. I don't know what to do with my time. I feel as if I am about to just lose it. I have repeated to him that this isn't goodbye just a really long I'll see you later. But it doesn't mean its not killing me. Why do I have to go through this. Finally I am happy and more in love than ever and this is what I am dealing with. Dear god just help me get through this. I feel more alone than I have ever felt before. All I wanna do is crawl under a rock till he comes home. I wish this was all over already. It hasn't even really begun yet and I already want it to be over. But I will say this I wouldn't trade this for anything cause if this is what I have to go through to be with him then I will go through this and so much more. Cause come hell or high water I will be by his side.
I love you Malcolm
:unlove

http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd206/yami_0143/30-3.png

:hugs

:hugehug

Don't crawl under a rock... spend some time with us!

Defnitely don't crawl under a rock. It will make the time drrraaagg.:consoling There are lots of understanding people on here to talk to.

Happy Birthday! Do something special for you today:hugs

:glomp Hang in there hun! It takes some time but it will get better. I'm sure its not going to be one of you better b-days, but I hope you are able to do something for you day :goodvibes

:hugehug

I'm sorry sweetie deployments always suck. :hugs I don't think your supposed to put the date he's leaving though so you might want to fix that. :) :hugs

Happy Birthday! It's going to be hard, most likely the hardest thing you will ever have to do....stay strong.

we are all here for you!!!!!

Happy Birthday!!!!!

I'm so sorry this all had to happen and on your birthday. Like all the other ladies have been saying, try to go do something special for you. Even if it's just something little that might comfort you in some small way. The connections I have made on this website have helped me in indescribable ways since my DB left. We'll do everything we can to help you get through this! :grouphug

:bigsadhug come here for support!! we're here to help you through this.. it's not going to be easy, but there's always someone on here who understands what you're going through!

ugh, on your bday...that sucks...we are all here for you...message me if you want to chat..

:bigsadhug

Keep lettin it out here and it will help you feel better :hugs The beginning is tough. But it will not always be this hard. You will settle into a different kind of normal until he gets home, just give it some time :hang

We are right here for you so pull up your computer and sit a spell we are all in the same boat I will be posting my see you later to my deploying DH in a little over a week and I started crying when I found out he was leaving so we all understand come on in and cry all you want we will be crying with you then laughing with you then worrying with you then finally CELEBRATING WITH YOU !!!!!!!!!!

Diane

We're here for you! I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I know it feels like the end of the world, but you WILL get through it and we're here to help!

Happy Birthday!!!

You will get through this rough part, and come out stronger then ever!

:hugehug

happy birthday honey.so sorry you have to go through this im sure right now is so difficult for you.take care
xxx

:bdaysong

I'm sorry he had to leave on your birthday. Look at it this way, the sooner he leaves the sooner he comes back. Just remember that the deployment has an ending to it so stay busy busy busy and it will be over before you know it!

Mine leaves very soon too. I'm sorry! That really sucks! Feel free to PM me.

aww im sorry hun, what a terrible day to leave. Whatever you do dont climb under a rock. As long as you stay active and spend time with people who understand, like oh say US!!! times gonna fly. It wont feel like it at first but I promise, time will fly.

Happy Birthday and I'm sorry he is leaving today! Hang in there.

i'm sorry he left on your birthday, thats not fun at all. everything will get better though... promise!

Your posting made me cry....my boyfriend leaves for Afghanistan today and I feel exactly the way you do. I thought that maybe if I went to sleep, I could just sleep through the six months that he'd be gone before I get to see him again. It's insane the amount of emotions that go through you during this time...

Like how you and your man are separated as he deploys...it's the same with me and mine. He's in Kansas and I'm in Los Angeles. When he left a few days ago, we kissed and went out separate ways. It wasn't time for tears yet because we knew we had a few more days. That doesn't mean I haven't been a wreck. All I can think about is how much it hurts. How much I want to just be with him.

While this is all extremely hard...I find some comfort in knowing that there are other women out there who are going through or have gone through what it is we are feeling. You know it's possible to make it when you think about them...

Don't let it get you down and crawling under a rock just makes everything worse. You have all fo us on here and I haven't been on here long but I had my first deployment meltdown last week and this site has helped me through it. Start a long term project or something to keep you busy just do everything you can to stay busy it helps deployments suck and they always will but we all have to do go through em and when it's over it will be the best feeling in the world and you can be proud that you did it! Mine left me on my birthday to but it was just one bad day there are good and bad so make the next day good he wouldn't want you to feel like that. Feel better and you always have us!