KateTheGreat
12-17-2007, 11:35 AM
I'm sure most of you have a good start on what's going on. AND I'm sure you're doing great! Your'e a STRONG group of women!
I have a whole list of resources for you at home. Unfortunately, right now, I'm not at home (I'm at Hood with MY Mike!) But I've given you what I have off the top of my head. I'll update when I get home. I hope none of you feel as if I've overstepped my bounds here and I really hope this helps!___________
Well, the man I spoke of was just a boyfriend, and I sadly ended up leaving him. Michael has SOME PTSD and it's not easy, you can feel VERY helpless. I'm out of town right now, at Mike's BUT, as soon as I get home I have an entire list of resources that I've been compiling PLEASE, do not feel alone. If your guy is talking he fact that he's discussing it should be encouraging to you. However, it should also tell you that he's in a lot of pain. Be sure to let him know that HE has to do the work, but that you are ALWAYS there and with him in the healing process all the way. (L)
If he decides he wants to go to a counselor, but is uncomfortable with someone "in the system" (although the VA can vary on quality of counselors) I would encourage him to outside of it (AKA civilian counselor). Because of privacy laws, the military would have to go through a lot to even find out he's been diagnosed with it if he has. Also, if you're having money problems, the VA can help or MHMR (mental health mental resources) is sort of the planned parenthood of mental health. It may not be PTSD exactly, it could be anger problems or something else, but the point is, you want resources! :p
Honestly, one of the BEST things you can be for him is a GOOD LISTENER. If he begins to talk, I do what I call "freezing" (with mike) I STOP what I'm doing, and give him my full attention. I let him talk, and talk, and talk... ;) I also, if I have questions, I'll either write them down to discuss later, or ask them without trying to interrupt or cut off the flow. What's important here, and I found this out the hard way- if he starts to get what's called the "thousand yard stare" and staring off, Like he's GOING TO THAT PLACE, it's important to bring him back to you and the present.
I deal with PTSD every once in a while with my current, but for right now thankfully it's rare. I'm finding that it's coming back more now that he's getting ready to deploy again. I'm sending you a couple of vignettes from my blog- you're definitely not alone! ;) And even though this is my specialty, sometimes in my personal life it throws me too! (close to the situation.)
http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogs...eflections.html (http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogspot.com/2007/11/reflections.html)
http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogs...-it-begins.html (http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogspot.com/2007/11/and-so-it-begins.html)
http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogs...k-about-it.html (http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogspot.com/2007/11/why-soldiers-dont-talk-about-it.html)
http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogs...o-see-this.html (http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogspot.com/2007/11/im-so-glad-to-see-this.html)
I was in a relationship at one point that actually was destroyed because of PTSD. He couldn't trust me. It can markedly affect relationships. Also, remember that you also are susceptible to basically vicarious PTSD. It takes a while to explain (I did my thesis on it) but essentially, in bad cases the spouse picks up the symptoms as their own and the two just make each other worse. SO, it's important, ESPECAILLY for you and your children (if you have any) to make sure that you take care of yourself too! (L) If there are any opportunities or you feel children need to know maybe explaining to themthat "daddy has some hurts in his head from the things he saw when he went to protect us at war. We're working on putting band aids on them. If you have any questions ask us okay?" You know... something like that. If You're a mother, You know the drill. ;)
Bear in mind:
Diagnostically,
3 months or sooner after returning- normal post traumatic stress. PTSD is a scary sounding thing, BUT post traumatic stress in itself is a normal and healthy way of coping with trauma. Those reactions are what keep us alive in those kind of situations.
AFTER 3 months, the person should be mostly adjusted.
From 3-6months it's Acute stress, this is basically the BEGINNINGS of PTSD, and signs that these symptoms are not going away.
AFTER 6 months it's officially PTSD.
________________________________
Okay, so off the top of my head:
Important numbers compiled by the American Legion-
http://www.legion.org/?section=veterans&am..._ptsd_resources (http://www.legion.org/?section=veterans&subsection=vt_generinfo&subsection2=vt_ptsd&content=vt_ptsd_resources)
The National Canter for PTSD - PLEASE, if reading statistics, try to keep in mind that 1) the numbers are WAY off, I mean SUPER low, because most cases of PTSD go unreported for fear of the guys losing their jobs. and 2) this IS a government site. ;)
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp
National Institute of Mental Health- http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post...tsd/index.shtml (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml)
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publication...s/summary.shtml (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-a-real-illness/summary.shtml)
Information about PTSD and chilren, and resources for you-
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fac...amp;echorr=true (http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_children_veterans.html?opm=1&rr=rr112&srt=d&echorr=true)
http://ptsd.about.com/od/causesanddevelopm...a/Holocaust.htm (http://ptsd.about.com/od/causesanddevelopment/a/Holocaust.htm)
http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/qna.html#children
I don't know how advanced you are, but I'm going to send you an article for those practicing helping those with PTSD. If you need assistance with it please don't hesistate to ask. (each job has it's own jargon and writing style, sometimes it's hard to understand if you're not in that study (L) )
http://www.centerforthestudyoftraumaticstr...20Providers.pdf (http://www.centerforthestudyoftraumaticstress.org/downloads/CSTS%20Helping%20Service%20Members%20for%20Providers.pdf)
Books:
A book actually given to me by Michael is written by a veteran, FOR soldiers talking about PTSD-
It’s called “Down Range”
http://www.amazon.com/Down-Range-Bridget-P...3088&sr=1-2 (http://www.amazon.com/Down-Range-Bridget-Ph-D-Cantrell/dp/1933150068/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197703088&sr=1-2)
A book I LOVE, the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook. this can help him work through a lot on his own. BUT it's important to make sure that it doesn't trigger him, just make sure he's "watched" yknow. If he's the do it yourself type, this could be very helpful. It also has good information for you (it explains everything in plain english!), and since it's a workbook again, you can show support by doing it with him if he wishes to allow that. ;)
http://www.amazon.com/Post-Traumatic-Stres...3202&sr=1-1 (http://www.amazon.com/Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder-Sourcebook-Schiraldi/dp/0737302658/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197703202&sr=1-1)
That's all I have off of the top of my head. (More than I thought. ;) I'll let you start with these and will update the list when I get home. If you need anything else let me know.
Feel free to contact me anytime, and just let me know how you're doing!
Keep it up, and be ENCOURAGED that this can be worked through and the blow can be softened. I'm here whenever you need.
I have a whole list of resources for you at home. Unfortunately, right now, I'm not at home (I'm at Hood with MY Mike!) But I've given you what I have off the top of my head. I'll update when I get home. I hope none of you feel as if I've overstepped my bounds here and I really hope this helps!___________
Well, the man I spoke of was just a boyfriend, and I sadly ended up leaving him. Michael has SOME PTSD and it's not easy, you can feel VERY helpless. I'm out of town right now, at Mike's BUT, as soon as I get home I have an entire list of resources that I've been compiling PLEASE, do not feel alone. If your guy is talking he fact that he's discussing it should be encouraging to you. However, it should also tell you that he's in a lot of pain. Be sure to let him know that HE has to do the work, but that you are ALWAYS there and with him in the healing process all the way. (L)
If he decides he wants to go to a counselor, but is uncomfortable with someone "in the system" (although the VA can vary on quality of counselors) I would encourage him to outside of it (AKA civilian counselor). Because of privacy laws, the military would have to go through a lot to even find out he's been diagnosed with it if he has. Also, if you're having money problems, the VA can help or MHMR (mental health mental resources) is sort of the planned parenthood of mental health. It may not be PTSD exactly, it could be anger problems or something else, but the point is, you want resources! :p
Honestly, one of the BEST things you can be for him is a GOOD LISTENER. If he begins to talk, I do what I call "freezing" (with mike) I STOP what I'm doing, and give him my full attention. I let him talk, and talk, and talk... ;) I also, if I have questions, I'll either write them down to discuss later, or ask them without trying to interrupt or cut off the flow. What's important here, and I found this out the hard way- if he starts to get what's called the "thousand yard stare" and staring off, Like he's GOING TO THAT PLACE, it's important to bring him back to you and the present.
I deal with PTSD every once in a while with my current, but for right now thankfully it's rare. I'm finding that it's coming back more now that he's getting ready to deploy again. I'm sending you a couple of vignettes from my blog- you're definitely not alone! ;) And even though this is my specialty, sometimes in my personal life it throws me too! (close to the situation.)
http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogs...eflections.html (http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogspot.com/2007/11/reflections.html)
http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogs...-it-begins.html (http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogspot.com/2007/11/and-so-it-begins.html)
http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogs...k-about-it.html (http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogspot.com/2007/11/why-soldiers-dont-talk-about-it.html)
http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogs...o-see-this.html (http://foxtrotuniformcharliekilothis.blogspot.com/2007/11/im-so-glad-to-see-this.html)
I was in a relationship at one point that actually was destroyed because of PTSD. He couldn't trust me. It can markedly affect relationships. Also, remember that you also are susceptible to basically vicarious PTSD. It takes a while to explain (I did my thesis on it) but essentially, in bad cases the spouse picks up the symptoms as their own and the two just make each other worse. SO, it's important, ESPECAILLY for you and your children (if you have any) to make sure that you take care of yourself too! (L) If there are any opportunities or you feel children need to know maybe explaining to themthat "daddy has some hurts in his head from the things he saw when he went to protect us at war. We're working on putting band aids on them. If you have any questions ask us okay?" You know... something like that. If You're a mother, You know the drill. ;)
Bear in mind:
Diagnostically,
3 months or sooner after returning- normal post traumatic stress. PTSD is a scary sounding thing, BUT post traumatic stress in itself is a normal and healthy way of coping with trauma. Those reactions are what keep us alive in those kind of situations.
AFTER 3 months, the person should be mostly adjusted.
From 3-6months it's Acute stress, this is basically the BEGINNINGS of PTSD, and signs that these symptoms are not going away.
AFTER 6 months it's officially PTSD.
________________________________
Okay, so off the top of my head:
Important numbers compiled by the American Legion-
http://www.legion.org/?section=veterans&am..._ptsd_resources (http://www.legion.org/?section=veterans&subsection=vt_generinfo&subsection2=vt_ptsd&content=vt_ptsd_resources)
The National Canter for PTSD - PLEASE, if reading statistics, try to keep in mind that 1) the numbers are WAY off, I mean SUPER low, because most cases of PTSD go unreported for fear of the guys losing their jobs. and 2) this IS a government site. ;)
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp
National Institute of Mental Health- http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post...tsd/index.shtml (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml)
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publication...s/summary.shtml (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-a-real-illness/summary.shtml)
Information about PTSD and chilren, and resources for you-
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fac...amp;echorr=true (http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_children_veterans.html?opm=1&rr=rr112&srt=d&echorr=true)
http://ptsd.about.com/od/causesanddevelopm...a/Holocaust.htm (http://ptsd.about.com/od/causesanddevelopment/a/Holocaust.htm)
http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/qna.html#children
I don't know how advanced you are, but I'm going to send you an article for those practicing helping those with PTSD. If you need assistance with it please don't hesistate to ask. (each job has it's own jargon and writing style, sometimes it's hard to understand if you're not in that study (L) )
http://www.centerforthestudyoftraumaticstr...20Providers.pdf (http://www.centerforthestudyoftraumaticstress.org/downloads/CSTS%20Helping%20Service%20Members%20for%20Providers.pdf)
Books:
A book actually given to me by Michael is written by a veteran, FOR soldiers talking about PTSD-
It’s called “Down Range”
http://www.amazon.com/Down-Range-Bridget-P...3088&sr=1-2 (http://www.amazon.com/Down-Range-Bridget-Ph-D-Cantrell/dp/1933150068/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197703088&sr=1-2)
A book I LOVE, the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook. this can help him work through a lot on his own. BUT it's important to make sure that it doesn't trigger him, just make sure he's "watched" yknow. If he's the do it yourself type, this could be very helpful. It also has good information for you (it explains everything in plain english!), and since it's a workbook again, you can show support by doing it with him if he wishes to allow that. ;)
http://www.amazon.com/Post-Traumatic-Stres...3202&sr=1-1 (http://www.amazon.com/Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder-Sourcebook-Schiraldi/dp/0737302658/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197703202&sr=1-1)
That's all I have off of the top of my head. (More than I thought. ;) I'll let you start with these and will update the list when I get home. If you need anything else let me know.
Feel free to contact me anytime, and just let me know how you're doing!
Keep it up, and be ENCOURAGED that this can be worked through and the blow can be softened. I'm here whenever you need.