~sigh~

Ya'll are the pro's so here goes.

Ok, for the first time in my life my confidence has hit the roof. But, there are things just trying their damnedest, to pull it down. You see what I have confidence in is, me being faithful to my love. I mean I know I can glue my heart to my love and send it off with him when he leaves for boot camp/school/ext. But, the most important people in my life are shaking their heads and going, "Nah, you'll end up cheating on him." or "nah you'll end up screwing another guy." or yada yada yada. And sadly this is coming from my family, and a good chunk of my friends I talk to every single day. What pains me most is... my love himself is worried sick that I'll be lost in the crowd that let him down. And every time i think about it it makes me brake down and cry just wishing someone local could you know, pat me on the shoulder and say, "You've got it in ya girl." or "Take it one step at a time, before you know it you'll be running through the years."

Has anyone else felt that or am I the bizzar mutant that feels this way. By this way i mean you're on your own buddy kinda feeling?

Ok I can only tell you my experience and hope it helps you out a little. When DH left for boot camp I think he was worried, our relationship was a little rocky still but I had faith, he was a little unsure. My father HATES the military, I mean HATES so he and some other friends and family were telling me DH wasn't a man for leaving and so I should find someone else. ME on the other hand the moment he was gone i knew I was going to be okay and I was going to to stay true. The only thing I could do at that point was convince DH of this. So I wrote him a letter once a day the whole time he was in basic and told didn't say i'm not going to cheat on you, but started making plans for "our" future. I would tell him I loved him and how proud I was. Now that he is home for exodus he told me about bad experience in Basic where his friends were getting divorce papers and such, but when he got his first mail call he recieved 11 letters from me and when he read the first one he knew he we were going to make it.
As for my friends I found 1 really good friend who was willing to believe in me and my husbands relationship, and he basically was around All The Time. We would go shopping and when people would "check me out" he would yell at them (he's a big black guy so people backed off quick) he was like me and DH's relationship bodyguard. Sometime people just make me :vent when they say things like military wives will cheat, and to me I don't know how anyone could cheat on someone who is serving our country. I hope my little story helps and if you ever need anything PM me :)

You have to learn not to listen to what other people say, even family. You know your relationship. I do know where you're coming from, and it is hard particularly when most of the people you know don't think you can do it. But all that really matters is that YOU know you can and your SO knows you can. You will learn to support each other. Being apart is just one of the things you learn to deal with in the military. It either pushes you apart or makes you stronger, and it's entirely up to you which it will do.

You sound to have the drive and desire to deal with the time apart, so I think you can safely ignore what others are saying. I think it's quite unkind to say that they think you'll cheat. I think that's a horrible thing to say. You'll find some people who understand (at least you have on here if not elsewhere!) and that will make it easier. I hate the "military wives cheat" stereotype. DH and I have been married for 6 years and are currently on our 6th deployment. We're the happiest couple around, but you better believe 90% of the people who knew either of us said it wouldn't work. And it has!

Hang in there, it will get easier.

i know exactly where you are coming from. when me and my love got together he had been through a lot with an ex. he was only gone for 3 months and she had cheated on him. he found out from his best friend and whe she went to see him graduate he said something to her about it but she denied. believing his best friend he let her go. when we first started talking he told me everything because he didn't want to get hurt again. it was very hard on him. most of my family and friends have been telling me that when he is gone for 2 years that i am going to find someone else and either cheat on him or someway going to have to break it to him that i don't want to be with him anymore. i have one friend that truely believes we are going to make it through anything! i love her for that. i try to spend most of my time with her. she is someone i can tell anything to and i know that she is try her best to understand. just surround yourself with people that believe you guys are going to be ok and if you have to be around other people just let them know that you are more than happy and try your best to ignore everything they say. i have been through it trust me it is hard but it gets easier! Good luck and if you really want it to work you just have to prove it to him and everyone else that you would do anything!!! ;)

dont listen to them i went through basic and most of AIT (before we broke up) i never cheated...then i was in another military relationship where we saw each other once a month and STILL never cheated ...be true to yourself i heard all that bullshit before too hell once you get past the first week of basic its not that bad and it gets easier everyday as long as you keep reminding yourself your one day close:) youll be fine and well be here to support you!

thank you so much... but my very supportive friend is in Florida, she's about the only being on the face of the earth that beleives in me ...

we do:) trust me most of us have been there and done that if you aer a strong person...you will do just fine:)

Hey Yuni?

...You got it in ya, girl. He's such a good guy. He's got that great face, that smile you barely remember but you know it so well, and you KNOW you love his butt.

You know that way he has of looking at you, when you need to know someone in the world loves you? That look is worth it. You found a guy who's worth it.

And you're too smart to give that up.

So, Yuni? You've got it in you, girl.

THank you guys so much for your support <3

I'm sorry that your friends and family aren't supportive of you and your relationship. Just remember that you have us to fall back on. We have your back and will support you.

Here's a little story for ya....
I couldn't make it down for my DB's deployment ceremony so I went to see him the week before. Well, his family went to see him off and while at the ceremony they had all these books they were giving away. His family invited me over when they got back to show me pictures and gave me this book about faith and being true to your spouse! Well first off, we are not married, so I don't need to be reading about spouses! And second, that was so insulting! I can handle myself just fine, thanks! I was nice about it though, I just said, "I'm not going to cheat on him so please don't worry about that." I also told my DB that there's no way I'm going to find someone else. He has this crazy idea that someone better will come along and sweep me off my feet! But they have many lonely days and have the time to think about these crazy things, especially when it happens to some of their buddies. I just reassure him that I love him more than anything and that the only thing that can complete my life is for him to be safe at home. I'm sure he still gets lonely thoughts once in a while, but I think I have done a pretty good job of making him feel secure with our relationship! I do write him a letter almost everyday, send emails, and make a huge deal when I get to talk to him. Just make him feel like there is nothing else in the world you'd be doing besides writing to him or talking to him on the phone. And tell him to waste his free time thinking about how wonderful coming home to you is going to be instead of letting his thoughts wander into crazy things.
I flat out told my DB to stop being so darn insecure with our relationship and that everything I do, everything I see, and everything I think about has something to do with him! He will lighten up as long as he sees the effort. Just image being him in this situation, it must really suck!

I'm sorry hun, The only thing that should matter, is that you know you'll be true to your DB, and he needs to know that too, but don't let that hold you back from having fun...I wish you the best...:hug

Be true to yourself, If you make the commitement and keep to it you wil have no regrets...the distance may make the relationship better and you will find a deeper love than you knew you ever had....

hey i am in Florida....DF is in KY

No, i like practically broke up with my boyfriend because i didn't think i could stay committed and i was going to be "with so many guys" (i'm also in my freshman year of college) But it's quite funny, i also said this three months ago when i left for college and ended up just still calling him my boyfriend and seeing him as much as i could. and now i'm here a month in for his bootcamp again still calling him my boyfriend, again still being madly in love with him. And basically i have now put it in this perspective. "I'm so fucking stupid" because why did i say all those stupid things to him you know? Who cares about hooking up with some meaningless guy, who will never call me again, when i can have and be with someone who loves me for who i am. You don't just find that everyday, and thats what i'm learning. Hooking up, cheating, overrated man. I've made a few mistakes, and at the end of day i'm just learning that the only purpose of cheating stuff is because cure lonelyness, or self-confidence, and thats just selfish. really selfish. I can't even think about cheating though, my heart is like etched with his name, and every guy that tries to talk to me i end up spilling the name out to them. "Oh i miss him so much , i love nicholas so much" and they get stop talking to me. its alot harder if you really love them than it sounds.

I know exactly what you mean. I even doubted myself before he left. But after the first 8 weeks passed, I was still writing faithfully to him each week, having panic attacks when I left my phone in another room in case he called, etc. I know now I can do this for as long as it takes.

My friends think it's crazy - they don't see the conviction that I have, nor do they see the love I carry in my heart.

I'm now looking down the road... 6 more months til he's back in Ontario. And even then he'll be 5 hours away. I can't wait :)

If you believe it, then that's all that matters. I have almost the same issue from a combination of friends lacking support and my DB getting cheated on by an ex before. But I know it's not even an issue for me and him, and that's all I need to know. You'll be fine girl...and we're all here for you for support.

Girl I'm feeling like that right now. No one here understands me, and I'm here at college sitting in my dorm room all day, just crying because I wish I had a friend who would just say "Stay strong!" But no, they all don't give a shit.

:hugehug

You can do it. We all can. Who cares what others say. Just prove them wrong!

But after the first 8 weeks passed, I was still writing faithfully to him each week, having panic attacks when I left my phone in another room in case he called, etc.

omg i'm the same freaking way, i have to have it at all times, or i freak out and try to find my phone. Even in class i'll keep the ringer on incase i dont hear/feel the vibrate!