So DF and I haven't been getting along since he came home from Iraq in September. We had our wedding completely planned and called it off, that's how bad it's been...lately I'm on bed rest (I'm pregnant, of course) and he's not here, nor did he spend New Years with me. We've had some major issues in the past with him telling other girls he didn't love me and asking for their numbers...
When he first got home and stayed at my house while on leave, I went into the room my mom had him sleeping in one night to find him fully dressed, pulling on his shoes, with freshly sprayed cologne on. He said he was going to his buddy's, but said never mind and lied back down. A few weeks later his ex GF sent me a text telling me to ask him where he was 'really going' that night. How would she have known about that? I blew it off.
Then a while back he was daily talking with his ex-fiance...and didn't tell me about it, and most recently he's had a rumor going around about him that he's been sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. I ignored it all. Until last night. He stayed here b/c the snow was too bad to drive 2 hours home as he planned. While he was in the shower and I decided to look through his phone. There's this girl named Morgan who is my best friends cousin and I knew through myspace. Apparently they met on myspace recently, as well, and have gotten pretty close. Whatever, I don't care, they're only talking online. Okay. So he changed his password and will no longer let me read his messages, I got a little suspicious. But I still let it go. Last night I looked through his phone..this girl is now on his 5 fave (tmobile). So I looked through his recent calls. While he ran out to 'buy us food' at 9 last night, he was on the phone with her for 30 minutes, which is why it took him so long. He also tried calling her house AND her cell while he was here at 10:00 and walked out of the room to 'call his mom', and he had a missed call from her cell. He deleted all of his text messages. I don't know what to think any more. Advice? She lives in Athens (about an hour away). Next Thursday he is going to Athens with his buddy from the Marines that goes to school there to 'check out the school'. I specifically asked if he was going to see her. He said 'probably not'.

?????:duh

i would confront him with all that you know/have heard and ask for the truth...you deserve that much and if he can't give it to you, i would tell him to hit the road, you deserve better...

oh wow. honestly, i'd be very alarmed. this doesn't sound good. :hugs i'm so sorry sweetie.

i would confront him with all that you know/have heard and ask for the truth...you deserve that much and if he can't give it to you, i would tell him to hit the road, you deserve better...

It's so hard. We're 17 weeks pregnant and have been though so much in the past year and a half...ugh. I've asked him about certain things and he always just says it's not a big deal and denies the direct rumors. :( We went through so much while he was deployed (he told me he kissed a female marine, so I kissed a guy here and confessed as well...) but we worked through that and I thought it would be fine.
Now I just cry every night! AH!

oh wow. honestly, i'd be very alarmed. this doesn't sound good. :hugs i'm so sorry sweetie.



i completely agree confron him NOT cool at all

im sorry sweety, you dont need that stress right now.. Especially preggo and on bed rest .. But i think you'll feel better if you ask him about it.. idk what to tell you if he doesnt communicate when you ask though .. :shrug that would raise flags to me .. i know when DH got caught in a lie he manned up and told me everything ((Still late .. but he didnt try to deny it ))

:goodluck !! Where is he right now? id be mad if he said he was going to the City where the girl lived and said hes "probably not" going there to see her.. Totally unfair..

hes responsible just as much as you are for putting you in the position you are in right now (preggo) .. so he needs to man up and be there for you !!!!

oh yeah - where was he on new years??? :sadeyes

It's so hard. We're 17 weeks pregnant and have been though so much in the past year and a half...ugh. I've asked him about certain things and he always just says it's not a big deal and denies the direct rumors. :( We went through so much while he was deployed (he told me he kissed a female marine, so I kissed a guy here and confessed as well...) but we worked through that and I thought it would be fine.
Now I just cry every night! AH!

i'm sure it's really hard, but you're doing great and taking care of yourself and your baby...i hope you have someone there who you can lean on during this hard time if he isn't able to be that person...:prayers for you and your baby

im sorry sweety, you dont need that stress right now.. Especially preggo and on bed rest .. But i think you'll feel better if you ask him about it.. idk what to tell you if he doesnt communicate when you ask though .. :shrug that would raise flags to me .. i know when DH got caught in a lie he manned up and told me everything ((Still late .. but he didnt try to deny it ))

:goodluck !! Where is he right now? id be mad if he said he was going to the City where the girl lived and said hes "probably not" going there to see her.. Totally unfair..

hes responsible just as much as you are for putting you in the position you are in right now (preggo) .. so he needs to man up and be there for you !!!!

oh yeah - where was he on new years??? :sadeyes
At a party with his band. He came here for 5 minutes to kiss me and was half drunk, then left to get drunk more. Lol...

At a party with his band. He came here for 5 minutes to kiss me and was half drunk, then left to get drunk more. Lol...

doesn't sounds like a good guy to me, sweetie. joe and i aren't even together, but he called me at midnight since he's in washington, and gave me an over the phone kiss. it seems to me that you would WANT to kiss and be with your fiance and baby's mother on new year's. i'm so sorry.

doesn't sounds like a good guy to me, sweetie. joe and i aren't even together, but he called me at midnight since he's in washington, and gave me an over the phone kiss. it seems to me that you would WANT to kiss and be with your fiance and baby's mother on new year's. i'm so sorry.
I know??? It was so sad. My best friend called at midnight to say happy 2008 and she was with her BF, my friend (also my age with a one year old daughter) was over here until about 9 and her DB called and said "Come over here!!! I thought we were spending new year's together!" and she left to his house....I was like...ah. I'd do anything for that. :( I just don't know what to do...

doesn't sounds like a good guy to me, sweetie. joe and i aren't even together, but he called me at midnight since he's in washington, and gave me an over the phone kiss. it seems to me that you would WANT to kiss and be with your fiance and baby's mother on new year's. i'm so sorry.

Thanks - thats what i was trying to get at which is why i asked where he was .. DH loves to drink.. he doesnt really anymore because it causes problems so its an occasional beer or two .. But anyways, i told him he could drink because it was new years but instead we went out to eat, and then to a party where he had one glass of wine and then said at like 11 if we could go home because he didnt care about those people he only wanted to be with me -- all im really trying to say is this is how you DESERVE to be treated.. You are his fiance and the mother of his soon to be child.. He needs to start acting like it and if he isnt willing i hope you find people who will truly be there for you to get you through this!!

:hugs

Believe me sweety - ive been there, its not a good feeling but make sure your treated how you deserve to be.. Dont settle just because it makes things seem better for the time being.. You need to do whats best for you and baby!

Thanks - thats what i was trying to get at which is why i asked where he was .. DH loves to drink.. he doesnt really anymore because it causes problems so its an occasional beer or two .. But anyways, i told him he could drink because it was new years but instead we went out to eat, and then to a party where he had one glass of wine and then said at like 11 if we could go home because he didnt care about those people he only wanted to be with me -- all im really trying to say is this is how you DESERVE to be treated.. You are his fiance and the mother of his soon to be child.. He needs to start acting like it and if he isnt willing i hope you find people who will truly be there for you to get you through this!!

:hugs

Believe me sweety - ive been there, its not a good feeling but make sure your treated how you deserve to be.. Dont settle just because it makes things seem better for the time being.. You need to do whats best for you and baby!

exactly. Kels, you know what you want and deserve, so please don't settle. don't let him make a fool out of you for staying with him and trusting him when he being so shady. he's lying. he's an ass. and he's not worth your time or effort. of course, you'll have to deal with him because of the baby. but do just that: DEAL with him. and only for the baby. don't put yourself through the pain any longer. it will only bring you further down and ruin any type of relationship you think may exist with him. if you can't trust him, you will be forever wondering. and he's not worth it. :hugs

Thanks, ladies..ugh. There's just so much more to it. I can't even bring myself to explain more deeply right now..I'm so bummed, afraid...and lost...

Thanks, ladies..ugh. There's just so much more to it. I can't even bring myself to explain more deeply right now..I'm so bummed, afraid...and lost...

:hugs i'm so sorry sweetie. what an awful position to be in. my best friend is going thru the same type of situation with her dh right now. it's not good. she found out he's been cheating on her since before he proposed and has an awful addiction to the internet. he makes sites and sends naked pictures, etc. and everything he said to her to try to hide it before she had evidence is exactly like what your df is saying. :hugs stay strong. PM me if you need to vent or cry or anything.

:hugs i'm so sorry sweetie. what an awful position to be in. my best friend is going thru the same type of situation with her dh right now. it's not good. she found out he's been cheating on her since before he proposed and has an awful addiction to the internet. he makes sites and sends naked pictures, etc. and everything he said to her to try to hide it before she had evidence is exactly like what your df is saying. :hugs stay strong. PM me if you need to vent or cry or anything.

Yeah. While he was in Iraq, a 'friend' Daniel of mine sent him naked pictures of herself and he said he loved them and asked for more...I asked him about that and got over it, too. I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid if we break up I will have to completely cut him out and not let the baby see him because his mother is psychotic beyond belief and would be making him take me to court for full custody...not that they have shit on me, but, you know??? Ugh. There's SO much in our past...I just can't figure out how to let go, if I should let go, anything.

i understand not wanting to share everything else.. thats okay .. but also talking about it might help you get your feelings straight before you talk to him so you make sure you get to say everything you want to say.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk or vent !!

Yeah. While he was in Iraq, a 'friend' Daniel of mine sent him naked pictures of herself and he said he loved them and asked for more...I asked him about that and got over it, too. I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid if we break up I will have to completely cut him out and not let the baby see him because his mother is psychotic beyond belief and would be making him take me to court for full custody...not that they have shit on me, but, you know??? Ugh. There's SO much in our past...I just can't figure out how to let go, if I should let go, anything.

i can imagine how overwhelmed you are feeling. frustrated, confused, mad, betrayed, lonely, sad, etc. so i can absolutely understand how you don't know what to do yet. give it a few days to cool off and get your thoughts together. i agree with carlye, getting it out might help. you'll be able to read all that he's done the way we are able to read it and not be emotional, you know? :hugs please let me know if i can help :hugs i'm so sorry sweetie.

Thanks. But, if I start writing it all out, it'll turn into a 20 page thread. Not worth it, or worth your time wasted to read it...plus, it'll make me cry my eyes out. The worst part is being on bed rest and being able to do absolutely nothing but sit here and think about everything since August 1 2006. :(

:hugs stay strong sweetie. i know that's easier said than done. i can't imagine being on bed rest. we're all here for you.

Thanks so much...

you dont need to deal with on this stuff on bedrest and he should know that and be helping you....smells like a rat

What does your gut tell you? I am a big believer in if the signs are there then you KNOW if your man is cheating, even if it is hard to admit to yourself. If you have that gut feeling, you need to think about what you want to do and what your deal breakers and expectations are, and sit him down and talk to him. Things are much harder with a baby on the way, but no matter what, you do NOT deserve to be cheated on especially while you are pregnant.

Good luck. :hugs

I'm sorry hun. It sounds very shady to me. I get the feeling he's lying to you about a lot of things and just isn't going to fess up. That to me says he's already emotionally detached. It might be he just hasn't got that emotion back after the deployment, but who knows.

Can you contact the ex-fiancee and the other girl he's been talking to? They might fess up to you if they're feeling guilty about it. Then when you confront him, you can specifically catch him in a lie. Plus, if he's cheating on you you're in a much better position if you do have a custody battle. From what I understand they tend to look at the current situation, not what's happened well in the past, so I doubt whatever you're worrying about will be as much of an issue. If you are going to leave him, I would do it sooner rather than later. It's not good for your health to deal with this stress and adrenaline.

I hope it all works out for you and your baby.

it doesnt sound good and i think you should sit down with him and talk.you deserve honesty.if you suspect something then move to your families home and yes i know its hard because u love him and you were engaged but you gotta do whats best for you and the baby.

I'm sorry hun. It sounds very shady to me. I get the feeling he's lying to you about a lot of things and just isn't going to fess up. That to me says he's already emotionally detached. It might be he just hasn't got that emotion back after the deployment, but who knows.

Can you contact the ex-fiancee and the other girl he's been talking to? They might fess up to you if they're feeling guilty about it. Then when you confront him, you can specifically catch him in a lie. Plus, if he's cheating on you you're in a much better position if you do have a custody battle. From what I understand they tend to look at the current situation, not what's happened well in the past, so I doubt whatever you're worrying about will be as much of an issue. If you are going to leave him, I would do it sooner rather than later. It's not good for your health to deal with this stress and adrenaline.

I hope it all works out for you and your baby.
The ex-fiance lives in Tennessee with her new fiance at the moment, so I'm not worried about her so much rather than emotional-cheating, you know? The ex-girlfriend has already told me that if I want I can come into her work any morning of the week and she'll show me all of the text messages from him to her that she saved. They supposedly have him saying he'll leave my house in the middle of the night to see her, and that he wishes he could be with her but can't. Who knows??? The girl I'm most freshly worried about is the one from Athens (about two hours away) that he talks to on the phone/internet seemingly 24/7 and he will be in her home town next Wednesday and has claimed he 'probably won't' see her. Thanks...I'm still lost, though.

it doesnt sound good and i think you should sit down with him and talk.you deserve honesty.if you suspect something then move to your families home and yes i know its hard because u love him and you were engaged but you gotta do whats best for you and the baby.
I live with my family right now. He got out of the Marines in December, and he's with his family two hours away. He comes here once a week for a couple days and jams with his band/visits me.

The ex-fiance lives in Tennessee with her new fiance at the moment, so I'm not worried about her so much rather than emotional-cheating, you know? The ex-girlfriend has already told me that if I want I can come into her work any morning of the week and she'll show me all of the text messages from him to her that she saved. They supposedly have him saying he'll leave my house in the middle of the night to see her, and that he wishes he could be with her but can't. Who knows??? The girl I'm most freshly worried about is the one from Athens (about two hours away) that he talks to on the phone/internet seemingly 24/7 and he will be in her home town next Wednesday and has claimed he 'probably won't' see her. Thanks...I'm still lost, though.


I live with my family right now. He got out of the Marines in December, and he's with his family two hours away. He comes here once a week for a couple days and jams with his band/visits me.
i would go to her work and ask to send a text from her phone to see what his response is :shrug

grr.

You don't deserve to be going through any of this.

Plus, the stress can not be good for you baby :(

i would go to her work and ask to send a text from her phone to see what his response is :shrug

:tu


grr..:vent

I hope things get better soon hun :hugs

this should be the happiest time for you...

It breaks my heart to read all of that. I can tell you one thing. You deserve better! Have a long heart to heart and ask him straight out what he will bring to the table. Be prepared to walk away if he won't change.

So sad for you. Hope this is all a misunderstanding.

He's trying to find happiness......
IMO.....there's a reason why he's not happy!!! PM me if you need 1-on-1 advice!!! I've been in your shoes and overcame it positely! ;)

To start with, whether it's a good enough reason or not, I have to agree that there is a reason why he's doing this. YOU are the only one who can decide, ultimately, how you will react.

Everything that you have posted really suggests that you're posting this in the right place. While "parting ways" is obviously much easier said than done, getting to being happy is sometimes about correcting all the things that prevent it.

I looked at your profile. You are a beautiful, strong, and worthwhile chick! (What man hasn't told me that redheads are the "ultimate" fantasy??? :P) When I was 18, I was in a 2-yr relationship that I laid everything on the line for...my family, my virginity, and my dignity (a.k.a. doormat). As it was ending, I saw it coming and there was no stopping it. In fact, it ended b/c of another girl that became his "crying shoulder" for one thing that grew into a million things.

There were two powerful messages that came from much wiser-than-me ppl. A manager where I worked told me he was going through a divorce. He hadn't spoken to his wife in 2 months. He said that there wasn't a single day that went by without him wanting to call her and ask "Why are you doing this to us?" and "Why won't you talk to me?" or any of a million other questions. In the end, though, he knew that even if she could answer all of them, it wouldn't change what was happening/had happened...and wouldn't make him feel better about it. I know it can't be helped all the time, but try not to drive yourself crazy asking yourself the questions you may not want to/need to know the answers to.

The second message is simpler. The truth is that there was a YOU before there was a you-and-him. As impossible as it feels, you can be happy again without this man who obviously doesn't see the regrets he'll have down the road coming!

Btw, several years later, my ex calls me the one who got away and the only one he knows cared. His relationships since have been misery...karma is a mean bitch!

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been in a simular situation, just not as complicated. You are not alone. If you want advice or need a place to just talk, vent, or whatever, PM me and I'll listen and if you want advice, I'll share what I have. I'll be thinking about you.

awww! confront him!

ugh. this just makes me fucking sick to my stomach.

I'm feeling rather murderous now.

me too... it makes me want to cry!! just know that I am thinking about you, and keep me updated! I hope with all my heart this turns out the way YOU want it to. <3

damn double posting crap

damn double posting crap

LMAO. Itchy posting finger much?

:teehee

If you go to general she has already updated quite a few times on the situation and they are doing much better now (-8

Babies change things. He came home from Iraq and *bam* you were pregnant. I think when pregnancies are unexpected, most women are like "Ok this isn't what I wanted right now or planned but it's coming so let's dig in and make it work". Guys on the other hand (in my experience) are just like "OMFG THIS CAN'T BE MY LIFE I DIDN'T WANT THIS NOW!!!!!", along with other dramatics. It seems to me like he's pissed his life isn't going the way he originally planned. A baby is a big step that maturity wise he might not have been ready for. And he might have known that, but now like it or not, something he knows he's not ready for is coming.

It's sort of like someone telling you you HAVE to swim the English Channel and all you can do is dog paddle.

Maybe being together isn't the best thing right now. Your emotional wellbeing is tied to your physical and your physical wellbeing is tied to your baby's. So being this upset all of the time really isn't any good. And he definitely should go to counseling by himself. His whole life changed overnight and it'll never be the same again. To me, it seems like everything just changed too fast for him and now he's drowning in it all. It's almost as if he wants the life he was planning on living before he came home back and he's fighting hard for it. He's kinda hurting your feelings in the process.

That doesn't sound to good :( talk to him about it.