I had previously posted and said I wanted a divorce because I HATE the Navy lifestyle and do not want to be a military wife. We got married 6 months after we met and then he deployed a couple of months after that. My husband has been trying hard to call/email when he can but he knows it's not enough. Since he left my dog died, my dad tried to commit suicide and my uncle got lung cancer. All in 2 months! My luck has been so bad. I decided it was only fair to tell my husband that I have doubts and that if he stays in the military I will support him as a friend but I can't be his wife. It has been too much for me to go through all of this crap by myself and I need a full time husband. So I told him as nicely as possible that this isn't the lifestyle for me. Granted, he hates the Navy but stays in because he doesn't think he can get another job. Poor thing has no self confidence. I make a lot of money and told him I'll support him if he wants to take the GI bill and finish his degree. I told him I'll support any education and or career he wants as long as it's reasonable (sorry, but for me the military is not reasonable, especially because he hates it anyway). He told me that he actually doesn't see it as a choice because the only choice is his wife and that he won't put me through this again because he knows how horrible it is for me. I told him if he wanted to stay in the military I would still love him and help him however I can but that I just can't continue to live my life this way. He told me he's getting out! THANK GOD. I hate this deployment and I hate the Navy and I just want May to get here already so he'll be home and I'll never have to deal with this again. I told him before we got married that I would not have children with him if he stayed in the Navy. We should've not gotten married until after his deployment. Then he could've told me to take a hike when I told him to pick between the Navy and me. Reading over this blog makes me realize how selfish I sound not willing to sacrifice for his career. But I really don't think he'd be happy either with a miserable wife. I told him that if he wanted to stay in the military I would make it as easy as possible to get rid of me - no fights about money or who gets what. He can have everything. I told him I was so sorry for doing this to him and that I feel like a horrible person and that we should've waited to get married. But he picked me anyway. Wow, I'm a lucky girl. :blush

Well, it's not for everyone.

I hate to see someone miserable, but I hate to see someone drop out of the ranks of military wife, too. It's a pretty good feeling, if you can get into it.

For your sakes, I'm glad you're happy.

I'm sorry. I am glad you have found a solution that will make you happy.

Wow...I guess I always thought that I would rather be married to my husband(even if he deploys) than not have him in my life at all.
It is truly a hard life. I am glad you are honest with him.
I am a pretty independent person so I deal OK with my DH being gone. Some people are not like that. I can understand that as well. I hope you find happiness.:)

I have no words...none at all. Actually, yeah I do. (And I know no one is going to like this and that's fine.)

Good luck and go away.

HOw sad fo him that you didnt think about all of this before you took vows with each other that were supposed to be broken. How sad for him that he is out at sea serving his country and he married someone who decided they wanted to break his heart becuase they are not strong enough for the military life style. How sad for him that he ever met you....THATS how I feel about it

HOw sad fo him that you didnt think about all of this before you took vows with each other that were supposed to be broken. How sad for him that he is out at sea serving his country and he married someone who decided they wanted to break his heart becuase they are not strong enough for the military life style. How sad for him that he ever met you....THATS how I feel about it

You knew he was in the Navy when you married him. If you didn't like it then, what the hell made you think you would like it now? :duh

What the fuck? Go away. Just go. You wait until his life is in danger to decide you just can't take it and he HAS to choose. You couldn't wait?

well im glad you found a solution that makes you happy. because its not fun when you aren't happy. but i do want to add soomething else...

he is out here fighting for our country... he is fighting so we can have a normal life here in the states, he is fighting so our children can go to school, so we can be safe at night, so we have the freedom of choice.. need i go on?

im sorry your miserable, believe me when i say this and im pretty sure i speak for everyone, if i could have my df home and he didn't have to deploy i would pick that anyday over him being gone for 15 months.

i know some people aren't cut out for the military life but i think its pretty crazy that you make him pick between you and the navy. even if he does hate it, i think that is something you should have discussed once he gets home.

df loves the military, he loves serving his country and he is one of those guys that believes he owes it to this country, to the men who fought before us.
i personally dont care for the "military career" i hope df serves his time and gets out, but i would never email/call him and tell him how horrible it all is. im sure your dh is very stressed right now and when your stressed and telling him he has to pick between you and his job im sure that makes it harder on him.

anyway sorry if any of that sounds mean or rude its just my opinon.

oh and im not sure how the navy works, but df signed for four years, once he gets back he will still have over a year left of active duty and then 4 years of in-active duty (not sure how thats spelled)

im guessing the navy is prob. pretty close to the same? will he even be able to get out as soon as he gets home?

You knew he was in the Navy when you married him. If you didn't like it then, what the hell made you think you would like it now? :duh

What the fuck? Go away. Just go. You wait until his life is in danger to decide you just can't take it and he HAS to choose. You couldn't wait?

Hey now, it's not her fault if she's too big of a sissy to handle being a navy wife. Now on the other hand yes it is her fault cuz she knew what she was gettin in to.:duh

ok I am done now:D

HOw sad fo him that you didnt think about all of this before you took vows with each other that were supposed to be broken. How sad for him that he is out at sea serving his country and he married someone who decided they wanted to break his heart becuase they are not strong enough for the military life style. How sad for him that he ever met you....THATS how I feel about it

:agree

I don't even know what to say...Its hard we all know that and I'm sorry that you have been going through a hard time. But when you married him you knew what you were getting into with the military life, to be so casual about ending your MARRIAGE is shocking to me. :dunno I hope you find happieness in your life! :sigh

The only nice thing I can think to say is

Glad it worked out the way you wanted.

My husband got out of the military last year, after having been in for 9 years. But, had he decided to stay in, I would have loved and supported him no matter what and would have continued living the "military lifestyle" until my DH was ready to get out or retire. There are parts of the military lifestyle that I miss, and I never thought I would say that.

I hope both of you will be happy with whatever decision you make.

HOw sad fo him that you didnt think about all of this before you took vows with each other that were supposed to be broken. How sad for him that he is out at sea serving his country and he married someone who decided they wanted to break his heart becuase they are not strong enough for the military life style. How sad for him that he ever met you....THATS how I feel about it

I agree with this too.

Guys, it's her life- everyone deserves to live it and be happy.

I know that this is going against the grain- but you all really have no idea how much she may be going through.

Maybe she is a wuss, maybe she isn't. Fact is- we can't know for sure.

So try to ease up- especially when you girls, of all people- know how tough it can be.

Not everyone is made out of steel.

IMO- everyone deserves to be happy, and aslong as you arn't pulling your husband away from something he loves.. then you guys may just be able to make a better life for yourselves.

My best wishes to you.

Guys, it's her life- everyone deserves to live it and be happy.

I know that this is going against the grain- but you all really have no idea how much she may be going through.

Maybe she is a wuss, maybe she isn't. Fact is- we can't know for sure.

So try to ease up- especially when you girls, of all people- know how tough it can be.

Not everyone is made out of steel.

IMO- everyone deserves to be happy, and aslong as you arn't pulling your husband away from something he loves.. then you guys may just be able to make a better life for yourselves.

My best wishes to you.

:agree

At least she's being up front and honest and talking to him about it instead of running around behind his back and being devious.

LOL my husband is a full time husband. He's doing something honorable and you want to leave cause you're not a big girl and can't be alone for awhile. I wish you all the luck, the other side is not always greener.

cmmarti3: you have posted a similar thread on SOS before. And If I remember correctly you got a similar response. Something to the tune of: Stop whining about the military life being too hard. You knew what you were getting yourself into, and if you had ANY doubts in the first place you should have WAITED TO GET MARRIED.

I'm sorry that you have had so many terrible things happen to you in the past 2 months. I truly am sorry for that. No one should have to go through that. However, if you had come on to this site and tried to make friends, instead of mocking the lifestyle that we have all chosen to be a part of, we would have gladly supported you through your difficult times. Yes, your husband being gone through all of this is terrible, but do not blame his absence for your lack of strength.

If you ask me, I think your husband is lucky to be getting out of this now before you break his heart any further. There are plenty of women that are understanding of the military lifestyle and that actually APPRECIATE what their husbands are sacrificing for their family and country. Many people consider men and women in the service to be HEROES and are very proud to sacrifice time with their SO for the safety of our country.

If you want to whine about how horrible your life is, and how "selfish" your husband is, then go somewhere else.

The women and men on this site represent the silent ranks and we don't tolerate anything less than pride, patience, and love for our military.

i agree with Simmy good that shes going to be happy
BUT
and correct me if im wrong
arent part of your wedding vows
for better or for worse
i dont know i just dont understand therem are so many women on here going through the same thing and they are doing it because their love for their husband is unconditional i just dont get it
but whatever floats your boat and makes you happy

i agree with Simmy good that shes going to be happy
BUT
and correct me if im wrong
arent part of your wedding vows
for better or for worse
i dont know i just dont understand therem are so many women on here going through the same thing and they are doing it because their love for their husband is unconditional i just dont get it
but whatever floats your boat and makes you happy

I completely agree- but there are some things, that can destroy us -emotionally, physically and well... every way which way.

It differs from person to person. You may be fine with it- another may not.

We get one life, we need to get it right. No one deserves to be trapped. No one deserves to have to live life unhappy because they made a vow to stay strong. No one, and I mean no one- deserves to feel like life is not worth living- because of a spouses career choice.

If both parties can agree on this, then more power to them. They deserve their chance.

I also agree with Simmy.

Guys, it's her life- everyone deserves to live it and be happy.

I know that this is going against the grain- but you all really have no idea how much she may be going through.

Maybe she is a wuss, maybe she isn't. Fact is- we can't know for sure.

So try to ease up- especially when you girls, of all people- know how tough it can be.

Not everyone is made out of steel.

IMO- everyone deserves to be happy, and aslong as you arn't pulling your husband away from something he loves.. then you guys may just be able to make a better life for yourselves.

My best wishes to you.

:yes :goodvibes

i agree with Simmy good that shes going to be happy
BUT
and correct me if im wrong
arent part of your wedding vows
for better or for worse
i dont know i just dont understand therem are so many women on here going through the same thing and they are doing it because their love for their husband is unconditional i just dont get it
but whatever floats your boat and makes you happy

Yes for better of for worse but that's not always a smart thing to do. If a husband were to beat his wife or cheat on her or something really bad should she stay with him because her vows said for better or for worse? Everyone is different and her and her husband found a way to work it out and she was honest with him. I wish them luck. :) :goodvibes

:yes :goodvibes



Yes for better of for worse but that's not always a smart thing to do. If a husband were to beat his wife or cheat on her or something really bad should she stay with him because her vows said for better or for worse? Everyone is different and her and her husband found a way to work it out and she was honest with him. I wish them luck. :) :goodvibes


omg i know that there are things like that where i would say for safety and sanity leave your husband! i guess i just dont get it because my decision to date or even to marry someone is based off of ewho that person is to me and i chose to support them and love them no matter what Rob is up for a medical discharge and he keeps asking me if i will think differently about him if he gets discharged...it doesnt change my opinion one bit so well i guess i just cant understand it

omg i know that there are things like that where i would say for safety and sanity leave your husband! i guess i just dont get it because my decision to date or even to marry someone is based off of ewho that person is to me and i chose to support them and love them no matter what Rob is up for a medical discharge and he keeps asking me if i will think differently about him if he gets discharged...it doesnt change my opinion one bit so well i guess i just cant understand it

:hugs

You know you ladies are right it is her decision and her life and maybe it's not for her. IMO it makes her a sissy that she only managed to give it a couple months before giving up. Granted yes those few months sucked but that doesn't mean the rest of the time is going to also. How many of you actually enjoyed the first few months when your life completely changes. We went from getting married to moving to a place I hate, having no friends and overall just a lot of stuff happend but that shouldn't change how you feel about you marrage and make you want to give up.

I am thinking your marriage probably wont last anyway. There will always be things in life that you are not happy or comfortable with. Are you always going to issue him altimatums (sp?)? He may resent you for this down the road. I dont think it is selfish that you dont like the military life style but I do think it is selfish that you express this to him at a time when he needs to know he has something worthy for him to come home to. I am very sad that you did this to him right now.

I am thinking your marriage probably wont last anyway. There will always be things in life that you are not happy or comfortable with. Are you always going to issue him altimatums (sp?)? He may resent you for this down the road. I dont think it is selfish that you dont like the military life style but I do think it is selfish that you express this to him at a time when he needs to know he has something worthy for him to come home to. I am very sad that you did this to him right now.

My thoughts exactly!!

I just got into this lifestyle, and i hate it. I hate being away from my boyfriend, but i'm going to try to make it work. I had the attention of breaking up with him, because i didn't think i could deal with it, but i'm trying and if doesn't work out too bad And if does, i think i'll marry him when hes out of the navy and when i can be with him more and i think thats what you wanted to. I just don't understand why you married him in the beginning when you knew what you were getting into. This isn't a new lifestyle. And once he's signed up, there is absoultly nothing you can do, and i don't understand why you would give him a choice like that. Your supposed to be his equal half, and love. Even if he hates it, he has to finish his service at the end of the day. Hopefully it stills works out though, but if you can't support him through this, i don't know if you last for the rest of your life.

Think about it, how many have threatened divorce due to video games because you didn't like them? Or threatened to leave because of stepchildren issues or ex issues? There are a multitude of reasons for talking about divorce. This is one of hers.

She made her choice, she expressed her feelings, he accepted them and they are working it out so that all parties are happy. It may not work out, but it might. I stand by my statement that at least she was HONEST with him and didn't cheat or flat out leave. She spoke her mind, expressed her doubts and fears, and they're doing what they have to do.

You don't have to agree, but calling her weak and a sissy? :dunno JMO :)

there are sacrifices that have to be made to live this lifestyle. You obviously dont really love him because if you did really love him you'd find a way to make it work. You have a full time husband now, but you have to find a way to make your marriage work through communication until he gets home. Whats a full time husband to you? Full time husband to me is someone whose going to be there for me through thick and thin no matter how far apart we are whether its mentaly,emotionally, or phsycially.Hes going to end up resenting you in the end if the Navy is what he wanted to do. You are not the only wife in the world thats had bad shit happen to you while your husband wasnt home. For me all i NEED to know when shit hits the fan is that he is there for me even if hes a million miles away. Just hearing his voice when Im sad makes me feel better when he says he loves me and it will be okay, or an email.That means more to me than if he was here holding me. Although we all want our husbands home. We love them and we miss them and it gets hard. But we LOVE our men so we wait it out and its all worth it.You dont think its hard on him being away?Having a wife who took vows to stand by him through good times and bad? It sounds like you really meant those vows!!!! You must've had your fingers crossed on your wedding day. You sound selfish and needy. You knew how you were before you got married! You knew you wasnt going to like him being gone, so why did you do it? I think he should tell you to pack your shit and go so someday he can find a real wife that loves him enough to stick by his side even when shit gets rough. And how shitty of you to tell him when hes in the middle of fuckin deployment where he cant do shit about it.

Guys, it's her life- everyone deserves to live it and be happy.

I know that this is going against the grain- but you all really have no idea how much she may be going through.

Maybe she is a wuss, maybe she isn't. Fact is- we can't know for sure.

So try to ease up- especially when you girls, of all people- know how tough it can be.

Not everyone is made out of steel.

IMO- everyone deserves to be happy, and aslong as you arn't pulling your husband away from something he loves.. then you guys may just be able to make a better life for yourselves.

My best wishes to you.

Think about it, how many have threatened divorce due to video games because you didn't like them? Or threatened to leave because of stepchildren issues or ex issues? There are a multitude of reasons for talking about divorce. This is one of hers.

She made her choice, she expressed her feelings, he accepted them and they are working it out so that all parties are happy. It may not work out, but it might. I stand by my statement that at least she was HONEST with him and didn't cheat or flat out leave. She spoke her mind, expressed her doubts and fears, and they're doing what they have to do.

You don't have to agree, but calling her weak and a sissy? :dunno JMO :)

I agree with these. Best of luck with everything :goodvibes

there are sacrifices that have to be made to live this lifestyle. You obviously dont really love him because if you did really love him you'd find a way to make it work. You have a full time husband now, but you have to find a way to make your marriage work through communication until he gets home. Hes going to end up resenting you in the end if the Navy is what he wanted to do. You are not the only wife in the world thats had bad shit happen to you while your husband wasnt home. For me all i NEED to know when shit hits the fan is that he is there for me even if hes a million miles away. Just hearing his voice when Im sad makes me feel better when he says he loves me and it will be okay, or an email.That means more to me than if he was here holding me. Although we all want our husbands home. We love them and we miss them and it gets hard. But we LOVE our men so we wait it out and its all worth it.You dont think its hard on him being away?Having a wife who took vows to stand by him through good times and bad? It sounds like you really meant those vows!!!! You must've had your fingers crossed on your wedding day. You sound selfish and needy. You knew how you were before you got married! You knew you wasnt going to like him being gone, so why did you do it? I think he should tell you to pack your shit and go so someday he can find a real wife that loves him enough to stick by his side even when shit gets rough. And how shitty of you to tell him when hes in the middle of fuckin deployment where he cant do shit about it.

I really don't think that's a fair statement, especially the bolded.

Well I call it like I see it. Its like she wants him out so his life can revolve around her and her needs. for her to say Im divorcing you if you dont get out of the navy..come on now, thats just plain selfish. If he gets out.. it should be because HE wants to get out not because shes screaming divorce if he doesnt. I think maybe she has feelins for him but if she was really inlove with this guy she wouldnt be putting him through this shit.

Well I call it like I see it. Its like she wants him out so his life can revolve around her and her needs. for her to say Im divorcing you if you dont get out of the navy..come on now, thats just plain selfish. If he gets out.. it should be because HE wants to get out not because shes screaming divorce if he doesnt. I think maybe she has feelins for him but if she was really inlove with this guy she wouldnt be putting him through this shit.

I call it like I see it too, and judging someone saying they don't love their husband when you can't know how she feels for him is not the same.

Think about it, how many have threatened divorce due to video games because you didn't like them? Or threatened to leave because of stepchildren issues or ex issues? There are a multitude of reasons for talking about divorce. This is one of hers.

Umm I can honestly say NO I have never done that. Why, because thats effed up. If you don't like a video game threaten to hide it not divorce. Also with the step kids and exes they were there before you got married. Threating with divorce over something he has no control over IMO is seriously not right. Your marrage is not a barganing chip so you can get what you want.

Umm I can honestly say NO I have never done that. Why, because thats effed up. If you don't like a video game threaten to hide it not divorce. Also with the step kids and exes they were there before you got married. Threating with divorce over something he has no control over IMO is seriously not right. Your marrage is not a barganing chip so you can get what you want.

Hey you don't have to tell ME that. I already know. I'm saying it happens ALL the TIME.

well i stand by what I said.

Hey you don't have to tell ME that. I already know. I'm saying it happens ALL the TIME.

It does happen all the time! I have a friend you doesnt like her step son and wants him to go live with his mom. She threatens divorce all the time and it makes me sick.


The thing that really makes me sick is her DH stays with her knowing she cant stand his son. Sorry I know this is a little off topic but i just had to share.

Well here are my 2 cents.. It is selfish of you to make him do this. However atleast you were honest with him now instead of later. Good luck to you both.

Hey you don't have to tell ME that. I already know. I'm saying it happens ALL the TIME.


Sorry it was not directed at you:blush just the thought of someone doing that kinda upsets me, a lot.

I honestly think that all of you ladies throwing out names and telling her how horrible she is needs to back off. None of you know what she is goine through, every single person is different. Telling her that she is a sissy is just rude. Maybe she can't take being a military wife, not everyone can. That doesn't make her weak, it makes her different. She wasn't bashing the life of a military family, she was clearly stating that it just wasn't for her...who cares? Does it bother you all that much? Just tell her good luck and move along. I don't know where the need to be jerks comes from. There is no need for it at all.

And what, she told her husband while he is deployed..ok. So? Maybe it wasn't the best time, but you don't know their relationship. My DH would MUCH rather know exactly how I feel than have me do something here that will totally hurt us later on. I think her being honest was the most important thing.

If you're not willing to wait for him then you don't love him enough, he deserves better than you. Leave him alone, let him find someone who will really appreciate him and love him and would be with him for better or for worse because it takes a strong woman to love a military man and you clearly are not one.
I hope you find happiness in your life and that he finds someone better than you.

IMO you are very selfish, immature. YOU knew what you were getting into when you got married, maybe you should hae thought about that before you said "I Do". I don't know you from Adam, but I will tell you one thing, Good Riddance. Being a spouse of a Military person is something special, you clearly DO NOT deserve that title.

Maybe I am mean, maybe I am a bitch but so be it.

IMO you are very selfish, immature. YOU knew what you were getting into when you got married, maybe you should hae thought about that before you said "I Do". I don't know you from Adam, but I will tell you one thing, Good Riddance. Being a spouse of a Military person is something special, you clearly DO NOT deserve that title.

Maybe I am mean, maybe I am a bitch but so be it.

:giggle
yay, I don't have to be rude by myself. thanks

I have to agree with most of the women on this site on one hand i shouldn't be a bitch but you were How could someone "claim" they have love for someone and promise so many things but when it actually happens you give him an ultamatum because YOU can't handle it doesn't matter if he can. I also agree with everyone else you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into before you married him...WTF...you make it sound as if this life is easy for us and it isn't there are days i didn't want to crawl out of bed i wanted to drown in it but i know i'm stronger than that because i do love him and i support him and i knew what i got myself into...Good Luck and Go away

im going to say the one nice thing i can think of and thats good luck. I hope you do whats right for you AND your husband.....and not just you......

I agree with the majority......nuff said...I'll be nice! :D

aw im happy it turned out ok

:tysign SO Well Said

That was for DupeesWife

HOw sad fo him that you didnt think about all of this before you took vows with each other that were supposed to be broken. How sad for him that he is out at sea serving his country and he married someone who decided they wanted to break his heart becuase they are not strong enough for the military life style. How sad for him that he ever met you....THATS how I feel about it


:agree

Wow...I guess I always thought that I would rather be married to my husband(even if he deploys) than not have him in my life at all.
It is truly a hard life. I am glad you are honest with him.
I am a pretty independent person so I deal OK with my DH being gone. Some people are not like that. I can understand that as well. I hope you find happiness.:)

that's saying exactly what i wanted to. it is difficult to live this lifestyle. i would not want dh to re-enlist unless it would make him happy. i think it is the perfect decision for y'all since it makes you both unhappy

Well, it's not for everyone.

I hate to see someone miserable, but I hate to see someone drop out of the ranks of military wife, too. It's a pretty good feeling, if you can get into it.

For your sakes, I'm glad you're happy.
:agree above.
There are 3 kinds of militarywives. This is a J O B. Those that can do it, those that can do it, but it comes with struggles and those that for whatever reason just cannot do it. I will tell you as a Navy g/f, fiancee, wife of many years - this is not a job for the meak and mild and depending who you are as an individual person impacts this job also. I hate to see a servicemember leave, but I also hate to see, hear the strain of the challenges. I don't like when people divorce, cheat, separate, etc. I don't like any of it. IN a perfect Navy world we would all be happy in our own way.

I commend you for seeing your shortcomings. Alot of people might think or feel this way and may or may not offer it up like you have. So I respect that you have put yourself out here in this facet. I'll be honest, I've had ups and downs too as a Navy wife. At this point after all these years I will tell you I only do this for my husband anymore. In the 10 years of being involved with the Navy I have found that civilians in general come across with a blind entitlement (I frown on that) I have had the opportunity to pack, move, meet people. I hear some stories where people meet some of their "best" friends along the way. It happens and it may not. I think it's better to get married on a shore command compared to a sea command. I have given up quite a bit in alot of different facets to support my husband, his career, his endeavors. I only do this for him anymore.

So when you say your lucky that he picked you to be his wife. You are. I think I am lucky that my husband picked me. Remember that deployments separate you, don't let them divide you, it is a job, a job you may or may not like, but a job I know you can learn and adjust to within reason best you can. Fill your time with family and friends. That's such an oxy moron for me personally though. B/C I left my family and friends to support my husband. Only at this command for example to have him continously deploy with no one here. So at times it can get lonely and frustrating. I won't lie - I put it out there like you have.

Please don't think your alone. Your not. We all go through this in some facet. Whether it's acknowledged or not. There are groups out there FFSC, FRG, this site - you can get involved and be involved or pass on it. However you handle your job and your marriage and your life I think is inevitably up to that person.

This is not a good lifestyle for someone that would need constant companionship. I had a friend here last year that was needy in that facet dating a Navy guy and she herself said to me. I don't think I could do this. So I wish you the best of luck in what you decide.

It's not the easiest job. But, I like to think and hope that when I pass a school bus full of children (kindergartners are my fav) that wave and smile - that in some small facet I have indirectly supported and helped provide that freedom to make faces, wave and smile and be goofy on their buses.

PM me if you ever need to talk.

Love,
Amanda
xoxo

Wow...I guess I always thought that I would rather be married to my husband(even if he deploys) than not have him in my life at all.
It is truly a hard life. I am glad you are honest with him.
I am a pretty independent person so I deal OK with my DH being gone. Some people are not like that. I can understand that as well. I hope you find happiness.:)
:agree, not for everyone

Think about it, how many have threatened divorce due to video games because you didn't like them? Or threatened to leave because of stepchildren issues or ex issues? There are a multitude of reasons for talking about divorce. This is one of hers.

She made her choice, she expressed her feelings, he accepted them and they are working it out so that all parties are happy. It may not work out, but it might. I stand by my statement that at least she was HONEST with him and didn't cheat or flat out leave. She spoke her mind, expressed her doubts and fears, and they're doing what they have to do.

You don't have to agree, but calling her weak and a sissy? :dunno JMO :)

:tu

I dont know. To me, she knew what she was getting into before she married him. He was already active duty. To me, i see what she did as a cop out for not taking responsiblity for herself. If SHE cant take this lifestyle, why make him choose something. SHE is the one that needs to make the choice, not him.

I dont know. To me, she knew what she was getting into before she married him. He was already active duty. To me, i see what she did as a cop out for not taking responsiblity for herself. If SHE cant take this lifestyle, why make him choose something. SHE is the one that needs to make the choice, not him.

How would she have truly known what she was getting into if she had never been through a deployment? Did any of us REALLY know how hard it would be?

How would she have truly known what she was getting into if she had never been through a deployment? Did any of us REALLY know how hard it would be?

Exactly. Hell, I have been through 2 deployments and this one is so hard because I am alone. 100% alone. No friends, family, anything here. I had no clue it was going to be like this, and I have been through it! So, if she hasn't...it is understandable that she felt the way she did.

poor guy :sadeyes i want to send him a hug

How would she have truly known what she was getting into if she had never been through a deployment? Did any of us REALLY know how hard it would be?

I KNEW it was going to be hard, yes it was a reality check when it happened. But I wasnt about to make DH choose me or the military because I was having issues. I had to make the choice because he couldnt. And I sure hell wouldnt have done it while he was deployed. To me all I see is a selfish person in her. That is my opinion based on her posts here. Whether you agree or not, it doesnt matter. Cause I wont change your opinion and you wont change mine.

Well, I definately commend her on her ability to be honest with herself, her husband and everyone on this site. As many of the ladies have said(and all of us know) it's not easy being married into ANY branch of the military-you marry into a lifestyle that most people can't even imagine. But the realization is still that you married into it. It's good that you realize that you probably should have waited to get married, but I think it's a bit unfair to ask him to give up a career(even if he doesn't like it) because you can't handle it. Imagine how he feels knowing that you hate what he does??? Do you think he would ask you to give up your career or he would leave?? No matter what the circumstances, IMO, part of your job as a wife is to support your husband, even if you don't necessarally believe what hes doing. I don't think you're being a sissy-you realize that YOU CAN'T DO IT, and thats ok. But don't make him give up something because you can't. IMO, it's just childish to demand him to get out of the military, especially if he's not ready to(because he doens't know what he'll do). In any case, I wish you good luck and I hope you realize how very lucky you are to have a man that will stick with you through all of that.

Well, this is proof that meeting then getting married right away isn't always the best decision.

Though, I do not think being married is a JOB. I have been married for almost 6 years and gone through 2 deployments. Not once did I think that my marriage was a JOB just because he was in the Army. He's not my co-worker, he's my husband. A marriage takes work that you can't do at a job.

And what, she told her husband while he is deployed..ok. So? .

That's where I have a problem.......what if it were MY husband that had to stand watch next to or after this sailor and he had been so worried or worked up or just PLAIN DISTRACTED enough to NOT do his job correctly and it injured MY husband?? This isn't a regular job for pete's sake! My husband is in charge of thousands of gallons of fuel being pumped at one time, not to mention the weapons on board, the proper lighting off of boilers ect, ect, ect....a distracted sailor = an injury that can't be avoided.

Hell divorce your husband I don't give a rat's ass....what works for you works for you and doesn't involve me but when you step your shit into MY world then I have a problem......keep your problems off the BOAT, out of the MISSION and have the decency to WAIT until you can chat face to face....

Good luck to you and I"ll pray for those that surround him onboard his ship that have to deal with his emotions..........

:tsktskTHE NAVY OR ANY BRANCH IS NOT TO BE HATED. HATE IS A STRONG WORD.
WOW! You mentioned your father tried to commit suicide, and your uncle recently diagnosed with cancer, rigth?

IMO, he is deployed, you have more time to figure out what is wrong with your father and help him & spend valuable time with your uncle.

I know marriage is not easy, this is my 2nd husband...but in my ex-hubby tried to run me over...he was 25 i was only 18 and we had 2 kids. then got divorced had a son with my DH, and we broke up.

I was a Marine GF, i as with him for 1 and he started talking about marrige, i asked if he wanted kids, if he was going to do it as a career, we got everything out and open...we broke up.

anyways, after that year I realized how much i loved my DH, but it did take me that whole time...

I HURT HIM AND WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF, BUT THRU THE THICK AND THIN HE HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME...I AM ONLY GOING THRU BCT at the moment, no calls only letters, it's hard...I HAVE RESPECT FOR THE S.O. THAT HAVE GONE THRU DEPLOYMENTS. THE ONLY THING THE MEN AND WOMEN SERVING OUR COUNTRY HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TOO IS THERE HOME.

I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY "WE ALL WISH OUR OTHER HALF WOULD BE HOME OR AT LEAST CLOSE ENOUGH TO TALK TO THEM"

WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS

I HOPE YOUR CONSCIENCE WONT AFFECT YOU, MINE DID, NOW I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE WITH THE PAIN I CAUSED HIM

GOOD LUCK, BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED AGAIN DONT JUST THINK OF THE MOMENT THINK OF YOUR LIFE TOGETHER....THAT DRESS COMES OFF AND YOUR BACK TO REALITY

MY HEART IS WITH YOUR HUSBAND, MY PRAYERS ARE FOR YOU, YOUR FATHER AND YOUR UNCLE!
I WISH U HAPPINESS!

That's where I have a problem.......what if it were MY husband that had to stand watch next to or after this sailor and he had been so worried or worked up or just PLAIN DISTRACTED enough to NOT do his job correctly and it injured MY husband?? This isn't a regular job for pete's sake! My husband is in charge of thousands of gallons of fuel being pumped at one time, not to mention the weapons on board, the proper lighting off of boilers ect, ect, ect....a distracted sailor = an injury that can't be avoided.

Hell divorce your husband I don't give a rat's ass....what works for you works for you and doesn't involve me but when you step your shit into MY world then I have a problem......keep your problems off the BOAT, out of the MISSION and have the decency to WAIT until you can chat face to face....

Good luck to you and I"ll pray for those that surround him onboard his ship that have to deal with his emotions..........

i AGREE, DO WHAT U WANT!

STOP BEING SELFISH AND THINK OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS, WHO THEY AFFECT AND HOW?

But, YOU don't know what his job is. My brother NEVER left a tent. EVER. He has told me on many occasions that he watched DVDs, played games and dicked around for the time he was there. MAYBE her husband is in a similar situation. If so, then him being "distracted" isn't that big of a deal. Not everyone has someone else's life in their hands. Which goes back to the point of.. YOU ARE NOT HER, YOU ARE NOT IN HER SHOES, and YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEIR SITUATION IS. You make your choices and she will make hers. End of story.

:postcount

I don't know if there's really anything else to add that hasn't already been said, but I was kind of disappointed because it seemed the original poster took marriage/divorce so lightly...

Where IS the original poster??

And, I haven't ever been a big fan of the military, nor did I EVER think I'd be a military wife. Not in my wildest dreams. But here I am, with my husband on the other side of the world, we got married after only ONE MONTH, and I would NEVER EVER tell him to pick between me and his job. That is just wrong. No matter what profession your husband is in. And the worst part is, you did it when he is on the other side of the planet, probably feeling extremely stressed and worried and helpless. That is a shitty thing to do to someone.

Whoopsie. Accidental double post!

That's where I have a problem.......what if it were MY husband that had to stand watch next to or after this sailor and he had been so worried or worked up or just PLAIN DISTRACTED enough to NOT do his job correctly and it injured MY husband?? This isn't a regular job for pete's sake! My husband is in charge of thousands of gallons of fuel being pumped at one time, not to mention the weapons on board, the proper lighting off of boilers ect, ect, ect....a distracted sailor = an injury that can't be avoided.

Hell divorce your husband I don't give a rat's ass....what works for you works for you and doesn't involve me but when you step your shit into MY world then I have a problem......keep your problems off the BOAT, out of the MISSION and have the decency to WAIT until you can chat face to face....

Good luck to you and I"ll pray for those that surround him onboard his ship that have to deal with his emotions..........

How different is this situation than if he called her and she sounded distant? So he said, "Baby, what's wrong?" and she couldn't help the bitterness when she snapped "NOTHING!" instead of being honest and saying, "Baby, I hate this. I can't take the lifestyle."

Maybe this was better timing to say it. Maybe now he's relieved that that's ALL that's wrong. Maybe he was worried she had found someone else to keep her warm at night, because he wasn't doing enough, earning enough, trying enough to support her. And now, she's saying she's ok with him LEAVING the military, which she KNOWS he hates, and she hates it too.

Maybe this is him being RELIEVED, and thus BETTER able to focus on the job at hand. You never know. She could have, in the end, SAVED your husband's life because she was honest and didn't keep her husband in the dark. Especially since he hates the military too.

OP: Like I said before, for both of your sakes, I'm glad it worked out for you.

You know, girl. I know how you feel, we all do. I am glad that you were able to be honest with yourself and with your DH. That is something that a lot of women, including me, don't have the balls to do when it's most important. I think your decision to tell him while he's gone was a good one, since I know while my DF was gone he wanted up-to-date every time we spoke.
I see it from both sides. On one side, WTF? We've ALL had hard times. I'm only 18. While my DF was deployed, I had a friend SUCCEED in suicide, another friend die in a drunk car wreck, I got sent home from boot camp, my parents got divorced, and my little sister was admitted for psychiatric treatment. I didn't take it out on him!
On the other hand, nobody should be bashing you. If he's happy with the decision and you are, then it's all good. I'm not sure why you had to throw him an ultimatum and threaten with divorce to get the answer you wanted, but I'm glad you are going to be happy.:yes

My only question, how do you expect him to just 'get out' when he gets home?? That seems pretty impossible to me!:confused

Um..

No one KNOWS what they are FULLY getting into until they are IN IT.

How many times have you been absolutely infuriated because you have been told that.. and you think to yourself- well actually, I didn't really know.. not until I was in the situation myself.

How about having kids? Did you KNOW what you were getting into before you had them? Or did you realise it to the full extent when you had them?

Well this is the SAME thing!

Think about it-that phrase is plain disrespectful and arrogant.

Because you simply CAN'T know what something is going to be like- until you have tried it.

Please- get off her back. She's been honest, her husband dosn't even like the navy, and they both may have a chance to be happy together.

As for her distracting him- that's bs. If he didn't like the navy and is deployed- he's already distracted.

I don't know why we are still even responding to this thread, she obviously doesn't care enough to respond so why should we? :lol

Simmy he could be telling her that so he could keep her.

Um..

No one KNOWS what they are FULLY getting into until they are IN IT.

How many times have you been absolutely infuriated because you have been told that.. and you think to yourself- well actually, I didn't really know.. not until I was in the situation myself.

How about having kids? Did you KNOW what you were getting into before you had them? Or did you realise it to the full extent when you had them?

Well this is the SAME thing!

Think about it-that phrase is plain disrespectful and arrogant.

Because you simply CAN'T know what something is going to be like- until you have tried it.

Please- get off her back. She's been honest, her husband dosn't even like the navy, and they both may have a chance to be happy together.

As for her distracting him- that's bs. If he didn't like the navy and is deployed- he's already distracted.

:tu:tu

Guys, it's her life- everyone deserves to live it and be happy.

I know that this is going against the grain- but you all really have no idea how much she may be going through.

Maybe she is a wuss, maybe she isn't. Fact is- we can't know for sure.

So try to ease up- especially when you girls, of all people- know how tough it can be.

Not everyone is made out of steel.

IMO- everyone deserves to be happy, and aslong as you arn't pulling your husband away from something he loves.. then you guys may just be able to make a better life for yourselves.

My best wishes to you.

I completely agree- but there are some things, that can destroy us -emotionally, physically and well... every way which way.

It differs from person to person. You may be fine with it- another may not.

We get one life, we need to get it right. No one deserves to be trapped. No one deserves to have to live life unhappy because they made a vow to stay strong. No one, and I mean no one- deserves to feel like life is not worth living- because of a spouses career choice.

If both parties can agree on this, then more power to them. They deserve their chance.

Think about it, how many have threatened divorce due to video games because you didn't like them? Or threatened to leave because of stepchildren issues or ex issues? There are a multitude of reasons for talking about divorce. This is one of hers.

She made her choice, she expressed her feelings, he accepted them and they are working it out so that all parties are happy. It may not work out, but it might. I stand by my statement that at least she was HONEST with him and didn't cheat or flat out leave. She spoke her mind, expressed her doubts and fears, and they're doing what they have to do.

You don't have to agree, but calling her weak and a sissy? :dunno JMO :)

Um..

No one KNOWS what they are FULLY getting into until they are IN IT.

How many times have you been absolutely infuriated because you have been told that.. and you think to yourself- well actually, I didn't really know.. not until I was in the situation myself.

How about having kids? Did you KNOW what you were getting into before you had them? Or did you realise it to the full extent when you had them?

Well this is the SAME thing!

Think about it-that phrase is plain disrespectful and arrogant.

Because you simply CAN'T know what something is going to be like- until you have tried it.

Please- get off her back. She's been honest, her husband dosn't even like the navy, and they both may have a chance to be happy together.

As for her distracting him- that's bs. If he didn't like the navy and is deployed- he's already distracted.

I agree with everything above, 100%. I think ultimatums are serious business and I don't think I would ever personally issue one while he was deployed, BUT I don't think she is a sissy or any other choice word just because she hates this lifestyle and does not want to deal with it. I used to feel very much the same way, prior to being able to come to terms with everything. Not everyone wants this life for themselves and I don't think that makes anyone a lesser or weaker person. I think that's a very unfair judgment about someone's character.

I don't know why we are still even responding to this thread, she obviously doesn't care enough to respond so why should we? :lol

I wouldn't respond if I were her either. There are so many people in here calling her names, telling her she is selfish and weak..why would she? She put herself out there for support and got slammed for it. I don't know anyone who would come back for more after that. I think she is smart for staying out of it. At this point, anything she says is going to be used against her..she is trying not to fuel the fire.

I agree with you, Brandi. Totally. Judging her is just wrong.

best of luck with your decision.

ok so im just a girlfriend but even i know that when they are gone like this yu cant just put it on them. my DB is SO unhappy in the marines but after his active duty is up he is thinking about going the reserves route instead of inactive route for the money for school. everyone knows reserves still get deployed... that being said i do not like being away from my DB one bit but my exact words to him when he told me this was... "i support you in any decision you make just make sure you are sure about it." when you love someone you dont make them choose between you and a life they had before you. if it was an abusive relationship i would say get out bc in that situation the for better or worse does not count imp BUT when its his life that he is living sorry but i think its down right selfish to make him choose especially when he is out on a ship puttin his life at risk. sorry but you should have thoguht about this before you married him instead of pulling somethign like this.

Judging her is just wrong.

:ohplease you put yourself out there like that and your going to be judged. You and some others may think it's wrong, but it's life. We are judged everyday regardless of the fact you think it's wrong or right. It's human nature.

She won't respond again, not because she is being judged, but because she can't face the fact that someone may be right at the fact that she just may be weak.

We are all "guessing" at her situation, but the fact is, she COULD NOT handle what it takes to be a military wife. PERIOD.

We all face things in life that we don't like or don't agree with, running away from it and pulling your SO down with you is NOT the answer. THAT is what makes someone weak and immature IMO. The OP fits this bill.

Edited b/c I shouldn't personally care enough to be offended by what others write.

That said, I just stick to what I originally thumps up'd. It's sad though that she's called weak b/c she doesn't want the lifestyle. She could possibly of handled it better (we're not in her situation to know whats going on and considering he doesn't like the Navy), but it by no means makes her weak or dependent. There may be things in your life that makes you weak while someone else would handle it w/ strength and the very things that make someone else weak- you handle with strength.

I don't know...I just smell arrogance in some of the posts.

well im glad you found a solution that makes you happy. because its not fun when you aren't happy. but i do want to add soomething else...

he is out here fighting for our country... he is fighting so we can have a normal life here in the states, he is fighting so our children can go to school, so we can be safe at night, so we have the freedom of choice.. need i go on?

im sorry your miserable, believe me when i say this and im pretty sure i speak for everyone, if i could have my df home and he didn't have to deploy i would pick that anyday over him being gone for 15 months.

i know some people aren't cut out for the military life but i think its pretty crazy that you make him pick between you and the navy. even if he does hate it, i think that is something you should have discussed once he gets home.

df loves the military, he loves serving his country and he is one of those guys that believes he owes it to this country, to the men who fought before us.
i personally dont care for the "military career" i hope df serves his time and gets out, but i would never email/call him and tell him how horrible it all is. im sure your dh is very stressed right now and when your stressed and telling him he has to pick between you and his job im sure that makes it harder on him.

anyway sorry if any of that sounds mean or rude its just my opinon.



Very Nicely said...What BALLS you have to come on this site and tell us this...:wowsers I mean shouldn't you know you were going to get this type of reaction?!:handup I normally dont get into things of this nature, but wow lady. How rude are you to make him choose you or his career!? & you knew he was in the navy before you married him!!! :vent:insanity:getout:smackup:shakefist

Edited b/c I shouldn't personally care enough to be offended by what others write.

That said, I just stick to what I originally thumps up'd. It's sad though that she's called weak b/c she doesn't want the lifestyle. She could possibly of handled it better (we're not in her situation to know whats going on and considering he doesn't like the Navy), but it by no means makes her weak or dependent. There may be things in your life that makes you weak while someone else would handle it w/ strength and the very things that make someone else weak- you handle with strength.

No one else is better than her just b/c they are a military wife/so.


Very true! I kinda feel like he might have liked the Navy (I mean why else would he have stayed in :dunno even though he didnt have self confidence I still think you have to have enjoyed it SOMEWHAT in order to stay, but thats just me:dunno)

Very true! I kinda feel like he might have liked the Navy (I mean why else would he have stayed in :dunno even though he didnt have self confidence I still think you have to have enjoyed it SOMEWHAT in order to stay, but thats just me:dunno)

There are a lot of people who stay in because they know no other way. NOT because they "enjoy" it. To some, the military isn't something to be enjoyed, it is their way of life, they don't know anything else and the thought of starting over is too scary for them. Once again, people are making ASSumptions.

No one knows what they are going through. Being pissy and nasty doesn't change that. And ya, I guess we are judged everyday. And here is my judgement..All of you who call her weak and a sissy..do you feel better about yourself now? Did that make you feel strong and above her? Good for you for being able to handle this life. You rock. Not everyone was cut out for it. Does that mean you have the right to be such jerks about it? NO. It doesn't. But, if you feel better about yourself for making her feel worse, than whatever. Good on ya.

I agree.This life isn't for everyone and I don't agree with making someone feel bad because it wasn't right for them.We don't know all the details of the situation and I'm not gonna judge.In my opinion,if she's happier out of this lifestyle, then it's not fair for her or her husband if she stays and is completely miserable.

I'm sorry but really you girls are so shocked that people didn't respond with a big hug oh you poor thing?? I mean really? She is telling her dh she is going to divorce him unless he choses her over the navy?? And he's deployed?? I mean really know you're audience before you expect butterflies and rainbows.
I don't care that she's divorcing him if she wants to be happy then go for it. But she can't divorce him anyway while he's over there so why make an ultimatum why not try and tough it out until he gets back and if she can't handle it then leave him then..

I stand by what I posted..and will continue to do so. I also sleep well at night...don't know about the rest of you that sugar coat your stuff though. I am not arrogant in any way, shape or form just being honest. You don't like it...don't read it.

I stand by what I posted..and will continue to do so. I also sleep well at night...don't know about the rest of you that sugar coat your stuff though. I am not arrogant in any way, shape or form just being honest. You don't like it...don't read it.

:agree I don't think anybody was overly nasty to her but just told it like they saw it.

It sounds like your are missing the intimate aspects of a relationship, and thats awful, your hubby is putting his life on the line for you and your freedom and then you tell him its over, you should of never got married in the first place, next time think with your brain before you proceed with marriage, Being a military wife it takes a lot of scrafices and hardship, but we are strong and a true woman can deal with it.

I never said that she was weak or a sissy i did however say she was selfish because no not everyone is cut out to be a "Military Wife" and that's fine there isn't anything wrong with that but when you even meet a military man you should know what that kind of life would entail knowing is different from living but if you at least know it and you have had advice from other military wives you should not expect his undivided attention or even all the holidays together if she even knew that than she should have backed off.

Well yes I did call her a sissy and no I didn't do it to feel better about myself or to feel above her. IMO she is, so maybe the navy life isn't for her and maybe she's really just not cut out for it but she could have just sucked it up like the rest of us do and waited till he got home. Telling him all this while he is gone and can't be there to do anything about it once again IMO is a sissy thing to do. Be upset and call me wrong all you want I'm just telling you what I think.

I know for sure I hate this deployment as well - as I am sure all the others dealing with their SO's being gone are. I would never, in a million years ask DH to choose. Even tho he has asked me how I feel about the whole thing. His reenlistment date is coming up, and soon ... and DIRECTLY after this deployment. It's a decision that HE has to make. I will not tell him it's between me and the Navy, because in now way would I feel that way.

I dont want to sound like I am on a soap box, but seriously? You should have waited thru the deplyment to get married, especially since you only experienced 6 months of the Navy life before you did. I hope you find happiness in your life ~ I appreciate that you are voicing your opinions to you DH. He deserves at least that...

Wow...I guess I always thought that I would rather be married to my husband(even if he deploys) than not have him in my life at all.
It is truly a hard life. I am glad you are honest with him.
I am a pretty independent person so I deal OK with my DH being gone. Some people are not like that. I can understand that as well. I hope you find happiness.:)



The women and men on this site represent the silent ranks and we don't tolerate anything less than pride, patience, and love for our military.

:agree

At least she was honest with him now and didn't string him along for the entire deployment.......thinking everything was fine and he was coming home to a solid marriage. Life is to short to continue living a lie like that.

I actually think it takes a strong character to make changes where necessary to live with happiness. Better than laying in the bathroom floor crying every night like the lady who wrote the book "Eat Pray Love".......and THEN deciding to make changes once you're miserable and worn down to NOTHING.

I don't know, I think you can choose to be happy or miserable in any situation, barring any abuse going on. Life isn't always going to go her way. What if he gets out and she doesn't like his new job, where do the ultimatiums end?

The women and men on this site represent the silent ranks and we don't tolerate anything less than pride, patience, and love for our military.

You knew he was in the Navy when you married him. If you didn't like it then, what the hell made you think you would like it now? 

What the fuck? Go away. Just go. You wait until his life is in danger to decide you just can't take it and he HAS to choose. You couldn't wait?


I AGREE!!!!!

my DF and i have been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half, and now have a 15 month deployment to go through..i cant imagine, even though im lonely as hell sometimes, giving him an ultimatum like that...sure, we arent married yet, but we will be, and if he chose to stay in, i would support that, just as hewould support what i want to do in this life....

everyone here understands its not easy...this lifestyle is one of the hardest there is...but i am so proud of what he does, and the fact that he is making this place better for my children....i would never ask him to leave..

Good God, you people are still bickering about this? Instead of criticizing her life, why don't you go get your own.

I have a life, but no cable lol. An invalid husband and the kids are watching a video. So yeah.

I am thinking your marriage probably wont last anyway.

:agree

My brother's wife told me when he was deployed that when marriages fail during a deployment, they'ld probably fail anyways, it just speeds up the process...

OP, I'm glad you're not going to make a drama filled messy divorce, and I'm glad you don't have kids to put through it either. Not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle, it's not easy!!

:bigsadhug I wish you the best!!

I had previously posted and said I wanted a divorce because I HATE the Navy lifestyle and do not want to be a military wife. We got married 6 months after we met and then he deployed a couple of months after that. My husband has been trying hard to call/email when he can but he knows it's not enough. Since he left my dog died, my dad tried to commit suicide and my uncle got lung cancer. All in 2 months! My luck has been so bad. I decided it was only fair to tell my husband that I have doubts and that if he stays in the military I will support him as a friend but I can't be his wife. It has been too much for me to go through all of this crap by myself and I need a full time husband. So I told him as nicely as possible that this isn't the lifestyle for me. Granted, he hates the Navy but stays in because he doesn't think he can get another job. Poor thing has no self confidence. I make a lot of money and told him I'll support him if he wants to take the GI bill and finish his degree. I told him I'll support any education and or career he wants as long as it's reasonable (sorry, but for me the military is not reasonable, especially because he hates it anyway). He told me that he actually doesn't see it as a choice because the only choice is his wife and that he won't put me through this again because he knows how horrible it is for me. I told him if he wanted to stay in the military I would still love him and help him however I can but that I just can't continue to live my life this way. He told me he's getting out! THANK GOD. I hate this deployment and I hate the Navy and I just want May to get here already so he'll be home and I'll never have to deal with this again. I told him before we got married that I would not have children with him if he stayed in the Navy. We should've not gotten married until after his deployment. Then he could've told me to take a hike when I told him to pick between the Navy and me. Reading over this blog makes me realize how selfish I sound not willing to sacrifice for his career. But I really don't think he'd be happy either with a miserable wife. I told him that if he wanted to stay in the military I would make it as easy as possible to get rid of me - no fights about money or who gets what. He can have everything. I told him I was so sorry for doing this to him and that I feel like a horrible person and that we should've waited to get married. But he picked me anyway. Wow, I'm a lucky girl. :blush

Marriage is about compramise sometimes. So this time he picked you. Just remember that sometime you will need to pick him. I think its fantastic that you are caring enough about your well being to tell him how you felt & stick to your guns. Too many times we just put what's best on the back burner & focus on everyone else. It would be different if he loved the military life & had dreamt of being a soldier as long as he could remember. Then I would say that you are taking away his dream. But since you husband doesn' tlike it, then stop second guessing his choice & enjoy when your guy & you can say a big *uck you to the military. Best of Luck to you both

i think that is something you should have discussed once he gets home..

DH & I agreed before he left to be completely honest w/ each other about how we were feeling. So, this is something that either one of us would have brought up during this deployment. We are keeping our marriage as normal as possible, soits not as hard when he gets back. This isn't just his life its your life too & if you two were going to divorce, I think its better to do it sooner than later.

Hey now, it's not her fault if she's too big of a sissy to handle being a navy wife. Now on the other hand yes it is her fault cuz she knew what she was gettin in to.:duh

ok I am done now:D

How do you know what you are getting into before you've done it? I had no idea what my life as a soldier's wife was going to be like before we got married. I've never lived months at a time w/out my spouse. I've never experienced someone I love carrying a gun w/ him to the bathroom. I've never had my heart stop b/c a dark SUV pulls into my driveway. All of this is new to me. I didn't know what I was getting myself into b/c I didn't know any women married to military men. Hell, DH is the only military man I knew until we started dating. And until we were married, I wasn't allowed to be involved in a lot of the military process b/c only dependants & spouses are allowed to use/deal w/ all the military paperwork, etc.

Guys, it's her life- everyone deserves to live it and be happy.

I know that this is going against the grain- but you all really have no idea how much she may be going through.

Maybe she is a wuss, maybe she isn't. Fact is- we can't know for sure.

So try to ease up- especially when you girls, of all people- know how tough it can be.

Not everyone is made out of steel.

IMO- everyone deserves to be happy, and aslong as you arn't pulling your husband away from something he loves.. then you guys may just be able to make a better life for yourselves.

My best wishes to you.

The wives who stay & are miserable are the ones who cheat. I'm sure he'd rather have her be honest about her feelings, then find out she was screwing around b/c she needed companionship.

The women and men on this site represent the silent ranks and we don't tolerate anything less than pride, patience, and love for our military.

WOW way harsh, maybe I'm missing something about past posts. She agreed she made a mistake & they got married too soon. As a couple they made a decison together, that's what couples do. She didn't say he loves his job & is leaving it for her. If this sight doesn't tolerate anything less than pride, patience, & love for our military, then my hubby better never join & I better leave. Yes, I am proud of my husband's work ethic & I sure better have patience or I'd go crazy b/c we all know everything in the military is hurry up & wait. As far as love of our military goes, I love the men & women that are at the bottom of the barrell & making all the sacrifices, but as far as the military as a government agency, it is broken. Those words came from a soldier I consider one of the wisest men I know. I have posted my feelings about military life several times & not once were people rude to me b/c I felt differently than they did. I thought this was a place to celebrate, vent, & get support.

A marriage takes work that you can't do at a job.

And some fun stuff you're not allowed to do at a job either.:wow:D:cp:wowsers:cp

That's where I have a problem.......what if it were MY husband that had to stand watch next to or after this sailor and he had been so worried or worked up or just PLAIN DISTRACTED enough to NOT do his job correctly and it injured MY husband?? This isn't a regular job for pete's sake! My husband is in charge of thousands of gallons of fuel being pumped at one time, not to mention the weapons on board, the proper lighting off of boilers ect, ect, ect....a distracted sailor = an injury that can't be avoided.

Hell divorce your husband I don't give a rat's ass....what works for you works for you and doesn't involve me but when you step your shit into MY world then I have a problem......keep your problems off the BOAT, out of the MISSION and have the decency to WAIT until you can chat face to face....

Good luck to you and I"ll pray for those that surround him onboard his ship that have to deal with his emotions..........

This isn't sarcastic or anything. I'm just curious what you do when you have a serious situation at home while he's on the ship. Do you keep them to yourself until he comes home? This is our 1st deployment & so we are learning what works for us. That would never work for DH & I b/c we help each other through our crap. :dunnoAnd during this deployment he has called me & dumped crap on me too.

neverminnnd i think she is gone anyway

cmmarti3: you have posted a similar thread on SOS before. And If I remember correctly you got a similar response. Something to the tune of: Stop whining about the military life being too hard. You knew what you were getting yourself into, and if you had ANY doubts in the first place you should have WAITED TO GET MARRIED.

I'm sorry that you have had so many terrible things happen to you in the past 2 months. I truly am sorry for that. No one should have to go through that. However, if you had come on to this site and tried to make friends, instead of mocking the lifestyle that we have all chosen to be a part of, we would have gladly supported you through your difficult times. Yes, your husband being gone through all of this is terrible, but do not blame his absence for your lack of strength.

If you ask me, I think your husband is lucky to be getting out of this now before you break his heart any further. There are plenty of women that are understanding of the military lifestyle and that actually APPRECIATE what their husbands are sacrificing for their family and country. Many people consider men and women in the service to be HEROES and are very proud to sacrifice time with their SO for the safety of our country.

If you want to whine about how horrible your life is, and how "selfish" your husband is, then go somewhere else.

The women and men on this site represent the silent ranks and we don't tolerate anything less than pride, patience, and love for our military.

:yes
I AGREE TOTALLY

I honestly think that all of you ladies throwing out names and telling her how horrible she is needs to back off. None of you know what she is goine through, every single person is different. Telling her that she is a sissy is just rude. Maybe she can't take being a military wife, not everyone can. That doesn't make her weak, it makes her different. She wasn't bashing the life of a military family, she was clearly stating that it just wasn't for her...who cares? Does it bother you all that much? Just tell her good luck and move along. I don't know where the need to be jerks comes from. There is no need for it at all.

And what, she told her husband while he is deployed..ok. So? Maybe it wasn't the best time, but you don't know their relationship. My DH would MUCH rather know exactly how I feel than have me do something here that will totally hurt us later on. I think her being honest was the most important thing.


Thats what I was thinking, I am just not good at wording them.

WOW- This is just crazy, some of the things I have read. Does it make me weak and a sissy because I cant handle things. I mean I do, but when I said my vows military was no where in my mind, or his. Atleast she was honest with him about it and will not hold in the resentment towards him and be unhappy the rest of her life.

To the OP, I am glad that you have the descision that obviously you and your dh are both okay with. It is both of your lives together, so if it makes both of you happy then best of luck.