..did I think I would ever be posting something here. Theres a good chance that this might be a long one, so sorry in advance...theres just a lot that I need to get off of my chest right now.

Things we perfect, we were both head over heels for each other. It all started to go south when I flew down to Lousiana to see him before he left (I dont feel like rehatching all of it again, you can read my other post), and it just hasnt been right since. Things got a little better, and he finally gave me a reason why he said what he did..this sounds silly, but he wanted me to not care about him anymore, just in case something happened to him over there, b/c he knows how crushed I would be..well crushed isnt even the right word to explain it. Anyways, I got my 2nd call from Iraq on 12/19, and he didnt even wish me a happy birthday (it was on the 22nd), merry christmas, or anything. He sounded different, detached, and I just chalked it up to him being stressed out. As you can see from my sig, this deployment hasnt been that long so far, but during everything, I had sent him a few emails, you know "I love you, miss you, stay safe"...and he didnt respond to any of them, but he had the time to log onto his myspace, even though hes "not allowed" to. My bday, christmas and new years came and went, and no phone call, no email, all of which hes had access to.

I think he just let go. DB's always had this coping mechanism of just "shutting off" when ever he's stressed, but I never thought he would do this with me. I sent him another email basically asking him what in the hell is going on...no reponse. This sounds so stupid, but my heart aches :unlove. I cant grasp the concept of how you could just let go of someone you love, someone who was more than willing to wait 15 months for you, to stay loyal, and deal with all of the hardships a military life brings...This whole situation just blows my mind. I love him, so much, that it hurts right now. I hope at some point I'll get closure, but its hard to do when the other person is half way around the world and refuses to communicate. I remember all of the plans we made when he gets back, hell, we even picked out our wedding song. None of this makes sense. The only thing im sure of is that Ill never be able to let go as quickly as he did.

Thanks for listening...

:hugs im so sorry hun im going through kind of the same thing except db isnt deployed :hugs

I'm so sorry :hugs. I've also gone through the same thing recently. I think the hardest part is having the lines of communication cut off whether it was intentional or not. I never got the closure I needed, but I hope you do get a response! Some days I still ask myself all of the same questions you are asking yourself right now. It’s difficult but I’m here if you need anything. I know all of the support on here got me through the dark days.

:bigsadhug

Definitely sounds like this is his way of coping... He wants to protect you. He feels like he's doing you a favor by removing himself from your life voluntarily, rather than have something happen to him. This must be so difficult for you. I can't even imagine.

Are you in contact with his family, or any of his friends or people in his unit?

So sorry to hear that, girl. I hope things get better for you soon, and that you are able to talk to him. Lots of guys do shut down under stress, thinking it hurts others less that way, when in fact it hurts more. I just hope it gets better.

Maybe he's shutting you out, but maybe it's not really over for him though...before my boyfriend left for bootcamp, he didn't call me for like three days, and it the worst three days ever because i didn't understand what was going on, and he was just sick of my crying and he compeltly shut down with all the emotion of it. Luckily, he didn't go because of a burn on his leg and i got a few more weeks with him, and i understand and forgive him now for what happened, and him leaving was much more different then the first time. It sucks because you haven't heard anything, and your mind wanders, i know the feeling. I hope everything works out for you, and at that at least you get an explanation..

I'm sorry hun :hugs

:bigsadhug

Definitely sounds like this is his way of coping... He wants to protect you. He feels like he's doing you a favor by removing himself from your life voluntarily, rather than have something happen to him. This must be so difficult for you. I can't even imagine.

Are you in contact with his family, or any of his friends or people in his unit?

Its hard to explain, but my gut tells me that something else is wrong...hes not protecting me this time. Maybe its just my emotions getting the best of me..I dont know.

Ive become really close with his mom, shes an amazing woman, but I cant find the strength to call her b/c I know that hes called her, and I dont want to break down on the phone with her. We both live in VA, but hes in Paint Bank, and im in Fairfax, so other than his mom, I didnt get a chance to really know anyone else except his family.

I just feel so lost without him...life just doesnt feel right..

:hugs I'm sorry.

I went through the same things except my ex DB isn't deployed. He refused to talk to me or answer me when I was seriously concerned about things. I waited three weeks to get closure. Things were going perfect and a couple weeks earlier he was saying he wanted me to come see him and hopefully it would be soon. It's amazing to me how quick he changed his mind. I am still unsure as to what exactly happened there.

I'm sorry sweetheart.Hopefully he gets his act together and at least tells you something so you can get the closure you need.But if it is his way so coping,maybe you should talk to his mom so you can get an idea of how to get him to let you in.Good luck :hug

Oj I'm so sorry hun!! I know exactly what you mean though-DH is the same way and will just shut down emotionally. He's done it to all of his past relationships=he's never ended one, he just stopped speaking to them. And I know that when he first got ready to left he tried to do it, but we ended up getting int this HUGE fight because I told him it pretty much wasn't going to happen and that we promised to share our life together and I'm not going to sit around and wait for him to realize that he's an ass! So after all of that, we talked it out and he apologized and said that was just his way of dealing with things. I know it sucks so much, but please try to hold out and stick with it. In the end, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't, but you can say that you honestly tried everything you could. I know it took DH a very long time to open up to me emotionally, but after he did, I found out it was so worth it. You have to do whatever is right for your relationship, but hanging in there really worked for me. Good luck and PM me if you wanna chat!

:hugs

sometimes it is easier for them to shut down and not deal with any sort of emotion while deployed.It may not be personal but it still hurts all the same. If he doesn't think he can handle a relationship while being deployed he should be open and honest with you about that so he doesn't waste anymore of your time!

this is what I'm most scared of...

wow, this sounds EXACTLY like me and DH(then DB) for his first deployment(almost 4 yrs ago.) He became incredibly detached, hardly called even though he had the opportunity to. We made it through the deployment and waited till he got back to settle things. When he got back it was so wierd...he def wasnt the same. we ended up breaking up(hardest thing i ever did.) i still dont like thinking about it to this day, makes my heart ache still. we were broken up for about 4 months and then like all of a sudden he realized what he did and what had happened. He didnt want to lose me forever and so things have been great since then.
Deployments are rough, for everyone involved. We will never understant what our SO's go through. People cope all sorts of ways. I dont really know what to tell you except you gotta do what's best for you. I read your updated post too. I know how you feel girl, i just dont know what to tell you. Once he gets back from deployemnt maybe things will be better. Good luck and i hope your heartache heals.

wow, this sounds EXACTLY like me and DH(then DB) for his first deployment(almost 4 yrs ago.) He became incredibly detached, hardly called even though he had the opportunity to. We made it through the deployment and waited till he got back to settle things. When he got back it was so wierd...he def wasnt the same. we ended up breaking up(hardest thing i ever did.) i still dont like thinking about it to this day, makes my heart ache still. we were broken up for about 4 months and then like all of a sudden he realized what he did and what had happened. He didnt want to lose me forever and so things have been great since then.
Deployments are rough, for everyone involved. We will never understant what our SO's go through. People cope all sorts of ways. I dont really know what to tell you except you gotta do what's best for you. I read your updated post too. I know how you feel girl, i just dont know what to tell you. Once he gets back from deployemnt maybe things will be better. Good luck and i hope your heartache heals.

I think if I were you, I'd go ahead and phone his mom. If she has spoken to him recently, perhaps she has some new information. Wouldn't you want to hear it? I would think it would be alright (and quite normal considering your circumstances) to break down emotionally with her. After all, you both love the same person. And, it's only human to cry when your loved one is far away. Especially so if they are acting detached. Maybe she would like to hear your voice. She may actually comfort you.

Just a thought. I'd rather see you do something, then sit and overthink it all. It's too painful to hold this inside yourself.