privatelaun
01-07-2008, 02:02 AM
I honestly don't know where to post this but this seemed the closest place to my problem.
I am going to try and make this as short as possible. DB has not been deployed or anything but perhaps it will make sense in a little bit.
After 8 months of being away at BT and AIT John (Db) came home to his father in failing health due to his fight with lung cancer. He was getting better before John left but his body began rejecting the chemo. John's mother and I hid most of this from John for fear he wouldn't be able to make it through AIT (he thanked me later). He was still worried about him and knew something was up. Mike got a little better after John got home. He was so proud of him.
John got home in August and Mike died 3 days before Thanksgiving. Before he died John was very mean and outright blunt with me. I knew what was going on and I let it go. He apologized later of course. I was there to help plan for the funeral because I knew it was too much for John and his mom to handle every decision. The funeral director was sure frustrated with me but I made sure they did everything perfectly to honor Mike and not put strain on the family. I also took pictures the day of the funeral. I put everything I had into making sure everyone was ok.
Its been a little over a month and I am as helpless as a lamb. John is in such a fog. He either doesn't sleep or sleeps too much. He won't talk to me about it, or he gets horribly rude and sarcastic about talking about anything. I did not push the issue for at least 3 weeks. I did tell him I don't care what he did to get help or vent just to do something. He doesn't sleep because he has nightmares, so he is afraid to go to sleep. So i suggest he get a sleeping pill of sorts that will help ease the nightmares. The doctor prescribed Ambien which only forced him to sleep through the nightmares instead of relieving them. So he wouldn't take them.
Now its been 2 weeks since we had the big you need to do something to help yourself talk. He still talks to me like we are a couple, he doesn't get annoyed with me, but he still isn't taking care of himself and its tearing me apart. He hasn't touched me longer than 30 seconds in the past 2 weeks. When his dad first passed away some nights he would want to be alone and other nights he would beg me to sleep with him and he would talk to me about nothing until he fell asleep and then hold me so tight all night. Now he says goodnight and goes to his room. Doesn't want to cuddle, doesn't want to talk, and doesn't want to fall asleep together. I was his emotional support for 8 months of training. He even told me if it wasn't for me he wouldn't have been strong enough to make it through. I was his emotional support while his dad was dying, I was his support the minute his dad passed away, I was there to support him and his mother through the funeral, and NOW I'm struggling to get him to sleep right, telling him to go to bed, waking him up when he has been asleep for 12+ hours.
I'm so tired, so worn out and I am out of ideas to help him. Please if you have any ideas I will take them. Please note though that he refuses any kind of medication which I mostly support except i think he needs something for the nightmares.
I am going to try and make this as short as possible. DB has not been deployed or anything but perhaps it will make sense in a little bit.
After 8 months of being away at BT and AIT John (Db) came home to his father in failing health due to his fight with lung cancer. He was getting better before John left but his body began rejecting the chemo. John's mother and I hid most of this from John for fear he wouldn't be able to make it through AIT (he thanked me later). He was still worried about him and knew something was up. Mike got a little better after John got home. He was so proud of him.
John got home in August and Mike died 3 days before Thanksgiving. Before he died John was very mean and outright blunt with me. I knew what was going on and I let it go. He apologized later of course. I was there to help plan for the funeral because I knew it was too much for John and his mom to handle every decision. The funeral director was sure frustrated with me but I made sure they did everything perfectly to honor Mike and not put strain on the family. I also took pictures the day of the funeral. I put everything I had into making sure everyone was ok.
Its been a little over a month and I am as helpless as a lamb. John is in such a fog. He either doesn't sleep or sleeps too much. He won't talk to me about it, or he gets horribly rude and sarcastic about talking about anything. I did not push the issue for at least 3 weeks. I did tell him I don't care what he did to get help or vent just to do something. He doesn't sleep because he has nightmares, so he is afraid to go to sleep. So i suggest he get a sleeping pill of sorts that will help ease the nightmares. The doctor prescribed Ambien which only forced him to sleep through the nightmares instead of relieving them. So he wouldn't take them.
Now its been 2 weeks since we had the big you need to do something to help yourself talk. He still talks to me like we are a couple, he doesn't get annoyed with me, but he still isn't taking care of himself and its tearing me apart. He hasn't touched me longer than 30 seconds in the past 2 weeks. When his dad first passed away some nights he would want to be alone and other nights he would beg me to sleep with him and he would talk to me about nothing until he fell asleep and then hold me so tight all night. Now he says goodnight and goes to his room. Doesn't want to cuddle, doesn't want to talk, and doesn't want to fall asleep together. I was his emotional support for 8 months of training. He even told me if it wasn't for me he wouldn't have been strong enough to make it through. I was his emotional support while his dad was dying, I was his support the minute his dad passed away, I was there to support him and his mother through the funeral, and NOW I'm struggling to get him to sleep right, telling him to go to bed, waking him up when he has been asleep for 12+ hours.
I'm so tired, so worn out and I am out of ideas to help him. Please if you have any ideas I will take them. Please note though that he refuses any kind of medication which I mostly support except i think he needs something for the nightmares.