Again, sorry its long..I just dont know what to do and really need some advice from your girls b/c sadly enough my friends and family dont understand and your basically my support group...

What in the hell are the odds...Im at work right now, and my phone goes off, I have an email...FROM DB. I was up until almost 4 am crying my eyes out, thinking of everything going on with us, so I sent him an email. I just said that Im sorry for whatever happened between us, and I would try and fix it, but I dont know how it became broken to begin with. I said that I loved him, and always would, and I wished him and his unit a safe return....Basically saying that I cant deal with this anymore...

His reponse?

"Hey, I dont know what i did to make you think all of this stuff but okay. This is the first time ive got to even check my email, i havent even been near a phone in a while. I know its hard for you to understand what its like over here, but we are really isolated from everything. We went out on a mission all day on christmas, I was pulling guard at midnight on new years. Its not like we get to stay at the fob all day and chill anymore. Ive only got 15 minutes of time and theyre almost up so i guess if you want write me back and tell me what brought all this on. Maybe being in a military relationship isnt for you after all."

I dont even know where to start off. Since a half hour ago, Ive read this email a good 20 times...I know this isnt the first time he's checked his email, every single one Ive sent him has been read (AOL sucks for making it able to know), and no response. He;s even checked his myspace...I highly doubt that someone else was logging into his myspace.. Was I just getting too worked up about it? I mean c'mon, why would someone else be reading his email? Yes, I dont understand what its like over there, I cant even imagine, and Ive never told him that I did. This is so hard, now im second guessing everything I feel and have said:sigh. I love this man, with all of my heart. I want to reply, but I have so many things running through my head that I wouldnt be able to get it all out. This sounds crazy, but my first thought was "omg..Im glad he's okay", then I got this sinking feeling, like what am I supposed to do next?

Help :confuzzle

The first thing you need to ask yourself is "Do you trust him?" If you trust him, then send him wonderful e-mails telling him about your boring daily life and how much you love him and make sure he knows that you are there for him if he needs you or needs to talk.

Having been through this once (and a peace-keeping deployment to Egypt 6 months before he went to Iraq) I can tell you that each "base" is different as to the availablity and reliability of internet connection. Even if he has his own laptop - he may well be somewhere where he can't use it regularly or has a hard time keeping a connection. If he doesn't have his own laptop, then he probably has to stand in line and wait for a free computer so that he can have 15 minutes or so to do whatever it is he needs to do. And this includes the time that he has to reboot and restart the computer because he lost the connection.

Add to that the stress of what he is doing over there and what he is seeing. Sometimes, he might have a really bad mission and have time to check his e-mail and stuff afterwords. But that doesn't mean that he is in a state of mind to answer in a way that will not be negative or worry you.

When my DH returned from his first tour in Iraq, I was amazed that he took time out to talk to me at all. Some of the things he saw were horrific and beyond my comprehension - and I am sure made to sound less then it was to keep from upsetting me.

Remember - you are the goodness and light in his life. While he may want to drink some of that in, he is desperate to not spoil it. And sometimes that means not answering an e-mail or two.

The first thing you need to ask yourself is "Do you trust him?" If you trust him, then send him wonderful e-mails telling him about your boring daily life and how much you love him and make sure he knows that you are there for him if he needs you or needs to talk.

Having been through this once (and a peace-keeping deployment to Egypt 6 months before he went to Iraq) I can tell you that each "base" is different as to the availablity and reliability of internet connection. Even if he has his own laptop - he may well be somewhere where he can't use it regularly or has a hard time keeping a connection. If he doesn't have his own laptop, then he probably has to stand in line and wait for a free computer so that he can have 15 minutes or so to do whatever it is he needs to do. And this includes the time that he has to reboot and restart the computer because he lost the connection.

Add to that the stress of what he is doing over there and what he is seeing. Sometimes, he might have a really bad mission and have time to check his e-mail and stuff afterwords. But that doesn't mean that he is in a state of mind to answer in a way that will not be negative or worry you.

When my DH returned from his first tour in Iraq, I was amazed that he took time out to talk to me at all. Some of the things he saw were horrific and beyond my comprehension - and I am sure made to sound less then it was to keep from upsetting me.

Remember - you are the goodness and light in his life. While he may want to drink some of that in, he is desperate to not spoil it. And sometimes that means not answering an e-mail or two.


That's really great advice and good for us new girls...thanks!

i think the next time you guys talk, you need to talk about what your expectation sfor communication will be...if he can check all his emails, he has the 2 seconds it takes to shoot off a 1 liner saying "ilove you"....but if he truly cant check them, then i understand it....but youguys definately need to have a chat about what your expectations are

The first thing you need to ask yourself is "Do you trust him?" If you trust him, then send him wonderful e-mails telling him about your boring daily life and how much you love him and make sure he knows that you are there for him if he needs you or needs to talk.

Having been through this once (and a peace-keeping deployment to Egypt 6 months before he went to Iraq) I can tell you that each "base" is different as to the availablity and reliability of internet connection. Even if he has his own laptop - he may well be somewhere where he can't use it regularly or has a hard time keeping a connection. If he doesn't have his own laptop, then he probably has to stand in line and wait for a free computer so that he can have 15 minutes or so to do whatever it is he needs to do. And this includes the time that he has to reboot and restart the computer because he lost the connection.

Add to that the stress of what he is doing over there and what he is seeing. Sometimes, he might have a really bad mission and have time to check his e-mail and stuff afterwords. But that doesn't mean that he is in a state of mind to answer in a way that will not be negative or worry you.

When my DH returned from his first tour in Iraq, I was amazed that he took time out to talk to me at all. Some of the things he saw were horrific and beyond my comprehension - and I am sure made to sound less then it was to keep from upsetting me.

Remember - you are the goodness and light in his life. While he may want to drink some of that in, he is desperate to not spoil it. And sometimes that means not answering an e-mail or two.


wonderful way of putting it all!