okay so i knew this was coming but i got a letter from nick yesterday saying that he thought of us engaged (he asked me in another letter to marry him, and i replied with a yes) he told me that he was going to do the "proper" way when he gets out of boot camp, and back home. now there is a few things that i wondered he said he wanted to have the legal way first then after that have like a wedding/ homeymoon save up (because of the extra money he wanted to have a nice ceremony thing) now personally i don't want that. i just want to get marry at the ceremony and have a honeymoon type thing. is that wrong of me to think that? :confused i'm not in a rush to get marry at all. i love nick so much but i want to have a great wedding where i'm wearing white and him wearing his uniform looking handsome. i'm a planner and would love to plan this out for me and my mom (i'm the only child, and it would kill us both to know that i went threw the legal way first) i been thinking about this all morning and is driving my crazy. help!:sigh

I'd stand your ground if you want the white wedding. You can have the full meal deal without spending a bundle. It takes careful planning but, as you said, you're a planner. :)

CONGRATS!

Tell him how you feel. I'm sure he will understand. He has to know that every woman dreams about her wedding day. It certainly isn't wrong for you to want the white dress ceremony. And if he still needs to be married quickly then maybe you can plan on a short engagement and the white dress ceremony that way you both win.

First of all congrats!

My fiance and I went through this right before he was deployed. We both love each other so much. But, I decided I couldn't live with myself if i got married the legal way.

You can have an awesome all that you wish wedding for a "cheap" if you plan it just right!!

thank you everybody. i wrote him already and send it out this morning so it will get there in like a day (i'm in the bay area, ca) i just wish i could talk to him on the phone about this all. i told him that alot of it needs to talked about in person. i don't know he might have had in his mind to fiqure everything out in letter. it seemed that way of how he wrote it.

hey there!!! congrats on beong engaged!!!

congrats on the engagment!... but he'll understand if you want a big wedding, it's something most girls have dreamt about since they were 5 lol..

:congrats and best of luck

Congrats!!!!

Congrats, hun! My fiance wanted the quick legal way before he left on his 14 month deploy, but I (like you) want the gown, dinner, and my friends and family to be there. I explained to him that I love him and that won't change which is why I agreed to marry him in the firs place. I explained my dream wedding to him and he said it sounded nice and agreed it'd be better and would make our families happier too, so hold your ground. Yes, the pay factor would have been nice with extra seperation and BAH and whatnot, but it wasn't worth giving up my dream. Hope it helps to hear someone elses story. Feel free to PM me anytime with questions or just to talk. Good luck, and congrats again!!!

First of all congrats!



But i guess you two just need a way to compromise between what you want and what he wants.

I hope youll figure!

congrats and just let him know how you feel..

Congrats on your engagement!! DH and I also became engaged via letters and phone calls during his BCT. He later proposed to me in person, and we got married at a courthouse first because we wanted to be married, but had no money. Since we want to put no burdon our families, we're planning a church wedding for our one year anniversary and I've found some excellent ways to have a cheap but elegant ceremony and reception. If you are worried about getting married by a judge for moral/religious reasons...don't fret. But definately talk/write to your fiance and tell him how you feel.

it's your wedding too, so you need to let your feelings about it be known. sounds like your db wants to rush into things.

just like you don't want to have a legal ceremony & then a "real" wedding ceremony, i would not want to be proposed to via letter & then re-proposed to in person.

:congrats on the engagement. I'm so happy for you!! Just talk to him about it and compromise. I'm sure it'll work out.

congrats!
DF and I got engaged over r&r, and kept running into road blocks while planning our wedding. He wanted to do it right away, and kept pushing for a JOP wedding... but i just couldn't do that. it didn't seem special enough to me (but to each their own)... and i also knew that our families would have been so upset if they all didn't get to share in that moment. Yeah, you can have a big ceremony later... but for me it just wouldnt have felt the same. We kinda fought alot about this, but in the end we're having our HUGE white wedding... and he didn't have to wait long. so it all worked out.

so, stand your ground if you really want to do it that way. no girl should miss out on her dream wedding day if she really wants it.

Congrats, hun! My fiance wanted the quick legal way before he left on his 14 month deploy, but I (like you) want the gown, dinner, and my friends and family to be there. I explained to him that I love him and that won't change which is why I agreed to marry him in the firs place. I explained my dream wedding to him and he said it sounded nice and agreed it'd be better and would make our families happier too, so hold your ground. Yes, the pay factor would have been nice with extra seperation and BAH and whatnot, but it wasn't worth giving up my dream. Hope it helps to hear someone elses story. Feel free to PM me anytime with questions or just to talk. Good luck, and congrats again!!!

i hope my DF is just like that. :pray i'm sure he will understand. its so hard just via letters but when he comes back home then i can tell him all that is on my mind:D

i started writting another letter to him tonight, because other stuff has been on my mind and i just needed my other half. hopfully i can get that one out tomorrow.

thank you all for listening.:grphug

i know exactly wat u mean i am going through the same thing and i dont know wat to do i want to wait but at the same time im so ready to get married now

well I am gonna sound like an old record here but....
Talk it over with him and

http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m250/MRSMixon/engaged.jpg

I understand where you are coming from but I am in a similar situation and I went a different route. We found out saturday that db would be leaving within the next 2 weeks. During BT it was awful being a gf, I couldn't do anything or find anything out. When he found out he was being deployed we decided almost instantly to get a paper wedding. In my situation I don't have any insurance and this would be a life saver for me. Also he said he didn't want to take my special day away from me so all the extra money he makes being married to me is going towards the wedding and the honeymoon. Plus the entire time he is away I will have something fun to do and look forward to.

Also about the whole White wedding (its a nice day for it). The tradition of wearing white is because you are getting married as a virgin. So even if you do the JOP thing you still saved yourself for him and can still wear white as a symbol of saving it for your husband. This may be TMI but DH and I still have not consumated our marriage yet, we are thinking about waiting until the big wedding and big honeymoon. So thats an option too lol!

Congrats!

i just want to get marry at the ceremony and have a honeymoon type thing. is that wrong of me to think that? :confused i'm not in a rush to get marry at all. i love nick so much but i want to have a great wedding where i'm wearing white and him wearing his uniform looking handsome. i'm a planner and would love to plan this out for me and my mom (i'm the only child, and it would kill us both to know that i went threw the legal way first) i been thinking about this all morning and is driving my crazy. help!:sigh

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling this way. I'd talk with DF and let him know that you feel this way, if you haven't already, because it's important that he know this. I'm sure that he'll understand. Best of luck with every thing, and Congratulations on your engagement! :)

yey!

Congrats on the engagement! If you want a big wedding and want to wait that is your choice just as much as his, it would be horrible to do it the legal way and end up resenting him for not giving you the wedding of your dreams to begin with.

take your time and think and talk it over. if you're in no rush, don't rush! :) but, be open to compromise! congrats and best wishes! :)(L)

Personally I was the same way too... DB and I talked about this often and I was like I will wait.. but in the military things are never for sure or certain. So if you want to wait to be apart then thats your choice... but as a fiancee or girlfriend you get nothing! You cant live on base, nor will he be able to live off base for a while.. once he can and you decide to move with him... supporting 1 person is easier than support 2 when you're out in an appartment or something. So thats why I agreed to let me dream go and do a smaller wedding when the time comes... because I know it will help with finances, you'll have medical, and tons of other things.
try and understand he probably just wants to be together and it is extra money that will help. And when you are married the military will pay to move you with him. So I dunno its just easier I think and maybe do the dream wedding later down the road.

I was in the same boat (DF wanting to get married the legal way then maybe do a ceremony later) and I stood my ground.. because I really want to get married in a church and get married AT my wedding. DF was so anxious to tie the knot, but he's calmed down a bit. He agreed we'd get married when we can have a wedding. Remind him you'll be together for the rest of your lives, no need to rush. PM if you need anything else!

Tell him what you want. Don't give in just to please him. I never had a proper wedding because my Dh told me that we would have a real wedding when we saved enough money. it hasn't happened yet and I think he forgot about it by now. I wanted a wedding so bad too!!

thank you everyone, i feel so much better, i got a letter from nick saying that we would talk more about what road we will go down about getting married. so i'm happy with that.