Okay so heres the think I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old. My 4 year old was conceived in my previous marriage....before I got with my hubby. Now my DF has been raising my son since he was 2 1/2, my son love him and calls him daddy. He can't live without his daddy. Just the other day. Something came out in the news about Iraq and my son was watching it and he asked me "mommy is daddy there?" and I said "yes baby daddy is there" and since then on he's been asking when is daddy coming home. Just yesterday I talked to my hubby over the instant messenger phone and he told my son to get his shoes on cause daddy was coming for him. My son did as he said and he stayed all day waiting for his daddy. I dont know how to explain to him that daddy is not coming home soon. What do I do?

the worse thing to do is create stress for him. my DH works on the turbines on the ships, so we tell the boys that Daddy is gone because if the ship breaks he needs to fix it. we also always tell them that daddy has to go away for a while because someone elses daddy was gong for a very long time and he needs to make sure they can come home to see their family so its our turn to have our daddy leave for a long time, then someone elses daddy will go and ours will come home. at 4 its hard to know how much they really understand and grasp my youngest is 6 and he has to have his dads colonge all over his bear and pillow. last week he couldn't fall asleep. went into my room sprayed cologne all over my bed. it stunk so freaken bad i had to open the windows then the next day wash the sheets, when i walked up the stairs my eyes watered it was so strong. but when i got into my room and turned on the light, my son was passed out holding DH's pillow with tears dried on his little face. stinking like a man that just left a brothel. i hope you can find a way to explain it to him without scareing him that is the hard part. the news can be such a horrible thing for them to hear but we can't control everything all the time. maybe get a map for him and put a pin where he is and where daddy is? so he has a visual?

Okay so heres the think I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old. My 4 year old was conceived in my previous marriage....before I got with my hubby. Now my DF has been raising my son since he was 2 1/2, my son love him and calls him daddy. He can't live without his daddy. Just the other day. Something came out in the news about Iraq and my son was watching it and he asked me "mommy is daddy there?" and I said "yes baby daddy is there" and since then on he's been asking when is daddy coming home. Just yesterday I talked to my hubby over the instant messenger phone and he told my son to get his shoes on cause daddy was coming for him. My son did as he said and he stayed all day waiting for his daddy. I dont know how to explain to him that daddy is not coming home soon. What do I do?

I personally think it was a bad idea to have told him to get his shoes on cause daddy was coming home. At that age, it's hard for them to understand the concept of time, so thinking daddy is coming home can mean NOW to him...kwim?!

What I would do is mark the calendar for the MONTH when he'd due home, and do a counting up or counting down to his arrival. Make a paper chain, then cut off each cuff as each day goes on. Get creative!!!! Order the Elmo dvd for him that pertains to deployments.

you always have something good to say thax so much...my son usually wears his daddys cologne to school and he says that daddy is in iraq beating up the bad guys..but thank you so much..i'll surely take your advice...

I like that elmo dvd idea...seems like somthing he'll like..i'll look for it...tysm...(thank you so much) :hugs...

I like that elmo dvd idea...seems like somthing he'll like..i'll look for it...tysm...(thank you so much) :hugs...

http://www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/
:D

YW!!! I hope it works out for your son!!!

if you have a homecoming month that you know about, we are filling a jar up with M&M's to give to daddy, every day we put on in the jar the boys love doing it and its a positive thing counting up is good, instead of down since if the homecoming changes and he gets extended its just more of a treat for him. i am real big on visuals for kids it really helps them wrap their head around it without scaring the bejesus out of them. also maybe let him sleep with a daddy t shirt. my friend made a pillow case for her DH with pictures of them on it. maybe you could make him a daddy t shirt, and let him wear it around the house so he feels that daddy is always with him? just a few ideas

i like that..thanx my hubby broght him a shirt when he came for rnr that say my daddy is over there and has a map of iraq and a us soldier on it...he just wont take it off for anything...just to go to schoo....and he uses his colonge and wants to wear his shoes...for sure i like the m&m idea

thanx i'll use that link he likes elmo so i am sure he'll have fun and learn something...thanx agian:D

http://www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/
:D

YW!!! I hope it works out for your son!!!

im creative too. and i really like that M&M idea. i dont have kids yet... but i think i could get excited just doing that for myself. lol. knowin me id eat the M&Ms. lol. but i think that is a really cool idea!!

=)

Thanks i am glad you guys like that idea, this is our 4th deployment, so i know how easily the homecoming date can change at the last minute, its happened at least once to us. so using a chain can be tricky my kids notice everything and if we don't pull off a link or there are links than what were there the day before they notice, the last week we will make a chain and they can pull it apart, we are also going to start to get our supplies for our homecoming sheets soon. when it gets closer we make a big sheet that says welcome home normally the name of the ship and strikegroup(sometimes) and hang that in a big window then in the boys rooms they make their own with their own message to daddy with lots of glitter and hand and foot prints. and anything they want to say from welcome home daddy to its about darn time you got home. hehe

jajaja...yea i'm really looking foward to making stuff like that with my kids, I want to get them shirts with his picture and saying welcome home daddy whe we pick him up at the airport, we wont be able to be in WA when he get to Fort Lewis cause we live in TX, but when he comes home for sure we'll have lots of surprises for him...:giggle

your kids will be so happy when he comes home =)

o yea they will

The video helps.. there are also some really great books out there. Another neat idea is to start a chain.. by taking strips of colored paper and writing a message to daddy each day, then link them together like a paper chain. wrap it all around the house and then it can be a special event for daddy and your son to read all his messages together when he gets home. one other great idea are flat daddies, you'll have to google them, but i have heard good things about them. just some ideas :) good luck..
p.s. my four year old daughter won't take her sweatshirt about "my daddy wears combat boots" off either!!!:dunno

i like the chain idea!!!

you can also make a daddy book with pictures of him and his dad that is for him to take with him and look at wherever he goes.
make sure to laminate the pages so they don't get ripped ( you can get no heat laminate at Wal-Mart for under 5 bucks it's a big roll which is also great for pics for your DF that you send)

you can also make a daddy book with pictures of him and his dad that is for him to take with him and look at wherever he goes.
make sure to laminate the pages so they don't get ripped ( you can get no heat laminate at Wal-Mart for under 5 bucks it's a big roll which is also great for pics for your DF that you send)

I like your idea!!