(looking for an upside if there is one)

Okay so DB is coming home soon and already showing signs of a pending difficult adjustment when he comes home. :depressed which actually means R&R is going to have a cloud hanging over it which makes me unbelievably sad and upset.

Anyways, Ive heard the downside of the adjustment phase and know there are successes out there (where the men are able to find ways to cope/adjust and reacclimate to life at home after being over there for 12 months and beyond). So what Im hoping for are some of your success stories to keep me motivated and positive for him and hold onto hope that it doesnt have to end negatively.

What was your experience? what helped your SO to heal and re-adjust? what role did you play in all of it/how did you help to support him?

For us everything was fine. Everything fell back to place. He had no signs of PTSD. He was so happy to be home and glad that he was done with his tour.

But I do know some couples where it was a different story. Some guys wanted to go back and etc. My DH never understood why some guys would be depressed and wanting to go back over there when they have their family with them. I guess it just happens.

I hope that everything works out for the best for you both. I know some of the girls will have better advice!

((HUGS))

Thats how I was thinking it would be for DB until last week when he was talking about some of the things he was going through (very seldom has he ever opened up about what he's feeling and going through over there)

Thanks though

It was really hard at first, I won't lie. He would flip out about things on occassion and it really freaked me out. I stuck with it though and was supportive as I possibly could be. I really think that is the most important component, just standing by them. I'm glad I stuck it out because things got 10x better after a little adjustment. Our relationship is 10x stronger.

anybody else with successes? they cant all end poorly can they?:oogle

We're dealing with it.. You can take your pick.. Sorry to reply so un-personally, but I've posted alot under this topic..

http://forum.militarysos.com/search.php?searchid=3267718&photoplog_searchinfo=1

no success here yet, my db hasnt even been home 3 months yet and we have major, huge issues. he's very different, quiet, wants to be alone, and snaps at me so easily, im practically afraid to talk to him these days.

but i think it is different for everybody, and also, keep in mind that it is a good thing he's talking to you about things that will help for sure! just be as supportive as possible, let him know you're not going anywhere, and you love him sooo much!

good luck (L)

but i think it is different for everybody, and also, keep in mind that it is a good thing he's talking to you about things that will help for sure! just be as supportive as possible, let him know you're not going anywhere, and you love him sooo much!


I agree, thats a good sign that he is talking to you. Just make sure that he knows that you are there to listen. ((HUGS))

My DH is still on deployment so I have no advice but I just want to say I hope things go good for you :hugs

no success here yet, my db hasnt even been home 3 months yet and we have major, huge issues. he's very different, quiet, wants to be alone, and snaps at me so easily, im practically afraid to talk to him these days.
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at 3 months it's called "acute stress" and is actually NORMAL for readjustment, so don't diagnose it yet! At about six months, when it becomes apparent that he's not adjusting THEN look into PTSD.

As for the OP, check out the resources post, and the ladies are right on that the BEST thing you can do for him is be there for him and be a good listener. Have hope! There are many more successes than people broadcast.

This should give you hope.. In a recent study the head honcho said this

""The trajectory for most veterans with war-related PTSD that causes substantial impairment is toward amelioration or complete remission. This tendency toward improvement is present even for (approximately) 10% of veterans who still had impairing current PTSD at follow-up; the impairment most of them showed by this time (10+ years after the end of the Vietnam war) was not severe. The functioning of the veterans who had developed war-related PTSD but who no longer met criteria for the disorder at follow-up differed little from that of veterans who did not develop war-related PTSD."

in ENGLISH that says that up to ten percent have COMPLETE remission (that doesn't sound big, but in terms of scientific numbers it's HUGE), that impairments ten years later were VERY minor (ex- a light pops and they jump a bit), and that those who HAD PTSD from the war (in this case Vietnam) but who improved and later didn't fit diagnostic criteria functioned just as well as those who NEVER HAD PTSD SYMPTOMS.

Hopefully that helps send a ray of light your way! <3

Hey there,
My DF was not on as long of a deployment as yours has been, but he has adjusted very well. I only have known him since he came back but he does not have PTSD.

The reason I wanted to respond is that he does do what your DB is doing...that is, talk about things that bothered him. He does it very rarely, but once in a while he will get upset and anxious and tell me something that he saw or felt and why it hurt, and it seems to make him feel better that he has someone to listen to him. So I just wanted to give you :hugs for being there for your DB, being able to talk to you about it is surely helping him. I bet he will be all right, especially with people supporting him on his return.

My father was in Desert Storm and came back with PTSD. It got bad and he was honorably discharged after 25 years of service. It was bad growing up. My parents would fight a lot, he snapped a lot and one time he got so angry that he accidently hit me. Then he really realized what a problem he had and started getting help for it. Since then, him and my mom have had my brother and sister, he's gone to college and got his degree and he's got a lot more patience. I'm so proud of him and we're so much closer. There is light at the end of the tunnel hun, just keep supporting him. Once my mom realized that something was really wrong, it got better. She kept supporting him and it really helped. As a child growing up with a parent with PTSD, I know it can get better.

I hope this helps. My father is a good example of a success story.

When my honey came back, he was very numb as far as expressing his feelings and was *very* jumpy. He finally contacted the VA and was diagnosed with PTSD and short term memory loss. They put him on medication, and he started going to therapy. About six months ago he quit going to therapy because he felt he was doing much, much better. Two weekends ago I could see him drifting again, almost like he had just come back. This week will be two years since he left Iraq, and two years to the day since he saw three of his combat buddies killed. I begged him to go back to therapy and he went on Thursday. Came home in tears. He's been very, very distant this weekend, but I'm giving him his space because I know he's got to work through everything that's going through his head. I'm just hoping he continues going to therapy so he can continue to heal. :sadeyes

my significant other of six years was on an 18 month deployment (army national guard). He has been back for two years now and things are fine.

Almost everyone we knew divorced during or soon after the deployment. When he first got back he was extremely clingy. This may not sound like a bad thing but it gets frustrating. He would have to be touching me constantly. I was consulting from home at the time and i would be sitting at my computer trying to work and he would stand behind me and would not leave me alone. I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be holding me so tight it would be uncomfortable and if i struggled he would tighten even more i would have to scream or bite him to wake him up.
He had one semester of college to finish when he left for deployment. He conveniently got back a month before the spring semester. He jumped right into school after a vacation and the family visits, but when summer came and he graduated he refused to get a job. He just wanted to have fun. He would always say that he lost a whole year and a half of his life and he deserved to have a good time. I let it go for the summer and told him he had to find a job by September. He would talk extremely negatively about any other wives or girlfriends and would constantly say that all girls were sluts and whores. (an attitude he never had before). He didn't want to take a good job or make any long term plans because he would say he was just going to get deployed again. He also was depressed and almost embarrassed about his deployment and when people would thank him he would say that they shouldn't cause he didn't do anything. He would also tell me frequently that he didn't do enough and shouldn't be considered a veteran.
All of these things slowly faded. Two years later i can finally say he is back to normal. I wanted to write this because it is not always very dramatic or traumatic issues they can be very subtle.

the most important thing is to talk about it.

My hunnie has been diagnosed with PTSD (after his 2nd deployment) and when he returned to Iraq after his R&R this past January, they added depression to his diagnosis. It's his 3rd deployment now. He was married before, she cheated, probably several times, and didn't say anything for many many months. About 2 15-month deployments went by without her owning up to her cheating. So that plus seeing buddies killed and defending his own life really took a toll on him. I've only been dating him since R&R but have been friends for several years.

Our success story is that DB is great at coping with his PTSD. He had a few breakdowns on R&R and I learned (finally) how to help him cope while still providing his space. He just needs to take long walks to breathe and sometimes, I just hold him as he cries and cries. This is so painful to watch him go through, but I know that with time and therapy, it will get better. I will stand by his side and I will support him through this for the rest of our lives.