my boyfriend dan is in the 10th mountain division of the army. we dont see each other hardly at all because he is at ft drum in upstate ny while i remain in ct to finish high school. the last time i really talked to him was before christmas. we messeged a few times on myspace before christmas and he said that once he got back to the base from vacation he would come see me and that he would put more effort into the relationship. needless to say i havent herd from him since then and he wont answer my calls or ne messages. so im not sure if this is just him being him and being busy or if maybe i did something wrong or what is going on. :tantrum

It sounds to me like he isn't putting ANY effort into your relationship. He hasn't had contact with you since before Christmas? These are huge red flags sweetie. Maybe it is time to throw in the towel. Then again I don't know exact details of your situation. Maybe you could elaborate more.

It sounds to me like he isn't putting ANY effort into your relationship. He hasn't had contact with you since before Christmas? These are huge red flags sweetie. Maybe it is time to throw in the towel. Then again I don't know exact details of your situation. Maybe you could elaborate more.

i agree they are busy that is for sure but answer your messges slip in a quick call seems like he isnt trying at all. next time you do talk to him you should let him know how much this hurts and if he doesnt want to put in the time maybe it is time to end it.

I am with the other ladies. From an outside point of view there is something seriously wrong here

:hugehug

And since this is your first post I might at also add

:welcome to SOS! I am Kyley Proud wife to KC (USMC) currently deployed to Iraq. You have found a wonderful place for support and fun! I would like to pass on our OPSEC link to you so you can become familiar with our guidelines so you and your service member can remain safe :D http://militarysos.com/index.php?page=opsec

thanks for welcoming me. its nice to know that i have found people who understand what its like to love someone who is in the military.

i just wish i knew what to say to him in a message. like what is something i can do or say to show him how much love i have for him in my heart and how badly this is hurting me without sounding all mushy and an emotional mess.

It sounds to me like he isn't putting ANY effort into your relationship. He hasn't had contact with you since before Christmas? These are huge red flags sweetie. Maybe it is time to throw in the towel. Then again I don't know exact details of your situation. Maybe you could elaborate more.

since you wanted me to elaborate more about my relationship. we met through a military dating site. he is originally from ct like i am and comes home to ct every weekend from ft drum. we only hung out a handfull of times since weve been together because things kept comming up like deployements outside the country to keep peace and what not. and other family issues with him.

today is the 4th month that we have been together. post more when im home

Since before Christmas???? Yeah, I think it would be safe to say that he's done. I think I would let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

By the way, just a fair warning....you mentioned you have not finished high school....this site is 18+ and him dating someone under the age of 18 is illegal. The military doesn't like that.

Either way, welcome.

I know you are confused but you need to focus on you a bit. You are young and have alot in life that is unknown still. He obviously isnt wanting to put in enough effort or his life right now doesnt allow him to put in the effort to make a relationship work. You should do your own thing and if it is meant to be it will be. You cant force something to happen as hard as that is to accept and as much as I can tell you want it to, relationships are a two way street and unfortunately it sounds like you are the only one traveling here. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Please be safe and think about how much life and time you are wasting on someone who cant even call you back. You deserve better. Good luck
K

Ya doesn't sound like he's to interested in a relationship, if he was I would think he'd at least put forth SOME effort. BTW Welcome to SOS!

i am 18 i started school early so im one of the first ppl in my graduating class to turn 18.

i guess im just the type of person who needs to have some form of closure. like i need to hear him tell me something like jen i dont wanna be with u any more or something along those lines. i dont deal well with just being dumped on the side without any explination of what i did wrong or even just telling me its not working out and we need to go our seperate ways.

even though this sounds like a crappy relationship we actually had something good until he pulled this. his face would light up when he saw me and so would mine. one of the times he was deployed unexpectedly he called me up to tell me and he started crying because he never had to make a phone call telling someone he was leaving before not even his parents. of course i also think something happened to him there because the day he came back was the first time he told me he loved me.

i realize that it wasnt perfect by any stretch of the imagination but i love him truely with all of my heart and i honestly think he has something in his for me. after dealing with all of this i wish i had never said anything to him and that we still have what we had. i miss him so much :tears i just wish i knew how to tell him without getting all lovey dovey and girly with the emotions because i know that drives guys crazy.

so i guess id like to know what to say to him to sum up my emotions n let him know how this is killing me inside.i would even venture to compare this to him dying without me being able to tell him i love him and how much he means to me.

If it were me I would tell him I am confused. I would put it out there that I recgnized that we were no longer together but that I didnt understand what happened. I would also let him know that I am not mad at him but think I deserve the respect of being told why he no longer wanted to be with me especially after telling me he loved me.

well first if ur calling him then u should stop u never realize how much u love someone till they are gone and if its ment to be they will come back. i did this with my husband while we where dating we ended it and i kept trying to get ahold of him and then one day i didnt call at all and he messaged me online the next day and told me how much he loved and missed me and we got back together that night. im not saying it works for everyone just try it see how it works out good luck to u hun:hugehug

wow sweetie...he hasnt contacted you for over a month!?!?! id be done and move on. send him a farewell email asking for an explanation. you deserve one. im so sorry...i cant imagine how that feels

wow sweetie...he hasnt contacted you for over a month!?!?! id be done and move on. send him a farewell email asking for an explanation. you deserve one. im so sorry...i cant imagine how that feels


it feels like my heart was ripped from my chest and run over in front of my face with an 18 wheeler. or i hate to say this but like i got that dreaded knock on the door tellin me he got killed in afghanistan.

i know that i need to move on and let him go but i cant. its not that easy to give up on the one man you truely loved with everything that you are and you could easily see spending the rest of your life with that guy even with the thought of him taking an even more dangerous job after he gets out of the army.

I am sorry that he is acting a fool...It must be in the air or something :( my mans acting up as well. I hope he gets better :hugs

Has he been visiting his parents near you or has he been out of touch with EVERYONE since Christmastime? If it's the second one, some thing is WRONG.

as far as i can tell from the messages on his myspace hes been in ct every weekend since xmas. so it must be just me. at this point i think that id even be happy to hear him tell me its over.

i just dont know what to do anymore. i just want to feel loved again. id give nething in the world to just be in his arms one more time to look into his beautiful eyes and hear him tell me he loves me and he wants to be with me for a long time. and that im special to him and he admires me for dealing with his deployments so well. i wanna go back in time and take back what i said. i want everything to be ok.

i'm sorry :hugs be strong..

I am sorry, i know how it feels to need closure. I would send him one last message and then leave it alone.

how does this sound for a phone message. i think the phone is more personal than myspace because he can hear the emotion in my voice. but i wrote it out so i wouldnt go overboard with the emotions. so pls tell me what u think before i call him.

"hey danny its me. im really confused. i mean i recognize that we arent together any more but i dont know what happened or what i did. im not mad at you because i love you with all of my heart but i do think that i deserve the respect of being told why we are no longer together and why you no longer want to be with me especially since you said you loved me and wanted to be with me for a long time. so i guess just give me a call as soon as you get a free moment.

I think that sounds very good. :tu

what's the latest? Also, how was the last conversation that you two had? I'm sorry you are going through this. If he doesn't want to be with you anymore he needs to man up and deal with it!

he prides himself in being in the last unit of his kind in the army and how tough he has to be but yet he has no balls to tell me that its over.

i know the last actual conversation was either when we talked about me and him going to his house in the bahamas and all this future stuff. but i think there was another one that was about how he couldnt come see me like he planned over his break. the last time i saw him was before thanksgiving. and the last message on myspace was the 23rd.

why is it that the one person that i truely love and want to spend the rest of my life with has to leave me like this?:unlove

what makes this even worse is t hat my x who is in the navy got his orders to pearl harbor and he wants me to come with him and live with him. another friend of mine whos in the air force wants me to move to japan with him. im so confused because i love dan and hes the only one i want to be with.

honey, i think it is best for you to let it go and live your life because it seems that he is not waiting for you any longer. His loss!

yeah i guess you guys are right. ive started to focus on what i want to do with my life and that takes up most of my time. im actually considering the army as a career myself. its just hard to get the thoughts out of my head when im lying in bed at night and alls i can think about is him and how no one else can compare to him and hes all i want. is there something i can do for that or is there something that i can do to speed it up. its so painful to just ball my eyes out all the time. u would think we were married.

You need to keep living your life as best you can. That is what helps you move on and more importantly, move forwards. It's fine to break down at night but do not allow his complete disregard for your emotions dictate your day to day life.

i think this trip to dc this weekend is going to clear my head and help me see what i need to see with him. im making a promise to myself that im going to just call him and leave the message on his voice mail. then im not going to think about him talk about him or cry all weekend.

on a happier note (not really tho b ut better) i saw my x for t he last time before he goes to hawaii. ive decided however that once im done with school that i will move out to hawaii and live with him and most likely get married. seeing him and knowing that hes leaving made me realize i still have feelings for him so i think im going to take him back for now and if someone better comes along then so be it.

dont get me wrong i still love dan with everything i ama nd he will forever and always have a place in my heart. but the best thing for me is to move on and realize i had someone else who cares and can help me reach my own goals in life.

just wanted to say thanks for the support. and hopefully it will be happier post from now on although i dont know how happy since i wont be together with josh until september. i guess thats the military for ya