hes just filled with so much guilt for not being here and for choosing the army as a career...he told me that hes sorry for being so stubborn and sorry for not being as loving as he knows he should be and sorry that he cant give me everything...hes had moments like these several times during our relationship....i told him he better get back on and talk to me because he wrote me that message after he signed off aim...

so then it turned into this long thing about how he doesnt think he can be in love again ever...and that i dont deserve to be miserable and hes better off that way and that hes never going to be there for me...:vent:vent:vent we have been through this many time now and im always able to convince him hes wrong and jsut stressed...and thats how today turned out...because i mentioned i was sad he didnt call...and he said he had been holding back from calling....blah there was so much said that ive heard before but weve made it for 13 months...he cant do this in the middle...but i dont feel like arguing with him this time...it will only make him more stressed and make me more upset...so i told him to just take a few days and back off....and i wouldnt send as much because he said some days it helps but other days it makes him feel guilty because i do so much for him and hes not able to give as much...theres so much running through my head but at the same time i feel dead....

good thoughts please...and hope that he smartens up

:hugs He will get over it. He just needs your reassurance and it sounds like you are a pro at that.

I agree that he needs reassurance. He's stressed out but him being that worried about making you happy shows that he loves and cares about you deeply. Stand by his side even if he tries to push you away. He's only trying to protect you.

wow a lot of what you said sounds SO familiar. DB has never tried to push me away but he's brought up concerns that he's afraid he won't be able to love me the same after what he's gone through and because he shuts himself down. I always just tell him that I KNOW he will love me the same, I believe in "us" there's nothing else to say really! I always tell him to take it one day at a time, to do what he has to to get through, but to keep helping me to understand:)

For DB the one time he got that way it was a little phase, he snapped out of it after a few days:) Just gotta weather the storm I guess.

Hang in there:) :hugs PM me if you want!

i had emailed his mom too because shes like the nicest person ever...but she didnt give me any solid advice...i dont think she quite understood that he was trying to get me to leave him again...

she just said that he was afraid to ask too much of me and just to give it time and take time for us to sort out our futures and figure out what we will be doing...and that if he needs time to himself thats ok...

that doesnt help me figure out what i should do tho!? blah...I dont know whether to stay up and see if he gets on and trys to talk to me or to just go to sleep and let him see how he feels when im not there to talk to...and I dont know if i should back off on sending him stuff or keep writing and keep trying to talk to him .... I wish life was easier blah...

Hang in there! If I were in your situation I wouldn't stop writing letters or things like that, now is probably when he needs them the most. It's hard I know when he's trying to put up walls, but keep supporting him:) He will see you're not going anywhere:)