In this day and age do you think parents should be stuck with the huge wedding bill that is now associated with today's wedding standards?

I have been reading about the costs of wedding gowns, the HUGE wedding parties and guest lists, the registering, the extravagant honeymoons ect....and I'm like :oogle Then I saw the "Wedding Hoopla" post and got to thinking; :puzz

I have 3 daughters and this is what I've told them; I will not pay for a huge wedding as it's a waste of time/money. I would rather give them the money for a down payment on a house/car, pay off their bills so they can start fresh, ect.... I see NO good reason to spend thousands of dollars on ONE day. My wedding total; $1200....that was gown, wedding rings, hotel, dinner, tux, rental car, preacher's fee, wedding license. I just don't get it. :confuzzle

Personally I think the wedding industry has grown into a monster! I understand a small ceremony with a nice dinner but some brides are Bridezilla's and are spoiled rotten! $500 for a dress to wear for 8 hours, expecting your friends to pay for god awful ugly bridesmaid dresses, ect...
I understand "I've always dreamed of my wedding day", "It's MY day I want all the attention" ect....but should your parents foot your bill for such indulgence?

Tell me!

I think it is ridiculous now adays. I will help my children when it comes time for their special day. I will not however put myself in debt.

Well, if you're going to be over the top then you should help with the cost. But if you want to keep it simple I don't see why parents can't pay. I mean you're starting off you don't have a whole lot of money to begin with. I wouldn't want my mom to help with a bill payment but that's only because she'd hold it over me forever. That's just us though. If you're going to give the bill payment as a wedding gift and leave it at that then that's ok. Conversely, if your parents are paying for the wedding, then that's their gift. You shouldn't get anything else.

Also, what if by the time you're married, you're financially pretty well set up? What then? A wedding will always need paying for but depending on the timeframe and situation, the couple might not have any major bills to pay off right then.

i dunno.
my dad paid for the majority of my wedding...and it was a big expensive wedding. but...he has the money for that. i think it just depends. i'd love to be able to pay for my daughters wedding...but we can only do whatever we can afford.

I think it is ridiculous now adays. I will help my children when it comes time for their special day. I will not however put myself in debt.

i dunno.
my dad paid for the majority of my wedding...and it was a big expensive wedding. but...he has the money for that. i think it just depends. i'd love to be able to pay for my daughters wedding...but we can only do whatever we can afford.

I think that's where a fine line is. Paying for the wedding is one thing; digging yourself into debt is another completely. The second is pretty dumb.

my parents are paying for mine...but we're not going super extravagent, maybe like 5000 or so...which is what i would have if i were paying for it myself and that is how i am treating this whole thing, so i don't know.

i would like to be able to help my kids someday.

My parents forked over $10,000 for my older brother's wedding (which was only a thrid of the cost). After his wedding they told me that I would get the same amount because they don't believe that daughters should get more towards a wedding simply because they were born female.

My parents said I get the $10,000 to spend as I wish...I plan to use as little as possible for the wedding and use the rest to help us have a happy bill free marriage.

Expensive weddings are crazy...you should be planning for the marriage not the wedding. This is probably why the divorce rate in America is so terrible. Once the wedding is over the fairytale wears off and reality sets in.

DB and I've been talking about what we would do for a wedding and we are both on the same "small" wedding page. My friends don't get it...they all say, but this is the most important day of your life. I honestly believe if the wedding is the most important day of your life...something is wrong. Every day you spend with your husband should be important, not just that one day. It is like you are telling yourself...this is my special day, I'm not planning on getting any others so life after this day is going to suck!

If the parents can afford it and they WANT to pay for it then I don't see a problem. But I do not think they should feel they HAVE to pay for it. For me it's only if they want to because I don't care if I don't have the money I can either wait to do a big wedding later on if it means that much to me or I can just do what I can. Then again I'm one of those that spent less than $200 on my wedding because really I don't care about a big wedding I just wanted to marry my DH. :)

My sister just got married, and my parents did not pay for her wedding, this was no surprise to her, we've been told since we've started to seriously date that they weren't going to pay for the wedding. My parents decided on a very generous "gift" that they would give us when we get married. My mom also paid for my sisters wedding dress. They plan on giving all of us the same gift (my brothers included).
Some of the rationale they used, which makes total sense, is they paid for their own wedding, what if (heaven forbid) we were to get divorced - they dont want to hold "well we paid an arm and a leg for your wedding" against us, AND when parents pay, the parents get the say on certain decisions. So, there are no conflicts with I want this, no I want that.

my parents are paying for almost my entire wedding. (DF is contributing about $4,000 and we'll pay for the HM) and my wedding is really expensive... total will prolli be around $20,000. now before someone calls me a brat (or anyone else) for them spending that much money... please consider something for me: it was MY PARENTS who decided to invite over 300 guest. granted its exactly what i would have dreamt of... but the budget cuts i suggest, my parents refuse to go along with. a lot of times people make me feel guilty for having such a large wedding, but please consider its not always the bride's fault things are expensive.
i suggested hor dourves instead of dinner, limited bar, cupcakes instead of cake, ect.... all things that would be completely normal because i'm having a friday night wedding (which by the way is cheaper too).

so no, i don't feel bad about my parents taking the bill. do i wish i could help more.. hell yes! but i cant. they didn't have to offer. they also didn't have to decline major help from DF's family. i suggested splitting all cost into 1/3(my parents, his mom&stepdad, and df&i)... maybe 1/4 if df's dad offered to help. my parents said no, we're doing this thing the traditional way. so yeah... just consider those things before thinking the bride is spoiled and ridiculous for having her parents spend so much.

My parent's right away offered to pay for my wedding, including little extras.
I felt a little off so I offered to help or on something they don't want to pay for. I think DF said the same thing.
I just don't know how much my wedding will cost. We are cutting costs but really I have no idea.
Mostly for me. Ever since my brother died I've had it shitty with medical problems and bits of depression. DF made me happy again. My parents want to help me stay happy as much as possible.

I think it all depends in the situation. No matter what I would still want to help with the wedding bill even if I very little money. Granted DF is paying for the hotel i believe. hehe

My parents paid primarily for mine, but they gave me a strict budget and that was it. They've also got the same amount to give to my brother some day for a house down payment.

so yeah... just consider those things before thinking the bride is spoiled and ridiculous for having her parents spend so much.

Katie, I totally feel you girl. TV has glorified the bridezilla so, regardless of the sweet offers of parents and grateful acceptance and cooperation of the bride, people just don't see that. I have been involved in LOTS of weddings and bridezillas are much rarer than they are portrayed on TV. But it's easy to believe something that seems so rampant.

In addition, a lot of people resent a family's ability to throw a really big wedding when so many have to scrimp and save and sacrifice to have a little wedding. OR, they themselves see little point in the big event and so they look down on those that do. I can speak from both sides as I have experienced being totally broke (I was a senior in college and he was an MP) and barely being able to afford a tiny wedding with 30 guests and no honeymoon to now; when (and if) I ever re-marry, I'll throw a party for all our friends and family because I can. (But I'm also 12 years older and a LOT farther along in my career)

I am very traditional. If Munchkin wants to do a big church wedding then I will help her pay for it. If she can't pay for it, then it will be my gift to her. I won't go into debt and it probably won't make the cover of any magazine but she'll have a very nice wedding. Now, that's a long time away (she's only 5) but that's what I plan to do.

My parents offered to pay for my wedding. Obviously there was a budget involved. I was told $15k but we only spent about $12k. Keep in mind our wedding was in the DC metro area and that was extremely hard to do to keep our cost down that low. Some locations that were no where near extravagent just your basic reception location were upwards of $10k. We paid for our own honeymoon. Plus along the way there were odds and ends that we paid for mainly because I was out and about or internet shopping and found what I was looking for so I went ahead and bought it. My dress was $800 and I don't feel bad about it. Out of the dress I tried on everyone helped me decided that was the one even though there were ones that cost less. I think each situation dictates what happens. Some people do not care about a large wedding and are perfectly happy doing a JOP ceremony. Like it has been said others have large families and if the parents are paying they will invite guests of their own which causes the affair to be more expensive. I definately do agree that things have gotten blown out of proportion and way over the top.

my parents paid for my wedding. it cost about 20k. obviously it wasn't worth it. :lmao
it was fun while it lasted though. next time i get married, myself and fiance will be paying for it, UNLESS his family wants some sort of extravagance we're not planning for. which is likely. :lol then they can pay.

I think it is ridiculous now adays. I will help my children when it comes time for their special day. I will not however put myself in debt.


Took the words right out my mouth

In this day and age do you think parents should be stuck with the huge wedding bill that is now associated with today's wedding standards?

I have been reading about the costs of wedding gowns, the HUGE wedding parties and guest lists, the registering, the extravagant honeymoons ect....and I'm like :oogle Then I saw the "Wedding Hoopla" post and got to thinking; :puzz

I have 3 daughters and this is what I've told them; I will not pay for a huge wedding as it's a waste of time/money. I would rather give them the money for a down payment on a house/car, pay off their bills so they can start fresh, ect.... I see NO good reason to spend thousands of dollars on ONE day. My wedding total; $1200....that was gown, wedding rings, hotel, dinner, tux, rental car, preacher's fee, wedding license. I just don't get it. :confuzzle

Personally I think the wedding industry has grown into a monster! I understand a small ceremony with a nice dinner but some brides are Bridezilla's and are spoiled rotten! $500 for a dress to wear for 8 hours, expecting your friends to pay for god awful ugly bridesmaid dresses, ect...
I understand "I've always dreamed of my wedding day", "It's MY day I want all the attention" ect....but should your parents foot your bill for such indulgence?

Tell me!

$500 is pretty cheap for a gown & from what i've seen, the trend in bm dresses is to find something cute that can be worn again. something that doesn't even look bm-dress like.

that being said, i think spending god aweful amounts of money on a wedding or rings is ridiculous. there's a lot more to life than money. my parents couldn't afford to give me a jp wedding even. i wouldn't even think of asking them for any kind of wedding help when the time comes. in fact, i probably won't even tell my mom until after i'm married.

I don't think parents should "have" to pay for a wedding. You are getting married, you pay for it. My DH and I did. We opt for the small wedding because we cared more about the marriage. The others, not important. It may be our day but it our day for the rest of our lives.

my parents are paying for almost my entire wedding. (DF is contributing about $4,000 and we'll pay for the HM) and my wedding is really expensive... total will prolli be around $20,000. now before someone calls me a brat (or anyone else) for them spending that much money... please consider something for me: it was MY PARENTS who decided to invite over 300 guest. granted its exactly what i would have dreamt of... but the budget cuts i suggest, my parents refuse to go along with. a lot of times people make me feel guilty for having such a large wedding, but please consider its not always the bride's fault things are expensive.
i suggested hor dourves instead of dinner, limited bar, cupcakes instead of cake, ect.... all things that would be completely normal because i'm having a friday night wedding (which by the way is cheaper too).

so no, i don't feel bad about my parents taking the bill. do i wish i could help more.. hell yes! but i cant. they didn't have to offer. they also didn't have to decline major help from DF's family. i suggested splitting all cost into 1/3(my parents, his mom&stepdad, and df&i)... maybe 1/4 if df's dad offered to help. my parents said no, we're doing this thing the traditional way. so yeah... just consider those things before thinking the bride is spoiled and ridiculous for having her parents spend so much.

See if the parents offer and WANT to do it I don't see a problem. I think it's when the child expects it that it makes them spoiled. :)

I don't think parents should "have" to pay for a wedding. You are getting married, you pay for it. My DH and I did. We opt for the small wedding because we cared more about the marriage. The others, not important. It may be our day but it our day for the rest of our lives.

I agree. I never expected my family to pay for my wedding... I knew they couldn't afford it, first of all, but it was also MY wedding, just as my college is MY college. I guess I was just raised that once you start making adult decisions, you take on the responsibility of paying your own way like an adult. We had a tiny JOP wedding with a total cost of less than $100. I personally believe that huge weddings are a complete waste of money, but then again I think paying full retail for clothing is also a huge waste.

I think depending on the type of wedding that parents still should offer to help. but I do not agree that parents should be stuck with the whole bill.

I know we will offer to help Anya and the boys but to pay for the whole thing, heck no. Especially if she decides to have one of those huge weddings you see on WE. :teehee

I think different strokes for different folks! Every family is different, everyone manages their money different, everyone values different things. My wedding was between 8-10k. Christopher and I paid for most of it. My parents helped with what they could, his did not (they hate me) and that was all fine. It was worth every penny, it was a great day and a great party. None of it even turned out how I wanted it to (last minute hurricane) but I still think it was worth it. Enjoy life!
I will start saving the moment I have a child for their future. My parents did what they could, and I want to make it even better for the next generation.

My mom and I have talked about this and she says it has a lot to do with age. She got married when she was in her mid 30s. So she had money to spend.

My mom was paying for DF and my wedding in November (until he called it off)...
but we were simply having friends and family to a church in our town and the pastor we asked was doing it for free as well as letting us use his dining hall for the reception. All she really was paying for was some snacks, cake, and flowers :)
As far as huge weddings go, NO. I don't think parents should be expected to pay it all. I think working something out with the bride & groom and both of their parents, as well as any other family who wants to chip in is GREAT...but if you want something huge that you family really can't afford, then YOU should pay, or not have it! IMO

It depends on the family and what they want. My parents paid for my wedding, but I had just graduated college and was going to grad school, and my husband was a PFC and we had NO money. We had a very small inexpensive wedding planned in 6 weeks, and we were happy with what we had.

I was the matron of honor in a friend's wedding, and her dad was an exec with Gilette, and she was their only daughter, so they went all out.

My parents decided we are all going to split the costs. They want to cover more, but financially can not do it. We are paying for a good portion of it ourselves, including my dress, his tux, our rings, limo, gifts, downpayments, accessories, all of that. My parents and his parents are splitting the cost of the dinner and the reception stuff like cake, punch, etc.

Then again, we are having a fabulous time, but we are going 'cheap'. We would rather spend the money on a house or a new vehicle. We are definitely getting stuff we want, but we are all splitting the costs. We have so many people donating their time and services to us that we are really lucky. But I do understand how everything adds up.

When I picked out my bridesmaid dresses I made sure it was casual enough for the girls to wear it again and we got them off the clearance racks.

I will set a limit on what we contribute and that will be for all three kids and if they want to go beyond that, they either pay for it themselves or the other persons parents can pick up the tab. Probably around $5000 for each.

Df an I are young (im 20 he's 21) When we decided to get married we were all ready to do the JOP then wait a few years so we could save for our big wedding. But my mom sat me down an told me that my parents wanted to pay for it. Our budget is 5 thousand, I just found out lastnight that Df is going to pay for a little also.

i had the big pricey wedding funded primarily by my parents, but i like to think i wasn't a bridezilla. my dad chose the country club, which was a majority of the bill. would i rather have had a dowpayment?....in my situation....hell no, i've already acquired that on my own...worked very hard & invested for it. BUT i think giving money for a downpayment rather than a huge wedding is a wonderful idea if that's what the couple needs. i would NEVER take out a loan (or have my parents take out a loan) for a wedding. that's crazy. i think people simply need to work within their means and I was extremely fortunate to have parents with the means for my dream wedding. and i don't think they would have had it any other way. i hope this isn't coming off defensive, as it is meant to simply be explanatory.

for my end note i'd like to say a wedding can be a dream at any price.

I don't think parents should "have" to pay for a wedding. You are getting married, you pay for it. My DH and I did. We opt for the small wedding because we cared more about the marriage. The others, not important. It may be our day but it our day for the rest of our lives.

Yes to everything you posted.

I'm just independent that way and would want to foot the bill.

Everyone has had some pretty awesome points.... I've always kind of had the thought that sure, I'd like my parents to help out some whenever I get married but I'm not expecting it, nor am I expecting a lot. If they decided they wanted to do a huge family thing I'd probably ask for more assistance but honestly I'd rather do like they did and have a small wedding then later when it was convenient have a large reception with the family that couldn't fly in from wherever... A wedding is a beginning, the start of something wonderful -- not the most wonderful day ever and then it's over! I'd rather do the sentimental thing and wear my mom's veil that my grandmother worked on, have flowers my cousin arranged in her flower shop, etc. but I'm corny like that :lol

My mother offered to pay for our wedding. I never would have asked her though. I was perfectly fine with our JOP ceremony. We got married via JOP first, then had our wedding 3 weeks later.

We will probably pay for some things when our son gets married, but certainly not for the whole thing.

If the parents can afford it yes. But the way I look at it is if the parent does not want to pay for it they won't. My parents just gave my sister a 10,000 wedding and did not pay jack for mine their reasoning was I was getting married to early so they have a choice.

My parents offered my sister and I the same deal when we were in college:

They would pay for ONE of the following:
1) Full 4 year education at college including room & board, meals, tuition, books, and furniture/supplies
or
2) A wedding

I chose college. My 4 years of college (ie education, books, and etc costs) alone was worth over $100,000!!!!!!!!! Even the biggest wedding I could come up with wouldn't be that much!!!!!!!! So now the weddings on me and my fiance.

no way! i'm sure my parents will help IF THEY CAN, but i absolutely do NOT expect much if any help from them for my wedding! i think it's ridiculous how much weddings cost on average :shock

My parents paid for most of mine, it was beautiful and I will be eternally grateful for it. I can't put a price on the memories we made that day b/c of my dad's generosity. He spent about $10,000.

I want to do the same for my kids. Unless something goes horribly wrong, we will be in a good financial position for the kids to both have a really nice wedding. And if my ds happens to marry a woman who's family is going to foot most of the bill, then my dh and I will get to take a great vacation.

Well, we got married at the courthouse so we paid for it, it was only like 40.00. Next year, however we are renewing our vows with a ceremony. Of course we will have to pay for it, but dh said i could spen what i want, but i dont want to spend much at all, probally under 1,000.00 for everything.

I do agree, i can not honestly fork over all that money for just one day, even if i had it.

Well my mom is paying for my college and depending on the time I get married, she's giving me a set amount for my wedding. If I spend more than that, I'll come up with it. If not then I won't pay anything.

If that makes me spoiled so be it.

My parents offered my sister and I the same deal when we were in college:

They would pay for ONE of the following:
1) Full 4 year education at college including room & board, meals, tuition, books, and furniture/supplies
or
2) A wedding

I chose college. My 4 years of college (ie education, books, and etc costs) alone was worth over $100,000!!!!!!!!! Even the biggest wedding I could come up with wouldn't be that much!!!!!!!! So now the weddings on me and my fiance.

WOW! That's actually awesome.
I wish my parents had offered me that deal! :lol

One of my former bosses spent over $200k on her daughter's wedding.

Tell me that's not ridiculous.

You could just about buy a freaking house....

my parents and df's parent are spliting the cost.
we will prob spend between $8,000 and $15,000 depending on the location.

I don't expect my mom or dad to pay for anything. I will plan a wedding according to a budget that we set, and if any of our parents want to pitch in and help, I don't think I will turn them away. Though, I would like a nice wedding, which is why it will probably be a lot of years before we get married....that and we need to get engaged, first. tehehe

I'm getting married in less than two weeks. YAY! And our wedding is going to be very small. I agree with the post that more emphasis should be placed on working towards the marriage itself, especially since the divorce rate in the military is higher than in the civilian population. But, I suppose if you have the money and you want to spend it on your wedding then that is your choice. Or alternatively, if someone is willing to foot the bill for you, take advantage of it. Either way, I wish all of the marrieds and soon to be marrieds luck in their relationships. Lets change these awful divorce statistics!!

My parents gave me $3000 to do what I wanted. I could have had the small intimate wedding I was planning but I went with furnishing our first apartment and getting our life started.

When our kids are old enough, we'll probably do what my parents did with me but we haven't talked about it yet so who knows when that time comes.

I can say for sure that I will not endulge in some crazy fantasy wedding. If they want that then they better have some money saved up.