so i got to talk to tony on the phone today and i dont know how to handle all of this he so angry and snaps at me for nothing and i know that he has stress he needs to let go but do i let him take it out on me? and how long do i let him do it? and how much do i allow? how far is too far? im so frustrated i know he has problems and hes probably scared but he thinks that im jsut having a blast and thats not true i have problems too how do i handle this what am i supposed to do???

Deffinitly talk to him about it and prepare for him to get angry when you do :depressed I always tell girls that just because guys are deployed doesnt mean they can be mean to their woman at home. We are thier support and they may not realize it but they need us. I would deffinitly take a very suttle approach to this. Dont accuse him of anything but let him know you have noticed his behavior and that you are concerned and you are wondering what you can do for him

Do yall email? because if so, you can write out all your feelings about it & that way he cant interrupt you, argue or anything until he knows ALL of what hes making you feel right now. i men, hes not going to stop mid sentence to call you or to write you back! its kinda forcing him to pay attention until YOU are done this time! And dont be mean about it, im kinda coming off like that, but be caring & understanding, and make him know you feel SAD about it, not MAD. if he thinks youre mad, hell be mad. if he thinks youre sad, he'll be sad, therefore, more respectful to not put you in that place again!

i would tell him that you understand that he is stressed and has a lot to handle, but that you BOTH do... one thing that has helped me is if he is in a bad mood, i will let him know that i love him and i miss him, but that i know he's had a hard day.. and as hard as it is for me--i will just let him go. to me, it is better than getting into an argument over something we both have no control over. i'm sorry.. hang in there :)

Deffinitly talk to him about it and prepare for him to get angry when you do :depressed I always tell girls that just because guys are deployed doesnt mean they can be mean to their woman at home. We are thier support and they may not realize it but they need us. I would deffinitly take a very suttle approach to this. Dont accuse him of anything but let him know you have noticed his behavior and that you are concerned and you are wondering what you can do for him

I agree

Bring it to his attention in a manner which he won't get defensive in. I thought the same thing about my DB and just kept it to myself till his day off...after it being a few weeks. We got INTO IT! But in the end it is all good, because we both weren't being oureselves at that time. We got our thoughts and emotions, fears, and stresses out to each other and he finally let me in the wall he build around himself after he went back from R&R.

I got him to get on webcam immediately after and he went from being aggressive to the brink of tears...we both were crying the whole fight (over messenger) and when we turned the cams back on we saw the tear stained faces of the other. I really think most guys build up a wall to keep themselves from breaking down over there. You just have to push your way past his, as I did, and get him to see that you are the person he should be able to talk to, the person who he can lean on.

Hope it all goes well! Don't let him walk all over you...bring it up.

I had to send an email to DB in the first week because he called a couple of times and he was be mad over very stupid small things. I told him that I look forward to his calls all day/week etc and then when I talk to him he gets pissed and is mean to me. I told him that it crushes me because I am going through the same emotions as he is and I shouldn't feel worse when I get off the phone. I made him feel really bad and I am still getting sorrys for it. And I said it made me SAD instead of MAD.

I would try sending an email. Either that or when he starts 'relieving stress on you' ask him to calm down and take a deep breath. Tell him you want to listen to him and his problems but you need him to do it nicely. Just be supportive but don't let him take it out on you.

im having a very similar problem...feel free to pm if u need to vent more

Deffinitly talk to him about it and prepare for him to get angry when you do :depressed I always tell girls that just because guys are deployed doesnt mean they can be mean to their woman at home. We are thier support and they may not realize it but they need us. I would deffinitly take a very suttle approach to this. Dont accuse him of anything but let him know you have noticed his behavior and that you are concerned and you are wondering what you can do for him

THANK YOU! I totally agree. Deployment isn't an excuse to be a jack ass. Yes, they are under tremendous stress and you tend to take things out on the ones closest to you but there has to be a point where you say that isn't ok! Be as understanding and supportive as you can but also stand your ground and say that sort of behavior isn't ok.

Mama from someone who is in the same position take it from me if you dont say something he is gonna think that he can get away with it and the truth of it is he cant. I understand they are under a lot of stress but like the girls have told me its no reason to let them think that we are their personal punching bags cause we aren't we are having a hard time as well and the thing is they dont see it from our point of view just like we dont know what they go through cause we aren't over there. So all I can tell you is hang in there hang tough and just talk to him. If you need someone to talk to I am here. XOXOXO

i agree, you should definately talk about it. my boyfriend yelled at me his first couple days out there and then didn't call or email for days, it was tough, but then when he finally spoke to me i let him know it's not right. i'm sitting here waiting for him trying to be strong for him and that i know it's hard for him but i deserve respect because deployments are hard on the girlfriends also. so talking to him is definately a good idea. he's probably just stressed and doesn't realize he's taking it out on you.

He definitly doesn't need to take his stresses out on you....I used to get upset with Db when he wouldn't call when he got off work but he told me that was his wind down time, and didn't want to take the stresses of his day out on me...He said I am the last person who deserves that! So I think you need to talk to him about the way he is treating you!