I didn't want to thread jack and I am hoping this will stay nice so I am putting it in Debates but a comment by MissJasmin rather upset me. Your thoughts?

I totally understand where you are coming from. It's not a degree vs no degree, it is an educated person vs an uneducated person.

I will have my PhD by the time my husband is out of the marines... if he doesnt go to school while he's in..he will have nothing. We will be on two different levels, there will be no balance. I will have a very proffesional job, and he will get whatever job he can get...that isn't good. A good marriage is about comprimises yes, but it's also about two people contributing to the common goal. If my husband didn't WANT to go to school I don't know how attracted I would be to him...i want someone who cares about their education, not someone who is lazy and doesn't want to put in the work. My husband is a military man and is kept busy and deploys, but don't think for one second that I don't push him constantly to continue his education.

I want kids, and I want both of us to contribute to our kids

the more your parents are educated the more likely you will educate yourselves. I want my kids to go to college, so DH and I are both going to college.

For someone who is so concerned with education and being perceived as intelligent, the idea of that statement is one of the least intelligent I have come across in a while.

I want my husband to do what makes him happy. If at this stage of his life he wasn't open to continuing his education, I would be ok with that. You should not force education upon your spouse.

DH has an AA degree. He has not show any interest in going back to college to further his education beyond that . Have I talked to him about it in the past, yes. Have I pushed him, No. NOW, he is WANTING to go back to college to get his A&P License, as well as pursue a degree in Aviation Management, or Aerospace Engineering. When he told me this, I was blown away. I think people need to come into their own, in their own time.

I have my A.S. Degree in Business Administration and I would like to go back to school to get my Bachelor's Degree, but I know that I'm not ready for that right now. Will I eventually go back, more than likely yes. My DH does not push me into doing it right now at all.

Education does not neccesarily equal intelligence.Some of the smartest people I ever met never went to college.I also disagree very much about how she thinks if she has a PHd,and he doesn't continue his education,"they will be on two different levels." Personally,I don't care how much my SO makes or how much education they have.That's not what makes a healthy relatonship/marriage.

I have my bachelors and fully intend to get my masters and possibly my doctorate...but i LOVE school and I love learning!! Db has finished a few semesters at a junior college working towards his graphic design degree, and if he decides when he gets out that he doesn't want to pursue that, then I am definitly okay with that...I want him to be happy with what he does...plus alot of times being in the military and the jobs they do can help them get great jobs! I love my Db NO MATTER what!!!

EDIT: DB may not have finished school yet, but he is one of the most intelligent men I know...so I disagree that if you have an education and he doesn't that it will put you on two different levels..

That doesn't sit right with me. The DB is going to go back to school after he gets out in a few years. Just because he's not going to go to school while he's in doesn't mean that he's going to have nothing. He wants be a detective someday. But while I'm getting my PhD, he's going to be working as a state trooper. I mean, I'm going to be a physical therapist someday, and those jobs are on different levels too.

Idk, I guess what I'm trying to say is that, yes I do want my DB to go to college, but I also want him to be happy. And if that means getting a job where he doesn't go to college, I'm going to support him.

:reallymad Wow. Marriage is a partnership, not a dominance game. >_< This woman is not intelligent, and honestly, I don't see how her husband puts up with her. Military men can usually get jobs, and good ones because they have learned their trade. If women want their men to have an education over their military career, they should chill. My bf only gets to take 2 classes every 8 weeks and he's two classes away from getting his Associate. He has been in the AF for two years, and in school for four.

i'm in college now and DF never really thought of going to college, but i think he's way more intelligent than me. he knows way more than i do and i'm on a college level now. also, school just isn't for some people, but it does not mean that they are "uneducated" maybe they want to do something else. there are jobs that make just as much money as people who go to college for.

I forgot to add my own thoughts aside from saying that it upset me. lol I personally feel that it is a very ignorant statement to make. Just because someone does not have a BA/BS, MA/MS or a PhD does not make them any less intelligent. There are so many reasons why someone might choose not to go to college. Financial reasons, family members to take care of and so many others. Also, there are many successful people out there who have a great career and/or a great life without their degree in anything. So to say that no degree equals uneducated is in itself a very uneducated and ignorant statement.

Ahh...what to say.....other than "ouch".....Sounds as if she doesn't give him much credit for anything, almost as if she can't visualize the education his is earning/learning while active duty. Her comments scream "holier than thou" which made me cringe. :oogle Now, granted her marriage might just work that way...so to each his own.

And then there is Book Smarts vs Common Sense That debate could be discussed until the cows come home.....

Personally I would never de-value my husband and his accomplishments just to justify my own beliefs but that's just me....

With my ex-dh and I, he had the PhD, I did not... yet he was common sensically challenged. I was the more intelligent one. Could he dissect a brain and bring life back into the dead. Sure. But ba-jeebus don't ask him to make you toast.

So I think her view (If my husband didn't WANT to go to school I don't know how attracted I would be to him) is skewed and immature.

What if he went to the sand and got blown up and wouldn't come home to be the person that she thought he COULD be when she married him? She would not love him b/c he was all he was before he went??

Seeing that my dh and I have two total different career paths so education or lack there of has no bearing on our relationship at all. What matters most to me is our agreement on the education of our dd.

Regarding my childrens furtherment of their education once high school is over....I don't think that our education level will make that much of an impact on whether they decide on college it or not. I think the biggest impact will be the value of an education that we will instill in them, I don't need a college degree to teach me how to do that.

To me that is a very ignorant statement. I wonder if her dh knows that she thinks that about her marriage?

I do have to respectfully disagree with Miss Jasmin's viewpoint, I don't think that two people's educational levels make that much of a difference in their relationship. I know that I will probably not be done with my education until I have either a Phd or a couple of Masters but I truly love school (I'm graduating in May with a BA in English). DH has an AAS and an AA and is working (albeit very slowly) towards his BA in History. If he never wanted to go back to school at all...I could care less. He's smart in other ways: I know for sure I couldn't do his job, I don't even really know what he does and he's showed me a dozen times (he's an IT/Sat Comm guy), too high tech for me. He is also musically talented and has about a thousand other interests than I do.

That's what makes our relationship fun and interesting: our differences.

Oh, and as for parental education, my mother died when she was 33 with barely a high school diploma and my dad was a high school dropout who got his GED and then worked his way up in the Navy to Chief. I'm the 5th of 9 kids to get a BA and the rest are professionals with great jobs (well, except my little sister, she's only 13 ;)). I don't think it has anything to do with how educated your parents are, I think it has to do with how driven YOU ARE.

Education does not necessarily equate to intelligence, and Lack of Education does not necessarily equate to lack of intelligence. I do NOT have a college education. I have Military Experience. Ten years of military experience made me Extremely competitive in my field.

It doesn't upset me as much as I just totally disagree.
Some professions require an intense amount of schooling, while some don't involve higher education at all. Sometimes people wait awhile to see what they want to pursue before deciding what to study. If you're both not "on the same level" education-wise I really don't see what the big deal is. Education does not equal intelligence. In fact, I've met the MOST idiotic people when I was in college and the smartest people on the street who've barely gotten their G.E.D.
Also.. having both parents going to college has little influence on your children. Both DH and I graduated from four year programs. Only one of our four parents had graduated from college when we left for school.
To be honest, it's not the degree, it's how you use it (or use your previous work experience.) People who are driven and hard working are the ones who get ahead.

There is far more to education than just a degree.

I can definitely understand wanting your SO to be the person you know they're capable of being. :) Yes, education helps but it's not everything. I recently heard someone say, "The only person who is impressed with your education is your mom." I thought that was funny. But that's definitely not meant as a slight to anyone! I graduated from college, but I'm done with school for now - I'm so un-motivated when it comes to that! :)

For someone who is so concerned with education and being perceived as intelligent, the idea of that statement is one of the least intelligent I have come across in a while.

I completely agree!



I fell in love with DB for who he was, not for who I thought he would become. He may not have a college degree, but he is smarter than a lot of people I know. Also, the work he does in the navy takes a lot of intelligence. Intelligence that he learned through hands on training, which in my opinion is more valuable than learning theory in a classroom. Honestly, 50% of the crap I learned in college I'll never use again. That may be an low estimate too. I was in about 11 accounting classes and barely touched what I do today in my career as an accountant.

As an added note;

Isn't what you contribute to life and society the most valuable thing a human can give????

Hoorah to our servicemembers who contribute EVERYTHING!

:threadkiller

I agree a college degree does not automatically make you an intelligent person. I have come across many people in my life who are book smart and have excelled in their academic careers but lacked a serious amount of common sense. I think the military provides a different kind of education for its service men and women that is just as valuable if not more so than the one you get in a conventional class room.

You would definitely find me standing behind the man or woman who has served this country rather than the person metaphorically waiving their diploma in the air claiming that it puts them on a different level than other people. To me that’s just ignorant. Or maybe I’m just a little too patriotic for my own good but I took offense to the insinuation that a person who has given up their precious time during this life to serve our country will have nothing when it’s all over.

I can sort of see where the poster who inspired this debate is coming from... BUT that does not mean I agree.

I personally love learning, and plan to be a "professional degree collector" with a variety of careers :teehee

But, I understand that it's not for everyone. My older sister who dropped out of HS in 11th grade and her boyfriend who finished a year in a junior college may not have any "papers" to show, or "letters" behind their name, but, I'll tell you what, she is a curious person, a good mother, he can tell you anything in the world about construction, and talk anyone under the table, and they both can tell you anything you ever wanted to know about how to raise and train a horse. They are some of the nicest most humble people you could meet.

The knowledge base they have is perfect for the type of life they lead. Education does not equal intelligence, or potential. A college degree only equals what everyone expects a person to do when they graduate HS.

I had a stick up my ass about it for a long time, but I have seen the light in a big way.

I personally think College or some type of higher education is a good thing, but I know there are many paths to the same route, and wish America functioned more like Germany, who has several routes for people once they are at a certain level in their schooling. (either sitting for the Abitur and going on to university, going to a technical school, Realschule, or just the basic education, hauptschule)

Even though the latter two have become somewhat stigmatized in recent years, they are still options that people are more open to, as opposed to here where it is a completely different ballgame, and a totally different type of stigma.

My Marine does not yet have his College degree, he opted for the Marines first. But his not getting his degree was a matter of being called to some higher better purpose" and self confidence issues. Now, he's planning to be a careerist, and is looking at finishing his degree to put in for commissioning programs.

I myself have taken a bit of a bumpy road to my degree (which I will be done with soon) but it would not have been as bumpy, if I hadn't have felt the "need" to follow the status quo, instead of follow my heart and the road less traveled. In fact, if we are being completely honest, I hated my first "college" experience because I was bored out of my mind and frustrated beyond belief, and I barely made it out of high school for the same reasons in spite of having a documented genius IQ, merely because I hated busy work, and the fact that teachers didn't teach.

Do I push DB to make the best life decisions? SURE. But, that's because he lets me, and I do the same thing to him. We respect each other's viewpoint and opinions, and we talk about how decisions will be made, where we see ourselves, and how to get there. That makes both of us better people.

I don't like people who are purposefully ignorant, and who choose to merely exist. I seek to be educated, and surround myself with intelligent, educated, passionate, compassionate people... but there are MANY types of intelligence, many forms of education... AND still much I personally have yet to learn that could come from so many sources.

Ok i have alot to say about this..but don't want to upset anyone..i will say that my mother NEVER went to college and now she uns my fathers business and just resigned from being pres of the AADA and she was also part of the CDA..and she is def one of the most intelligent creative women i have ever met in my life!!!!!

My bf and I take our education very seriously. We are both on our way to finishing B.S. degrees and we will both get M.A. degrees as well. We are doing this because we want to though, you can't force someone to go to college. I myself believe that I wouldn't be able to achieve the career I want with out going to college.

I agree with a lot of the ladies on here that education does not a smart person make... But also, there is a lot of learning to be done OUTSIDE of school. If you are interested in anything, you could pursue it on your own, and just because you don't have a degree in that field certainly doesn't make you uneducated in the field...

Also, I realize that a college degree shows a certain amount of tenacity, but so does working up through a company or job, and the military can give many people an education that they would never get in any school.

Ok I stopped at the first page, but that's only because I LOVED everything I read.

That comment was uneducated. And if your man is beneath you without a degree then you need to check yourself.

hmmm, i have a bachelor's degree. dh completed 3 years of college, but due to circumstances he didn't finish and joined the navy. do i think i'm better than him or more educated? hell no. formal education is not the only way people can be intelligent or educated. dh has had more education just from life experience than a lot of people ever will.

also, our SO's generally have to go to numerous schools while in the military. while they may not get a degree from it and what they're learning may not be "mainstream" they're still furthering their education.

oh, and look at it this way...i have a degree, dh doesn't , however, HE is the one with the job that pays all our bills, bought us a house and allows me to stay home with our kids. if i worked, my job would *maybe* pay for daycare and gas.

disclaimer: i only read the first couple responses so sorry if i repeated stuff.

I don't see the big deal. Everyone has their own expectations when it comes to their lives and relationships. It's not like furthering your education is a BAD thing.

Overall, not really my place to judge. :dunno

For someone who is so concerned with education and being perceived as intelligent, the idea of that statement is one of the least intelligent I have come across in a while.

Education does not neccesarily equal intelligence.Some of the smartest people I ever met never went to college.I also disagree very much about how she thinks if she has a PHd,and he doesn't continue his education,"they will be on two different levels." Personally,I don't care how much my SO makes or how much education they have.That's not what makes a healthy relatonship/marriage.

:agree I agree with pretty much what everyone had to say, but couldn't quote everyone. lol

Like others said there is more to being educated than having a degree that says you completed these classes. My dad has a degree in HR, he has never been able to use his degree because he is 60 and has about 0 experience in that field. Most people want to hire him at what he is good at which is basically store keeper ( which he has about 20 years of experience thanks to the Navy) So even having a degree doesn't guarantee you will have the job you want at the pay you want. My mom got lucky and was able to work in the field she wanted her degree in while completing her degree ( HR btw).

I completely agree that formal education does NOT always equal more intellegence. And I also agree that getting a college degree is not always for everyone.

However, I do have to say that even though I don't necessarily agree with everything the poster said, I can see where she is coming from. From a compatability standpoint of your significant other, I know what I want from my partner. I want a partner that is goal oriented, that is always looking to further their education in one way or another, and that is always trying to better themselves. I could not be with someone who was lazy or stagnant and never trying to further their career. I think its all about choice and what kind of person you want to spend your life with.

I personally want someone who's standards are in tune with my own. I have a BA and working on a Masters and to me higher education is VERY important, but wouldn't look down on someone that didnt have a degree, I just would not be attracted to someone who just didn't care about their career or bettering themselves in life at all. I wouldn't care if they were a janitor, as long as they wanted to stay on top of their game. Perhaps learn more about the advances in building maintenance, or maybe having aspirations of advancing in that particular career as a maintenance person. So to me its not about how intellengent someone is, or what degrees they have; to me its about being with someone who has DRIVE, someone who wants the best for themselves.

Just like some people wouldn't date or marry a guy that maybe didn't care about personal hygene, or a guy that didn't like kids, or a guy that doest do this or that, some people wouldn't want to be with a person that wasn't career driven.

By the time I finally finish my dang degree, DH will already have an amazing career under his belt, that does carry to the civilian world, degree or not. Heck, he already has enough experience to go out and get a high paying, fulfilling job but he enjoys the military. I definitely do not stress him about a degree right now. He was trying, but his job is just too fast-paced to keep up, so I told him he always has time to get the degree... he's getting an education right now.

If my husband didn't WANT to go to school I don't know how attracted I would be to him...i want someone who cares about their education, not someone who is lazy and doesn't want to put in the work.

Make way for the Devil's Advocate ;)

This quote caught my eye more than anything else she said. So I don't see the big deal. She wouldn't be attracted to a man who doesn't have these similar goals in common with her. I don't blame her. I'm not attracted to really short men, or men with long hair, or men with skinny arms. Should you be offended if your dh is short, has long hair, or whatever? No, b/c obviously that's attractive to you.

It's proven that people with degrees earn more money. Now we all know people who don't have an "education" who are great businessmen/women, we all know very intelligent people who didn't go to college. But take your average person, send them to school, and they are going to come out of it with more knowledge and a more marketable skill, therefore higher income potential.

And I truly believe that kids learn from example, not from what you say. So if you want your kids to believe an education is important, the best way is to show them it's important to you.

Make way for the Devil's Advocate ;)

This quote caught my eye more than anything else she said. So I don't see the big deal. She wouldn't be attracted to a man who doesn't have these similar goals in common with her. I don't blame her. I'm not attracted to really short men, or men with long hair, or men with skinny arms. Should you be offended if your dh is short, has long hair, or whatever? No, b/c obviously that's attractive to you.

It's proven that people with degrees earn more money. Now we all know people who don't have an "education" who are great businessmen/women, we all know very intelligent people who didn't go to college. But take your average person, send them to school, and they are going to come out of it with more knowledge and a more marketable skill, therefore higher income potential.

And I truly believe that kids learn from example, not from what you say. So if you want your kids to believe an education is important, the best way is to show them it's important to you.

I agree. :tu

Make way for the Devil's Advocate ;)

This quote caught my eye more than anything else she said. So I don't see the big deal. She wouldn't be attracted to a man who doesn't have these similar goals in common with her. I don't blame her. I'm not attracted to really short men, or men with long hair, or men with skinny arms. Should you be offended if your dh is short, has long hair, or whatever? No, b/c obviously that's attractive to you.

It's proven that people with degrees earn more money. Now we all know people who don't have an "education" who are great businessmen/women, we all know very intelligent people who didn't go to college. But take your average person, send them to school, and they are going to come out of it with more knowledge and a more marketable skill, therefore higher income potential.

And I truly believe that kids learn from example, not from what you say. So if you want your kids to believe an education is important, the best way is to show them it's important to you.

And what if your spouse gives it a go, and decides it's not for them?

And what if your spouse gives it a go, and decides it's not for them?

Decides that getting a formal education is not for them? Or the college environment? Cuz there are online classes and many different kinds of colleges out there.

And what if your spouse gives it a go, and decides it's not for them?

Then in all fairness, he would have to allow the kids to do the same. How fair is it for him to decide the kids HAVE to go to college, when it wasn't for him?

Decides that getting a formal education is not for them? Or the college environment? Cuz there are online classes and many different kinds of colleges out there.

:yes

Me for example, I had 2 years in a 4 year private university to "experience" college life, of which I grew sick of after less than a semester. Too much drama, too much pettiness, too much partying and people who didn't have two braincells to rub together but were cheating, working the system and living off daddy's money.

So, I left. Bucked the system and took time off. Now I am back in online classes, and am once again a straight A student, because it's about the knowledge, and essentially a 1 to 1 ratio with the professor (or feels that way) so you don't waste time, and the BS is slashed in half. My kind of learning, indeed.

Make way for the Devil's Advocate ;)

This quote caught my eye more than anything else she said. So I don't see the big deal. She wouldn't be attracted to a man who doesn't have these similar goals in common with her. I don't blame her. I'm not attracted to really short men, or men with long hair, or men with skinny arms. Should you be offended if your dh is short, has long hair, or whatever? No, b/c obviously that's attractive to you.

It's proven that people with degrees earn more money. Now we all know people who don't have an "education" who are great businessmen/women, we all know very intelligent people who didn't go to college. But take your average person, send them to school, and they are going to come out of it with more knowledge and a more marketable skill, therefore higher income potential.

And I truly believe that kids learn from example, not from what you say. So if you want your kids to believe an education is important, the best way is to show them it's important to you.

yes if he wasn't goal oriented when they met then sure she wouldn't have been attracted to him. But what if mid way thru he decides that college ( overall) just isn't for him. That earning a degree is no longer important to him. By the way it sounds ( from her post) then she will just leave him because he no longer fits into the dream she/they had. Isn't there more to marriage then that?

yes if he wasn't goal oriented when they met then sure she wouldn't have been attracted to him. But what if mid way thru he decides that college ( overall) just isn't for him. That earning a degree is no longer important to him. By the way it sounds ( from her post) then she will just leave him because he no longer fits into the dream she/they had. Isn't there more to marriage then that?

That's what I was trying to say. And I'm not sure where the parental expectation fits in with this? I think parents expect things of their kids that they didn't do all the time. But I'm sure a parent who didn't go to college but found another success in life would be open to their child exploring other options.

yes if he wasn't goal oriented when they met then sure she wouldn't have been attracted to him. But what if mid way thru he decides that college ( overall) just isn't for him. That earning a degree is no longer important to him. By the way it sounds ( from her post) then she will just leave him because he no longer fits into the dream she/they had. Isn't there more to marriage then that?

I think that's no different than any marriage that falls apart for whatever reason. Your spouse gains a lot of weight and you aren't attracted to them anymore. You spouse starts drinking and doesn't get off the couch for 5 years, so you leave them. If you think you married one person, but it turns out they are someone different, it makes a marriage even harder to keep going.

That being said, I didn't get that if her dh gave it an honest try, and just found that it really wasn't for him, she'd leave him. It sounded to me that her problem would be in him not trying at all.

And I'm not sure where the parental expectation fits in with this?

I brought it up b/c her last sentence was something like, "I want our kids to go to college, so dh and I are going to college."

I think that's no different than any marriage that falls apart for whatever reason. Your spouse gains a lot of weight and you aren't attracted to them anymore. You spouse starts drinking and doesn't get off the couch for 5 years, so you leave them. If you think you married one person, but it turns out they are someone different, it makes a marriage even harder to keep going.

That being said, I didn't get that if her dh gave it an honest try, and just found that it really wasn't for him, she'd leave him. It sounded to me that her problem would be in him not trying at all.

I agree. She obviously has a vision for her life and knows what she wants out of life, and I know that for me, I expect my husband to fit into that. If he didn't because he was drinking, doing drugs, cheating, etc, people wouldn't be like... Marriage is more important than being happy in life. Why is it different with college? People grow apart and become different people sometimes. I think that is a valid reason for not being with someone.

Although I don't think that is what the quoted poster was saying. Her leaving him over this is an assumption on our part, not something she actually said. She just said she was concerned about it and wanted him to care about his education. Like it or not, a college degree IS important in our world. People who have degrees make more money. Educated people do better in life. AND there is a direct correlation between parents who go to college influencing if their kids do. A college degree is becoming more and more of a necessity to live comfortably in this country.

I agree. She obviously has a vision for her life and knows what she wants out of life, and I know that for me, I expect my husband to fit into that. If he didn't because he was drinking, doing drugs, cheating, etc, people wouldn't be like... Marriage is more important than being happy in life. Why is it different with college? People grow apart and become different people sometimes. I think that is a valid reason for not being with someone.

Although I don't think that is what the quoted poster was saying. Her leaving him over this is an assumption on our part, not something she actually said. She just said she was concerned about it and wanted him to care about his education. Like it or not, a college degree IS important in our world. People who have degrees make more money. Educated people do better in life. AND there is a direct correlation between parents who go to college influencing if their kids do. A college degree is becoming more and more of a necessity to live comfortably in this country.

Wicked, are you in my brain today?

I don't see how not getting a degree compares to doing drugs/drinking. I mean I do get what you are saying, but to me if my dh left me because I felt that my talents laid elsewhere that didn't include a degree from a college, then what kind of marriage did I have at all. I wanted to go to school for many years, but now that I am older I realize that college and a degree is not really what I want. I can find other ways to meet our goals and continue having a good life without a college degree. That also doesn't mean that I wouldn't push for my children to go to college if that is where they can realize their dream.

...

I don't see how not getting a degree compares to doing drugs/drinking. I mean I do get what you are saying, but to me if my dh left me because I felt that my talents laid elsewhere that didn't include a degree from a college, then what kind of marriage did I have at all. I wanted to go to school for many years, but now that I am older I realize that college and a degree is not really what I want. I can find other ways to meet our goals and continue having a good life without a college degree. That also doesn't mean that I wouldn't push for my children to go to college if that is where they can realize their dream.

I compared them because it is a question of matching values. Not because not having a college degree is the same as being a druggie. :lol To some people, getting a college degree is important. Just like religion is important. That is the way I was comparing it. ;)

So if he decides college isn't for him, that automatically makes him lazy?

Nope, didn't say that. In fact the word lazy isn't even in my post.

So if he decides college isn't for him, that automatically makes him lazy?

I don't think the OP was talking about him deciding it wasn't for him. She was talking about him not trying at all. :dunno

If we are talking about a spouse changing their mind about college after marriage, I see this the same as a spouse changing their mind about having children. For many people that is grounds for divorce, if the spouse always said they wanted children, and then one day decided it was not for them and decided they didnt want children anymore. For many that would be a deal breaker. I don't see how bettering themselves and getting a college education is any different.

i didnt read everything but wow that is such unconditional love right there.....

If we are talking about a spouse changing their mind about college after marriage, I see this the same as a spouse changing their mind about having children. For many people that is grounds for divorce, if the spouse always said they wanted children, and then one day decided it was not for them and decided they didnt want children anymore. For many that would be a deal breaker. I don't see how bettering themselves and getting a college education is any different.

I agree

And it seems like there is a lot of assuming going on. It's assumed that the OP thinks anyone without a degree is lazy. It's assumed that the OP thinks that if you haven't been to college, you aren't intelligent. It's assumed that the OP will leave her dh if he doesn't complete a degree. She never said any of those things, but that's the basis for the debate thus far.

We don't know anything about her and her dh, their relationship, how they grew up, any factors that might be the catalyst for such strong feelings about completing a college education.

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Piled Higher and Deeper

At least that is what my mother calls them- and she has a PhD in biochemistry. I am also a highly educated woman, working on becoming more so, and my DB doesn't have a degree either. But I realized long ago that no degree does not mean no intelligence and there are plenty of people out there with Phd's who are complete and total morons and failures. The degree can be important, depending on what you do, but isn't always. DB is very intelligent, and more important, very driven to be successful. He is very good at what he does and is very happy doing it, the fact that he doesn't have a degree bothers him a whole lot more then me. That whole quote seemed extremely narrow minded and immature IMO.

I don't necessarily agree with her statement, but I feel that different things are important to different people in a relationship. What one person might value or find attractive about a significant other might not appeal to someone else or vice versa.

I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe it came out harsher than she meant it to...

When I met my husband he had been in the Navy for less than a year. He joined because after 4 years of college, he realized he didnt care if he ever graduated.:duh While I think he is retarded for this :P I love him regardless.

He is 16 credits short of a BA. I *think* he will eventually finish..if he doesn't :dunno I love him anyway. He is extremely smart, has done well in the Navy and can accomplish ANYTHING he puts his mind too. His education is the LAST thing that concerns me.

dh failed out of college before he enlisted
i am about to have my bachelor's and will get my masters and eventually a ph.d (i hope).

marriage is a partnership. dh and i were on the same page, education wasn't important to him before he enlisted but it is more so now. he will get his degree and he will do it in his time. being educated does not mean you need a degree and having a degree does not mean you are educated.

College isnt for everyone and just because someone may not end up going to college does not make them lazy or unintelligent. Maybe at one point he wanted to go but now he doesnt so what? Its his decision to make. I would never want my spouse to force me to go to college. To me thats not wrong. He can suggest that I go but that doesnt mean that I will. But I surely dont think he should make it a type of ultimatum. When we marry someone we are not marrying them for just for them having goals like college or kids, yes its a factor but it should be because you love them for the personality and how they make you feel and treat you. having kids is probably a bigger issue with some then college is.


But whoever said that the OP hasnt said if people who dont go to college are lazy or unintelligent is right. So until she herself says that then we shouldnt really jump all over her but I do think that she really shouldnt make it a factor in whether to leave him or not if he should decide not to pursue a college degree.

I just don't understand how you can sign on to forever with someone and not be flexible... everyone's right about the OP... just all debating the idea of it now I guess, not her specific opinion.

whatever works for each couple...i can't judge. I personally have a Masters, and DH barely graduated high school. He now wishes he had gone to college, and would like to go some day and get his degree. As long as he knows I am smarter and can kick his ass at Trivial Pursuit and Jeopardy, it's all good!