I have a friend who is my age, doesnt go to school, doesnt work and has no children. She is married. Oh and I should add that she does not do housework nor cooking cause she doesnt like to.

She and her DH faught for weeks that she should have half of the tax return money to spend for shopping for herself.

Now, I am a supporter that if its someone in her situation she can be contributing something to their household. And I also dont feel she was entitled to half of the $$ either.

Am I the only one who feels this way? And I am sure Ill catch holy hell for posting this, but Im curious as to how people feel.

lol i have to say, i agree with you

for the love of god you are 29, she should be doing something instead of shopping everyday lol

She doesn't deserve anything!

Sounds like she needs to get herself a job!

I see your point, but if she spends freely from his earnings the rest of the year, why should the tax refund be any different?
I have worked on and off throughout our marriage, and never made close to what dh makes. But we take turns with refunds, bonuses, and anything else like that. Usually when it's my turn, I put it towards debt or savings, and spend a little on me. When it's his turn, he spends it mostly. It works for us, even though technically I didn't earn half that money, or anywhere near half of it.

I definitly agree with you...if she was contributing to the household I would say yes she is entitled to half but it doesn't seem that way from what you said

If we didn't have kids, I'd be working. There is no way I can be THAT lazy.

She needs to grow up.

Maybe I'm feeling sensitive today, but I'm 29, no kids, and haven't found a job yet. While I do clean, and cook (sometimes), I feel like I contribute in ways that are not quite as clear - like packing up and moving all the damn time.

This is just really irking me.

I personally would not be fullfilled if I did not get up in the morning to go and do something, school, work, etc.

That being said, if her husband lets her live off of him all year, why is this any different?

I have to agree with you there :yes
Now if it was going to household things or certain debts they may have then I think she should be able to input on that....but half to go shopping :no

her lifestyle is her choice. but i think it entitles her husband to make the decision about the tax return. :yes so in short, i agree.

I'm all for being lazy, but wow :lol No kids, no job, no housework, no cooking, plus getting half the taxes to shop? Whew! :lol

Maybe I'm feeling sensitive today, but I'm 29, no kids, and haven't found a job yet. While I do clean, and cook (sometimes), I feel like I contribute in ways that are not quite as clear - like packing up and moving all the damn time.

This is just really irking me.

If it works for other people, that's wonderful, it just wouldn't work for me. I don't have a career though and I would be working simple jobs to keep me busy.

Maybe I'm feeling sensitive today, but I'm 29, no kids, and haven't found a job yet. While I do clean, and cook (sometimes), I feel like I contribute in ways that are not quite as clear - like packing up and moving all the damn time.

This is just really irking me.


THe difference is that you WANT to work, you WANT to contribute....you just have not been able to find a job yet...not your fault, KWIM

You are planning where she doesn't sound like she is

I made like a 20th of what my DH made last year. my taxes were 500 bucks. I will get somethings that I want, but i dont feel i am entitled to half of everything like that. When he got out, he took his money and got his dream motorcycle and I got some clothes. I work at jobs I love for little money.

I personally would not be fullfilled if I did not get up in the morning to go and do something, school, work, etc.

That being said, if her husband lets her live off of him all year, why is this any different?

:tu :D EXACTLY.....how does it effect anybody else if her husband is letting this happen?

I didnt work when we first moved here it took me forever to get a job, but i did household work everyday.

I see your point, but if she spends freely from his earnings the rest of the year, why should the tax refund be any different?
I have worked on and off throughout our marriage, and never made close to what dh makes. But we take turns with refunds, bonuses, and anything else like that. Usually when it's my turn, I put it towards debt or savings, and spend a little on me. When it's his turn, he spends it mostly. It works for us, even though technically I didn't earn half that money, or anywhere near half of it.
I have to say I agree. Not to mention if he wasn't married maybe the return wouldn't be as big.

We have a child and I kinda do all the housework ect. When I am doing the running of the household, the shopping, cleaning, cooking, ect. I still don't "Expect" to have that money. I worked for 1/2 of it but would rather put it away for the future.

Eh, I would never do that, I actually like to work, lol, but I guess to each their own. If her husband lets her be lazy all day, and still gives her money for stuff, then he should be expecting this. I say you reap what you sow. Its like a parent who never punishes their child and never makes them do chores, and one day is shocked when they refuse to clean their room, lol. Who am I to say its wrong for them, just because its wrong for me.

My sister is a stay at home wife but my nephew is in school. She doesnt demand half of the return.

Maybe I'm feeling sensitive today, but I'm 29, no kids, and haven't found a job yet. While I do clean, and cook (sometimes), I feel like I contribute in ways that are not quite as clear - like packing up and moving all the damn time.

This is just really irking me.

You shouldn't feel bothered by it, sweetie. I didn't work prior to having kids either, so I know there are plenty of other ways to contribute aside from just monetarily. IN fact, my personal feeling is that it's actually IDEAL for one person to stay at home and take care of the house, errands etc. I did, however, cook, clean and run errands and things of that nature. I don't think it's very fair to expect one person to carry the weight of a full time job, full job cooking, full time cleaning and everything else. If one person stays home, I do feel that the person at home should most definitely pick up more slack with the house, especially if there are no kids.

when we didn't have dd i didn't work but i did housework, cooked, cleaned, etc

ETA: our money goes to us including the tax return but i do agree with you to a point

You shouldn't feel bothered by it, sweetie. I didn't work prior to having kids either, so I know there are plenty of other ways to contribute aside from just monetarily. IN fact, my personal feeling is that it's actually IDEAL for one person to stay at home and take care of the house, errands etc. I did, however, cook, clean and run errands and things of that nature. I don't think it's very fair to expect one person to carry the weight of a full time job, full job cooking, full time cleaning and everything else. If one person stays home, I do feel that the person at home should most definitely pick up more slack with the house, especially if there are no kids.

I agree with this. I am not working now, but I maintain the house, I get up extra early make my dh a breakfest to go and pack his lunch, I cook, i clean, and so on. I cant expect him to work 12 hrs 7 days a week and then do household things.

When I was in GA w/ dh, I felt so bad about not working, I was overzealous about making sure the house was CLEAN when he got home, I also always had dinner cooked (or cooking) when he came through the door, did all the grocery shopping, got up in the morning to make him breakfast, etc... But even with all that, I still had time to lie by the pool and read everyday! And there is NO WAY that I would demand half the tax return to go shopping!! I might ask for some of the money to go buy stuff for the house (stuff for BOTH of us) but I would feel BAD asking for it just for me!!

I'm 20 and don't work or have any kids (working on getting back to school since we are moving soon). As for the tax return thing, we both decide what to do with the money jointly. If we get anything back it's going all to debt, better for us in the long run.

As for this girl, I stay home and I clean and I cook, I take care of all the finances, and anything else Ken doesn't do (which is pretty much everything BUT work). I can't imagine sitting around all day doing NOTHING. I watch movies all day long, while I am cleaning, or working on bills, or whatever, but doing nothing all day that's a little crazy to me. I don't think she is entitled to half, she didn't do anything.

If they are both ok with it, I'm not anyone to say anything but in my book marriage is a team. You do this and I'll do that to contribute to the marriage. I can't expect him to do this do that do this do that but if that's how they are use to run their marriage and they are both fine with it then alright.

If they are both ok with it, I'm not anyone to say anything but in my book marriage is a team. You do this and I'll do that to contribute to the marriage. I can't expect him to do this do that do this do that but if that's how they are use to run their marriage and they are both fine with it then alright.


ITA

Maybe I'm feeling sensitive today, but I'm 29, no kids, and haven't found a job yet. While I do clean, and cook (sometimes), I feel like I contribute in ways that are not quite as clear - like packing up and moving all the damn time.

This is just really irking me.

I don't work either! We both like my schedule to be clear. He is gone a lot, I go back and forth from here to the States, and when he's off and out of work early I like to be at home with him, not working at the exchange or something. The jobs here suck anyways! And my hubby let me use most of the tax return for fun! I will work in the future, and I'm taking classes, and I keep our house and that's my contribution to our life.

:tu :D EXACTLY.....how does it effect anybody else if her husband is letting this happen?

I agree. Maybe the husband spends all year long. Maybe she enjoys being spoiled, who knows. But it's their life, so it doesn't really bother me, as it doesn't affect anyone but them. :dunno

She sounds lazy, but I agree if that's what her husband let's her do, then that's there business, she shouldn't feel entitled to the money but if he decides to give it to her, that's their business too. Marriage is supposed to be fifty/fifty, so as for her sitting around the house doing nothing, that's going to get old pretty soon. She should want to do something with herself if not for her husband, so he wouldnt feel like he was carrying all the weight, but at least for herself. No kids, no job, no housework @ 29 she should want more for herslf.......

She should get a job, and then next year get those tax returns. Its her DHs return he earned it. So he should do whatever he wants with it.
It he decideds to give her some then thats what he wanted, but if she is begging then...... she really should get a job.

I, personally wouldn't be fulfilled by just shopping all the time, but if that's what works for them then ok.

When I wasn't working I was OCD about our house and making sure EVERYTHING was taken care of for him! The ONE thing I asked for his help on when he was home was the backyard. He always did it anyway... call it sexist, but he believes the outside is a man's job. I couldn't let him do anything when he got home after work and I felt as though if I had my job complete when he got home from work we could enjoy each other more that way!!! It worked for us.

If they are happy, they are happy!

I don't really care. :P

Ya, if that is how their life is, so be it. I don't really care. I am 25, not working, and being supported by DH. That is what is working for us now. Sure, I am looking for a job. But that doesn't make me any less lazy throughout the day. I dunno, Chris and I have the whole "what's yours is mine" policy. It works. Maybe that's how their life is, too.

I could give a rats ass if she works, doesn't work, cleans, doesn't clean but what really stood out to me is the fact that they are fighting over a simple tax return! Sounds like their marriage sucks to begin with IMO.

Sounds like a spoiled ass brat, IMO!

:dunno But I sure feel bad for her husband situation.

:agree

I don't see why she should have any less "claim" to this money than the other household income that she has access throughout the year. I just don't understand why suddenly this money should be all "his" if he hasn't had an issue with her spending non-return money.

hmmm well IMO...
If she does nothing no cooking no cleaning no job no kids then yes she sounds lazy. If you don't have a job and you have no kids and there are no health issues then IMO you're house should be spotless at least. But that's JMO.
BUT that being said. If she doesn't do anything and he spoils her anyway then eh it's not like he can be shocked about it.
Does he have an issue with giving her half or is it just something you observed that irks you?

He doesnt like it, hence why they fight all the time. She gets money from her parents too. She just asked for some of his uniform allowance since he got something non uniform with it.

I dont care either, but I think you should contribute something to your household.

You shouldn't feel bothered by it, sweetie. I didn't work prior to having kids either, so I know there are plenty of other ways to contribute aside from just monetarily. IN fact, my personal feeling is that it's actually IDEAL for one person to stay at home and take care of the house, errands etc. I did, however, cook, clean and run errands and things of that nature. I don't think it's very fair to expect one person to carry the weight of a full time job, full job cooking, full time cleaning and everything else. If one person stays home, I do feel that the person at home should most definitely pick up more slack with the house, especially if there are no kids.

I'm one of those "lazy" people. I'm a stay at home wife but I do keep the place clean and I cook some of the time. DH does cook a lot but it's because he actually likes to cook and wants to do it. I don't expect him to ever clean up the apartment or wash the dishes. He does it because he wants to but I don't tell him to. I do ask that he not throw his crap all over the place and make a huge mess though. So yeah call me lazy whatever I don't care it's our life and it's working for us.

I don't work either! We both like my schedule to be clear. He is gone a lot, I go back and forth from here to the States, and when he's off and out of work early I like to be at home with him, not working at the exchange or something. The jobs here suck anyways! And my hubby let me use most of the tax return for fun! I will work in the future, and I'm taking classes, and I keep our house and that's my contribution to our life.

See that is one of the reasons I don't want to work. I never know when we are going to be able to fly to HI and visit our families so if I worked that would make it even more difficult to have both of us get off work to go. His schedule is so weird all the time that I would hate to see him even less because I'm working as well. :dunno

I'm one of those "lazy" people. I'm a stay at home wife but I do keep the place clean and I cook some of the time. DH does cook a lot but it's because he actually likes to cook and wants to do it. I don't expect him to ever clean up the apartment or wash the dishes. He does it because he wants to but I don't tell him to. I do ask that he not throw his crap all over the place and make a huge mess though. So yeah call me lazy whatever I don't care it's our life and it's working for us.

:yes that was us before we had dd

See that is one of the reasons I don't want to work. I never know when we are going to be able to fly to HI and visit our families so if I worked that would make it even more difficult to have both of us get off work to go. His schedule is so weird all the time that I would hate to see him even less because I'm working as well. :dunno

That is really our biggest reason. If I get a job, I get 2 weeks off. When he gets a month off for leave after deployment every yr, I want to spend every one of those days with him. Some days he works till 7 and some days he's off at 2, and I can be home with him then. When he's gone, I can go back to the States however long I want. I def get it... this life is difficult and me always being here is his stability. It was his decision as well, he really enjoys me always being here for him.

I have a friend who is my age, doesnt go to school, doesnt work and has no children. She is married. Oh and I should add that she does not do housework nor cooking cause she doesnt like to.

She and her DH faught for weeks that she should have half of the tax return money to spend for shopping for herself.

Now, I am a supporter that if its someone in her situation she can be contributing something to their household. And I also dont feel she was entitled to half of the $$ either.

Am I the only one who feels this way? And I am sure Ill catch holy hell for posting this, but Im curious as to how people feel.

I AGREE. I CAN UNDERSTAND IF SHE HAD KIDS AND SHE WAS ACTUALLY CONTRIBUTING. BUT MY GOD. SHE NEEDS TO GO TO WORK OR CLEAN THE HOUSE AND COOK. SHE DOES NOT NEED ANY MONEY.:eek

Oh, I never said that women "should" work, quite the contrary actually :yes I think it's fantastic if the woman can stay home, that's what I've always wanted to do. I was just saying that I think it's ridiculous for anyone (man or woman) who is married to lounge around like a bum, letting their spouse pick up the slack for EVERYTHING. A full time job is hard enough, but then to come home to a house where nothing has been cleaned and nothing has been cooked and none of the bills have been paid and errands haven't been run... I don't understand it. If that works, then whatever. It would not EVER fly in this household though :lol

if the guy is pissed about it then he should start putting his foot down and really evaluate this "partnership"

IMO i can't just stay home...i have DD now and it's great..but i'm constantly looking for stuff to do and I always make sure i clean and cook. I also take care of the finances. DH has so much on his plate already i try and make it as easy as i can at home for him (to an extent of course).

As for the money situation i've always looked at the money as OUR money regardless of who brings home what, so together we sit and talk about exactly what we want to use the money for. Be it our regular paychecks or tax return it makes no difference. I tell him what i'd like to use the money for and visa versa, then we compromise. It makes things so much easier IMO

When we first got married and for a few months after DH was gone, I wasn't in school, had/have no kids, and didn't have a job. HOWEVER...I cleaned, cooked, took care of bills and finances, did laundry, errands, EVERYTHING around the house and it was almost like having a full time job.

So, I think that if she actually CONTRIBUTED with housework, that would be OK...but....she does nothing? That's just....how can you do nothing? I'm a VERY lazy person, but I still manage to do at least one productive thing each day besides going to school!

So, I think that if she actually CONTRIBUTED with housework, that would be OK...but....she does nothing? That's just....how can you do nothing? I'm a VERY lazy person, but I still manage to do at least one productive thing each day besides going to school!

Exactly :lol I love being lazy but how do you manage to be THAT lazy? :lol Reminds me of Travis Barker's exwife Shanna or whatever her name was on Meet the Barkers... freaking sleeping 18 hours a day :lol

That is really our biggest reason. If I get a job, I get 2 weeks off. When he gets a month off for leave after deployment every yr, I want to spend every one of those days with him. Some days he works till 7 and some days he's off at 2, and I can be home with him then. When he's gone, I can go back to the States however long I want. I def get it... this life is difficult and me always being here is his stability. It was his decision as well, he really enjoys me always being here for him.

See I have my mom visiting me and then I'm going to Hawaii for the end of the deployment. There is no way I would be able to do that if I was working. To get both of us off at the same time would be so hard and I want to be with him the entire time he comes back from a deployment not working while he is home waiting for me. :sigh

The tax return isn't a problem for us either we both decide what "we" want to do with it.

Exactly :lol I love being lazy but how do you manage to be THAT lazy? :lol Reminds me of Travis Barker's exwife Shanna or whatever her name was on Meet the Barkers... freaking sleeping 18 hours a day :lol

See and i could NEVER do that and trust me when i say I (L) (L) (L) to sleep. But after awhile it gets kinda old.

Exactly :lol I love being lazy but how do you manage to be THAT lazy? :lol Reminds me of Travis Barker's exwife Shanna or whatever her name was on Meet the Barkers... freaking sleeping 18 hours a day :lol

Oh I can sleep for hours and hours and hours! I'm a housewife who has to set an alarm!

If she freely spends half of his monthly earnings, what difference does it make how much of his return he makes. Technically he gets more back b/c he's married to her, she should be entitled to that portion. Dh and I haven't ever done the your money / my money thing. It's both all the time. Whether I ever go back to work or not.

See I have my mom visiting me and then I'm going to Hawaii for the end of the deployment. There is no way I would be able to do that if I was working. To get both of us off at the same time would be so hard and I want to be with him the entire time he comes back from a deployment not working while he is home waiting for me. :sigh

The tax return isn't a problem for us either we both decide what "we" want to do with it.

Yeah I totally get ya! It is the only thing that makes life slightly normal for us. And we've never had a yours/mine money issue either. Christopher is gone on average 8 months a yr... it's so important for me to be around when he is. We may not have as much money w/o me working but that's life! What would we do with the money if we never saw each other? :lol

Oh I can sleep for hours and hours and hours! I'm a housewife who has to set an alarm!

OMG that is sooo me. :lol I sleep in so late now and stay up late as well. I don't have to have the place perfectly clean all the time because he is deployed so sometimes I have to remind myself that even though he is not here I have to keep the place at least tidy. :P

Yeah I totally get ya! It is the only thing that makes life slightly normal for us. And we've never had a yours/mine money issue either. Christopher is gone on average 8 months a yr... it's so important for me to be around when he is. We may not have as much money w/o me working but that's life! What would we do with the money if we never saw each other? :lol

Exactly :)

Yeah I totally get ya! It is the only thing that makes life slightly normal for us. And we've never had a yours/mine money issue either. Christopher is gone on average 8 months a yr... it's so important for me to be around when he is. We may not have as much money w/o me working but that's life! What would we do with the money if we never saw each other? :lol


This is so true - especially the bolded part. Not working at different points has given me the flexibility to take care of things, to travel to see him, to travel together, to be there for the few hours he's home... the list goes on and on.

Even though I am looking right now, I am looking for the RIGHT job, and if I don't find it, oh well. We're moving again in 13 months, so it's really not an issue. I want to bring in some extra money, but only if it's flexible enough that I can keep up the same quality of life we have together now.

That might sound selfish to some, but it's what makes up happy together.

OMG that is sooo me. :lol I sleep in so late now and stay up late as well. I don't have to have the place perfectly clean all the time because he is deployed so sometimes I have to remind myself that even though he is not here I have to keep the place at least tidy. :P

Yeah, my day and night are almost reversed when he's gone. Especially being so far away, I'm up all night talking to my friends and family back home. I'm much better about it when he's here!

She reminds me of the chick in the Offspring song... If she was in charge of the house so to speak then I would say she's contributing enough but if she doesn't do any work at all around the house, outside the house or whatever I think it's a bit much to ask for half of the money. Maybe asking for a little bit to spend but half? I don't even ask for half, I want to stuff it all away into the bank :lol

This is so true - especially the bolded part. Not working at different points has given me the flexibility to take care of things, to travel to see him, to travel together, to be there for the few hours he's home... the list goes on and on.

Even though I am looking right now, I am looking for the RIGHT job, and if I don't find it, oh well. We're moving again in 13 months, so it's really not an issue. I want to bring in some extra money, but only if it's flexible enough that I can keep up the same quality of life we have together now.

That might sound selfish to some, but it's what makes up happy together.

Yeah, I applied to substitute teach... good practice for future career and flexibility to work when I want to.

I can not stand a lazy woman. She needs to get off her ass and do something.

I have a friend who is my age, doesnt go to school, doesnt work and has no children. She is married. Oh and I should add that she does not do housework nor cooking cause she doesnt like to.

She and her DH faught for weeks that she should have half of the tax return money to spend for shopping for herself.

Now, I am a supporter that if its someone in her situation she can be contributing something to their household. And I also dont feel she was entitled to half of the $$ either.

Am I the only one who feels this way? And I am sure Ill catch holy hell for posting this, but Im curious as to how people feel.

:agree

I dont agree at all with you.

I don't live with them or pay their bills, so it doesn't bother me.

...

I don't really care. :P

Ditto.

I don't work and my DH told me what he is giving me from the tax return and it is more then what he is giving himself. He likes to do me like that though and I appreciate it. We try very hard not to do the it's my money or thats your money thing. It is OUR money.

Maybe she's sexing him like crazy.

Maybe she's sexing him like crazy.

I agree. :lol She's got to be doing SOMETHING if he's not had a problem with her not working and 'not contributing' in any other way...
JMO

I see your point, but if she spends freely from his earnings the rest of the year, why should the tax refund be any different.

i haven't read thru the whole thread yet, but i agree with this.

if he's been fine with her laziness up till now, its his fault that she expects half the tax return. he's overindulged her for too long, and now its probably too late to change that.

If he were filing single it's very possible that he would end up OWING money. Filing jointly will almost always give more of a return if you are owed one.

My dh has never been one to feel our tax return is his........since he is the only one bringing in an income at this time. I probably wouldn't stay married to someone who is so greedy over money.........especially a refund they might not get if not for filing jointly in the first place:tired

I also could care less what other people do in their marriages. Her only downfall is that she is telling people her business....BAD mistake especially since it leaves her open for being judged by others.

I don't live with them or pay their bills, so it doesn't bother me.

:tu

Different situations work for different people. :dunno

I agree. Maybe the husband spends all year long. Maybe she enjoys being spoiled, who knows. But it's their life, so it doesn't really bother me, as it doesn't affect anyone but them. :dunno

:tu

If she freely spends half of his monthly earnings, what difference does it make how much of his return he makes. Technically he gets more back b/c he's married to her, she should be entitled to that portion. Dh and I haven't ever done the your money / my money thing. It's both all the time. Whether I ever go back to work or not.

I don't see why she should have any less "claim" to this money than the other household income that she has access throughout the year. I just don't understand why suddenly this money should be all "his" if he hasn't had an issue with her spending non-return money.

i haven't read thru the whole thread yet, but i agree with this.

if he's been fine with her laziness up till now, its his fault that she expects half the tax return. he's overindulged her for too long, and now its probably too late to change that.
:yes ITA.

I don't see why he's pissed now, when it seems like he spoiled her throughout the year anyways.

Maybe she's sexing him like crazy.

:lmao She has to be! :lol All I know is I would have been single a loooong time ago if I woulda tried to do that crap with my husband :lol