at myself...and the situation I've got on my hands. Some days I'm so strong and so over the entire thing...other days, my heart breaks again.

I havent gone into details really, but before we were married he cheated. A LOT. he likes to say we were "just friends" so it wasnt cheating, but I was in a monogamous relationship w/him. but it was only me. for two years. when I finally put my foot down he did a complete 180 and we spent almost 2 years w/him sticking to this change.

We got married and he left to boot camp a few weeks later. Then he cheated 2 months into our marriage. I knew it happened, but he didnt admit it to me untill 2 years later.

Then we spent 5 and a half years having a baby and trying to find a niche for ourselves as parents, as indivduals and as a married couple. I wasnt happy. He wasnt happy. He left on a det to the bahamas, called me a week into it, ready to end our marriage. Turns out there WAS someone else. Says he didnt take it to the next level till AFTER I left his ass, but I dont buy that one bit. My gut tells me it went to the next level as soon as he called me from the bahamas.
In his jacked up mind he was single then. He's already started seeing this other woman, who by the way I busted at my house a few days before I moved out.
She was outside in her car, but I still wanted to beat the living shit out of her...

well now they've "broken up", and during this entire thing, he's called me, still tells me he loves me, misses me...It makes me want to :pukey
I'm so tired of his games, I just want to be strong enough to let go...BUT I love him very much, and I do miss him. I just dont know if I can ever trust him again. I barely trusted him before. I just feel so confused sometimes...I want my family together, but at what cost? I feel so bad for my dd, she cries for him sometimes...he has missed sooo much already in the 3 months we've been gone. He's supposed to come home on leave in June. He'll get off the ship in SD and then take leave from there...I'm so torn about that too. I'm excited to see him, but when I think of him touching me, my skin crawls...can you really love someone w/so much of your soul, and hate them just as much?

Wow... I am so sorry. I really dont know what to say as I have never gone through any of this. But I just wanted to say stay strong and do what you think is best for you and your little girl :hugs

Honestly Veronica, you have to learn how to forgive, otherwise all the guilt, anger, etc is going to eat you alive!!!

Forgiving is the first step, if you indeed want to make your marriage work again...


HUGS!!!!!

I"m sorry you have to go through something like this. You and your daughter don't deserve to be treated this way. I know it's hard for me to give advice when I've never been in the same situation, but I will ask this: If he's done this sort of thing twice before, do you really think he's going to change?

:hug

:hugs I'm soo sorry you are going through this I hope you find a common ground weither it's together or apart for the sake of your daughter!

Yes, you can.... That is how I was with my ex.... Hang in there sweetheart!

Honestly Veronica, you have to learn how to forgive, otherwise all the guilt, anger, etc is going to eat you alive!!!

Forgiving is the first step, if you indeed want to make your marriage work again...


HUGS!!!!!

see thats the thing...I never forgave him in the first place...and I went and married him. Now I just dont know if I want him...part of me does, desperately...and part of me wants to kick him in the balls and fight for full custody of my daughter. :no I'm just so confused...

Thanks girls. I feel a little better getting some of it off my chest.

you are incredibly strong for going through this. I can't tell you what to do but do you think that counseling could help him. I know how hard it is to let someone go who you love so much but if you two are going to try to work this out he needs to know that there are ramifications to his behavior.

I'm not suggesting counseling to him...we're split up and since we're not discussing reconcilliation right now, my focus is myself and my dd.

see thats the thing...I never forgave him in the first place...and I went and married him. Now I just dont know if I want him...part of me does, desperately...and part of me wants to kick him in the balls and fight for full custody of my daughter. :no I'm just so confused...

I understand how you're feeling!! Have you been seeing a marriage counselor lately, one-on-one?!

No I am actually going to start seeing someone just for me...

We went to a marriage counselor in '06 when he was feeling like he wanted out before...but he changed his mind and we stopped going.

Sounds like my ex....he would say enough to keep me holding on. It sucked. I had to think what the future would be like. Him treating me like crap the rest of my life. It was unbearable. That thought helped me finish school and move on. I was million times happier with myself alone then with him.
I hope you can find the strength you need. I am here for you if you need me.

He sounds like someone else I know. You need to let him go. It will be the hardest thing you ever do! I am going to tell you the same thing I told my other friend...Think of your daughter! Do you want her to grow up in an environment that shows her its ok to be in a relationship that continuously breaks your heart?

Do you want her to wake up one day and realize that her mom stood by her dad when all he ever did was cheat, lie and destroy every bit of self esteem you ever had? What if she grows up to marry a man just like her father? How would you feel?

Stand your ground, know that YOU DESERVE BETTER and SOMETIMES..you just HAVE to let go, for your own sanity and know that there is SOMEONE out there waiting for you to mend and be open to an honest, loving and TRUE love.

Wow... I am so sorry. I really dont know what to say as I have never gone through any of this. But I just wanted to say stay strong and do what you think is best for you and your little girl :hugs

But how many times is she supposed to forgive if he keeps abusing that forgiveness?

:hugs if you ever need to chat please feel free to PM me!! I'm so sorry youre going through this!

He sounds like someone else I know. You need to let him go. It will be the hardest thing you ever do! I am going to tell you the same thing I told my other friend...Think of your daughter! Do you want her to grow up in an environment that shows her its ok to be in a relationship that continuously breaks your heart?

Do you want her to wake up one day and realize that her mom stood by her dad when all he ever did was cheat, lie and destroy every bit of self esteem you ever had? What if she grows up to marry a man just like her father? How would you feel?

Stand your ground, know that YOU DESERVE BETTER and SOMETIMES..you just HAVE to let go, for your own sanity and know that there is SOMEONE out there waiting for you to mend and be open to an honest, loving and TRUE love.

I agree 100%! I know that it's hard, and I think ANYTIME you leave a relationship, there are feelings of "should I?" "maybe he'll change" etc. I think that's normal with any breakup. But I do think if he has disrespected you THIS long, I honestly don't think he will stop. While I do believe people can change, it doesn't really sound like he is willing too. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too..

You are a very strong woman Veronica, you don't give yourself enough credit for that. You have been through a lot and FIXED a lot in your life that was bad, and I think this is you taking the next step to fixing your life. What do you think will hurt more? Leaving him now, or finding out he cheated once again? Obviously this decision is up to you, but I truly think that you deserve someone better. What is your gut instinct telling you? Putting emotions, memories, and insecurities aside, what do you honestly think? Maybe that will help guide you. Either way, we are all here for you and I hope that you can come to a decision that you feel is right. :hugs

the ladies are right, how many times is too many. You have stood by the relationship and tried to help facilitate this but he keeps leaving. Marriage and any relationship is a 2 way street and you have tried when he has a hard time keeping his end and yet he coldnt come back around to pullin his weight. Your daughter needs u to be strong for her and if you are always giving to somone who will not give any back you will have nothing left to give. It is your life, heart, daughter and most importantly your decsion I wish you luck this is a awful hard one to make. PM me if u need to vent, promise not judgement on whatever u try to do.
K

Do you want her to wake up one day and realize that her mom stood by her dad when all he ever did was cheat, lie and destroy every bit of self esteem you ever had? What if she grows up to marry a man just like her father? How would you feel?


That is EXACTLY why I left FL. I thought about what I want to teach my daughter, and its certainly not to grow up to be like me. I want to give her a better life, and he hurts me so much I felt like it was only a matter of time before he started hurting her too...as much as that hurts me to admit.

I agree 100%! I know that it's hard, and I think ANYTIME you leave a relationship, there are feelings of "should I?" "maybe he'll change" etc. I think that's normal with any breakup. But I do think if he has disrespected you THIS long, I honestly don't think he will stop. While I do believe people can change, it doesn't really sound like he is willing too. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too..

You are a very strong woman Veronica, you don't give yourself enough credit for that. You have been through a lot and FIXED a lot in your life that was bad, and I think this is you taking the next step to fixing your life. What do you think will hurt more? Leaving him now, or finding out he cheated once again? Obviously this decision is up to you, but I truly think that you deserve someone better. What is your gut instinct telling you? Putting emotions, memories, and insecurities aside, what do you honestly think? Maybe that will help guide you. Either way, we are all here for you and I hope that you can come to a decision that you feel is right. :hugs

My gut tells me to move on...:( I know he is not willing to change, he did but it didnt last and now he says he faked it and forced it because he didnt want to hurt me. And your right, it'll hurt more to find out about more cheating later than letting him go now...I just have no clue where to start.




Thanks Ladies. (L)

I don't know what to tell you, just offering hugs and all the support you need :hugs

I have no further advice and I think Kathy and Rileysmom said it best. Good luck to you. You are a strong woman and while it probably doesn't feel that way right now, you can and will get through this. For yourself and for your daughter. :hugs