i have never posted anything here.....but i was not sure where to put this.

her husband called me today. out of the blue. i was going into the store with dh and the boys. my phone rang, and it was him bringing up all this shit from the past. i asked him what he wanted and why was he bothering me, and told him he needed to stop. he told me fine, not to get all worked up, and informed me that he was going to kill my husband.
this is about the 10th death threat. i thought we were done with this shit. it has been almost a year. it has been 7 months and 4 days since i found out about her. we are going on with our lives. why now????? fuck it all, i am so tired of not being able to move forward. there is always something, some reminder. and now he calls.......

BTW: this is just one of the many many many negative effects that having an affair can do to your family.....i wish dh would have considered just how bad the fallout would be

I'm sorry I really don't know your history and what you are referring to...but I will hope that you get things resolved. Have you ever contacted the police about the threats?

yep. but because they are directed at dh and not me i can't do anything. dh would have to go to his NCOs and tell them and it is not exactly something he wants to tell anyone. he made a big mistake, and it is still haunting us.....sucks.

That sucks! Sounds like that guy is having a hard time dealing with what happened. He shouldn't be bothering U with his demons though.

Your husband needs to make the necessary actions in order to clear this up. It is nothing to brush off getting death threats from others about members of your family. Not only will it stress you out but who knows if that individual is crazy enough to carry through with them. He made a big mistake... but the most important thing is that you guys are still pushing through and working out your relationship. Otherwise this will always be on the back of both your minds. There is absolutely no reason for someone to talk to you that way.. None at all... Get it taken care of so you never have to deal w/ them again....

I hope everything works out for you .... There is no shame in protecting your family

I'm wondering if he's calling u instead of ur DH because he thinks u can sympathize and understand how he's feeling cuz u basically went through the same thing. And if not that, if he's calling u as a way to punish ur DH for what he did cuz he knows if he upsets u enough about it and reminds u of it, it's going to cause problems with u and ur DH and ur family.

Gosh, that sucks. Sending :goodvibes your way!

:hugehug It sounds like you and your dh have worked past this and her husband hasn't come to terms with it ... Good luck!

Wow - Hugs and best wishes!

My two bits - get a new #, this guy shouldn't be able to just get ahold of you whenever he wants to...that "means" is just enabling his anger and frustration and egging him on. If he's obcessing over this then he needs to be cut off.

And, if I were you, in this serious situation I would go over your hubby's head and inform comand of what's going on - but only *if* they can actually do anything about it.

i have never posted anything here.....but i was not sure where to put this.

her husband called me today. out of the blue. i was going into the store with dh and the boys. my phone rang, and it was him bringing up all this shit from the past. i asked him what he wanted and why was he bothering me, and told him he needed to stop. he told me fine, not to get all worked up, and informed me that he was going to kill my husband.
this is about the 10th death threat. i thought we were done with this shit. it has been almost a year. it has been 7 months and 4 days since i found out about her. we are going on with our lives. why now????? fuck it all, i am so tired of not being able to move forward. there is always something, some reminder. and now he calls.......

BTW: this is just one of the many many many negative effects that having an affair can do to your family.....i wish dh would have considered just how bad the fallout would be

That sucks!!! Get a restraining order in place! Sue for harassment....

Wow, I would definitely get your number changed hun. Apparently he has not dealt with the past the same as you and your husband have. I am sure that somedays are still quite the struggle for you, but it seems as though for the most part, you have moved on from it....so don't let him continue calling you sporadically and bringing you back, and uncovering those wounds yet again.

Wow, I would definitely get your number changed hun. Apparently he has not dealt with the past the same as you and your husband have. I am sure that somedays are still quite the struggle for you, but it seems as though for the most part, you have moved on from it....so don't let him continue calling you sporadically and bringing you back, and uncovering those wounds yet again.

:yes
Changing your number is a VERY good idea!!!

Sorry you have to go through this. :hugs

thanks everyone. i am looking into changing my number, but since we have moved 3 states in less than 9 months it is the only way some people can reach me. i know, i am making excuses........but still.
I have contacted the police in the city we used to live when it first happened, then the town where i moved to right after, and both told me the same thing....because the threats are on my phone and not directed at me there is nothing they can do. In August he called DH's cell and left a very threatening VM, saying that he was going to come find him and eff him up. I took that to the police, but again, because DH was at basic and not in possession of his phone, they told me they couldn't do anything. The main reason why I moved back to Oregon from Washington so quickly was because my kids and I felt threatened by this man and women, and the people they associate with (who ALL happened to be our neighbors) I called Spanaway police several times and they never even came out!!!! Seriously! What really made me mad was that SHE was able to get a no contact order against me and have me banned from her and DH's work!!! I had not even spoken to her!!!!

What really gets me is that DH is the one that messed up, and I am the one dealing with all of it....literally. He was gone when it came out, and then we were in another state after basic, and now this....he has not had to deal with any of the repercussions really. ugh....it's like nothing happened sometimes

Wow - Hugs and best wishes!

My two bits - get a new #, this guy shouldn't be able to just get ahold of you whenever he wants to...that "means" is just enabling his anger and frustration and egging him on. If he's obcessing over this then he needs to be cut off.

And, if I were you, in this serious situation I would go over your hubby's head and inform comand of what's going on - but only *if* they can actually do anything about it.


i have thought about taking it to someone higher up in his command if he refuses to address it, but back when this was
was all going on, like right after i got solid proof, i took it to his recruiter and to his command at basic. they told me there was nothing at all that they could do, and that is when i found out that his recruiter KNEW about her, and that he was planning on leaving me!! He even advised my DH on how to get away with it!!!!

also, i wouldn't go tell his boss at a civilian job about it, so that applies here too i guess. i really don't want all the new people we have met to know about this bullshit, ya know?

Aww Im so sorry you going through that.. If you need anything call me.. And some guys are PHYSCO out there.. Be careful! Id get a restraining order for sure..

You can very easily make a report against him for that and get a restraining order where he can not even call you and if he does he will be arrested

Find a way to record the next phone call. That way you'll have tangible proof of the threats when you readdress this with either the police or the Command.

Good luck. I am so sorry for your ordeal.

What really gets me is that DH is the one that messed up, and I am the one dealing with all of it....literally. He was gone when it came out, and then we were in another state after basic, and now this....he has not had to deal with any of the repercussions really. ugh....it's like nothing happened sometimes

have you asked him why he's punishing you for this, when it wasn't your fault? you had nothing to do with this, you're as hurt as he is, and by him calling you like this it's just making things worse?