Hi everyone I'm new here and I need some advice I'm not sure if it is related to this or not aw well. When DB (I don't know the adbrieviations yet) came back for his short leave I have known him since we were little kids and when he came back there were some things I don't know how to deal with. For example, when he first came back he talked to me like I was one of the other soldiers and not like his gf, he kept getting weird and freaking out when there was blood even a nosebleed, he only wanted to walk down dirt roads he woluldnt drive down them. the problem is he lives off a dirt road and pot holes are kind of a given in Michigan. He shaped up a little on the attitude thing and he said its because hes not used to talking or being arond women. It makes me mad but I wonder if its right for me to be mad or just blow it off and wait for him to get back to normal life? I can't stand it and hes not like that all the time just random moments, is should i just ignore it for awhile and see how it goes?

I replied to this thread in a PM to you but thought to also post it here, as it may be of benefit to some of the other SO's...

The reactions you've listed are common... getting freaked out by the sight of blood, not wanting to drive down dirt roads, etc....

he hasn't adjusted to life back in the States yet and he probably won't during the short time he's on R&R. The military gives workshops on "return and reunion" to families (i.e. spouses) but not us girlfriends because we aren't legally binded to them or something I dunno. :confuzzle

Think about this though. He's been in a combat situation where the sight of blood means at least a substantial injury or even death. It means "a man down," one of his combat buddies is really hurt. Of course that affects him. As for the dirt road thing... I know that the MC patrols the Iraqi roads- which are dirt- in search of IED's...bombs. They drive Humvees to do this. i'm sure your boyfriend has seen the damage done to a Humvee by an IED. So it makes sense that he's not going to drive a non-armored vehicle down a dirt road, even if it's in the US and it's his own car. Walking down the road is safer in his mind because he can look for possible threats with greater efficiency. Ya know?

Please be patient with him and don't get upset with him over these things. If he gets violent with you or otherwise hurts you, then that DOES need to be addressed. But the ladies in the PTSD forum will tell you that the symptoms you listed are common to men who come back from the Sandbox.

The good news is that most of the time, the symptoms fade or go away altogether within 1 month. (That's what literature tells us anyway.) I have friends who readjusted after only a week, and I have friends who couldn't walk into a Walmart without having an anxiety attack 2 months after returning home. It's individual for every one of them.

In the meantime, Google PTSD and also how it affects families/significant others. Here are a few sites that may help you:

What is PTSD-
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdo...t_is_ptsd.html

This site has a link to a .pdf file that tells you what to expect when your SO returns from combat. It was designed for the USMC but it is helpful to all branches of the military. It's not completely adequate in my opinion but it's a good place to start:
http://www.usmc-mccs.org/deploy/returnreunion.cfm

Well the last reply was right on be patient with him. Remember that blood, dirt roads, loud noises, and many other things we will never understand can trigger his fears and worst memories. They see the most horrible things over there. They are required to do the worst things to people under just orders. It will take him a while to get back to normal even after he gets home. Just try to take a second and step back when you get frustrated. The small things like just sitting with him or holding his hand when he gets freaked out. Part of the dirt road thing is really normal they have been in situations where the vehicle possible has been a bullet magnet so to drive down a dirt road might just put him right back in that moment of his memory. Some guys do it better then others and some will need lots of help to get through what they have seen. It might be helpful for him to talk about it once he is home for good. Just try to remind him you are not the enemy and you are here for him. We all get frustrated at times cause its hard to understand. good luck we are here if you need to talk

Thanks a lot both of you yeah I'm just trying to understand him, it has just been really hard to take in because hes not the same man that left. I knew this would all come it has just been a bit of a shock because hes been my best friend for the better part of my life now hes completely differant. Thanks for the advice!

Chin Up girl it will get better with time. He has a while left after R&R then he will be home and you can work on it. I am not sure you could have found a better place to be apart of seems that there are quite a few supportive girls on here. Well and guys too. We are here if and when you need!