I'm pretty new here, as you can probably see by my post count, I've read a lot more here in the past before joining and I just don't post much but finally decided to. Anway . . .

Last Tueday when my boyfriend was walking me home he asked me where I saw our relationsip going. I didn't know exactly how to answer him at the time, I was kinda shocked at the question. I like him and see a future with him but we'd have a year of long distance stuff while he's down in flight school for the navy. He talked and pretty much said that he didn't want to do the long distance thing (he said sometimes those things work out) and that we should end our relationship now before it got deeper and harder to end. He said that all our friends are getting married and that their lives seem to fit together and our don't exactly. I think that's his main problem. What he meant by that was a lot of our friend are getting married this summer, they either are both graduating and getting married or one couple one is graduating and the other is still in school but the one has a job in the same town as our college. I was talking to my roommate about all this and she said something about how he might just be freaking out right now realizing how close he is to "real life" and just didn't know what to do. As soon as he graduates he gets commissioned into and will be committing to 8 years. I don't know if someone said something that triggered this or where he got it from.

He still wants to spend time together like we used to and be friends. I want to talk to him more about all this, I really didn't know what to say that night. I guess I want to find out if the LDR is the only reason why he doesn't see us together. I couldn't think of what to say that night, I was so shocked I think because nothing hinted toward this at all. Just two days before he was talking to my roommate about what he was going to do for my birthday (which was about a week away at that time) and about how we were going to go up early to her wedding together since he's in it and I didn't want to make the trip alone. Then he brings this up, I just don't know where it came from.

Like I said, he's graduating (college) next year (May 2009) and I'm graduating May 2010 (I'm supposed to be done this year) because of the way my classes are turning out, you have to take one in order to take another and then they are only offered during a certain semester, etc. I got to thinking after all this, I may be able to get the fall semester (2009) with no classes and just work as a substitute teacher, with that I should have a pretty flexible schedule and be able to travel to see him all I want. Then come spring 2010 I would student teach, I would be subject to the breaks of my school there but it's only for 10 weeks.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice. Did anyone go through something similar? Like I said, I want to talk to him more about it but I don't really know what to say now. I called him yesterday but he didn't call me back, I left a message because he was in class. We saw each other Sunday and I asked him about his Easter and time at home but didn't talk much besides that, he teased me a little like he used to also. I was going to talk to him then but he left with his roommate and I didn't get a chance to. But for now we're over. I'm better this week than I was last week but I still just want to talk to him more.

All I can say is some people aren't meant to be in long distance relationships. And maybe he's one of them? If you can still talk to him about it, then I'd do it. Maybe he is just freaking out, and doesn't know what else to do. Many guys push themselves away from relationships if they know they won't be there.

But good luck to you and I hope everything works out.
:hugehug

A good majority of us on here are in long distance relationships of some type. For it to work in my experience you really need to be in love and commited because it is hard work expecially with adding the military lifestyle. I think you should at the very least talk about this with him further. Good luck!!

im sorry! but me and my DH now had a long distance relationship we met and i didnt see him again for a year! but we made it! i guess you just have to work at it if you really want it! but im glad that we stuck it out! i mean dont get me wrong we had our fights and our "breaks" but now were married and im the happiest ive ever been!

I agree with the ladies. Long distance takes a lot of commitment from both people. Further, neither one of you should be basing what you do in your relationship off of what others are doing, such as getting married. You both need to listen to each other because really those are the only two people that matter. You are a whole lot better than I am. I was never friends with my exs. I hated when they said "lets be friends". My response to them was, "If we don't work in a relationship then you loose my friendship also". I like to let go of all my old baggage :) Made me a whole lot happier in the end :) :hugs I know you will be alright

I think he is just scared of how the future will turn out. It might be good if he talks to someone that has coped well with their own longdistance relationship. You are still the same people and it appears to me that you both still love eachother. Try to talk to him if you still want to be part of his life. Good luck.

I guess the only thing you can do in this situation is talk - communication is the only thing that gets you through a long distance relationship!

I dont know how long you've been together, or if you are in love but Im not gonna sugar coat it for you, a long distance relationship takes an effort like no other! My boyfriend and I have had to overcome different states, different countries (I am english, him Texan!) and now we are dealing with his first deployment that has sent me spiralling into someone i dont recognise! ive suffered panic attacks, bouts of depression - all things ive never had before! but i promise you not once as bad as it has got have i questioned us as a couple! even when friends and family question it!!

so like i said, if you truely want him, and you really want to work as a couple - talk!! listen to your heart and be really honest cause at times that is all you have!!

deep down you know! - forget about the logistics, yes they make it difficult but if you are meant to be with some one you will make it work!!

Know that every single women on here has been right where you are now.....we faced what you are facing and we all chose to commit and you know what i would say just looking at the ladies profiles on here, we all made the right choice!!
: )

so good luck with the talk and if you need us we are all here!!

Finish your school the way you planned. Don't compromise your education. If the relationship is meant to work out, it will survive this. Talk to him and tell him how you're feeling, but please don't abbreviate your education.

I agree with the ladies. Long distance takes a lot of commitment from both people. Further, neither one of you should be basing what you do in your relationship off of what others are doing, such as getting married. You both need to listen to each other because really those are the only two people that matter. You are a whole lot better than I am. I was never friends with my exs. I hated when they said "lets be friends". My response to them was, "If we don't work in a relationship then you loose my friendship also". I like to let go of all my old baggage :) Made me a whole lot happier in the end :) :hugs I know you will be alright

Thanks, we were friends before we started dating, I'm sure it will be a little weird but we'll work around it. We have mutual friends that we've always done stuff with, my roommate and his roommate are engaged to each other and in the same major as he is so we're always together, we go to the same church and are from the same home town and on top of all that he's one of the few people that is still going to be around this summer that I am friend with. I guess maybe seeing him somewhat often won't really help with the getting rid of old baggage thing but I don't want to lose his friendship at the same time.

I think he is just scared of how the future will turn out. It might be good if he talks to someone that has coped well with their own longdistance relationship. You are still the same people and it appears to me that you both still love eachother. Try to talk to him if you still want to be part of his life. Good luck.

Thanks, I have a navy friend (they are kinda friends too, he's helped him with some classes and stuff) who is in a long distance relationship right now. Maybe I'll talk to him a little about some of this and see if he'll talk to Ben some too. I do still love him and I do want to be a part of his life still. I'm just waiting for him to talk to me now, I left him a message and I'm assuming he got it, it just seems kinda weird for him not to call back, it's not like him.

Finish your school the way you planned. Don't compromise your education. If the relationship is meant to work out, it will survive this. Talk to him and tell him how you're feeling, but please don't abbreviate your education.

Oh, I'm not planning on stopping my schooling. The thing is I only have three classes left to take after this coming fall semester but they have to be taken in order. So this fall (2008) I'll take my full course load that I have scheduled, then spring 2009 I have a block of two classes to take that have to be taken before I can take that last one which would be in the fall of 2009 before I can student teach in spring 2010. But I want to try to see if they will let me take that one while I'm taking that block class. That would leave me with the whole fall 2009 semester to work and travel to see him pretty much whenever I wanted. I don't know if that would work out or not but it's going to be a pain to just have to take one class that semester. I don't know if all that made any sense at all.

i agree that LDR is hard. joe and i went through the same thing. we broke up before he left for BCT. i think all you can do is just talk. communicate. he may just not be ready for a relationship and dealing with the navy all at once. :hugs

I agree with the ladies. Long distance takes a lot of commitment from both people. Further, neither one of you should be basing what you do in your relationship off of what others are doing, such as getting married. You both need to listen to each other because really those are the only two people that matter. You are a whole lot better than I am. I was never friends with my exs. I hated when they said "lets be friends". My response to them was, "If we don't work in a relationship then you loose my friendship also". I like to let go of all my old baggage :) Made me a whole lot happier in the end :) :hugs I know you will be alright:agree

he's not commissioning till 2009 if i read that right. I don't want to be cruel but it sounds like he's just not ready for a serious relationship, knows that you are and doesn't want to hurt you because he values and cares for you. I'm so sorry good luck.

he's not commissioning till 2009 if i read that right. I don't want to be cruel but it sounds like he's just not ready for a serious relationship, knows that you are and doesn't want to hurt you because he values and cares for you. I'm so sorry good luck.

You read it right, he has stuff that he has to sign this August but he doesn't get commissioned until after graduation in 2009. Maybe part of it is he's not ready for a serious relationship but I'm not sure. We've talked a little about our future together, I joked about these really ugly shutters once and then we talked about what kind of house we'd like and has also asked me about how many kids I would like, things like that. Those kind of questions kinda make you think he's more serious then but I could be wrong.

I still haven't gotten a chance to talk to him about these things. His roommates girlfriend is staying at my house for a few days and she said he's been a lot quieter lately and pretty much just been staying up in his room. I don't know what's up with him, I sat by him a church on Sunday and talked a little to him but he was even quiet then, he left pretty quickly and didn't talk to anyone so I didn't get a chance to pull him aside or anything. I don't know if things can still be fixed now or if it's been too long. I'd like to but who knows, I'm going to be gone for a few days so the next time that I'll probably get a chance to talk to him is sometime later next week.

Hey hun im so sorry :hugs :hugs :hughug

DF and I went through this recently not to long ago He called me and he said we should stop being so serious were rushing things I told you i did not want to be in a serious relationship (i dont know what your doing Im tired of worring)although we did not break up sorta(idk what we did that situation was confussing first of all you knew that because we where dating when he signed up for the military. Than a month after that he proposed to me... So I reasoned with him since he is currently away at basic and not near me I had to suffer at the thought he no longer wanted to be with me.. He too said I still will right and cal you all the time I still love you Im just not ready I have been in long distance relationships before and I have been hur... well a week went by and he changed his mine..(i know this might be different that what you are going through but like the ladies said above it takes hard work and dedication he is probably just scared and nervous maybe he has been hurt before in long distance relationships... You guys just need to sit down and talk (not sure if you are in love) but just talk keverything out and see where it goes from there hun... sorry :bigsadhug PM me if you need to talk!!!!!

:bigsadhug
i am sorry!!!! if u ever need anything i am here! long distance realationships are hard.. thats why my bf moved me out here!! lol.

:bigsadhug
i am sorry!!!! if u ever need anything i am here! long distance realationships are hard.. thats why my bf moved me out here!! lol.

Thanks

Hey hun im so sorry :hugs :hugs :hughug

DF and I went through this recently not to long ago He called me and he said we should stop being so serious were rushing things I told you i did not want to be in a serious relationship (i dont know what your doing Im tired of worring)although we did not break up sorta(idk what we did that situation was confussing first of all you knew that because we where dating when he signed up for the military. Than a month after that he proposed to me... So I reasoned with him since he is currently away at basic and not near me I had to suffer at the thought he no longer wanted to be with me.. He too said I still will right and cal you all the time I still love you Im just not ready I have been in long distance relationships before and I have been hur... well a week went by and he changed his mine..(i know this might be different that what you are going through but like the ladies said above it takes hard work and dedication he is probably just scared and nervous maybe he has been hurt before in long distance relationships... You guys just need to sit down and talk (not sure if you are in love) but just talk keverything out and see where it goes from there hun... sorry :bigsadhug PM me if you need to talk!!!!!

Thanks, I still don't know what's going on with him. I saw him last week at a meeting but he left pretty quickly after talking to my roommate. I saw him this evening too, he was sitting in his living room, I had to walk past his house to go to our schools rec center. He really won't go out and be social anymore, I'm still kinda worried about him.

To answer your question, yes I loved him, I still do and that's what makes this so hard. I don't really think he's been hurt in the past, we were really each others first real significant others, he dated a couple girls in high school but it was one of those things that lasts a week. I've been hurt in the past with guys leading me on and stuff like that though. I still honestly don't think breaking up was what he wanted to do which could be why he's avoiding me and others right now but I don't know for sure. As soon as school ends I'm going to be over at his house more, his roommate's girlfriend is gone for the summer so he has no one to hang out with either, we'll probably be watching a lot of TV and movies in the evenings, so he's going to be pretty much forced to see me and I'm planning on pulling him aside then if things aren't any better than they are now.

I want nothing more than for this to work, I thought up until about a month ago that it was and that I was going to marry him. I knew we would have about a year of long distance but I didn't think it was that big of a deal, apparently he did. I just need to talk and work things out, get my questions answered, that kind of thing.

Thanks again for your advice and support

Like a lot of ladies on here, i too am in a long distance relationship and have been for 3 1/2 years. It's tough work, i can't tell you how many times we broke up cause it was tough but we knew we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Just remember he is going through a lot of changes right now, graduating, going in to the navy so fear of the unknown may have a hold of him right now. If you were friends before you could possibly just be friends again and see what happens after his schooling. If it's ment to be it will be :)

Good luck!!

I guess the only thing you can do in this situation is talk - communication is the only thing that gets you through a long distance relationship!

I dont know how long you've been together, or if you are in love but Im not gonna sugar coat it for you, a long distance relationship takes an effort like no other! My boyfriend and I have had to overcome different states, different countries (I am english, him Texan!) and now we are dealing with his first deployment that has sent me spiralling into someone i dont recognise! ive suffered panic attacks, bouts of depression - all things ive never had before! but i promise you not once as bad as it has got have i questioned us as a couple! even when friends and family question it!!

so like i said, if you truely want him, and you really want to work as a couple - talk!! listen to your heart and be really honest cause at times that is all you have!!

deep down you know! - forget about the logistics, yes they make it difficult but if you are meant to be with some one you will make it work!!

Know that every single women on here has been right where you are now.....we faced what you are facing and we all chose to commit and you know what i would say just looking at the ladies profiles on here, we all made the right choice!!
: )

so good luck with the talk and if you need us we are all here!!

:agree

Like a lot of ladies on here, i too am in a long distance relationship and have been for 3 1/2 years. It's tough work, i can't tell you how many times we broke up cause it was tough but we knew we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Just remember he is going through a lot of changes right now, graduating, going in to the navy so fear of the unknown may have a hold of him right now. If you were friends before you could possibly just be friends again and see what happens after his schooling. If it's ment to be it will be :)

Good luck!!

:agree

thanks ladies