I have a question...

Do you tell your children or will you tell your children, if you dont do this and that you will end up being like this?

Example: if you dont do good for yourself and go to college you will end up working this kind of job and living in this kind of area?


***We will never tell DS that. We have such a wide variety of people in our families and not all have gone to college, it will be his choice. For instance my BIL is a garbage man and makes $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ but never went to college. My husband has two BS degrees and is a laborer.

No way. I will tell my kids that WHATEVER they do, if it makes them happy, then thats what they should do. I will instill good money practices in them, as well as an interest to learn, but if my kid wants to drive a bus, and is happy doing it, then more power to him/her!

No way. I will tell my kids that WHATEVER they do, if it makes them happy, then thats what they should do. I will instill good money practices in them, as well as an interest to learn, but if my kid wants to drive a bus, and is happy doing it, then more power to him/her!

:tu

i will tell my daughter that if she engages in x or y behaviors she will be considered x or y by others or she will get a bad reputation but I will not tell her that she has to go to college or tech school. and what i mean by the first part is something like this "jennifer if you sleep around or dress like that people will think that you are easy and talk about you"

This was geared more toward work and such...The lady said that if her children do not go to college then they will live in a trailer park.

Nope I certainly do not.

This was geared more toward work and such...The lady said that if her children do not go to college then they will live in a trailer park.

i responded to that aspect too

This episode is killing me!

I cant believe that these poor girls, but on the other hand the family with the carnival doesnt let their children do any activities.

Not from the work perspective. That show makes me laugh because both sides are always so extreme that neither is good. The carnival lady just let her kids play ALL day long wildly - they weren't learning anything or making friends or anything like that. That won't help them either. The other girls were bored and stressed at too young of an age.

I can explain to her (when she is old enough) what, from my perspective, is the advantages and disadvantages of going to college right after high school, getting a grad degree, decision making for a career. I can help guide her in what she wants to do. When she is younger and those conversations don't really apply, i would get her involved in activities and let her explore.

I don't need to. My kids are pretty good at seeing what certain behavior results in. I don't think that necessarily applies towards college - i.e. If you don't go to college you will live in a trailer park or whatever. They do know that college is their best chance at having a more lucrative career and making better money though.

Oh nooooo. I'm a firm believer in letting my kids walk whatever path they want to in life, as long as they're productive, contributing members of society.

No dealing crack or selling your ass for gas, and you're all right in Mom's eyes. :D

You know, it bothers me how society in general looks down on labor workers, or low paying industry workers, like McDonalds employees. They get no respect, and yet when they accidentally forget to give you your order of fries, or they forget to cut a patch of lawn, we freak out and demean them even more.
How can you expect anyone to have passion or dedication to a job that we as a society will so blatantly mock?

And not having a college degree is not the end of the world. Gee. Wonder how over 70% of Americans survive, and go on to NOT live in trailer parks?

i will tell my daughter that if she engages in x or y behaviors she will be considered x or y by others or she will get a bad reputation but I will not tell her that she has to go to college or tech school. and what i mean by the first part is something like this "jennifer if you sleep around or dress like that people will think that you are easy and talk about you"


Thats kinda harsh. I mean, to a certain degree, sure, we have to monitor what our kids wear (because sometimes they're too stupid to do it on their own, I know I was), but you don't need to tell her people will think she's EASY, do you? And especially if shes NOT easy, then why should it matter what people say anyway? They are the dumb ones, not her.

I don't need to. My kids are pretty good at seeing what certain behavior results in. I don't think that necessarily applies towards college - i.e. If you don't go to college you will live in a trailer park or whatever. They do know that college is their best chance at having a more lucrative career and making better money though.

But does that ensure happiness?

Oh nooooo. I'm a firm believer in letting my kids walk whatever path they want to in life, as long as they're productive, contributing members of society.

No dealing crack or selling your ass for gas, and you're all right in Mom's eyes. :D

You know, it bothers me how society in general looks down on labor workers, or low paying industry workers, like McDonalds employees. They get no respect, and yet when they accidentally forget to give you your order of fries, or they forget to cut a patch of lawn, we freak out and demean them even more.
How can you expect anyone to have passion or dedication to a job that we as a society will so blatantly mock?

And not having a college degree is not the end of the world. Gee. Wonder how over 70% of Americans survive, and go on to NOT live in trailer parks?


I totally agree a 100000000000000000% with you!

Oh nooooo. I'm a firm believer in letting my kids walk whatever path they want to in life, as long as they're productive, contributing members of society.

No dealing crack or selling your ass for gas, and you're all right in Mom's eyes. :D

You know, it bothers me how society in general looks down on labor workers, or low paying industry workers, like McDonalds employees. They get no respect, and yet when they accidentally forget to give you your order of fries, or they forget to cut a patch of lawn, we freak out and demean them even more.
How can you expect anyone to have passion or dedication to a job that we as a society will so blatantly mock?

And not having a college degree is not the end of the world. Gee. Wonder how over 70% of Americans survive, and go on to NOT live in trailer parks?

hahahaha... so many people look down on laborers who didnt go to college... but they are basically the backbone of our society. if all the people just STOPPED doing their jobs... so many things would fall apart! this is why i love the who 'dirty jobs.' what would we do without the sewage people... the pig farmers... the winery workers?? we would have dirty cities, no ham for holidays and no wine :D thats what! not EVERYONE can be successful just because they went to college. there are more no college degree needed jobs out there than there are college degree jobs. so many people dont even WORK in the field they have a degree in!

Thats kinda harsh. I mean, to a certain degree, sure, we have to monitor what our kids wear (because sometimes they're too stupid to do it on their own, I know I was), but you don't need to tell her people will think she's EASY, do you? And especially if shes NOT easy, then why should it matter what people say anyway? They are the dumb ones, not her.

oh man.. i cant stand when people assume that how you dress must mean you are a slut. sometimes.. people just like to show off a lot of skin!
(jill this isnt aimed at you... you didnt say YOU think that... just that people will think that.. which is true. i just cant stand that people WOULD think that!!)
funny story though... there were a group of people i had never met at school when i was a frosh who decided to spread a rumor that i was a whore.
i had NEVER had sex... i had BARELY kissed! and i definitely dressed conservatively. i dont have a showoff body (except for the boobage.... but i still didnt show that off then!)
they only called me a whore because they were mad that i was dating someone that one of them wanted to be with.

some people are so lame with the rumors they spread and assumptions they make!

Guess I will be the odd ball out. My kids will go to college. We plan on doing prepaid tuition and barring a severely rebellious child, they will go to college. Whether they use a degree for a specific job or not is their choice. But extended schooling will be a part of our family. Whether they choose to be a farmer or lawyer, they can always use greater education.

Thats kinda harsh. I mean, to a certain degree, sure, we have to monitor what our kids wear (because sometimes they're too stupid to do it on their own, I know I was), but you don't need to tell her people will think she's EASY, do you? And especially if shes NOT easy, then why should it matter what people say anyway? They are the dumb ones, not her.
we'll just agree to disagree

hahahaha... so many people look down on laborers who didnt go to college... but they are basically the backbone of our society. if all the people just STOPPED doing their jobs... so many things would fall apart! this is why i love the who 'dirty jobs.' what would we do without the sewage people... the pig farmers... the winery workers?? we would have dirty cities, no ham for holidays and no wine :D thats what! not EVERYONE can be successful just because they went to college. there are more no college degree needed jobs out there than there are college degree jobs. so many people dont even WORK in the field they have a degree in!



oh man.. i cant stand when people assume that how you dress must mean you are a slut. sometimes.. people just like to show off a lot of skin!
(jill this isnt aimed at you... you didnt say YOU think that... just that people will think that.. which is true. i just cant stand that people WOULD think that!!)
funny story though... there were a group of people i had never met at school when i was a frosh who decided to spread a rumor that i was a whore.
i had NEVER had sex... i had BARELY kissed! and i definitely dressed conservatively. i dont have a showoff body (except for the boobage.... but i still didnt show that off then!)
they only called me a whore because they were mad that i was dating someone that one of them wanted to be with.

some people are so lame with the rumors they spread and assumptions they make!

exactly, it is sad but unfortunately people do and it can screw badly with self esteem and whatnot. giving that warning isn't bad at all in my opinion

oh man.. i cant stand when people assume that how you dress must mean you are a slut. sometimes.. people just like to show off a lot of skin!
(jill this isnt aimed at you... you didnt say YOU think that... just that people will think that.. which is true. i just cant stand that people WOULD think that!!)
funny story though... there were a group of people i had never met at school when i was a frosh who decided to spread a rumor that i was a whore.
i had NEVER had sex... i had BARELY kissed! and i definitely dressed conservatively. i dont have a showoff body (except for the boobage.... but i still didnt show that off then!)
they only called me a whore because they were mad that i was dating someone that one of them wanted to be with.

some people are so lame with the rumors they spread and assumptions they make!

This kinda proves what I was trying to say, that kids will call you a "whore" or a "slut" no matter WHAT you wear sometimes! They just want to be mean and spread rumors. And if you tell your kid that if she dresses a certain way then people will perceive her as "easy", then what happens if she gets called "easy" anyway?

IMHO, that could cause some serious teenage angst.

But, either way, I am not trying to judge your parenting choices, I am just talking about in my head, this is what I would do. Hope I didn't offend you.

I would tell my kids the truth. Money doesn't buy happiness but not being financially responsible can make you miserable too. Continuing your education is important and learning and growing throughout your whole life is very important. I don't think it is wrong to tell your kids that educating themselves is important because people who go to college do typically end up better off financially, but that is one SMALL part of what life is about and to try and scare your kids into doing what you want with threats of failure seems manipulative. I am not a big fan of saying "if you do that then other people won't like you" to them either. I would want my kids to grow up and be strong, independent, and not live for what other people may think. I don't think that worrying about what everyone else thinks of you is the way to happiness, KWIM? At least, I know it wasn't for me. I do get how people would do that just because other people in the world are CRUEL sometimes. I would just worry that by trying to protect then from outside ridicule I would be inadvertently instilling a need for outside approval in them as well. Tough call there. Don't envy you parents with this one.

I'm not going to do what happened on there. But I will express my desire for them to go to college. I know there is a possibility that not all or maybe even none of my kids will go. And even though I will be going back to college to finish my BA and then moving on to my master's and John will have his BS here pretty soon we don't have them yet and we live better than almost everyone we know back home, especially with 3 kids and John being the only one bringing in money.

I want my kids to be successful. And when I say successful I'm not defining it with money. I want them to be the best person they can be whatever they choose (so, parent, friend, son/daughter, sibling, etc.) and to be happy. I hope they don't have trouble supporting themselves but even if they went on to make all the money in the world who says that they'll be happy. Someone can go to college, get a really good paying job, have a huge house, numerous luxury vehicles, never want for anything materialistic; but what is going on behind closed doors? All that stuff isn't going to buy them happiness (well, it may for a little while but not the over all truly deep down happiness).

Oh, and just cause someone goes to college doesn't mean jack. My cousin busted his butt in college. He knew before going, the whole time he was in, and for a long time afterwards what he wanted to do career wise. Guess what? He spent years looking and couldn't get a job. He now works for UPS as a manager. He gets good pay and his college degree helped him secure the manager postition but he isn't doing anything close to what he went to school for. So college doesn't always mean better.

With that said though I do want my kids to go. But I will not look down on them or berate them if they don't. I don't agree with alot of things my SIL does but she has taught me alot when it comes to being happy with very little. I don't need a bunch of jewelry, a huge house, etc., and she doesn't need what I have. She just went and finished her GED earlier this year, lives with my in-laws, and 3 kids. They don't have hardly, if anything, new but she is very happy and content. So are the kids.

Don't envy you parents with this one.

Seriously.

I certainly won't. Both of my parents have Bachelor's & Master's Degrees, but my mom can't get a job. Neither DH or I have finished college (I want to go back and he doesn't) and we're actually doing better than my parents at the moment.

We let our kids know whats expected of them, we expect them to go to school and have good grades and be whatever their heart desires . Their young so we don't really talk to them about it much. My older daughter knows that she's expected to do her best in school and we won't settle for anything less from her. The younger one is only 3 and if ask what she wants to be, she'll tell you she wants to be Dora. So talking to her now won't make any sense just yet. As long as they grow up to be a good person and independent thats all that matters to us.

Guess I will be the odd ball out. My kids will go to college. We plan on doing prepaid tuition and barring a severely rebellious child, they will go to college. Whether they use a degree for a specific job or not is their choice. But extended schooling will be a part of our family. Whether they choose to be a farmer or lawyer, they can always use greater education.

:yes

But I am all about taking the long way to the ultimate goal too. I was pushed into college right after HS, and I hated it. I wanted to take time off and travel, but was not allowed, and that just made my college years miserable for the most part. I eventually dropped out, and took a year off... and am now back doing online classes and putting together challenge portfolios so I can get credit for things I self-taught. I can't wait to get my degree and go on to medical school.

I will always be a perpetual student who loves learning and knowledge and etc. I hope I can instill that in my kids... but there is really no one straight path to anywhere worth going in my mind. :lol At least not for me.

I was not forced into college I chose to go...But due a learning disability I had, my dad urged me to go to community college for a year. I loved college, I am glad I went, but I have a feeling my life in that aspect isnt fulfilled.

I wouldn't tell my kids that, as long as they are living a good productive life. I won't allow them to be bums all their life either. Its either go to college, find a job, or join the military. My older brother is still living with my mom, no job, and has huge debt! I never want to be in that situation :(.

No, I won't because those are stereotypes. They don't apply to all people working in those fields and depending on what job you chose and how much it makes (college degree or not) will determine what kind of places you have the money to live. It's not determined simply by having a college education or not.

I think society says those things more than parents normally... I don't think I'd ever say it to kids, but I do think a college education is the way to go.

i would never say that.

my stepdad is like that though- my little sister signed up to go to the vocational high school for her last two years of school, just like my mom and i did. and my stepdad's been tearing her apart, saying "you'll never get into college if you go there"... HELLO? i was sitting in the same room, and i've NEVER had any trouble getting into college- when i graduated, i was offered a large scholarship to an all-girls private college in the state! and i've gone to two different colleges as it is. my mom didn't go to college, but she's held a steady job since she graduated, which is more than we can say for my stepdad.

you never know where your path will take you. a millionaire CEO could lose it all, and a kid with a GED could figure out some amazing invention and make it big.

No way. I will tell my kids that WHATEVER they do, if it makes them happy, then thats what they should do. I will instill good money practices in them, as well as an interest to learn, but if my kid wants to drive a bus, and is happy doing it, then more power to him/her!
:agree

Uh, honestly yeah I would. My children will know the only way I will support them is if they go to college. That might seem harsh to some people but education is THE foremost important thing to us. It's very rare to find a decent, well paying and respectable job if you don't have some kind of college degree.

:yes

But I am all about taking the long way to the ultimate goal too. I was pushed into college right after HS, and I hated it. I wanted to take time off and travel, but was not allowed, and that just made my college years miserable for the most part. I eventually dropped out, and took a year off... and am now back doing online classes and putting together challenge portfolios so I can get credit for things I self-taught. I can't wait to get my degree and go on to medical school.

I will always be a perpetual student who loves learning and knowledge and etc. I hope I can instill that in my kids... but there is really no one straight path to anywhere worth going in my mind. :lol At least not for me.

thats another thing for me. I tried a semester of college only because my family expected it. i knew i wasnt ready... i KNEW i needed time off of school to experience life and to grow up. i did miserably. i wasnt happy. and it was made worse because DH was in Basic during that time so i didnt even have him to help me stay motivated enough to finish the SEMESTER well.
I plan on going to college eventually... but the idea of being forced to do it a certain way at a certain time is a TERRIBLE idea. everyone is different. we have different needs.... and i need a break from school. I am burned out. 13 years of school and i dont want to take another test again yet.
i think there are lots of people out there who would have been more successful their first year of school if they could do it their own way... rather than just how it was expected of them.
i think school is important. learning, education... VERY important. ignorance isnt bliss. but.... learning in a happy and comfortable environment works a whole hell of a lot better then having knowledge forced down your throat.

:no Hardly anyone on my side of the family has gone to college and a handful of people on DH's have...It took me forever to decide to start going and I feel as if college is not for everyone..I would tell him however that it is important to do something to better his career choice...even if it is a certificate program :shrug.

I have a question...

Do you tell your children or will you tell your children, if you dont do this and that you will end up being like this?

Example: if you dont do good for yourself and go to college you will end up working this kind of job and living in this kind of area?

Yep - sure as hell do.
Even if it's not 100% true in every situation ... Im not going to raise my children to think that they *somehow* can fit into the fortunate 30%. :shrug Reality, sometimes, has to be black and white when they're younger - they can learn all about the grey when they mature into it.

Yep - sure as hell do.
Even if it's not 100% true in every situation ... Im not going to raise my children to think that they *somehow* can fit into the fortunate 30%. :shrug Reality, sometimes, has to be black and white when they're younger - they can learn all about the grey when they mature into it.

Can you elaborate? So do you tell your children that x and y jobs arent good?

Can you elaborate? So do you tell your children that x and y jobs arent good?

Oh, no....I don't pick and choose certain jobs to boo and whoot. It's more: you don't go to college then you can't get a good job and make a decent living.

What they feel is a good job is, inevitably, up to them.

There are *certain* jobs that I feel are just in poor taste and lack a future - but, even those I'll deter comment or openly sharing views on until my kids are actually in the job market and looking.

i do tell my kids that if they dont try to do things it will hurt them in the future. i want my kids to do the best they can at anything they try, not for me, but for them, i want them to feel good about themselves

my mom did that whole thing. guess what, I am living the EXACT same life that she did, except I have more kids and my DH is navy not air force. which she wanted more for me.

NO!! I grew up hearing that mess.....if you don't stop talking back at me ,you'll grow up to be worthless. If you dont' control your temper, you are going to be worth a hill of beans.....that is horrible to tell your children how worthless they will be just be/c they are acting like a child or teen. I never want to even think my kid will be or is worthless.

I will let my children know that going to college and getting a degree will open up more opportunities for them and that they will be much more limited in their choices if they choose not to go. DH and I are both working on our college degrees. I have found that my job search is truly limited because I don't yet have a degree. DH has found that a degree would help him in his Navy career as well, and it will help him when gets out.

I don't THINK I have. But honestly can't say for sure. I know i have told her to strive for the best. That I think she really should go for her Bachelor's and if she can her Master's. I have told her that with what she wants to do she will need it. But not that she can't do it.

So far, I haven't been in a situation with my kids yet where I've felt like saying that, so I can't say if I would or wouldn't.:D