One of my life goals was to never go through a divorce. Now I find myself in the midst of it, and I don't even have any say in it. The thoughts are just circling this morning. I don't know where to even begin. I told him the other day how proud I was to be an Army wife, that I would never trade it for a spot as a civilian wife, no matter how hard it was, and his response was "thank you so much, that means a lot to me." I told him that I was proud of him, that even though it was hard, he was being a man with morals in the military, that he wasn't giving in to the things that the guys around him were giving in to. His response, "it's because I love you so much." Were those just words? I know that's mostly what we've only had for our relationship, but I had faith in those words. How can someone give up that easily. Cut off the very thing that was the most true to him. He says he was never in love with me, so then how come his old boss before the Army said "you are ALL that he talks about. Ever since he started dating you, he's been so much happier." So how can I represent so much unhappiness to you now when I know that I brought you a lot of life's pleasures. I lost my virginity to you, the thing I only wanted to give the man that I'd spend the rest of my life with. All I can ask is how. How could a person do that?

:bigsadhug I am sorry you are hurting

:bigsadhug
i hope you get through this however it's meant to be.

:Hugs

I saw rocking chairs and grandchildren.

I saw retirement and traveling.

I saw long deployments and short R&R's.

I saw pride in a having a husband with the most honorable job on earth.

I saw growing together and changing together.

I saw children and toys, barbeques and birthday parties.

I saw hardships and trials, happiness and blessings.

I saw marriage and vows that meant we were true to our word.

I saw falling in love over baseball games and laughter.

I saw you. Or at least the you that I thought I knew.



Maybe in seeing all these different things,

I just never took the time to see you leaving me.

I never took the time to see divorce.

:hugs I am so sorry honey!!! I just don't understand Curtis...how can you be the one causing his unhappiness...you haven't hardly spent any time together...I think he needs to stop and think about why he is really unhappy and realize he is messing up a really good thing!!! You are staying very strong and mature about this whole situation...you are an amazing person!!! Don't you ever forget that!

:hugs I am so sorry honey!!! I just don't understand Curtis...how can you be the one causing his unhappiness...you haven't hardly spent any time together...I think he needs to stop and think about why he is really unhappy and realize he is messing up a really good thing!!! You are staying very strong and mature about this whole situation...you are an amazing person!!! Don't you ever forget that!

Thanks. I told him last night it wasn't me. It wasn't him. It wasn't us. It was our situation. But the more and more I look at it....maybe it was him AND the situation. I know I'm not perfect, but I told him I would go anywhere, to the outer banks of danger to make this marriage work. I at least would try.

I told him a month or two ago about all the couples breaking up on here. He went on and on reassuring me that I wouldn't ever find myself going through that. YEAH RIGHT.

Maybe he got so used to not being around you and forgot what it's like to be with you? You know? I do that sometimes with my dh...I forget how great it can be with him. Maybe once you guys are able to spend everyday together it would be better...ya know? Hang in there girl...you are handling this in a very mature way :hugehug

I'm so sorry. I just don't know what else to say :hugehug

Maybe he got so used to not being around you and forgot what it's like to be with you? You know? I do that sometimes with my dh...I forget how great it can be with him. Maybe once you guys are able to spend everyday together it would be better...ya know? Hang in there girl...you are handling this in a very mature way :hugehug

Thanks. I honestly think though that until God completely changes his heart, Curtis will do anything and everything in his power to avoid me. I saw him two weeks ago, and I asked him last night if he was unhappy even then when he was with me, and he said yes. He shouldn't be in the Army then, he should be in Hollywood as an actor, because it fooled me. I just pray now that I am not pregnant, because I would hate to think that the baby came to be in an intimate act between two married people where one person wasn't in love with the other. Despite my maturity in the situation, he is obviously very lacking in that area. His aunt talked to me this morning, referring to him as their little tornado - tearing apart anything that comes in his way, and this time, it was a life and a family.

But.....if it was up to me, I'd be doing everything in my power to make us work. I can't exactly drag him to therapy. Mostly since we're bookoo's of miles apart. I wish there was a way I could contact a chaplain at his current location and see what they could do on their end. Haha, is there any way they can be forced into mandatory counseling?

Oh my GOD! I had no idea! :hugs :sadeyes

Did he file? Or is it possible he's just in a funk? If you want to talk, I'm here.

I am just soo incredibly sorry that you are having to deal with this :hugs :hugs :hugs I just can not for the life of me get why guys are being this way. And i don't get why he is saying all this to you. You're a wonderful person and you shouldnt have to deal with any of this. I'm not one too much for advice right now im trying..and i know i havent really talked with you and i wasn't married but it was very close and if you do need to talk about any of it..i understand..and please PM me if you need to...i hate to see this happen to such a good person (L) and i hate that alot of guys can not see what great supportive women they have in front of them.

take care hun (L) your in my prayers

<33333333!

So I just caught up with all the posts :hugs You seem like such a caring, smart, responsible person and my heart hurts for you that you are going through this. My breakup with exDB was very similar and he has a lot of the same qualities that your DH has. I know how frustrating it is to fight for something that someone else wants to give up on so easily. :hugs :hugs I'm glad you're staying at your parents and are receiving some support from them and his mom.

I don't really know what to say or have any advice on the situation. But I am sorry that you're having to go through this.

((HUGS)) I am so sorry. I would try and contact his chain of command and see if they can get a chaplain involved so you can do some counseling. I'm not sure if its "required" but I remember a couple we used to know was going through a similar thing and they dragged the dh out of the field so that he could have an emergency counseling session with his wife.

Thanks again ladies. I am at such a loss for words right now. I hope you all understand the smorgasbord of emotions I am going through, that I am not completely level headed. I hope I don't say anything to offend anyone. And if I do, please, put yourselves in my shoes for a moment. I am working right now to at least get it where he won't be able to run up my sprint bill by downloading lots of new music or anything like that if/when I cut off his phone line.

Im so sorry sweetie :hugs You dont deserve to be hurt like this, no one does. I :pray everything will get better for you soon. :hugs

But.....if it was up to me, I'd be doing everything in my power to make us work. I can't exactly drag him to therapy. Mostly since we're bookoo's of miles apart. I wish there was a way I could contact a chaplain at his current location and see what they could do on their end. Haha, is there any way they can be forced into mandatory counseling?

Actually they can mandatory him to therapy and you can contact a chaplain near him. Contact his command and a local chaplain, they can help you...:hugs

I'm so deeply, truly & terribly sorry sweetheart:hugehug

:hugs i'm so so sorry

i am so sorry.words cant describe the way your feeling just know that we are here for you.

My heart goes out to you right now. The feelings you are having are so familiar. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this... The anger will go away, and with the whole shock of everything you sound like a very strong person to me. Just KNOW that you can do it. You are preparing yourself for one of the hardest things in life, but making it through all of this will make you even stronger.
I was in a "one-sided" marriage with my exDH. I became a stronger more independant person and my marriage now has benefited from it. As I said, I am so sorry you are going through this and good luck through all of it. :pray :hugehug

I'm so sorry for your situation! I really hope everything works out for the best for you, whatever that may be :bigsadhug

Question: when do I stop wearing my rings? I know the answer is probably when I'm ready, but just the thought of looking at them on my hand and what they don't stand for afterall.

i'm so so so sorry sweetie :hugs

oh no! i'm so sorry girl!!!! i hope that things turn around and start working out for you! big hugs!

Thanks ladies. I went ahead and took off my rings for now. It's odd how there is already that little indention in my finger where they sat.

How long have you been married, hun? I don't get it. I just don't. I mean, I do..DH did something similar to me when he went to tech school - he said he didn't love me any more and broke off our engagement. He had to TELL me to take my ring off, but when he came home, and paid attention, and really LOOKED into my eyes, he came around right away. Berkley's husband did that, this last deployment - e-mailed her and asked her for a divorce, and now he's home and things are a LOT better. You should talk to his command, and a chaplain. You're still married until the papers are signed or the court is closed, Kels. You're still entitled to call his command and talk to them, ask them for help, and sometimes they CAN force him into counseling.

I am so so sorry you are going through this...my heart hurts for you. I wish I had words of advice to offer. You seem like a really strong, really smart woman and you will make it through this! If this does really happen (and maybe it won't...like Kiwi said with really good examples, maybe he just needs to see you so you can work it out in person) it happened because there is someone else out there just waiting to love and cherish every thing about you for the rest of your lives :hugs

Thanks ladies. I went ahead and took off my rings for now. It's odd how there is already that little indention in my finger where they sat.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. But I'm sitting here looking at a photo of a beautiful woman, and you know what jumped out at me (well, right after your amazing eyes)? You have strong shoulders, with a square set to them that tells me you're used to standing tall and confident. And even though there's a heart inside there that's bruised right now, those shoulders will wrap around it and provide shelter until this storm calms down a bit.

I wish you strength.... and I wish you friends. ;-)

(and I'm older than dirt, so it's okay for me to tell another woman that she's beautiful)

I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world right now.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. But I'm sitting here looking at a photo of a beautiful woman, and you know what jumped out at me (well, right after your amazing eyes)? You have strong shoulders, with a square set to them that tells me you're used to standing tall and confident. And even though there's a heart inside there that's bruised right now, those shoulders will wrap around it and provide shelter until this storm calms down a bit.

I wish you strength.... and I wish you friends. ;-)

(and I'm older than dirt, so it's okay for me to tell another woman that she's beautiful)

What a great comment!

How long have you been married, hun? I don't get it. I just don't. I mean, I do..DH did something similar to me when he went to tech school - he said he didn't love me any more and broke off our engagement. He had to TELL me to take my ring off, but when he came home, and paid attention, and really LOOKED into my eyes, he came around right away. Berkley's husband did that, this last deployment - e-mailed her and asked her for a divorce, and now he's home and things are a LOT better. You should talk to his command, and a chaplain. You're still married until the papers are signed or the court is closed, Kels. You're still entitled to call his command and talk to them, ask them for help, and sometimes they CAN force him into counseling.

I have been thinking about Berkley throughout the day. I told him that I would sign the divorce papers, or go to court, whichever has to happen, but ONLY if he goes through 6 months (or until he is deployed) of counseling. He is already throwing fits about BAH - about it legally being mine. I am going to call the necessary offices tomorrow to talk to them about making sure that he is garnished that money. I will also call to make sure he is required to go to counseling. Other than that, I will wait it out, I will pray for the guy, and see what happens. I have no doubt that God can change any person. And if he does come around, then I will face that bridge when it comes. But for now, I will just be taking care of myself.

:hugs
i pray you get through this girl.

Sweetie... I feel soooo bad for you. I wish there was something I could do. I can't believe he's being like this!!!

This is crazy and totally unexpected. I don't even really know what to say right now....


I am so sorry this happened to you. Your husband seems to have a little or a lot of growing up to do....

:bigsadhug

can I also say he is being a selfish boner?

It's amazing that the world is still moving. I was in the backseat of my parents vehicle tonight, and who would have thought that the grass is still green. A little hazy through the tears, but still green. I look forward to being able to be a part of the living, moving world again.
I went to my apartment to take a shower earlier today. He's never even lived there....but today, there was an emptiness there. Just yesterday afternoon, it was filled with love. Even though he wasn't there, there was love. Now it's only empty.
I've always been so smart in what I've done....how could I have been so so ignorant in this.

Aw honey... God I wish I had more time so I could have answered you sooner!! I hope that things get easier adn work out for the best... :bigsadhug I am sorry you hurt right now! I hope that you still find happiness w/i the world that surrounds you... :hugs

:consoling

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. But I'm sitting here looking at a photo of a beautiful woman, and you know what jumped out at me (well, right after your amazing eyes)? You have strong shoulders, with a square set to them that tells me you're used to standing tall and confident. And even though there's a heart inside there that's bruised right now, those shoulders will wrap around it and provide shelter until this storm calms down a bit.

I wish you strength.... and I wish you friends. ;-)

(and I'm older than dirt, so it's okay for me to tell another woman that she's beautiful)

Thank you. Thank you so much. And to me, it doesn't matter what your age is, women need to hear they are beautiful, whether it's from males or females.

:tears I am so sorry.

i am so sorry you are going though this. my heart hurts reading about how he could hurt you in this way.