Sorry I accidentally edited and I erased it. So here we go again. My boyfriend was deployed for his first time in Iraq for about 4 months. He came back a few weeks ago and I have not seen him yet. He is coming back in a few weeks. Before he left, he was calling, texting, emailing, etc. It really felt like he wanted me in his life and I stood by him even though I had a lot of trouble when he signed up. Now since he has been back, he is always drinking, with his buddies, and we hardly talk. I have had several talks to him and said I am here for you, and I understand if you don't want to talk about "Iraq", but I feel like you don't even care to talk to me. I am REALLY unhappy, because I feel like he is just "dragging" me along or something. He says he doesn't want to break up, but I don't understand how he can go days without calling me. He says I am insecure about how he feels about me. I feel like I am driving myself crazy and I don't know what to do. I can't talk to him about this because he says I am nagging and if he does become understanding, the next day he won't call again. I have now not called or had contact in 3 days and I just don't know whether to break up with him if this is the way our relationship is going to be. He was gone for months in Iraq where we had little contact, and now back he is acting like he doesn't care about anything. Maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore and he is pushing me away? He keeps saying wait until I get home. Things will be different....I don't knwo what to do, but I am driving myself crazy because I love him so much and I can't be in a relationship by myself.

Should I just not call him and give him space, and try to feel secure that he really loves me but is going through something right now, or should I tell him I am unhappy and it's seriously over?

Why did you delete your post?

where did it go?

That's weird. I left the computer for a bit after reading her post...and came back so I could reply. Then, poof! It's gone.

I haven't dealt with PTSD directly because my boyfriend hasn't come home yet...in fact, he just left. But DB's brother is preparing for his 3rd deployment (his second with PTSD). He and his wife are both fairly young and fought constantly when he got back. Luckily they lived on base and when things got out of hand there were neighbors to step in and make him realize he was overreacting and that he needed help. He is now on antidepressants and their relationship is stronger than ever and the fighting has ended. The only advice I can offer you is to tell you that, if you really love him, you need to decide whether or not you want to be there to support him through this. He probably really needs someone right now but he wants to appear strong for you because you were for him while he was away. Try talking to him and lay down some ground rules/expectations. Let him know that you need some communication from him and that you understand he's busy but you need at least a short phone call during the day to let you know he still loves you. Once he get back where you are, sit down and have a talk to him about how his PTSD is affecting you and your relationship and how you really need him to seek help. The hardest part will be convincing him that something needs to be done. I'm sure the other ladies with more experience in this department can be more helpful concerning the issue. I hope this helps some and things work out for you. PM me if you need anything. :hugehug :hugs :hugehug :hugs

:hugs

I know exactly what you're talking about. Mikey has been the same way. In fact, in a phone call from a mutual, long time friend, she pointed out the EXACT things you described in your boyfriend. I told her the same thing...."What do I do? I don't know what I should do." She said, "You have to do exactly what you've been doing. Be there for him." It's hard. It really is. One minute, he's loving and caring...and the next minute he'll just get up and walk out of the room with his male buddies (and leave us gals behind).

All he wants to do is party...it's like he just wants excitement...a need for constant excitement and...to a certain point...danger. He likes to live right on the edge.

PM me anytime you want. I'll let you know anything you want.

ugh, when DH got back last deployment he pulled away a lot. The first 6 weeks he was back were incredibly difficult. They need time and space to adjust. Give him a little space and if this continues for a prolonged period of time then maybe you will want to reevaluate your relationship. Remember, he was in a war zone and coming back to warm fuzzies is hard to adjust to. :hugs

ugh, when DH got back last deployment he pulled away a lot. The first 6 weeks he was back were incredibly difficult. They need time and space to adjust. Give him a little space and if this continues for a prolonged period of time then maybe you will want to reevaluate your relationship. Remember, he was in a war zone and coming back to warm fuzzies is hard to adjust to. :hugs

i agree

Yep well its been 8 days for me now since DB got back on US soil - i've not heard from him since Sunday and I'm giving him his space and time. Hope I hear from him soon. It a tough space for him, but its no fun for me either!

The forced bonding they go through over there can make it seem like they are closer with their buddies than with you--these are men and women that have stood by them, dusty, bloody, stressed, with mortar rounds going off and being shot at--the only people they trust there are their buddies.

That being said--he has changed, A LOT--so give him time, space and all the love you can. I do understand your concerns with alcohol, and I think that you should watch that closely, but don't make any major desicions until he is there with you in-person.

Aw, hun. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I've never gone through what you're going through (DB is deploying for the first time this year), but I can only imagine how tough it is. I think some of the gals here had some good advice - let him know you're here for him and let him know how you're feeling - that you understand he needs his space but that you are a bit confused about what's going on between the two of you. Communication is key.

Stay strong!