DF came home from Iraq over 3 months ago. He was told he had to go to a counselor, so that he can be evaluated. When he went, they told him he hasn't been back long enough to be evaluated.

Recently he's been drinking excessively to the point that he doesn't remember talking to me. He can be either really nice or he'll instigate an argument with me. I'm to be moving to Texas next month to live with him. The things he says when he argues with me, really hurt me, and I've told him that. He continually apologizes for it. And he'll say, I was drunk. I've told him that I'm tired of hearing the excuse that he was drunk for his actions. He proposed to me drunk- it's an excuse for everything, and it's getting old. He needs to stop drinking like he does- it's only on the weekends that he gets like this though. He's said it himself that when he drinks, we argue. And that I've done nothing wrong to cause it. But the following day, when I want to talk about it, he doesn't. And if I start to, he'll say that he's going to hang up.

I'm so lost as far as all this goes on what to do. He needs to get himself together if he wants me to move down there. He's admitted that he's out of control when he drinks. I'm scared of it all and so confused!

Any advice is welcome!! :confuzzle

Sounds ALOT like DH use to be. We both don't drink anymore. Despite what he thinks....alcohol is not gonna make this easier for him to get thru...it actually makes it worse. He needs to be given a choice to either find beneficial help for ptsd or become like so many others and lose their families cause they chose drinking over a human life.
I hate to be so blunt, I know it sounds hopeless, but he needs to come to this realization before you guys are going to be happy together. :hugehug

My advice would be to not move down to be with him until he has gotten himself more together. If he's being verbally hurtful and blaming it on the drinking while you're apart, I don't imagine that it would get any better once you're there.
I can't imagine how much this situation must be hurting you, and I hope that he realizes soon that his actions are not acceptable, and gets some help. But I would not under any circumstances leave your current circumstances until he's made some improvements in the way he's treating you, and gets some help.

Your fiance needs counseling....and fast. If he is not already, he is on the fast track to alcoholism. He doesn't necessarily have to get counseling for PTSD if his time back in country is too short, they can counsel him on his alcohol abuse before it becomes dependence. As for your situation, I agree with the other posts, please seriously consider him getting help before you make a move to live with him. If you don't you are going to have a long, tough road ahead of you. It's never too late to get help and it sounds like this situation is in its infancy. Better to try to nip it in the bud before it becomes a monster and ruins your relationship.

:sigh Hard.

If he's willing to admit that he has a problem, he might be willing to go to counseling, which is what it sounds like he needs, if not for PTSD, then at least to help him with substance abuse.
Sometimes it's hard for our guys to go into counseling. Honestly a lot of times I think that it feels like a weakness. But what you need to do as a supportive fiancee is let him know that getting help is a strength. Tell him that getting help will indicate to you how much he cares about you and about himself. Show him how much it would mean to you.

Also, I'd advise against moving in with him until it's clear that he's willing to get help. I've lived with an alcoholic before, and I loved them very much, but the lifestyle is just poisonous and not worth it.

PM me if you want to talk some more. ^.^

The drinking is very, very common among returning soldiers--and I agree with the above ladies--until he is in control do not move in with him, he needs to admit he has a problem and get counseling for it.

Well we've talked it through- and I told him that if his behavior continues, then I'm not going to be moving down there with him. I also told him that if things are like this now, when I'm not down there, whats it going to be like once I am. Once I said that he said that he realizes that he's out of control- and he's going to stop because it's ruining his life with me. And can potentially ruin his life if it goes any further. So maybe we can work this through till he goes to see someone. I guess the deciding factor if he's going to keep his promise will be this weekend.

I asked him to justify his actions when he proposed to me drunk, and everything he said to me recently drunk. He said he already justified proposing to me drunk in that he thinks we need to live together for a while first before anything like that happens. So I'm guessing I'm not engaged anymore- and if everything works out, it better be done again sober.

I guess this weekend I'll know for sure :pray

Well we've talked it through- and I told him that if his behavior continues, then I'm not going to be moving down there with him. I also told him that if things are like this now, when I'm not down there, whats it going to be like once I am. Once I said that he said that he realizes that he's out of control- and he's going to stop because it's ruining his life with me. And can potentially ruin his life if it goes any further. So maybe we can work this through till he goes to see someone. I guess the deciding factor if he's going to keep his promise will be this weekend.

I asked him to justify his actions when he proposed to me drunk, and everything he said to me recently drunk. He said he already justified proposing to me drunk in that he thinks we need to live together for a while first before anything like that happens. So I'm guessing I'm not engaged anymore- and if everything works out, it better be done again sober.

I guess this weekend I'll know for sure :pray

so sorry i hope it works out. you did the right thing. it may take him a few weekends to realie you were serious about not moving down there, they don't change overnight :bigsadhug