I just can't do it. I can't wait and wait and not hear anything, and dream all distorted and upsetting dreams about loosing him - and at the same time know he's in the US, probably hanging out with his family, doing routine things and not calling me, not emailing me. He's even more distant now than when he was at war. How does that make any sense?

And when I call he doesn't pick up - I'm sure he must be avoiding my calls.

I just can't do it. I am sad and lonely and feel like I have been so stupid all this year, sending him packages, sending him cards and photos and loving notes. And reassuring him when he said he thought he was going to die out there that things would be OK. That he'd come through it. That I'd be here and we'd figure things out when he got back.

And not listening to my friends and family when they kept saying - you're loyal to him, that's a good trait, but why? He already says he doesn't know what he wants when he gets back (that started at least 5 mths before he came back). How long are you going to wait?

And now he's back - 'I need time. I don't know what I want. I don't feel anything'. And I try and be understanding - but maybe I'm just being a wet-discloth. Allowing him to walk all over me and wipe his boots on me and still patiently waiting.

Who wants to be with a man who doesn't know whether he wants to be with you? How can that possibly lead to anything but unhappiness?

And if he doesnt wan't any contact - how is he going to suddenly remember that he loved me, asked me to wait for him, told me his heart would be broken if this deployment destroyed what we had?

Your situation sounds extremely complicated... on one hand, he was at war and it's really hard for him to deal with whatever he went through. He's probably dealing with things by pushing you away. But on the other hand, if you are this unhappy and upset you may need to get out of the relationship. Yes, it's wonderful that you are so loyal to him (and I'm sure he really does appreciate it but is having a hard time communicating it). But you should be loyal to yourself first and foremost. You need to do what is best for you and look out for your own happiness and well being. PM me if you need to talk. :hugs

Your situation sounds extremely complicated... on one hand, he was at war and it's really hard for him to deal with whatever he went through. He's probably dealing with things by pushing you away. But on the other hand, if you are this unhappy and upset you may need to get out of the relationship. Yes, it's wonderful that you are so loyal to him (and I'm sure he really does appreciate it but is having a hard time communicating it). But you should be loyal to yourself first and foremost. You need to do what is best for you and look out for your own happiness and well being. PM me if you need to talk. :hugs

:agree i so hope you find the answers you need x

:bigsadhug
:consoling


Im so sorry.
I dont agree with your friends though that you should sit around and wait.
I understand that he just came back from a war.. but you were there for him. You tried your hardest to be understanding of what he had to deal with over there. You tried to give him time to deal with it and he's not treating you fairly by just ignoring you.

I hope things look up for you. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me. :)

I'm so sorry hun.....it seems that you know what the right thing to do is. :hugs

Go up to your man and give him a hug and tell him how much you love him. Then tell him you're here for him and when he's ready to talk, you're available. Tell him you're not going to force him to do anything.

If it works out, YAY!

If not, then it wasn't meant to be.

You can't force him to open up, nor can you force him to love you. He's not going to open up immediately and I know it hurts, but you'll have to wait. Either way, we're here for ya :] >^.^<

Your situation sounds extremely complicated... on one hand, he was at war and it's really hard for him to deal with whatever he went through. He's probably dealing with things by pushing you away. But on the other hand, if you are this unhappy and upset you may need to get out of the relationship. Yes, it's wonderful that you are so loyal to him (and I'm sure he really does appreciate it but is having a hard time communicating it). But you should be loyal to yourself first and foremost. You need to do what is best for you and look out for your own happiness and well being. PM me if you need to talk. :hugs

:agree I agree I really hope it works out honey :bigsadhug