I've been talking to a friend who is about to go through her first deployment. It got me wondering about all of you ladies on here with so much experience.

What is your best advice for a first-timer?

"This too shall pass."...Yes, deployments are incredibly painful but time is on your side. Use the time you have for positive instead of wallowing in misery.

Figure out all the things you like to do on your own, and make it fun. I read a lot, watched a lot of movies, and worked out during my first deployment. Looking back, I feel like I was miserable half the time, but the other half I was learning about me. It is going to be hard, but the first two weeks and the last two are always the hardest for me.

My first tip was to STAY busy! Find things you've wanted to do for you, and make them happen.

Second, was to write letters, even though email exists. We are nighttime chatters in bed, and I use time before bed to write him and letter, telling him all the things about my day I would have told him in bed if he was home. It also allows me to go through them before I mail them; sometimes with email you can be a bit rash and say things you might not want because of emotions running high.

Third, concentrate on each other. He says he calls home as much as possible, sends me things off the web, does everything he can to make the time easy for me. I concentrate on him, making deployment as smooth as possible for him, making sure he has everything he need. By focusing on each other, and not thinking selfishly about how deployment is going for us, we make it better for each other!

My fourth tip is something that works for us personally, but may not for everyone else. We stay as connected as possible. His first deployment, we did the sorta separate lives thing, disconnected from each other because it seemed like at the time it would be good to numb feelings. Well, it really was the worst way for us. For his second in Iraq, we focused on each other, stayed connected, talked about things there and at home, emailed back and forth about things such as purchases, plans. He said it felt good to still be apart of home, it kept him from sinking into things there too deep, reminded him that that place is not his norm, HOME is. He took videos, sent me pics, told me things that he could about there, and I felt like I was apart of his life.

That's what worked for us. We've had 2, so we've def worked out our kinks, and I feel confident about our 3rd coming up.

Keep busy, spend quality time with family and friends, keep the care packages going.

Be patient, be strong, be supportive, be busy.

It's ok to cry, but don't let it be the end of the world, because it's not.

Don't take your frustrations out on him, buy a punching bag (seriously).

Take lots of pictures. Send lots of email. Write a letter everynow and then.

Spend the time he's gone working on YOU - pampering you, loving you, do those things you want to do but might not be able to do while he's there - for example, eat what you want...don't eat what you don't want...do the dishes (or not) whenever you want. Hog the remote.

Tell him every day that you love him.

(L)

That's alot of advice, but once you get started it just kind of flows (L)

Stay busy. But do allow some time to just sit down and cry. I usually take the first week and by then I'm good. I'll have moments afterwards but I'll just need to cry for a bit and I'm good.

Find a support group. It is great to have friends and family outside the military but during a deployment I think it is crucial to find a group that is going through the same things.

Do not set expectations on the one deploying. Those of us back home have no idea what is going on for them while they are gone. They will make contact when they can. Sometimes email goes down and they can not write back. Sometimes it is for hours and sometimes it for weeks, maybe months. Sometimes phones can go down. Again, this could be for hours, weeks, or months. But they will make contact. I know that is hard to deal with and you want to know if they are ok. But there are times when they just can't. Not that they don't want to but they can't.

Fall in love with sending care packages. Have fun with it. They love getting them and it keeps you busy and feeling like you keeping up contact with him/her. It would make me feel as though he wasn't so far away when I was getting them ready.

Be patient, be strong, be supportive, be busy.

It's ok to cry, but don't let it be the end of the world, because it's not.

Don't take your frustrations out on him, buy a punching bag (seriously).

Take lots of pictures. Send lots of email. Write a letter everynow and then.

Spend the time he's gone working on YOU - pampering you, loving you, do those things you want to do but might not be able to do while he's there - for example, eat what you want...don't eat what you don't want...do the dishes (or not) whenever you want. Hog the remote.

Tell him every day that you love him.

(L)

That's alot of advice, but once you get started it just kind of flows (L)

That is absolutely hands down awesome advice!!!

I'm loving the advice. We're a month into this deployment..and all I know so far is that letters from him are keeping me very connected to him.

Don't obsess over the news. The 1st deployment all 3 of our tvs had the news on 24/7 and every time I heard about an attack I panicked because I didn't know how close DH was to that area.

Get out of the house. Im a homebody and hate to leave but every once and a while I go stir crazy and it helps to just get out and so something.

I wholeheartedly agree with what everyone has written. I am not one of the 'experienced' deployment survivors as this is my very first. But, I am having a very smooth time of it, so I wanted to add one more bit of advice that has proven beneficial to me.

Help others. Actively seek to help those around you. If you find ways to do that, your focus will be off yourself and your pain.

Helping others may mean:

Upping the number of letters, emails and care packages to your SO.
Contributing often to FRG planning and activities.
Calling other wives and girlfriends regularly to check on their levels of happiness.
Spending time updating your deployed SO's family with information to comfort them, driving to be with them in person, phoning them.
Volunteering your time with your favorite charity.
Being a better friend or daughter.
Giving more attention to your kids or job.
Or, posting more often on MSOS to uplift a struggling sister - find your ways and find them on a daily basis.

By far, this has most benefited me most and is probably why I still haven't had the time or inclination to cry.

I wouldn't say im "experienced", but i am proud of myself for making it through almost 5 months so with that being said i will say what db said to me before he left....

he told me to count 26 feet and mark it off...then he asked me if that looked impossible to jump...and of course i said uh yea...26 feet is A LOOOONG ass jump....and he said well someone did that, its possible...someone jumped that...

then he said think of this deployment like that long jump...it may seem impossible when you are looking at it...15 months is a long time...but we will both make it...it is possible...people have done it before and we will do it

I think this was the best advice i ever received...deployments seem impossible, but they aren't....you can make it through it...you can, you just have to believe

Everyone is hitting on the important point of staying busy, which I agree with. I think it is important to not focus on the dates, because you just make time crawl by. Set a goal to learn something, lose weight, participate in something, whatever and stick to it.
Keep a journal, because you won't always have somebody to vent to and you need to get it out.
Try to solve problems on your own and when you tell your SO about them, also let them know you solved the problem so they don't have to worry. Don't hold back from telling them things, leave them in the loop, but also realize that there are certain things they just can't do from where they are.
Remember there is an adjustment period when they come home. Things don't just go back to how they were. You have spent a lot of time apart and done your own thing, which is only right....but take that time to reconnect and work back into a mutual routine.

Stay busy....seriously it makes the days go by SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much quicker

dont worry about the news (it'll drive you insane)....

also if he cant call or write for a while there is a reason for it, go with the whole "No news is good news" mantra...if something happened you'd know about it so even though he hasnt called/emailed in 3 weeks he is fine.

Murphys Law applies more so to spouses of deployed mil then ever before. Expect the washer/dryer/dishwasher to flood the house and just be glad the car doesnt catch on fire (honest to God I know a sub wife that happened to)

stay busy! and try to ignore the rumors. if you don't hear it from the ombudsman/command chances are it's not true.

oh, and pretty much what everyone else said lol.

Everyone has pretty much given the best advice! The best thing about deployment is you are finally alone and can focus on you and grow and figure out that you can be independent, if you aren't already. You will be amazed and the stuff you learn to do without him around!!

I know it sounds weird, but I am looking at this deployment as a mental challenge. I am already very independent and busy. But I am a bit emotionally needy. I am hoping that, during this time, I can learn to take care of my own emotional needs instead of wanting to turn to him all the time...
Also, I LOOOVE to give people presents and gifts, to write letters, and to make others laugh and feel good. :superhero I am looking forward to putting together witty and unique care packages.

I would advise her to join this board too! Did someone suggest that yet?? :giggle


As MUCH as I MISS HIM, I am looking at this with a point of view I didn't expect to! :wiggle

I hope you don't mind that I changed the title a bit and stickied it. I thought this was a really resourceful thread that could help a lot of the first timers who might have the same question (L)

I hope you don't mind that I changed the title a bit and stickied it. I thought this was a really resourceful thread that could help a lot of the first timers who might have the same question (L)

No problem, great idea!

I hope you don't mind that I changed the title a bit and stickied it. I thought this was a really resourceful thread that could help a lot of the first timers who might have the same question (L)

I was actually going to suggest that!!! :mrgreen

It really serves as a good reminder for us 3rd and 4th timers too :giggle

My advice is to set small goals. If you measure your deployment in small goals it goes by faster. Does that make sense. Ill explain... Like my first goal is get through DH being gone a month... which is almost here. Then it will be to get under 400 days then under a year ect. When your reaching goals every 3 or 4 weeks it makes the time go by faster.

Thanks for the great advice! Ive pretty much never lived alone my entire life and the though of living alone in itself scares me.
I'm trying to come up with a laundry list of things to do to keep busy.
My first goal is to lose some weight so i can surprise him and look smokin hot when he comes home :-)

it feels like the end of the world but its not... learned that the hard way lol

While you should think of him/her often, don't make every single thought of your day ONLY about him/her. It will drive you crazy.

Do things for you! And do them often!

I havent had to deal with a deployment yet,but i am scared and this has helped me to realise when it happens I will be okay. You guys have given people some great advice.

oooh good advice that helped me out too alot :D

Keep busy, spend quality time with family and friends, keep the care packages going.

Just wondering.How often did you send care packages.I dont want my db to be overwhelmed.But I want him to know that Im thinking of him.When sending care packages.I know it can be hard seeing others recieve packages.And you may not get anything at all.

Just wondering.How often did you send care packages.I dont want my db to be overwhelmed.But I want him to know that Im thinking of him.When sending care packages.I know it can be hard seeing others recieve packages.And you may not get anything at all.

i used to send one every 2 weeks, but it got really hard...now i send one every month...

I think its really important to send a couple more in the beginning...kinda helps them ease into it!

Yeah I can imagine sending one every two weeks would get hard.I was thinking the same thing.More care packages in the beginning.And on special days like his birthday,Christmas and Easter.He would get two a month.I definetly want to make his transition to being there.As easy as possible!

Just wondering.How often did you send care packages.I dont want my db to be overwhelmed.But I want him to know that Im thinking of him.When sending care packages.I know it can be hard seeing others recieve packages.And you may not get anything at all.
I send one every week. It takes about 10 days give or take for him to get them.

Just from past separations, I'd recommend planning little trips, like girl's wekends, to look forward to. I try to do a cousin weekend to NYC and other stuff with friends - it keeps me social and gives me things to get excited about. And DH loves it when I'm out having fun and not wallowing in our apartment.

When you bump into friends and family that have no remorse for what you're going through, don't get upset. Just remember that they probably haven't been in the same situation. Some people tell you not to do things, but always do what's in your heart, and what is going to keep you comfortable at the end of the night. Don't ever forget that because you're the one who has to live this way for a while... and before you know it, he'll be back!

Dang everyone said it already. For me the deployment went by ok considering I am in a female dominated world with the spouse staying behind. I will admit I cried but all you really have to do is keep busy. Do not count the days, rather count paydays, there are less of them and its something to look forward to. Travel, that helped me out. Talking on here would help out as well. This is such a good support system. I am facing a deployment myself but this time I am the one going so I am stressing about it.

A little back ground before we start: My ex-husband was in boot camp right after we got married, then AIT, then 6 months later he was deployed for 6 months, then 6 months after that 5 months more on deployment, not to mention the weekend drills and 2 weeks a year (Army Reserves.) However, those weren't that difficult emotionally due to the fact that he was an ass, and having him gone was a god send for the most part. I stood by him so that he had someone, and with the foolish hope that things would change with him (for the better.) They didn't and we were seperated and then divorced shortly after the last deployment. Sadly that was a marriage that happened because of a pregnancy (we thought we were doing what was right.) That wasn't the best decision I had ever made, but I couldn't leave him when he needed me most. Say what you will, I wasn't in love, but I was hoping it would happen along the way. When you're young you think such things are possible, but I digress...8 years later and hopefully a lot wiser, I find myself in a situation that although I have been through before, this time it's different....My boyfriend and I met when we were kids 13-15, we spent so much time together, he adored me to no end, we went on our first real dates together (JROTC Military Ball and dinner.) He was great in every way and we had an awesome time together, I just didn't return the feelings. I didn't break his heart because I could, I did worse I pretended I had no idea he liked me in that way. In my defence I was 13-15 and not looking to ruin a great friendship or get into anything to serious, so needless to say eventually we grew apart, I moved, we lost touch, etc. etc. He gave me his dog tags which I cherished and still have to this day!...14 years later we both work in a law enforcement agency, I come across a report he wrote, and believe my eyes. I thought no way! So I pulled him up in personnel and saw that it was more than likely him. I emailed just to say hi, figuring he was married (or at least a girlfriend), had kids and the whole bit. I told him who I was, wondering if he rememebered me, told him I still had his dog tags, and if it's not him please don't think I am some weirdo freak. He emailed back with his number and said to call him, so I did. At this point I had no idea what to expect, we set up a date and time to meet at a Sushi bar to catch up. I hadn't talked to him, and had no idea what was goign down in his life. The dinner turned date was awesome, hands down the best date ever. We caught up a bit, I found out he was single :cp (YESSS!!!), and within a week he was calling me his girlfriend. :wow Now that part had me nervous because I had came out of a bad 4 year relationship that ended horribly just 6 months before, and I hadn't been with anyone, didn't know if I was ready or not. The more time I spent with him, the more I was absolutely sure I was ready, maybe not with anyone else, but with him I was ready. It felt so right and he fit so perfectly into my life. That was early February 2008. During March's drill (National Guard) there are rumors of possible deployment towards the end of the year. :wowsers I think okay we have time..then we find out they have a month of training scheduled for him, so off he goes until May 1. We weathered that, remaining in constant contact, sending pictures, etc. Fast forward May's drill, the dates moved up and deployment is a definite go 2 months earlier than originally said, and oh yeah by the way you have 2 weeks before pre-deployment training, etc. :vent What the heck! So here we are at the start of the pre-deployment...he said he wants me to wait, but he won't ask me to wait for him because he thinks it's irresponsible to ask someone to do something like that after just 3 months, with no guarantees, etc. So he says it's up to me, because if it doesn't work out then I will say that I wasted a year+ of my life, but in his thinking if I make the choice then I won't say that. Okay doesn't make sense to me, but maybe I am missing something. :dunno He says whatever decision I make he will still be in my life, in contact, and when he gets back he will still want to be with me and will try his hardest to get me back.
I guess my major concern here is, that I care about him, and probably if I was honest with myself actually have fallen in love with this man. I don't want to be with anyone else, I want to be with him, but I can't be physically with him right now, and no one else will do. I have never felt so comfortable, so safe, so happy or so complete with anyone in my life....I don't want to give that up....I know ultimately I have to make the decision, but I go back and forth so much. One day I am up for this, and like hell yeah, this will hurt so much, but it could be worth it in the end. I know I'm strong enough to handle this, but I worry if three almost 4 months is enough to base this on, if we are strong enough and bonded emotionally enough to make it through this. I get scared because there are people who don't make it through and they have been together for much longer than we have. I'm scared of losing him one way or another. I'm scared his feelings may not be strong enough (he's not a big lets talk about feelings person, and you know how some guys/people can be, there are time markers for when a person should feel one way or another; I don't think you can schedule those things though.) Don't get me wrong, I know he cares, I see it, I feel it (believe me I thought I was delusional or it was wishful thinking when I wasn't hearing how much he cared but actually seeing and feeling it, but after a long deliberation process, I came to the conclusion he does at the very least care a lot for me.) Is this normal (normal for our situations), do other people go through this?

Sorry this was so long..I realize as I said before ultimately I need to make the decision, and soon. Any advice or suggestions anyone has would be greatly appreciated. :unlove

Figure out all the things you like to do on your own, and make it fun. I read a lot, watched a lot of movies, and worked out during my first deployment. Looking back, I feel like I was miserable half the time, but the other half I was learning about me. It is going to be hard, but the first two weeks and the last two are always the hardest for me.

I agree with this 110% I have watched TONS of movies! And also the frist and last 2 weeks are always hell for me.

And for my little bit of advice im going to tell you guys what my soldier tells me when i get worried

"Remember im great at what I do and I will run thought fire to get back to you"

Hope that helps someone!

Brooke

Dang everyone said it already. For me the deployment went by ok considering I am in a female dominated world with the spouse staying behind. I will admit I cried but all you really have to do is keep busy. Do not count the days, rather count paydays, there are less of them and its something to look forward to. Travel, that helped me out. Talking on here would help out as well. This is such a good support system. I am facing a deployment myself but this time I am the one going so I am stressing about it.

First...I was curious to the person who wrote this above...do you think it's harder being the one leaving, like you are more worried about those you are leaving behind, plus the challenges you will be facing yourself?

Second...It's my first deployment and I have never even dated anyone in the military until my guy, so I'm so happy there is so much positive advice on here. A lot of the sites I have been to are very negative and have upset me more than help....so this is AWESOME to get some positive feedback!

This being my DH's first deloyment, all this advice has helped. I am 1 week into it and the past 2 days I find myself crying less. I have gotton out to 2 ballgames of my nephew's this week and found I really enjoyed myself....even though in the first place I did not want to be there. I have learned a few things this first week..... how big the bed really is :wow the toilet seat can stay down ;) absence does make the heart grow fonder and mostly how important I love you is............
thanks for the advice and most of all thanks all for the support....:thanks

I'm really glad I found this thread. My DF is deploying for the first time soon, so I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. It's just hard not to know what to expect. But all of this advice in this thread is good. It's a good reminder that this isn't the end of the world, and that it'll pass. :)

write him ALOT! At least once a week if not more. And I don't mean e-mails. Actual letters mean way more. They really appreciate it. My DH used to tell me that my letters were the main thing that got him through it.

-It's not permanently, eventually he will come back home and it will be just like before.
-Don't think he is abandoning you, he is going cause he has to but I'm sure he would rather be with you.
-Stay busy, work, take classes, get a hobby. Keeping your mind busy helps a lot!

GETTIN READY FOR A DEPLOYMENT IN 5 MONTHS AND DONT KNOW HOWTO HANDLE IT PLZ HELP

:wackoBest advice from me is Keep Busy!

Im so glad i found this thread!...We are about to go through our first deployment. Its just a little over a month away..and i found out about 2 days ago..so not much time to prepare myself. I have read through all the post and everyone has something different that will help me though this time..Thanks So Much!!

I agree with this 110% I have watched TONS of movies! And also the frist and last 2 weeks are always hell for me.

And for my little bit of advice im going to tell you guys what my soldier tells me when i get worried

"Remember im great at what I do and I will run thought fire to get back to you"

Hope that helps someone!

Brooke

That quote is so sweet. This thread is full of such great advice!

MY DB has been deployed for a week now and it has gone so slow and been so hard, and seemed impossible at times. Thank you to everyone on here because this advice is so so helpful! I am so glad that I found this site!

My db is set to deploy in September and I've been having such a hard time with the thought of him leaving.

I wanted to thank you all for the advice! I hope it helps =]

Well, I am soon to be married to my fiance, who is in the Army, and is leaving in a few months to Iraq. Im scared, and a little upset, but the thing is, is i know he is going to come home safely. Im going to miss him no doubt, but if i put myself into that negative state of mind, i wont make it through this upcoming long ass year of his deployment. Im just going to make use of my time and have a little "me" time, to figure out some more about who i am. NOt to mention going to college. So i cant say i am fully prepared, cuz i have never been through it, but i do know that shit isnt always easy with the military, but thats something i thought about even before we considered getting married.. .


Well thats my take on this subject..

-Breanna

Thanks everyone!

I wouldn't say im "experienced", but i am proud of myself for making it through almost 5 months so with that being said i will say what db said to me before he left....

he told me to count 26 feet and mark it off...then he asked me if that looked impossible to jump...and of course i said uh yea...26 feet is A LOOOONG ass jump....and he said well someone did that, its possible...someone jumped that...

then he said think of this deployment like that long jump...it may seem impossible when you are looking at it...15 months is a long time...but we will both make it...it is possible...people have done it before and we will do it

I think this was the best advice i ever received...deployments seem impossible, but they aren't....you can make it through it...you can, you just have to believe

this sounds exactly like something db would say

Ok well I am new to this site well any support site to be honest. I am having trouble with the deploment that is coming up, right now he is trainging in cali. and when he gets back i have maybe 2-3 days with him. but half the time anymore i am crying on the phone with him or i am just pissed at him so we dont really talk and I dont want to be like that for his last 2-3 days and expecially while he is in Iraq. Can anyone help me. I just dont know what to expect and i am just so stressed. I just want my 1st deployment to hurry up and end. :( :freakout :bigsadhug



Thanks, Jessica

Understanding, patience and independence... much understanding,patience, you have to learn to be independent.

and most importantly "NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS"

my 1st deployment hasnt even started yet and i want it to be done and over with, but this advice is great. im just trying to handle this like i handled boot camp in a way.

Im so glad i found this thread!...We are about to go through our first deployment. Its just a little over a month away..and i found out about 2 days ago..so not much time to prepare myself. I have read through all the post and everyone has something different that will help me though this time..Thanks So Much!!

Was your husband an alternate? My husband was an alternate last year. Shortly after they told him he was an alternate, they told him he was no longer an alternate and was being deployed. Then couple weeks later, it changed and he was an alternate again. Then not long after that, he was told he was definitely going...then not going, then you're going. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. Here I was trying my best to prepare myself emotionally and mentally to his being deployed when they'd turn around and tell him he wasn't going. There were so many times where I would cry for what appeared to be no reason. Then feelings of total utter joy when I'd find out he wasn't deploying. Oh I was a wreck! I felt like a freakin yo-yo going up and down from one emotion to the next. Turns out he didn't end up being deployed...that time. This time my husband is not an alternate. He is definitely going...and I'm having trouble coping with that.

From all the advice I've read, I know to stay busy. But as a nurse working full time in a hospital and part time in a clinic, I don't think I'll have much time to do "fun" stuff and get out and do things. Working nights, I'll have plenty of time on my hands and am afraid I'll think and over think way too many things during his deployment.

How're you holding up KMaxwell? How long has your husband been gone now?

Great ideas ladies! I'll definitely use them!

I havent had to deal with a deployment yet,but i am scared and this has helped me to realise when it happens I will be okay. You guys have given people some great advice.

Same here...it's only been stateside trainings for weeks or months at a time. We're short-timing till he leaves for mob, and I've been getting really anxious, but these are some great ideas.

Thanks so much for the thread, ladies! :)

Thank You so much for the tips on first timer deployment, because this is my first time that my husband deploys and I'm starting to freak out, but all your messages are going help me to cope with it and how to get through all this. I just joined this web site and I'm starting to find it very helpful for me.
again Thank You very much for all the information. I really do need it.
Thank You,
Michelle from Honolulu, Hawaii

deployment virgin here! He's already started the pre-mob training (national guard). He has been able to come home every nite but starting sunday he will be in other parts of the state so I wont see him which I am incredibly bummed about. It's hard enough dealing wth the thought of him getting shipped to iraq in just a couple of months and then they have to take him away for 2 mos before iraq. We have been married just shy of 2 yrs and in that time I have been thru a pending deployment to afghanistan (orders came a week after we were married..DEVASTATED me), a deployment ceremony (neat to watch because before him I had no experience with the military except for my job at USAA. but as a wife it was very emotional), 2 wks of mobilization (he had some medical issues that made him unfit for a infantry job so he got to come home.now he has a desk job.. THANK YOU LORD) and several schools....so I guess all that was Gods way of preparing me for "The Big One"..ie deployment. It still SUCKS though :-( anyone from Phoenix?

Jessica I understand your anxiety because I am experiencing the sae thing. However dont get mad at him. He is doing his job that both of you signed up for (yep we sign up by marrying them) I am sad and crying too but I dont get pissed at him. good luck to you and all of us

i haven't been through an actual deployment (going overseas) but we were married when he went to BCT and AIT so that was 6 months he wasn't here. that really messed me up and by the time i got the hang of what i needed to be doing he was home. so take the time before he leaves to make a list of stuff you want to do or try while they are gone. my motto is "there isn't a damn thing i can do about this". it helps put it in perspective. getting upset and mad about it won't help and wont make him not go so spend your energy doing more beneficial things.

Wow, everyone! Thank you sooooo much for this thread! I really need this and I'll probably refer to it over and over again. In fact, it gives me an idea for another thread if it hasn't been done already.... Stay tuned!

Y'all are angels and I hope you know that! I am so thankful to have found this site and, more importantly, this thread. I admire how devoted and supportive you are to one another. In 26 days, I am traveling to spend my last 5 days with my SO before he deploys to Iraq. It's only been a month since I last saw him but it'll be nearly a year before I see him again. I've had my good days and my bad, as I'm sure everyone has.

I myself am leaving for boot camp three months prior to his return. I'm using his homecoming as motivation to make it through boot camp efficiently and successfully. And then by the time he returns, we'll both be Marines! :grin:

I'm excited to read more and to get to know y'all a little better! Feel free to contant me for absolutely ANYTHING! Though I'm new to this, I'll try to help in every way possible. Afterall, we gotta stick together! Have a great day!

I am so glad I found this site. I am familiar with deployments having gone through it with family members, but never with a SO. I have decided this relationship is worth the effort and heartache of a year being separated. My DB left last week and I'm tired of crying and letting doubt enter my mind...so I was busy today signing up for diving classes. He is an avid diver and maybe when he gets home we can go diving together. Mornings are the hardest...so my morning chant to myself is to stay postive, try to be in the present instead of in my heading worrying over non-existent events and have faith!

So my boyfriend is in the Navy and i always said that i would never date a military guy but that didnt work out obviously i fell in love with my sweet steven my freshman year in high school when he took me to his senior prom. I just about died when he told me the next year that he was going into the navy... i didnt think i would be able to handle not being able to see him so we decide to just be friends but we ve never been able to just be friends so we have decided now to try and make this work ... I love my Steven with all my heart but it is so hard not being able to see him i will see him one more time in nov. before he deploys on the rebuilt USS Cole. I just dont know how to handle all this though we are both still really young i am just now about to turn 17 and he is about to be 20 ... but we love each other so much and i need help and encouragment on how to keep from going crazy not being with him and how to focus on our love and not the being apart!!! I am planning on moving in with him just after my 18 th birthday! but if any of ya ll can help me and give me some tips and encouragement i would truely appreciate it!!

I am so glad I found this site. I am familiar with deployments having gone through it with family members, but never with a SO. I have decided this relationship is worth the effort and heartache of a year being separated. My DB left last week and I'm tired of crying and letting doubt enter my mind...so I was busy today signing up for diving classes. He is an avid diver and maybe when he gets home we can go diving together. Mornings are the hardest...so my morning chant to myself is to stay postive, try to be in the present instead of in my heading worrying over non-existent events and have faith!

Hi Blinky,

It sure sounds like you're keeping your chin up. Yes, I've had friends in the military and my dad and grandpa were both in, but before I knew either of them. I've dated former military in the past and didn't think I'd ever date anyone currently in, but here I am, in love with a soldier who will be on his way to Iraq shortly.

I resonated with your desire to learn something he loves to do. I am doing the same thing. I'm going to try to enroll (when I have the money) in a motorcycle safety course so I can get my motorcycle license. That way, when my honey comes back from his tour in Iraq next year, we can ride together (instead of just me as a passenger). It doesn't seem like much, but I think participating in something that brings our beloveds so much joy is wonderful. It can help us relate to them, and it can help show them how much we love them. And I think it'll be fun to learn!!!

More power to you!! To us!

So my boyfriend is in the Navy and i always said that i would never date a military guy but that didnt work out obviously i fell in love with my sweet steven my freshman year in high school when he took me to his senior prom. I just about died when he told me the next year that he was going into the navy... i didnt think i would be able to handle not being able to see him so we decide to just be friends but we ve never been able to just be friends so we have decided now to try and make this work ... I love my Steven with all my heart but it is so hard not being able to see him i will see him one more time in nov. before he deploys on the rebuilt USS Cole. I just dont know how to handle all this though we are both still really young i am just now about to turn 17 and he is about to be 20 ... but we love each other so much and i need help and encouragment on how to keep from going crazy not being with him and how to focus on our love and not the being apart!!! I am planning on moving in with him just after my 18 th birthday! but if any of ya ll can help me and give me some tips and encouragement i would truely appreciate it!!

The best encouragement I can give is to try to keep busy, and stay positive. Love is love no matter what the age, but you have to make sure you are committed to this. If you are, then stay true to the path, hon, stay true to him. It'll be hard, but it's so worth it.

My best to you and your sailor.

i stumbled upon this site by complete accident and im really glad i did. i was reading about how you need to have some sort of support group that knows what you are dealing with and i agree. (and then i registered! ha!) none of my friends are involved in a military relationship and they just dont really get it. another problem is that all my friends live 8 hours away from me. i just recently moved to a new town for a job and i have no one here to hang out with or talk to. i also live 6 hours away from my fiance. in a way, the distance that i have to deal with on a daily basis gives me hope that ill be able to deal with the deployment. i am def going to take all this advice to heart. thanks for this site already.

Anyone? I need a deployment buddy...i might just go insane :sad

I" made my first care package and it helped sooo much!!!! it got me through week number 1!!
whoo hoo. well technically tomorrow ios week one but thats ok

and we get to talk all the time, and he has his own room

so its really going well, so far, but check with me in 3 months i may say something diffferent

5 days down
255 to go

Im scared its our first deployment:oogle

My husband just found out he is getting his first deployment within a few months. I am scared to death and not sure on where to even start. All the advice really makes sense to me. I honestly beleive the only people that can truly understand what you are going through is other military wives. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE!!!

im scared cause my sailor is getting deployed sometime soon it will be our 1st. im not sure what to expect or how to deal with things..

hey all, df is about to leave for his predeployment training and all of this is overwhelming me. this thread is really helpfull and im sure ill check back often...thanks all

I am fixing to begin my first deployment. The last few months have been hard. He's been gone to training and he got to come home for three days and I had to fight with my job in order to get the days off I needed to go pick him up. It makes me so mad how people don't even try to understand what i am going through.

I can't give much advice, but from what I have experienced so far this is what I can say.

One. Don't listen to the people who you know don't get it. Example someone told me to leave him because he'd be gone a year. I will not do that and it's not right. I want to be with him and I will wait for him.

Two. Expect some hard days. Some days you will feel like you are on top of the world and you can take on the world. Then other days you will feel completely alone and like nothing is going right. Just remember those days that they will get better. For me it happens at night when I break down and I just remember that when I wake up in the morning it will be a new day and that it will be better.

Three. Stay positive. Negative thoughts drove me insane when I first found out about his deployment. One day I decided that every time I thought "What if he doesn't make it home" I would follow that with a "He will make it home" and now I don't think that he wont. I think that he will and it's made it easier on me.

Four. Find something to do. I used to text and talk to him all the time and when he went to training I was lucky to get a text most days and a one minute phone call. I filled my time with doing homework and writing stories and poems. (I started him a poetry book :D ) When I do get a phone call or a texts it is so wonderful and I am so glad to hear from him. And I still feel sad when the phone conversation ends or the texts stop coming but that's normal.

Five. Tell him you love him. It makes things so much easier on him if he knows that I love him and that I miss him and that I am waiting on him. They tell them that 80% of wives and girlfriends leave their significant other during deployment. So it is important to reassure them even though they know in their heart that you wouldn't.

I hope this helps some. It is what has worked for me so far.

yeah but what do you do when your the girlfriend and you havent heard from him in a while? you dont hear news adn you dont have any way of finding out if hes ok or whats going on? then what do you do

very helpful thanks

Hello ladies!!!! I can't beleive all the wonderful advice & information you all have shared, WOW!!!! This is wonderful. So many ideas to help me make it through this upcoming deployment. My BF depolys in about 3 weeks so right now I'm a HOT MESS but I'm tryin gto make the best of it, enjoy the time we have left & stay positive. After he deploys, I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks (Vegas & California) to visit some friends & just try to keep my mind busy so I don't go INSAINE. So far, this site has been a blessing & I think will help me get through this rough 16 month deployment. Ladies if you have any other helpful advice, encouraging words, etc., by all means please share & if anyone needs any, please PM me anytime =)

ive only been with my db for 3 months and havent experienced deployment yet...whenever it does happen it wont be his first-hes been in the military for12 yrs now.But it will be my first and let me tell ya at least every day i think about that.just kinda preparing myself mentally for it and he and i talk about it so we know its gonna happen eventually.even though they say hes not going to be deployed for the 2 yrs hes here theres always that chance that things change and he will be called to go overseas. im sooo glad to have found this site a few wks ago and tonite i found this thread.i read over all the posts to start putting my mind at ease.thank you ladies!!oh and i too always said i could never be strong enough to be with someone in the military and here i am.i couldnt ask for a more perfect man for me!!:wow