I called DB at almost 3am bawling my eyes out. i just needed him and i can't take it anymore. he was sweet.. came online we talked, had to go, came back kept talking. let me tell him what was bothering me, then out of nowhere A FIGHT:banghead:censored why am i not suprised.. so he signed off on me

whatever

so i called and said
do you love me?
yes
do you need me?
yes
do you really want to marry me?
yes baby
then mike, you NEED to prove it. i know you're going through alot over there, but you're breaking my heart. and i don't feel lkike you care anymore. so you need to find a way to show it, or we're gonna fail..

he then sounded soo upset and he was like i will baby im sorry i love you so much we'll talk about it tomorrow i had a bad day i need to calm down

we hung up

i wasnt done.. so i sent him this in an offline im





i feel like you could walk away from me and be fine. i dont feel like you need me anymore. i feel like armands more important. you cant message me back or anything, but you can to him. i gave you the choice, him or me. i feel like you're choosing him. he told everyone you cheated on me with kindsey. he tried breaking us up. i just feel like, i got rid of the idiots who tried hurting us and you can't do the same for me. it's me that loves you, cares about you and is always here for me. and i just feel like you don't need me anymore. and it hurts. i need you. i always have. i knew the second i met you that you were the one for me. and now i just think you'd rather not be with me, because i cause you stress. i lost everything when you left, my boyfriend my best friend my strength my sanity. im going fucking crazy without you. and for the past week i've felt like you don't need me or appreciate me or care anymore. and it breaks my damn heart mike it really does. i want to be with you, i want to marry you, i want to spend the rest of my life with you, i'm 100% for you in love with you all yours. i've been faithful, loving, loyal, true, HERE FOR YOU. every step of this. and i know you're going to be mad at me for bringing this shit up again, but i have feelings, and we never discuss them. i just keep them in. thats why we keep fighting. because i just feel like you dont want to help me too. im always always here for you. i love you. ii need you. i just need to feel like you appreciate me again, like you need me, that you really do want to marry me. i love you and im sorry if this upsets you and makes things worse. but i am fucking dying inside. i dont want you to take this as me walking away, because im not. i just want you to realize that walking away from me will be bad, it will hurt you in the end. i want you to feel the way i do about us, i want to be number one in your life again. i will never leave you. i will never give up on us. and im sorry ive been crazy. i just hold this all in. ive just felt so unloved lately babe. i just want my boyfriend to come around and see how important his girlfriend is to him. i want him to see that he doesnt need people who bring him down. i just want you here already. i love you. so fucking much. more than i can ever say. please see this. please dont just walk away from me.




i cant keep pretending its okay. i feel awful because hes at war. but how can i wait for another 10 months if hes not giving me an effort too. am i that awful girls?? i cant stop :tears:tears:tears:tears over here =[

I'm sorry, I don't have any great thing to add other than I hope you can work it out, and sometimes when they are over there they can't handle to much from home they really do need a break...it's so stressful there that when we add more stress it's to much. I know you need resolution so if it has to be that way it has to be that way, but you want him to be safe and maybe that means sometimes he just can't talk. I don't know JMHO. Good Luck, I hope he writes back soon.

Your not horrible!!! I felt the same way while he was gone. The worst was towards the end of the deployment. I know it hurts but I'm sure he really does love and appreciate you, its just hard to express right now! Please PM me if you wanna chat!

Oh, I am so sorry you are upset. Let me tell you though, that you are not a horrible person. Depolyments are hard. I can relate to what your saying as my DB has become unemotional and distant. I never get to talk to him, so you are luckey. My DB will usually apologize after something happens but it may take time. My DB is soooo tired and mentally strained all the time, I just try and say to myself,"self, he is trying to stay alive and come home to you" everything will work out. I am sure of it....Hang in there girlie. pm me if you need anything.

Deployments are hard and emotions run high. It seems like you two have been having a lot of ups and downs lately. Maybe you should take a step back and really figure out what is the root of your problem and then you guys won't have these huge blow outs. I hope that helps sweetie. :hugs

You arent a horrible person, its just one of those things and everything is magnified by the distance. Please dont beat yourself up over it!

Deployments are hard and emotions run high. It seems like you two have been having a lot of ups and downs lately. Maybe you should take a step back and really figure out what is the root of your problem and then you guys won't have these huge blow outs. I hope that helps sweetie. :hugs

:agree

i know it's him having a tough time and me needing a shoulder and i need to come here and vent, not to him. i called him after i sent it, like a couple hours, told him i sent him something not to be mad bc i was upset and it was me letting EVERYTHING out and its time to move on from these stupid fights bc we're in love, he said its all gonna be okay. we'll get through it.. then i called him a couple hours later just to tell him i love him and missed him.. so im PRAYING he doesn't take it the wrong way. if he wants this kid in his life, i need to TRUST in him that i will always come first. when i don't freak out, he is so much nicer.. ill keep you updated!