My boyfriend and I have not spoken since Friday. When we did communicate it was by text and it was simple talk. He is not sharing with me what is going on, how he's feeling etc. I deleted his phone number and refuse to contact him. I dont know if I am making excuses about him being stressed because he is leaving for Iraq this week or he simply does not want to be bothered.

I have a hole in my heart but I have to be strong. Everything is in his hands from now on. I dont have a problem waiting for him while he is deployed. I love him but I can't take the lack of communication and lack of emotions. I feel like the relationship is one sided.

Any advise?

Hun there is a really good chance he can’t tell you what is going on. He has a ton on his plate right now and may not be able to do contact you any other way other than text. The lead up to deploying is incredibly stressful. The simple talk you are having might be what is getting him through all the serious talk he hears all day. Sadly once he does deploy the communication will become even less. At least with my DB when he can call the last thing he wants to talk about is how he is feeling unless he has had a really rough mission or is having a particularly sentimental day. Sometimes deployment relationships do feel a little one sided just due to the fact that he is busy stressed unreachable at the drop of a hat and frankly in danger everyday. Stay supportive. As long as he knows you love him then that is all that really matters.

oh hun good luck with everything and by advise to you is to be patient. there is most def. a lack of communication but it's not because he wants that, that's just how the military is sometimes. you need to be strong and stick by him. it gets frustrating, i know, trust me. but hang in there. PM me if you need to talk. good luck!

This emotional withdrawal is very normal, even for married couples. The first few weeks really suck. You'll get short conversations, emails, etc. They may seem terse and you'll be really pissed off and worried that maybe he doesn't care about you, and you're the only one putting in any effort. This is normal. It will pass. Once he gets settled and into a routine, the emotions will come back. It's hard to leave someone you care about. Whereas we (as women) are usually okay with our emotions, guys are not. It's easier to shut off the emotion than deal with it, particularly when he's got so much other critical stuff going on.

Many couples fight right before a deployment. It makes saying goodbye easier. This is part of the deployment cycle. Don't shut him out. He's probably not even concious of what he's doing. It took 3 deployments for my husband and I to figure out that we did that! After he's gone, you'll feel so guilty if the last time you talked, you were fighting or mad with each other. Believe me, I've been there. Even after 6 deployments, my husband and I still start getting into that cycle. Then we realize we're doing it, and can laugh it off and leave on good terms.

Personally, I think the hardest part of a deployment is the last few weeks before it, and the first few weeks after they leave.

Hang in there, it does get easier.

Thank you ladies. I knew I could count on your support and understanding to get me back on track. There is so much I dont know about the military and I dont know what to expect during this time in his life. I am trying to relax but I am like one of the ladies who said she is "having a nervous breakdown". I know that might seem exterme and he has not left yet but I so uneasy. It does not help that I am a super emotional person. He knows that about me and still loves me. That why I love that man so much.

This is all very normal behavior. He is preparing to go to war and like a lot of the other ladies have said, there is a big possibility that he can't tell you what is going on. It's hard not to take it personally. I don't even bother asking. If he has information that he can give me than I know he will let me know. Just try to wait out the storm. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Ditto everything everyone said! But honestly, deleting his phone number from your cell & refusing to contact him is kindof childish! That is the worst possible thing you could do right now! I understand you are new to this but you also need to think about how he is feeling right now & what all he is going through. Fights, slow-down in communication, feeling like you are drifting apart leading up to a deployment is normal! But doing irrational things like that will only further push him away! If you continue doing things like that especially during the deployment, I worry about how he would handle or perceive those actions?!

Good luck! :hugs

Your right. The only reason I deleted his number is so I would not be tempted to keep texting him. I would never tell him that I did that. It was a way of managing myself. you are right, it probally would seem childish. We will see what happens.

Your right. The only reason I deleted his number is so I would not be tempted to keep texting him. I would never tell him that I did that. It was a way of managing myself. you are right, it probally would seem childish. We will see what happens.

I've done this too. Unfortunately, while we were dating I did it so much that I memorized his phone number. Just keep the lines of communication open so that when he does come around(which he will) you won't shut him out.

My boyfriend and I have not spoken since Friday. When we did communicate it was by text and it was simple talk. He is not sharing with me what is going on, how he's feeling etc. I deleted his phone number and refuse to contact him. I dont know if I am making excuses about him being stressed because he is leaving for Iraq this week or he simply does not want to be bothered.

I have a hole in my heart but I have to be strong. Everything is in his hands from now on. I dont have a problem waiting for him while he is deployed. I love him but I can't take the lack of communication and lack of emotions. I feel like the relationship is one sided.

Any advise?

Girl listen to me..
I am married and when me and my hubby were together last month before me and the baby had to come back to the states while he has to stay in korea for 10 months he was soooo distant and we were living together.. they just get like that.. they need "time" to recollect themselves and their thoughts.. just give him sometime girl.. men deal with emotions and situations ALOT MORE different then us women do keep that inmind..
and just don't put yourself through worry and stuff.. just pray (if not prayer) then just meditate keep yourself busy and show him your love and support otherwise anger and nagging will push him away..
good luck girl!!!! you will be just fine.

Everyone is so supportive here. This is a wonderful place. I am glad I found you ladies. I am going to lay low and see what happens. I do have his email I will send him an email by the end of the week if I dont here from him. It will be nice and not full of drama. I understand about not being so demanding of him right now, but at the same time he is a fully grown man and he simply send a text if he desired to do so.

Now my issues may just be my own issues and have nothing to do with the military. I just refuse to run after a man! I am just getting too old for for that. Now that does not mean I dont love him but Love is a two way street!

definitly agree stand strong girl you with a military man! you can do this!

Keep e-mailing and texting. Just because he can't always respond and/or responds with very short messages, it doesn't mean that he doesn't appreciate them. He may be completely mentally and emotionally drained by the pre-deployment gear-up. So drained that he simply does not have a lot of physical and emotional energy to give you. He needs your support even more now than he ever has before. Keep it flowing. I'm sure he will appreciate it.

This is all very normal behavior. He is preparing to go to war and like a lot of the other ladies have said, there is a big possibility that he can't tell you what is going on. It's hard not to take it personally. I don't even bother asking. If he has information that he can give me than I know he will let me know. Just try to wait out the storm. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Couldn't have said it better myself :D

My boyfriend and I have not spoken since Friday. When we did communicate it was by text and it was simple talk. He is not sharing with me what is going on, how he's feeling etc. I deleted his phone number and refuse to contact him. I dont know if I am making excuses about him being stressed because he is leaving for Iraq this week or he simply does not want to be bothered.

I have a hole in my heart but I have to be strong. Everything is in his hands from now on. I dont have a problem waiting for him while he is deployed. I love him but I can't take the lack of communication and lack of emotions. I feel like the relationship is one sided.

Any advise?

I'm sorry you feel that way. My hubby is only still in training and simple talk is the only way we can communicate. He can get in serious trouble if someone caught him telling me stuff that he is taught in his training. It's simply just not allowed. And maybe he doesn't want you to know just how nervous he is or excited he is or whatever he is on account of your feelings about him deploying. You should maybe think about that when he does talk to you. Just be as supportive as you can because he needs that the most. And when you need the support, well, that's why you're here. I hope things get better for you.

Thanks for everyone's support and encouragement. I CAN DO IT. I will do it. I just wish he would talk to me!

Thank you ladies. I knew I could count on your support and understanding to get me back on track. There is so much I dont know about the military and I dont know what to expect during this time in his life. I am trying to relax but I am like one of the ladies who said she is "having a nervous breakdown". I know that might seem exterme and he has not left yet but I so uneasy. It does not help that I am a super emotional person. He knows that about me and still loves me. That why I love that man so much.

Military One Source has a great web site, particularly with how to deal with upcoming deployments and separations. You might want to check that out -- it's at https://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/display.aspx?ModuleID=ae74eaa3-d1b6-4dbd-b23e-354880172094&Mode=User&action=issue&CatID=08b2b83e-95b0-4e5d-99ae-b6998ac9d894&ObjectID=db6ef6d5-e028-4528-803b-6eea34d06880 . I'm sorry your boyfriend is distancing himself; that would be tough on me, as I mentioned in your other post a few minutes ago. Can you email him? Maybe explain there how you feel? It doesn't seem fair that he is holding you at an arm's distance like that. I realize he's having a lot of issues he's got to deal with, too, but communication needs to be kept wide open to be able to survive all this time apart. Best of luck to you. :hug